Mana Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I do not like my bf family and it's hard to hide it. He's 21 and living at home. When I met him a couple yrs ago, he was in college but failing. His dad threatened him that if he didn't get a job, he would be kicked out. He would come in his room, without knocking, and yell and say horrible things to him and eventually unplugged his internet. It later led to him taking his laptop, computer, and video game systems (all of which were either gifts or my bf purchased) and removed them from the house. The mother stood by and let it happen, who also just walks in his room without knocking. The parents do not own their own home and spend a lot of time at the casino. The mother is always asking my bf for money, which in the past he has given her. The mother is very generous to the younger sister and from what I see, gives nothing to him, just takes. During the holidays she spent a lot of money then asked my bf if she could borrow money to pay her bills. He did end up having to leave for a few months, and got his things back. A few months later, he went back home after having to leave the place he was staying, but living at home costs him. He is now paying the cable and internet bill ($120 a month), his own phone bill, his own car insurance (pays his mom $100 cash every month), and is often asked by his mom to pick up bread and/or milk even though he rarely eats at home. His family has no trouble using his Netflix account, or renting movies through his cable bill. I've even heard his mom call him from another room to ask if his sister can borrow money so she can go out and have fun. It's clear to me he is an enabler and this will likely never change. He knows I can't stand it but what can he do, this is his family. I just want to know, would this bother you?
FitChick Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If you continue dating him, they will be your in-laws. He can choose to leave or stay. He seems content staying with them. Sounds like a bad habit.
nescafe1982 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Your BF doesn't sound like an enabler to me. He sounds like a mooch. Does he whine about having to pay his own bill (insurance, cell bills, etc) or is that just your perception? He's a grown man living at home, rent free, failed school, is unemployed, and he hates his parents for taking away his video games? You're dating a teenage boy. His parents might not be the best parents in the world, but you guys sound completely ungrateful and entitled. Maybe he should get out on his own, and then to two of you can see his parents only when you want to. 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Your BF doesn't sound like an enabler to me. He sounds like a mooch. Does he whine about having to pay his own bill (insurance, cell bills, etc) or is that just your perception? He's a grown man living at home, rent free, failed school, is unemployed, and he hates his parents for taking away his video games? You're dating a teenage boy. His parents might not be the best parents in the world, but you guys sound completely ungrateful and entitled. Maybe he should get out on his own, and then to two of you can see his parents only when you want to. Um he pays cable and other utilities. He's 21 and either on a student budget or on welfare. He's contributing just fine.
Mascara Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If he's not paying rent, contributing to a few bills and buying a few groceries seems fair. Why would you object to that?
jacg89 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 it is his family, and it is his choice. However, he is not paying rent. Just doing some things here and there.. Which would probably be cheaper than paying rent.. If you are unhappy and he is not willing to move out or stop supporting the sister, etc... maybe consider breaking up? like the other poster said: these people may become your inlaws if you continue to date him, so you would have to get used to it... talk to him about it. good luck to you.
nescafe1982 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If he's not paying rent, contributing to a few bills and buying a few groceries seems fair. Why would you object to that? My point exactly. Leigh87, it's not that he's not paying rent. It's that he (well, his GF) is complaining about his family asking him to contribute elsewhere. 21 and living at home is questionable if one has failed out of school and has no job. I mean, sometimes folks have to "bounce back" and that's cool. But this guy sounds like he has no direction. He (well, she, because his GF wrote this) expects to be treated like an adult without actually having to act like one.
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