the tank Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I broke up two weeks ago with my girlfriend. I discover she made a serie of lie about her job, her statut with her ex when we started dating, her study and many other lies. One of them was really crazy . He implied me and I just cant believe she made this to me. Otherwise our relationship was perfect and I feel she could have been the one If she had never lied to me. I dont understand why one part of myself want to give her a second chance while the other part tell me that I would never be able to trust her again and that's not the kind of relationship I'm interested in. How to get over a liar ?
Heart of the Desert Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Oh man, the last person I was seeing would constantly lie about thier past. It takes a long time for someone with a lying habit to change, if ever. I got over the same way I have gotten over other realtionships. Revalutating myself and the the dynamics I helped build between the two of us, then ultimatley going on with my life dating other people and doing the things I love. It can feel terrible when the person you thought you loved turns out to not be that person at all. It is as though our entire conception of what love is gets turned on its head. Through all of it I learned some important red flags to look out for and also learned to not take as much bull****. If I had just called her out on her lies from the get go we probably would not have been together as long as we were because afterall I don't really care to be with some one who lies all the time. Hang in there man, just keep no contact and work on improving your quality of life. Next time around you will meet someone who is as honest as can be!
Author the tank Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 You are right. Maybe if i called her out before and I wasn't blind I would have already broke up. I will do the nc even if she contact me like today. I would not answer her. She make me feel worse when I talked to her .
Heart of the Desert Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) thats the spirit man! everytime she would contact me it would just lead to more heart ache. Even if she wasn't lying (which she often was) I could no longer trust what she was saying. Its interesting, I never called her out on her lies because I was afraid I might loose her, so I just overlooked the obvious signs. The thing is, in a way, I never actualy had her to loose in the first place, because the her I had was only a half-truth! Haha, life is so strange. Stay strong man, you got this. Hey, did you notice all the beautiful woman walking around? I bet one of them wouldn't mind talking to you and having an honest conversation! Edited September 3, 2013 by Heart of the Desert
newmoon Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 if someone lies in other areas of their life (work, school, etc) they are prone to lies in relationships as well. it's their nature. I put up with lies myself in order to not 'rock the boat' and cause friction, but it makes a liar even more bold, like they can get away with doing more and more to you because you won't call them on it. don't date a liar - there are a lot of honest women out there
SouthernComfort Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Hang in there bro. I just ended it with my liar today. About a year and a half ago, out of no where, she starts chasing me. I know she is married so I resist. Finally I give in, and its smooth sailing for the next few months... Just friends with casual sex. She starts saying I love you. I hold back because I know she is still married. She can't get a divorce right away she says. But she kicked him out of the house she says. This was back in October. Cool... We're making progress right? Well, April, this year, we've been dating. He's been out the picture since October, I finally give in to her love. I say lets do it, lets be together. Ok she says... Log story short, they still live together and he never moved out. She cheated on me with another guy because I was stressing her out because I didn't believe her about her husband. She convinced me to still be her friend. I gave in. She stood me up a couple weeks ago and I found out it was because she was out with her best friend, not because she had bad anxiety and was asleep all day. Pist! Long story short: I'm remembering all the sadness her lies caused me and in turn it makes me angry that I dealt with that for so long... Which helps me to not feel bad that she is upset and makes me NOT want to contact her. It took a few tries, but I'm going 100% NC today. It's hard, but I just remember the BS and her straight face when telling me these lies to my face each time I think of her or think of contacting her. Hope that helps.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I wonder how many people on here where actualy seeing the same liar at the same time. They will never know it though, because they all have vastly different stories.
KCCK Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Bro, forget the liar and move on .. Sometimes, they were just using us as temporary measures until they find someone better and dump us.. they can promise you a lot of things, saying they want to get married to you, your future house, your future kids, and out of a sudden, they can fall in love for another guy. Happened to me a month ago... Gf of 2 years dump me for a guy she just met for 2 weeks... my advice, forget about them and move on.. if they were to lie to you and dump you once, they will do the same again in the future if you were to ignorantly accept them when they come back.. keep NC and dont go begging them...
