I have decided finally that enough is enough, and I want to go NC

[Kitchen]

I'm curious about this as well. I recently went through a breakup and my ex-gf is already in a new relationship. Over the last 2 months, I begged/pleaded, sent tons of texts, and called a bunch of times. Talked, cried, told her I loved her, told her I lost 10 lbs., the whole nine yards. Meanwhile the new bf is pretty insecure about me, rightfully so, so she just cut me off last week to please him. I went to her house today to visit, with a rose, (I let her know in advance) but she didn't even open the door, so I left the rose in her mailbox. And I sent her a bunch of texts today after my visit, but I got no reply.

 

Now, we can all agree that this was the most pathetic behavior ever.

 

I have decided finally that enough is enough, and I want to go NC. I UNDERSTAND that NC is only about yourself, and it's not to win them back. I GET IT.

 

However, having gone NC before on a previous relationship, I must say that holding the hope that they are missing you gives you some strength & confidence in the beginning. That hope fades away after a while, as do your feelings. But from what I've been through, it's much more dreadful going NC while not having any hope at all.

 

So having said all of that. My question is: how will she remember me? Let's say I go NC for 4 months. Will she still think of me as pathetic, or like the OP said, is it possible that she will remember the good times and start to miss me? What about if I find a new gf (not that I will ever do that for this purpose)?

 

For those of you have dumped someone, or for those who have had an ex beg/plead/show up at your house/send hundreds of texts: do you ever gain respect back for them after significant NC? Did you ever miss them after their pathetic behavior, once time has passed? What if that person found someone else? Does that change your opinion of them?

Edited September 2, 2013 by Kitchen

[templeofmax]

I am sorry man, but after 4 months and counting, I got sick of the 'what ifs', my friends and family got sick of it and the only person who can give me an answer is not in my life anymore. So, go NC and that is that. Let the 'what ifs' pass you by or if not LIFE will pass you by with you wondering what if!! You stalking your ex while she is with somebody else is just plain scary, and if you continue, the chance of her contacting you ever again diminishes by the minute. So do NC for you, and if she does contact you, fine, if not, you are moving on!

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm curious about this as well. I recently went through a breakup and my ex-gf is already in a new relationship. Over the last 2 months, I begged/pleaded, sent tons of texts, and called a bunch of times. Talked, cried, told her I loved her, told her I lost 10 lbs., the whole nine yards. Meanwhile the new bf is pretty insecure about me, rightfully so, so she just cut me off last week to please him. I went to her house today to visit, with a rose, (I let her know in advance) but she didn't even open the door, so I left the rose in her mailbox. And I sent her a bunch of texts today after my visit, but I got no reply.

 

Now, we can all agree that this was the most pathetic behavior ever.

 

I have decided finally that enough is enough, and I want to go NC. I UNDERSTAND that NC is only about yourself, and it's not to win them back. I GET IT.

 

However, having gone NC before on a previous relationship, I must say that holding the hope that they are missing you gives you some strength & confidence in the beginning. That hope fades away after a while, as do your feelings. But from what I've been through, it's much more dreadful going NC while not having any hope at all.

 

So having said all of that. My question is: how will she remember me? Let's say I go NC for 4 months. Will she still think of me as pathetic, or like the OP said, is it possible that she will remember the good times and start to miss me? What about if I find a new gf (not that I will ever do that for this purpose)?

 

For those of you have dumped someone, or for those who have had an ex beg/plead/show up at your house/send hundreds of texts: do you ever gain respect back for them after significant NC? Did you ever miss them after their pathetic behavior, once time has passed? What if that person found someone else? Does that change your opinion of them?

 

The odds of a woman being attracted to you again after that type of behavior is very low. Even if she does remember the good stuff, the two months of ridiculousness that you showed will probably be too much. My younger sister had an ex who did similar crap to what you did, even driving by and stopping by the house to "talk" or to drop off a present (when I was home I would tell him to get the fu*k away). This was at least a decade ago. If she saw him now she'd be polite to him, but there's no way in hell she would ever seek him out for a friendly get-together, much less being reattracted to him romantically.

 

I think your dishes are done and it'd be best to proceed as if you've burned every possible bridge.

[Kitchen]

The odds of a woman being attracted to you again after that type of behavior is very low. Even if she does remember the good stuff, the two months of ridiculousness that you showed will probably be too much. My younger sister had an ex who did similar crap to what you did, even driving by and stopping by the house to "talk" or to drop off a present (when I was home I would tell him to get the fu*k away). This was at least a decade ago. If she saw him now she'd be polite to him, but there's no way in hell she would ever seek him out for a friendly get-together, much less being reattracted to him romantically.

 

I think your dishes are done and it'd be best to proceed as if you've burned every possible bridge.

 

Thanks for your honest answer.

 

Though I'd still appreciate responses from others who have experienced this from either end.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for your honest answer.

 

Though I'd still appreciate responses from others who have experienced this from either end.

 

I acted like that to a girl as well once, at least until I realized she cheated on me, then I stopped cold turkey. Let's just say that neither her or I ever really talked again, except for your polite "hello" or head-nods when we'd see each other on campus.

 

I realize you want other answers that give you hope, but they probably aren't coming and if they do, they won't really help you at all. I think women (and men) can deal with the begging, whining, whatever that's part of a break temporarily because they realize the emotions involved. But a couple months of it is hard to recover from in any way, shape, or form.

[Kitchen]

I acted like that to a girl as well once, at least until I realized she cheated on me, then I stopped cold turkey. Let's just say that neither her or I ever really talked again, except for your polite "hello" or head-nods when we'd see each other on campus.

 

I realize you want other answers that give you hope, but they probably aren't coming and if they do, they won't really help you at all. I think women (and men) can deal with the begging, whining, whatever that's part of a break temporarily because they realize the emotions involved. But a couple months of it is hard to recover from in any way, shape, or form.

 

In all fairness to me, I think I made myself seem more pathetic than I actually am. Out of those 2 months, maybe only a good 2 weeks was begging/pleading. 3 weeks was complete no contact, and about 3 weeks was her cheating on him with me, with some fighting and some happy convos, but not really any begging. The only problem is that out of the 2 weeks of begging/pleading, one of them was this past week (and it was pretty bad), and the other one was scattered throughout here and there. In the beginning I spent a couple of days logically trying to work things out with her without much pathetic behavior.

 

So basically my point is that it wasn't 2 months straight of guilt inducing behavior. It was really a mixed bag, with only the past 1 week being really bad.

 

I don't know if this makes any difference. I am still going NC of course, but like I said earlier, I think some hope is a good thing to fuel confidence. I am doing all the other right things by trying to meet girls, go out, etc.