That felt so darn good!

September 3, 2013

I opened up communication with xOW. I asked her if my husband ever told her that he loved her, if he ever said he was going to leave me and if she had feelings for him. I also asked her if she was at all sorry for any of this. Her response was "I'd really like not to reopen this book. I respect him and whatever he told you should suffice. This is not my place. Of course I had feelings, he's a great person and when you spend that much time with someone it's inevitable."

So I responded that it's awfully hard to believe something from someone who found it so easy to lie for so long. Assuming her reasons for not answering my questions was that he did say those things, I texted him claiming that she had confirmed that he was lying. He texted her (with my permission) and told her "What did you say to her? You know and I know that I never said those things to you". She responded back to him that she didn't say that and she knows he never said those things!

I responded to her, "I used to think he was a great person but great people don't cheat and lie to get what they want. As you have no remorse for hurting four innocent people, just to get what you want, shows that he threw away our marriage and our family for someone without a conscience. Good luck living a happy life. Maybe one day your actions will catch up to you."

Her response, "Look, it takes two to. I did not seek to ruin anyone's life, nor did I. Grace is a virtue. Good luck. The end."

I could not help myself and I responded with "I find it amusing that you talk of grace. Screwing married men is graceful? Okay! I also find it amusing that I actually felt bad for you that you ended up getting hurt by all of this and he does not feel bad for you at all. He said you knew exactly what you were getting into so he has no reason to feel bad. He doesn't think you are a great person. Actually just the opposite. Thinking of you actually makes him sick. Go figure!"

Her response, "Girl please! Have you seen me? You don't bother me one bit haha just let it be come the **** on lol. do not text back"

So I did, "Yep, I have seen you and you are not all that. Have you seen me?"

I forwarded the texts to my husband and he sent her a message that he didn't appreciate her talking to me like that and that she knew it was just sex. He texted me back telling me how good it felt to say that to her and get it off his back. She had said some nasty things to me before and he did not want to respond to them because he was trying to not communicate with her.

I know it's been several months since no contact, but I really needed to see what kind of person she really is and I needed my husband to be a man and stand up for me. Apparently she texted him back some long text. I will read it later. I told him that he could respond if he wanted.

Maybe now I can get her off my mind! She is a pathetic, shallow hole of a human being and he see's that too.

September 3, 2013

Why do you care? Why open up that can of worms again?

The worst thing you can do is give the OW any attention. Then asking your H to respond to all of it???? Come on now.

If you are reconciling do the real work yourselves. NC means NC. He must not be convincing you that he wants to be with you since you have reached out to her to ask her all of those questions. Does it matter?

After the one and only talk I had with my H OW I knew I wasn't going to spend anymore time or energy on trash like that again and I never have since. I know what kind of woman I am and knew she could not hold a candle to me as my H clearly wanted to be with me after all was said and done. He has been sincerely remorseful. Any talks and questions are between me an him. Our relationship is way better than it was a year ago.

How can you feel good opening up a line of communication between your H and OW. Doesn't make sense to me. Don't be surprised if they side bar and reach out just to talk about this behavior.

Perhaps you need IC to sort your own feelings. I don't think this is something that will improve your R. The OW doesn't care about you. Leave it alone, focus on your M.

September 3, 2013

you need to go NC with her. it's obvious she knew she was the OW and was content with it. let it go. your husband is the one who you should be questioning. sounds like he's good at blowing smoke up your a$$.

move on. this woman has nothing for you in terms of closure. watch your husband very closely, now..... for the rest of your married life.

September 3, 2013

Hmm. Seems like a big gamble. That said, I hope it pays off for you.

I'm curious about her long text to him.

September 3, 2013

You said it felt good when you posted this.... I'm concerned that feeling isn't lasting. How are you feeling a few days later?

September 3, 2013

Me too. I hope he doesn't reply to her long text. Maybe think about changing cell numbers/email addresses etc so she can't reach out. And, you and your H rid of her number as there's no point in contacting her again.

And I AM worried for you though, that this has opened up pandora's box! This exOW doesn't give a crap about you at all and if she is malicious enough, she may purposely try to screw with you both for fun. She has no remorse for her part in the affair and she certainly would revel in messing with you.

September 3, 2013

So I'm curious if you went back and told your husband that you'd lied to him about what she said?

September 3, 2013

Sounds like asking for trouble. Why get involved again?

September 3, 2013

Why the fu** are you still with your husband? Grow some ovaries and dump his a**. You said it yourself, he's far from being a great person

September 3, 2013

Your husband and this xOW said what you wanted to hear. If its over between them then why they will admit now that they still lust for each other? May be your husband is with someone else now and you are still lingering on to this old ex. And looks has nothing to do with the choices OW & OM make. They like thrill and excitement that playmate brings to them.

