Marie8686 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Yes, when I read those words, my stomach nearly sunk as well and felt sick to my stomach. I am 24 and have been dating a guy for a couple weeks now. I was hesitant at first because he is 6 years older than me, and I've never dated anyone that much older before. However we went on a few dates and he was quite the gentleman. Very sweet and mature. The best part was, is that he was a professional photographer with his own business, and that that has been a dream and passion of mine for quite some time. So we would always have a lot to talk about and a very important thing to the both of us in common. His age was quickly forgotten about because I was having a great time getting to know him. We would speak every night on the phone and text all throughout the day. I thought that there was a big possibility this was headed in a good direction. Out on a whim, I randomly googled him. It made me question things a bit that his photography name and name he'd use all over his business, was changed to his first and middle initials. Every client knew him by that, instead of his real first name. I didn't think much of it. He said he wanted to keep his personal life and business life separate on social media. Understandable. Back to the googling though. His name popped up instantly. His town. His birthday. And his picture. It was a MUG SHOT. The text read, 'Sex offender' big and bold. I almost threw up. I did a little more research and saw that his conviction was for being in possession of child pornography. Again, I could have vomited. I was dating a sex offender. Angry and embarrassed, I texted him asking if he had been honest with me this whole time. He told me he had. I then asked him if he had convicted any crimes. He told me that according to the Navy (when he was convicted), he had. But not outside of it. I asked him what it was. He told me the story. He said that while he was in the navy 8 years ago at 23, he had met a girl at a bar. They exchanged numbers and while out on the ship, they remained in contact. She apparently lied about her age and he was mislead about her being 16. She ended up sending him dirty pictures through his computer and they stopped talking. A year later, the Navy pulled him out and said they had found those pictures and kicked him out. He told me he's had to live with this for 8 years now and knows it was a big mistaken and understands if I'll never talk to him again. I feel extremely uneasy. He told me that he understands if I don't want to date anymore but that he'd still help me with my photography. Or if I don't want to speak to him again, he understands that too and explained that this happens everytime he tells a girl, so he gets it, and that he really is a good guy and was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time. I am not one to judge. But I am having a hard time swallowing this. I wouldn't of believed anyone if they told me that themselves. He has been such a gentleman on our dates and treated me with the utmost respect. I was having a great time with him. What would you do in my situation? Granted, this has never happened to me before. I could forget that I even saw that, and take his word for everything he said. Or, I can continue to remember that he is registered in the united states as a sex offender and it will forever be on his permanent record, and that if any of my friends or family googled him like I did, I would be humiliated. I need help. Please tell me your thoughts. Thank you!
almond Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I would ask him to provide you with a copy of the court transcript before you make your decision. 1
AngelKing001 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Im not sure about US law, but I think there must be something under discolsure depending on the circumstance. As almond said above, ask for the court transcript. If he is telling the truth, then sure, give him a chance, like you say, he´s been good to you... 1
FitChick Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) You need to investigate further. I recall reading about a guy who was nineteen, dating a seventeen year old girl, whose parents got him arrested. He is now a registered sex offender. I think in cases like that you can eventually get your record expunged. I think it's on a case by case basis. In your friend's case, it's possible he is telling the truth. If she had been thirteen, I'd be more suspicious. The Armed Forces have stricter rules and laws. I believe adultery can get someone tossed out. Yet another good reason why guys should only date older women. Edited September 3, 2013 by FitChick
Balzac Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Psychiatric definition of an adolescent girl situation is very different than a prepubescent child. The law often differs from the psychistric profile.
pyramid Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 He basically lied to you about why he uses a different version of his name. Who knows if the rest of his story is true - it sounds fishy to me, but then again I am overly cautious about things like this. Even if it is true - are you prepared to defend/explain to anyone in your life who happens to find out? Last summer, I was talking with a guy I'd met via OLD. I always google people before meeting in person - I also came across a mug shot and an article explaining that he'd been arrested on multiple counts of sex with a minor (he was 38 at the time of the arrest a few years ago). When I confronted him, he said the charges had been dropped. I cancelled the date we'd planned - the explanation didn't matter, I knew it was something I could never move past. You have to go with your gut.
CrystalCastles Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Also 6 years is not a big deal. You're 24. I second this.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 He said that while he was in the navy 8 years ago at 23, he had met a girl at a bar. They exchanged numbers and while out on the ship, they remained in contact. She apparently lied about her age and he was mislead about her being 16. She ended up sending him dirty pictures through his computer and they stopped talking. A year later, the Navy pulled him out and said they had found those pictures and kicked him out. I am not one to judge. But I am having a hard time swallowing this. I wouldn't of believed anyone if they told me that themselves. He has been such a gentleman on our dates and treated me with the utmost respect. I was having a great time with him. What would you do in my situation? Based on the story you told, a person could be just as guilty of same for merely possessing a certain old copy of Penthouse magazine, from about 30 years ago. By the letter of the law, he is guilty, but in the case you cite, you need to do some individual analysis/consideration and decide whether the individual you know is the demon which the Navy would suggest he is. Of course you ARE likely to encounter people who eventually will Google him, and you would by then need to be well-versed in standing confidently behind your man. There are nude photos floating all around the internet of people who were less than 18 years old (when the pictures were taken), but who were far from pre-pubescent, and if perhaps it is illegal to have such a photo in one's e-mailbox, then a whole lot of people are guilty, many unknowingly. If you kept an old magazine with then Miss America Vanessa Williams pictured nude, and you got some fifteen-year-old in the bargain, well maybe that brands you a sex offender (if indeed possession of underage porn qualifies one as same). If something like the latter story would cause you to alter your sense of the content of his character, well then you have bigger problems than he does.
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