Completely lost right now

[Chris715]

For those of you going through/have gone through break ups how do you stick to NC? My self control with this is terrible, and it's literally something like a drug addiction. I go block her facebook only to unblock her and check her profile (again and again)

 

I've texted her on and off this week. I know her number so even if I delete it, I just punch it into my phone again. I was hoping school starting for me this last week would help me to focus on something besides her but NOPE. My focus has been on her 100% like always, and I haven't even gotten any work done for my classes :/

 

If she would just flat out ignore me, not respond to texts, things like that, I feel like NC would be easier. But she's responded when I contact her (which is also my fault because I agreed to be "friends" with her after we put our fighting aside about a month ago. Again, terrible self control on my part)

 

As pathetic as it sounds I feel like she's the only one for me. I've even had some other girls express interest in me quite recently, but I have zero interest/attraction to any and all of them, only her.

 

Sorry if this all comes across as rambling, I'm just completely lost as to what to do. Another one of those days where my depression's gotten out of hand I guess

[Jenny1234]

How long has it been since breakup? I have the same problem. I will randomly text him and it will turn into a long convo about nothing really. But I'm always the iniater and he always replays. Viscous cycle

[Chris715]

How long has it been since breakup? I have the same problem. I will randomly text him and it will turn into a long convo about nothing really. But I'm always the iniater and he always replays. Viscous cycle

 

Exactly what goes on with me. We officially broke up in November, went cold towards each other around February, and it's been off and on since then. Longest I've gone NC since that time is like a month. It's like I can't imagine my life without her so I almost prefer this hell I'm going through right now versus a life completely without her. How long since your break up?

[Chris715]

Then if you accept that life is better with her in it, even if you put everything else on hold, that's your business.

 

How do you stick to NC? You hit rock bottom. Which makes me think that you aren't there yet.

 

Great, guess I've got something to look forward too then :/ And I get that my perception on the whole thing is skewed. But I'm afraid to let go. It took me 20 years to find someone that I loved and it feels like I'll never have that again.

[Jenny1234]

Exactly what goes on with me. We officially broke up in November, went cold towards each other around February, and it's been off and on since then. Longest I've gone NC since that time is like a month. It's like I can't imagine my life without her so I almost prefer this hell I'm going through right now versus a life completely without her. How long since your break up?

 

 

It's been 4 months since my breakup. Wow you've been on my roller coaster even longer than me. Have you seen her? Have you ever told her you missed her or is it just fluff convo?

I was good in the beginning at NC... But now the longest I go is a week or 2. I'm trying so hard to break my own cycle. It's literally like being an addict

[Chris715]

It's been 4 months since my breakup. Wow you've been on my roller coaster even longer than me. Have you seen her? Have you ever told her you missed her or is it just fluff convo?

I was good in the beginning at NC... But now the longest I go is a week or 2. I'm trying so hard to break my own cycle. It's literally like being an addict

 

Again, exactly how I feel. And oh yes, have I seen her. She went away for school in January, we grew distant starting in February as she tried to push me away. Needless to say I pushed back, we fought, etc. Summer started and SURPRISE, she was working with me for a summer job... Might have been the hardest 3 months of my life.

 

Like I said in my original post we've "patched things up" since then and we're "friends" but obviously none of it has helped me feel better.

[Minneloa]

Hi Chris,

 

I'm sorry that you are struggling, and I encourage you to seek help with your depression over the breakup. It definitely sounds like it is hindering your daily life and activities. There's no shame in needing some professional assistance after a big loss. A trained, sympathetic ear and an outsider's viewpoint can really be beneficial. Since you're attending college, you should have access through the health center or counseling services.

 

Sending good thoughts!

 

M.

[Jenny1234]

None of this is helping you. You are literally torturing yourself. Now that the summer is over do you have to see her anymore? Have you guys hooked up?

 

Be easy on yourself... We are all human. What the heck is her deal?

[Chris715]

In my early 20s, I had a boyfriend who used to do the lovey-dovey, get together with you, then 3 months later, break it off, then come back and start again. It got so predictable that you could set your watch by it. Wash, rinse, repeat. He was also extremely emotionally abusive. I let this go on for 3 years. 3 years. Then one day, after he'd dumped me again, I said 'Enough'. I went NC, deleted his (memorised) phone number, and I never contacted him again.