September 3, 2013

Why do you care? Why open up that can of worms again?

The worst thing you can do is give the OW any attention. Then asking your H to respond to all of it???? Come on now.

If you are reconciling do the real work yourselves. NC means NC. He must not be convincing you that he wants to be with you since you have reached out to her to ask her all of those questions. Does it matter?

After the one and only talk I had with my H OW I knew I wasn't going to spend anymore time or energy on trash like that again and I never have since. I know what kind of woman I am and knew she could not hold a candle to me as my H clearly wanted to be with me after all was said and done. He has been sincerely remorseful. Any talks and questions are between me an him. Our relationship is way better than it was a year ago.

How can you feel good opening up a line of communication between your H and OW. Doesn't make sense to me. Don't be surprised if they side bar and reach out just to talk about this behavior.

Perhaps you need IC to sort your own feelings. I don't think this is something that will improve your R. The OW doesn't care about you. Leave it alone, focus on your M.

My husband is actually working very hard at showing me how committed he is to me. I finally started feeling like I actually believe him, and this little voice in the back of my head says, "You are an idiot! He lied for so long!" Nobody but the other woman could confirm to me whether he is telling me the truth about those things. I needed something besides his word. How can I believe his words?

If he reaches out to her after this, then so be it. I cannot stop that from happening. If it does then he can go be with her.

September 3, 2013

you need to go NC with her. it's obvious she knew she was the OW and was content with it. let it go. your husband is the one who you should be questioning. sounds like he's good at blowing smoke up your a$$.

move on. this woman has nothing for you in terms of closure. watch your husband very closely, now..... for the rest of your married life.

I have questioned him and those were the things I needed proof of. She actually confirmed that he has been telling me the truth all along. I do feel closure with her now. I had honestly hoped for an apology for the horrible things she said to me before. I wanted to believe that she said those things out of hurt before and that she is not some horrible person who gets her jollies out of hurting other people. She did not apologize and she said even more nasty things to me, so now I know who she is and I can stop wasting my time feeling bad about her being hurt in all of this.

I have not and will not stop watching him.

September 3, 2013

My husband is actually working very hard at showing me how committed he is to me. I finally started feeling like I actually believe him, and this little voice in the back of my head says, "You are an idiot! He lied for so long!" Nobody but the other woman could confirm to me whether he is telling me the truth about those things. I needed something besides his word. How can I believe his words?

If he reaches out to her after this, then so be it. I cannot stop that from happening. If it does then he can go be with her.

I'm sorry to say this but the voice in the back of your head is there for a reason. Why don't you want to listen to it?

September 3, 2013

Hmm. Seems like a big gamble. That said, I hope it pays off for you.

I'm curious about her long text to him.

The long text was actually more nasty **** she was saying to me. Then she realized that it was him who texted her and she said, "Oh I thought that was her. Yes, just sex. AGREED. Do not let her call me again." He replied, "Don't worry we are done with you".

We both feel good about this right now.

September 3, 2013

If he is showing you that he wants to be with you then you should focus on that. The OW is not going to confirm anything other than what you already know. She screwed your H and liked it and will dig that into your head until it hurts.

My H has said to me there is nothing worse than that to confess to me. So why take it any further. His choice is to be with you. Calling or texting her is bizarre. I am sure your ego is hurt as to why he would do this to you, but it is not about you. It is about him and the bad choice he made.

Let him prove to you that he wants the M. if he is calling and texting this OW then you are dragging him back to a place that he doesn't need to be. At some point you are not going to like any of the comments being made and guess what. You can't get mad at your H because you are provoking this.

Leave it alone. Block her number or change yours and your H's number. If you need confirmations or validation that should come from your H. Your H stepped out on you and she was a willing participant. That is all you need to know.

if you are having doubts about your H perhaps you should reconsider staying with him. You need to rebuild trust with him. Talking to her is not going to make that happen. How can you trust what she says? She is probably laughing at your insecurities. Not a good move.

September 3, 2013

You said it felt good when you posted this.... I'm concerned that feeling isn't lasting. How are you feeling a few days later?

This was yesterday, and I still feel good about it today. Maybe that will change tomorrow, but for now I am not going to feel bad about this. I feel like it is something that I needed.

September 3, 2013

I am sorry you are having this experience. You seem to be doing better and your husband seems like he is trying to help you heal from his A. Has he gone to counseling?

September 3, 2013

Me too. I hope he doesn't reply to her long text. Maybe think about changing cell numbers/email addresses etc so she can't reach out. And, you and your H rid of her number as there's no point in contacting her again.

