david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Ok, so I do not really know where to start, I am a 25 year old male who has never had sex before, I have had two relationships before, but they did not last long enough for me to have sex with them. I think it is really an embarrassing thing to talk about, because in general when you are at my age and if you are still a virgin, you are basically considered to be a loser. I guess being an immigrant and not mastering the new language and new culture does create a lot of the barriers for me to get to know a lot of women. Because even if I wanted to go out a date with some Canadian girls, I would not have some common topics with them. Like it is just hard, I know a lot of people would just say "go out and meet new people", I have actually tried it before, but as soon as they see you as a "foreigner", they will usually not be interested in talking more with you. They will still treat you nice but we will never talk deep. And also being an engineer makes it even worse, when I was at school, I saw no women as most of you would know:(. When it comes to work, that proportionality still remains. I just don't know how to get this problem solved and find my ultimate partner for the rest of my life.
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Where are you from? Are you in a position to move? I am Korean, I definitely want to move.
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I don't really know a lot of places to meet women. Thats the problem.
Marie8686 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I'd like to say there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 25. I am a 24 year old woman and saving myself for marriage. It'd be shocking to find a virgin at my age, a good one.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 The language/cultural barrier is tough man I understand, but you seem like an intelligent self aware person. Don't give up hope. Keep putting your self out there. Try to talk to a woman everyday. Even if you only see one woman that day, talk to her. Not to get sex, just to talk to her and get to know her. Just talk and see what happens. Keep at it. There are many woman who would love to get down with a foreigner. There are many woman who are from Korea in the states. I bet you could meet a woman in korea. Maybe travel is good, Even around whatever country or state you are in. You have had two girlfriends before so you are not totaly incapable of meeting woman. You mentioned your relationships werent long enough before you could have sex. The truth is it is less about how long and more about chemistry and how far both parties are willing to go at a given time. Could be the first date, could be the twentieth. You got this!
bokchoi Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Don't feel bad, I'm almost exactly in your same shoes. Age, profession, you're not alone out there. Personally I feel like I just haven't had the opportunity to meet the right person given the situations I've faced.
ThomasD Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Don't confuse "having sex" with "finding a life partner". My wife and I were 23-year old virgins on our wedding night, and have been life partners for over 39 years. If anything, our lack of previous sexual experience has been an overall positive factor in our relationship. A much older mutual friend who knew both my wife and I at a somewhat personal level saw some compatibility factors between us, and introduced us. Are you emotionally close enough to other people in your life - aunts, uncles, coworkers, neighbors, favorite professors, athletic coaches, clergy, etc - who you can reveal your frustrations and desires to?
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Ok, so I do not really know where to start, I am a 25 year old male who has never had sex before, I have had two relationships before, but they did not last long enough for me to have sex with them. You worry too much about it. Like it's some kind of rite of passage that you have to earn. Girls have a sixth sense about this sort of thing. They can smell insecurity a mile away. Just have fun with the girls you date. Be spontaneous. Adventurous. Maybe take them skydiving or something like that. Be brave and confident. That's when they'll start to get interested. 1
Heart of the Desert Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) You worry too much about it. Like it's some kind of rite of passage that you have to earn. Girls have a sixth sense about this sort of thing. They can smell insecurity a mile away. Just have fun with the girls you date. Be spontaneous. Adventurous. Maybe take them skydiving or something like that. Be brave and confident. That's when they'll start to get interested. I agree with this post. Dating is about having fun and getting to know another person. If you are just able to let go and have fun, and the two of you have chemistry, then sex will happen when the time is right. If you are just trying to get sex from someone It is less likely to happen, plus you may be acting like a creeper. Edited September 3, 2013 by Heart of the Desert
Moe'sTavern Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Just find yourself one of them obsessed Koreaboos, and you should be good to go.
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I guess girls and guys are kinda different, virgin females are considered to be rare jewellery, whereas virgin males are considered to be losers. 1
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 not that easy man, i live in a city where there is not a lot of koreans around
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 The language/cultural barrier is tough man I understand, but you seem like an intelligent self aware person. Don't give up hope. Keep putting your self out there. Try to talk to a woman everyday. Even if you only see one woman that day, talk to her. Not to get sex, just to talk to her and get to know her. Just talk and see what happens. Keep at it. There are many woman who would love to get down with a foreigner. There are many woman who are from Korea in the states. I bet you could meet a woman in korea. Maybe travel is good, Even around whatever country or state you are in. You have had two girlfriends before so you are not totaly incapable of meeting woman. You mentioned your relationships werent long enough before you could have sex. The truth is it is less about how long and more about chemistry and how far both parties are willing to go at a given time. Could be the first date, could be the twentieth. You got this! Thanks for cheering me up bro, I dont live in the states, I live in Canada where I only see polar bears and SNOW!