 

I saw him once, waiting for a bus. I just walked past him, didn't even look at him.

 

Like I said, rock bottom. You aren't there yet. You'll maintan NC, when you're ready to maintain NC. Your life might have to turn to ***** - fail classes, lose a job, etc, before it finally sinks in.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm going on 10 months of this but I can't even imagine 3 years on an emotional rollercoaster like that.

 

What was your rock bottom point? Were you just sick and tired of his games?

[Jenny1234]

I had a vicious cycle in college with my ex...it last 5 years....we hooked up on and off... We had every class together for 4 years..... It even continued on for year after...until one night he cheated on his gf with me and a hole through a wall ...he ended up marrying her......

Long story short.... Stop while your ahead... It can get way worse

[Chris715]

None of this is helping you. You are literally torturing yourself. Now that the summer is over do you have to see her anymore? Have you guys hooked up?

 

Be easy on yourself... We are all human. What the heck is her deal?

 

Luckily she's gone away for school again this semester. And no we haven't hooked up since we broke up, but we have acted emotionally towards each other in a bf/gf kind of way off and on, so definitely a vicious cycle.

[Jenny1234]

This is your chance when she leaves...out of sight out of mind. Once you give her what she wants... Space..... Maybe she will come back... Maybe she won't......you've done enough reaching out...ball is in her court now

[Minneloa]

Chris,

 

Are you open to the idea of counseling? Or at least do you have friends and/or family members who can give you support IRL during this difficult time? Don't get me wrong, LS is awesome, but I am concerned that you are isolated.

 

M.

[Chris715]

My ex is the only one I opened up to completely about my depression, and that was after we broke up. My friends have known about it a bit, but I haven't opened up to them about it or anything like that. And unfortunately I don't feel comfortable at all going to my family with this. So that's where I'm at I guess.

[Minneloa]

My ex is the only one I opened up to completely about my depression, and that was after we broke up. My friends have known about it a bit, but I haven't opened up to them about it or anything like that. And unfortunately I don't feel comfortable at all going to my family with this. So that's where I'm at I guess.

 

Is there one trusted friend you could confide in?

 

If I may ask, what prevents you from speaking to family members? Do you have siblings?

 

And, forgive me for harping on this, does your college provide counseling services?

[Chris715]

I have a younger brother and an older sister but I have never been very close to either of them. I've been fighting with my parents a lot recently and things are pretty tense between us. Partly because of this I'm moving out soon and I feel like if I bring up anything with my depression/personal issues it will just add fuel to the fire that's been going on between us lately.

 

Not sure what kind of counseling services my school has. Might look into it.

[JDPT]

In my early 20s, I had a boyfriend who used to do the lovey-dovey, get together with you, then 3 months later, break it off, then come back and start again. It got so predictable that you could set your watch by it. Wash, rinse, repeat. He was also extremely emotionally abusive. I let this go on for 3 years. 3 years. Then one day, after he'd dumped me again, I said 'Enough'. I went NC, deleted his (memorised) phone number, and I never contacted him again.

 

I saw him once, waiting for a bus. I just walked past him, didn't even look at him.

 

Like I said, rock bottom. You aren't there yet. You'll maintan NC, when you're ready to maintain NC. Your life might have to turn to ***** - fail classes, lose a job, etc, before it finally sinks in.

 

 

 

Speaks the truth.

[Minneloa]

I have a younger brother and an older sister but I have never been very close to either of them. I've been fighting with my parents a lot recently and things are pretty tense between us. Partly because of this I'm moving out soon and I feel like if I bring up anything with my depression/personal issues it will just add fuel to the fire that's been going on between us lately.

 

Not sure what kind of counseling services my school has. Might look into it.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have family support right now. I strongly encourage you to look into counseling; it can help you gain perspective and learn new coping tools. At the very least, I hope you will confide in a friend. You don't have to suffer in this alone, but you do have to take a first step by reaching out.

 

Please keep us posted!

 

M.