And I AM worried for you though, that this has opened up pandora's box! This exOW doesn't give a crap about you at all and if she is malicious enough, she may purposely try to screw with you both for fun. She has no remorse for her part in the affair and she certainly would revel in messing with you.

I wanted her to have remorse. I have read a few other women on here that wanted to open up and apologize to the BS. I wanted to give her the opportunity to do so and she only confirmed that she was not in the least bit sorry. If I have opened up pandora's box, then I will have to deal with it. I know I am the one who opened it.

September 3, 2013

So I'm curious if you went back and told your husband that you'd lied to him about what she said?

I showed him every text.

September 3, 2013

I have questioned him and those were the things I needed proof of. She actually confirmed that he has been telling me the truth all along. I do feel closure with her now. I had honestly hoped for an apology for the horrible things she said to me before. I wanted to believe that she said those things out of hurt before and that she is not some horrible person who gets her jollies out of hurting other people. She did not apologize and she said even more nasty things to me, so now I know who she is and I can stop wasting my time feeling bad about her being hurt in all of this.

I have not and will not stop watching him.

.....Seriously? What other proof do you need other than a confession? You want an apology form the OW? She is not sorry. Why would she be?

I didn't expect my H's whore to be anything other than what she was, a whore. That witch didn't waste a minute forwarding me texts and pictures of my H ***k. Did I need to see this? No I didn't.

Like I said....why go back there?

Your H is pacifying your need to tell her off. It wasn't necessary.

Sometimes locking someone completely out of your life and silence is the best way of handling things. I would never give that witch the satisfaction of letting her know what is happening in my home or my thoughts. She is no one.

September 3, 2013

Why the fu** are you still with your husband? Grow some ovaries and dump his a**. You said it yourself, he's far from being a great person

I honestly have not decided whether this is what I want or not. Right now I am not in a financial position to leave. I am working on that.

I know he is sorry for what he did and he is trying harder than I thought he was even capable of. That may not be enough though. I was unhappy in this marriage long before he was. I did not cheat. I have been there for him through his alcohol recovery and drove him around for five years when he lost his license. I kept a roof over our heads when he was in jail for his dui's (fifteen years ago). None of this mattered. He still cheated. Maybe being sorry isn't enough. I am still trying to figure that out.

September 3, 2013

I wanted her to have remorse. I have read a few other women on here that wanted to open up and apologize to the BS. I wanted to give her the opportunity to do so and she only confirmed that she was not in the least bit sorry. If I have opened up pandora's box, then I will have to deal with it. I know I am the one who opened it.

You can't make her feel anything!!! What you are doing is letting her know how she got to you. She doesn't care and probably thinks you are nuts.

The person who should be remorseful is your H. Again, he must not be doing a good job convincing you as he obviously was willing to text the OW even if it was at your request. My H would have said hell no. He wants nothing to do with her ever again. When we talk about it he cries. He looks at me in amazement that I stayed and he apologizes all of time thanking god we are together.

That's how it should be.

September 3, 2013

Your husband and this xOW said what you wanted to hear. If its over between them then why they will admit now that they still lust for each other? May be your husband is with someone else now and you are still lingering on to this old ex. And looks has nothing to do with the choices OW & OM make. They like thrill and excitement that playmate brings to them.

She is the one who brought up looks. Yes, she is gorgeous and she is twenty years younger than me. She has never seen me though but enjoyed taking jabs at me by bragging about how hot she is. He is not with anyone else.

September 3, 2013

I'm sorry to say this but the voice in the back of your head is there for a reason. Why don't you want to listen to it?

I am listening to it. That is why I did this. I got the answers I was looking for.

September 3, 2013

If he is showing you that he wants to be with you then you should focus on that. The OW is not going to confirm anything other than what you already know. She screwed your H and liked it and will dig that into your head until it hurts.

My H has said to me there is nothing worse than that to confess to me. So why take it any further. His choice is to be with you. Calling or texting her is bizarre. I am sure your ego is hurt as to why he would do this to you, but it is not about you. It is about him and the bad choice he made.

Let him prove to you that he wants the M. if he is calling and texting this OW then you are dragging him back to a place that he doesn't need to be. At some point you are not going to like any of the comments being made and guess what. You can't get mad at your H because you are provoking this.

Leave it alone. Block her number or change yours and your H's number. If you need confirmations or validation that should come from your H. Your H stepped out on you and she was a willing participant. That is all you need to know.

if you are having doubts about your H perhaps you should reconsider staying with him. You need to rebuild trust with him. Talking to her is not going to make that happen. How can you trust what she says? She is probably laughing at your insecurities. Not a good move.

I honestly have not decided that I am going to stay with him. It's been nine months. I do not know how to believe anymore.

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That felt so darn good!

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