jeddarnold Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Is there life after Divorce ? Can some here share their experiences
tojaz Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Yes there most certainly is, although I know it doesn't seem like it when your neck deep in it all. What would you like to know? TOJAZ
Author jeddarnold Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I am in the process of divorce, I am just scared what life will be like during the divorce and after the divorce by the way, Your quote "Fear and worry are temporary, but regret lasts forever. Succeed, fail, love, loss. Thats life. Live it to the fullest so you can live without regret. "What if" can't haunt you if you gave it your all." Is one of my favorites, i read it on one of your posts last month.
tojaz Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Hi Jedd, I went back looking for your back story but you really haven't shared much with us. I wasn't the one that asked for the divorce so I can only speak from what I experienced. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Without sugar coating it, it was hell, and had I not sought some help to process it all, I honestly believe I might not have made it through at times. It's a long road, but yes there is life after, and for me that life has been very good once the wounds started to heal (were talking years here). A lot will depend on how you choose to cope and the moves you make to start the healing process. Learn from the experience, your mistakes, and just learn about yourself, and you can come out the other side better then you went in, all be it battered and bruised. I don't know if your a reader, but you might want to look at "UNCOUPLING" by Diane Vaughn and 'CRAZY TIME" by Abigail Trafford TOJAZ
keepontruckin Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 There's life after ANYTHING! Unless you decide to end it, that is... Wasn't Austin Power's search for his lost "mojo," more the fact that he never actually lost it... He just didn't know he had it all along:laugh:
amaysngrace Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Life happens in chapters like a book. That's what I think, anyway. What was so special about your marriage that you don't want to turn the page now?
Better Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 To be honest, my life is actually much better after divorce. I was married young. While my ex-wife and I had a good "business" type relationship and were well suited for each other in many ways, we never had any passion in the marriage. I have a ton of respect for her and we parted on good terms but it just wasn't working for either of us. Since the divorce, I've found the passion I was missing and am enjoying being back in the single/dating world. It's hard sometimes, but I'm having fun. Do I miss her? Sure. We were together a long time and will always share many happy memories. However, I think you get out of life exactly what you put into it. Since I'm putting as much as I can into my new life I feel like I am getting a lot back out of it. That type of positive thinking is the way to move on, in my opinion.
MsOptimist Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 To be honest, my life is actually much better after divorce. I was married young. While my ex-wife and I had a good "business" type relationship and were well suited for each other in many ways, we never had any passion in the marriage. I have a ton of respect for her and we parted on good terms but it just wasn't working for either of us. Since the divorce, I've found the passion I was missing and am enjoying being back in the single/dating world. It's hard sometimes, but I'm having fun. Do I miss her? Sure. We were together a long time and will always share many happy memories. However, I think you get out of life exactly what you put into it. Since I'm putting as much as I can into my new life I feel like I am getting a lot back out of it. That type of positive thinking is the way to move on, in my opinion. I completely agree with Better. My marriage was a bit different overall - we did marry young, but just weren't compatible in so many ways. It was always a struggle to a degree, to the point where I felt like I was walking on eggshells near the end and never even realized it. We had a lot of good times, but I felt lonely most of the time in my marriage. We weren't partners in the ways that I wanted or envisioned and I tried to just accept that. I've always had a lot of passion for things, and those things were never supported during my marriage. Post-divorce I am much more my true self. During the marriage I never thought it was possible that I lost my identity in some ways, but I do think that happened to an extent. All of my friends and family say that I look the best I ever have and that I have an energy that hasn't been present in me for a long time. I'm taking the most of opportunities, making myself a priority, and trying to make the most of my life. And it feels good and liberating. 1
licenseplate Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 To be honest, my life is actually much better after divorce. I was married young. While my ex-wife and I had a good "business" type relationship and were well suited for each other in many ways, we never had any passion in the marriage. I have a ton of respect for her and we parted on good terms but it just wasn't working for either of us. Since the divorce, I've found the passion I was missing and am enjoying being back in the single/dating world. It's hard sometimes, but I'm having fun. Do I miss her? Sure. We were together a long time and will always share many happy memories. However, I think you get out of life exactly what you put into it. Since I'm putting as much as I can into my new life I feel like I am getting a lot back out of it. That type of positive thinking is the way to move on, in my opinion. God I want what you have.........my marriage is much like yours was, I feel the same about her, Im just struggling to get where you are. She has not come around yet, and is still holding on with a death grip.....Advise? Se my post RE: PAROLE DATE PS Sorry wasnt trying to hijack your thread.........