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Don't feel bad, I'm almost exactly in your same shoes. Age, profession, you're not alone out there. Personally I feel like I just haven't had the opportunity to meet the right person given the situations I've faced. you are an engineer also bud? you should feel my pain lol
Author david_go Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I agree with this post. Dating is about having fun and getting to know another person. If you are just able to let go and have fun, and the two of you have chemistry, then sex will happen when the time is right. If you are just trying to get sex from someone It is less likely to happen, plus you may be acting like a creeper. you know when I looked back, i was indeed a little creepy. because i just haven't seen a lot of girls, so when one shows up, i am that little creeper who checks her out, which is in fact not good.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It sounds like you live in the middle of nowhere. How many people live in your town/city? there are about 60,000 in mine. I used to think that there were not many woman in my city but then one day I opened my eyes and saw they are everywhere all the time. If you are in a very isolated area you may want to consider moving to a larger city. The more you are around woman the more comfortable you will feel around them and you won't get that whole "Oh my god its been a month since I saw a woman I need to make this happen" vibe.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) I guess girls and guys are kinda different, virgin females are considered to be rare jewellery, whereas virgin males are considered to be losers. Man, you are thinking about this all wrong. You are only a loser if you feel like a loser. Live your life as fully as you possible can, stay healthy, do what you love and have fun. Learn to self reflect and work on your self emotionaly and psychologicaly. Learn to feel good about who you are and how you live. Put your self out there and meet new people. Do you have many friends? It is important to have a good support group, or just people who you share things in common with. Sleeping with someone doesn't atomaticaly make you not a loser. I know many losers who get more ass than they know what to do with. You are worrying too much how people will percieve you. Rather than worrying about how to get sex from woman start focusing on making your life awsome. Keep putting yourself out there. Really though don't talk to woman trying to get sex from them, just try to get to know them as a person Also, I know it is a figure of speach, but woman are not jewellery. You make it sound like men are coveting thier flower. I am pretty sure many woman and men feel similarly about taking someones virginity. Edited September 4, 2013 by Heart of the Desert
ScreamingTrees Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 A much older mutual friend who knew both my wife and I at a somewhat personal level saw some compatibility factors between us, and introduced us. Are you emotionally close enough to other people in your life - aunts, uncles, coworkers, neighbors, favorite professors, athletic coaches, clergy, etc - who you can reveal your frustrations and desires to? I wouldn't necessarily suggest going this far, you don't want to suck the life out of everyone with your anxiety-riddled desires and/or frustrations.. There's always a good and bad way of communicating something.. If you're going to try to pass a hint along that you'd be receptive to someone playing cupid, well.. Try to be non-chalant about it, it's REALLY not that big of a deal. And who cares if you're a virgin? It doesn't mean anything, necessarily. Unless you choose to give it meaning. 1
Pompeii Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 And who cares if you're a virgin? It doesn't mean anything, necessarily. Unless you choose to give it meaning. Are you serious right now? Of course it means something. You're saying in 25 years of life there has never been someone that has wanted to screw this guy's brains out? Ok, well not 25 years. I'll start at 14-15 for puberty's sake. Even then, no one? There's nothing that says "undesirable to women" than being a virgin at 25. If you tell women that, they will undoubtedly run for the hills. At that point, you might as well hang a sign around your neck. I'm not saying this to berate, criticize, or demean the OP, but you can't just say "it doesn't mean anything, necessarily". That is just uninformed and ignorant. People who are of average attractiveness, have skills in talking to women, or something else going for them would have lost it by now. To be a virgin at that age, you have to question which one of those areas he lacks in.
ThomasD Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I wouldn't necessarily suggest going this far, you don't want to suck the life out of everyone with your anxiety-riddled desires and/or frustrations . . . I agree with that. I should probably expand on my original comment. I never asked anybody to play cupid, or find a girlfriend for me, or set me up with an available chick. In fact I never approached anybody with the intent of seeking assistance with dating, love life, etc. But . . . as normal conversations and interactions among close friends turned in that direction, I was willing to admit my disappointment in that area of life. This was a change from earlier times when I would have avoided the subject or dismissed it with some non-chalant canned response like "Just haven't met the right one yet." or "That hasn't been much of a priority for me.". As for the sexual history - a 25 year old virgin may be unusual but you're probably not as rare as you think. I'm sure there are women who assume that it signifies some personality defect or character flaw until you prove otherwise. Even if they are in the majority (which I doubt), you're not out to form a relationship with all of them. You only need to find the ONE girl (and I believe she will be one of MANY) to whom your prior experience is irrelevant, or who actually desires a relationship with a virgin man. At 22 I met a girl who WANTED to be a virgin's first (as I was hers), and that ONE girl has been enough for me, for over 39 years.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Being a virgin at 25 could also be due to someones attiude towards ones self, the other sex, towards relationships, and towards sex in general. If OP wants to change his situation, probably time to make some changes rather than bemoaning his virginity (as frustrating as it may be). None of this victim mentality, "everyone thinks I am a loser" "There are no woman who want to sleep with me" (Those are not direct quotes from OP, just to be fair).
El Brujo Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I'd like to say there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 25. I am a 24 year old woman and saving myself for marriage. It'd be shocking to find a virgin at my age, a good one. You want a REAL shocker? I'm a straight man who just turned 46 and I feel like I can wait until the day after forever to try sex. And no, I haven't lost at life. 1
Heart of the Desert Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You want a REAL shocker? I'm a straight man who just turned 46 and I feel like I can wait until the day after forever to try sex. And no, I haven't lost at life. And there you have it! a virgin at 25 insists on feeling like a loser, while a virgin at 46 choses to celebrate his life. Note El brujos signature quote as well.
El Brujo Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I think the OP's problem is that he hasn't found his calling yet. And I speak as a late bloomer myself.
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