JJLA Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 To answer the original post, if you had a life BEFORE marriage, you will have a life AFTER divorce. What many people don't realize is that much of their identity is wrapped up in the concept of being a duo, not an individual. There will be some rough moments when your brain and heart sorts things out, but you will find that sooner rather than later, your identity as an individual re-emerges from hibernation. It will suck, it will hurt, but ultimately you will become whole and happy.
Author jeddarnold Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 There was nothing special about my marriage Life happens in chapters like a book. That's what I think, anyway. What was so special about your marriage that you don't want to turn the page now?
Author jeddarnold Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 To be honest, my life is actually much better after divorce. I was married young. While my ex-wife and I had a good "business" type relationship and were well suited for each other in many ways, we never had any passion in the marriage. I have a ton of respect for her and we parted on good terms but it just wasn't working for either of us. Since the divorce, I've found the passion I was missing and am enjoying being back in the single/dating world. It's hard sometimes, but I'm having fun. Do I miss her? Sure. We were together a long time and will always share many happy memories. However, I think you get out of life exactly what you put into it. Since I'm putting as much as I can into my new life I feel like I am getting a lot back out of it. That type of positive thinking is the way to move on, in my opinion. Yes this is exactly what my relationship is like
amaysngrace Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 There was nothing special about my marriage Life is too short to settle for mediocrity. If it wasn't special then that means that special is still out there. You just have to go find it! I remember when I was planning to leave. Sure I was scared of the unknown...sure I didn't know just what to expect or how exactly things would turn out but I knew one thing for sure....what I had sucked. And maybe, just maybe, the future without him wouldn't. Turns out I was right! Just stay positive. A lot of women will appreciate the fact that you've already been married. For one it says that you aren't afraid to make a commitment and for two it says that you already have an idea of what marriage is about. Life changing events are what shape us. I'm sure that you've done plenty of reflecting and will do more in the future. Women dig a guy who knows who he is, what he wants and goes after it fully. Things like these make us see things that we ordinarily wouldn't. Things like these help us grow. It's really better that it ended than you wasting one more day of nothing special, don't you think? 1
Author jeddarnold Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Yes I am scared of the unknown, moving out, finding a place to live and be on my own. I think i was comfortable being where i was, just like a frog in a well. I used to get worried that who will marry a divorced guy with a child, your post made me happy . I agree that it is better now that it ended, I just hope for the best and stay positive. Thanks for the reply. Life is too short to settle for mediocrity. If it wasn't special then that means that special is still out there. You just have to go find it! I remember when I was planning to leave. Sure I was scared of the unknown...sure I didn't know just what to expect or how exactly things would turn out but I knew one thing for sure....what I had sucked. And maybe, just maybe, the future without him wouldn't. Turns out I was right! Just stay positive. A lot of women will appreciate the fact that you've already been married. For one it says that you aren't afraid to make a commitment and for two it says that you already have an idea of what marriage is about. Life changing events are what shape us. I'm sure that you've done plenty of reflecting and will do more in the future. Women dig a guy who knows who he is, what he wants and goes after it fully. Things like these make us see things that we ordinarily wouldn't. Things like these help us grow. It's really better that it ended than you wasting one more day of nothing special, don't you think? 1
Red Wolverine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 My life is fabulous post divorce. My children have adjusted very well but it's an ongoing process. My life is my own and I'm making the most of it. I wish my xH well. He doesn't reciprocate that but I can't control his behavior, just my reaction to it.
SoleMate Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I wanted the divorce and yet was terrified and grieving. Now, 8 years out, my life is so much better. I am no longer anchored to someone who was carelessly/recklessly draining the life out of me. Emotionally, financially, practically, I am much better off. 1
Author jeddarnold Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Its interesting to hear different stories
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