Author the tank Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Last night she wrote to me that she is seeing a therapist , she cannot slept because she have too many regret. She want to prove me that she can change. She trust me . But if i want her to nc me to tell her . I told her i want nc . That was painful to told her that. I know she is a liar and maybe lie about that message.
KCCK Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Trust is like a broken vase.. once it is broken, it is not the same even when it's repaired.. She betrayed you, she lied to you... it's up to you but if you were to get back together, only time will tell whether she is indeed change or just trying to cheat you over again and you will not have a good time as you will be worrying day and night whether is she telling the truth or more lies... Keep NC for a while, ignore her, I know it is hard to you but without trust, there is no reason to continue the relationship...
Heart of the Desert Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) People don't change over night. Lying is a habit she has had for years, possibly her whole life. It will take constant effort on her part for a very long time to change. Her lies have lost you and hopefully she is really taking the steps to change. Not just to get you back, but because whe really wants to change. Her lies will continue to sabotage her realationships until she gets her self right. Now she knows there are consequences to her actions. You did right by setting her loose. I know it was not easy to say no, but it was the right choice. Edited September 3, 2013 by Heart of the Desert
Author the tank Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Later in day she told that she need also to Nc and maybe she will delete me from facebook and she done this. I know fb mean nothing but I feel sad . I don't understand why I am sad. She lied to me during the five month of our relationship .I should be angry at her but I am not . I feel angry about myself to have fall in love to this girl. Strange feeling .
emi Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 i dont know about u guys but i lied, I lied becoz my bf has some major jelousy. He cant stand me talking with anyone else so close, and whenever he saw me doing it, he made me promise not to talk with my close male friend even its a word. ( i told him i liked this dude before, but its before isnt it?) and whenever he saw me talking with my male friend ( in public, and just random thing) he cried and hit himself and made drama. I couldnt bare him doing it, So i lied saying like '' i didnt talk to that dude'' kind of things. Got a time, i find myself so pathetic, need to lie to make him feel secured, i stood up and said to him '' i see no reason why i cant talk to my friends and im sorry i couldnt keep my promise, i find it rude to cut him out of my life because u insecured'' Yes, he cried, nagged, hit himself again, and i surrendered But in the end he flip on me, accused me of lying and said he couldnt trust me again ( life is funny isnt it? ) So am i really the one to blame?
Heart of the Desert Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 i dont know about u guys but i lied, I lied becoz my bf has some major jelousy. He cant stand me talking with anyone else so close, and whenever he saw me doing it, he made me promise not to talk with my close male friend even its a word. ( i told him i liked this dude before, but its before isnt it?) and whenever he saw me talking with my male friend ( in public, and just random thing) he cried and hit himself and made drama. I couldnt bare him doing it, So i lied saying like '' i didnt talk to that dude'' kind of things. Got a time, i find myself so pathetic, need to lie to make him feel secured, i stood up and said to him '' i see no reason why i cant talk to my friends and im sorry i couldnt keep my promise, i find it rude to cut him out of my life because u insecured'' Yes, he cried, nagged, hit himself again, and i surrendered But in the end he flip on me, accused me of lying and said he couldnt trust me again ( life is funny isnt it? ) So am i really the one to blame? I feel like this is a whole different type of situation. We have all told a lie one time or another. Often times we tell a lie because the environment we are in makes it easier to tell a lie. We are pushed to a lie. We live in a society that claims to value the truth yet look what happens to the people who are brave enough to stand up and tell the truth. Then there are people who just lie all the time. It is not about not upsetting thier controling boyfriend. It is about munipulating others and having a sense of control. They lie because they can. There is a difference.
emi Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I feel like this is a whole different type of situation. We have all told a lie one time or another. Often times we tell a lie because the environment we are in makes it easier to tell a lie. We are pushed to a lie. We live in a society that claims to value the truth yet look what happens to the people who are brave enough to stand up and tell the truth. Then there are people who just lie all the time. It is not about not upsetting thier controling boyfriend. It is about munipulating others and having a sense of control. They lie because they can. There is a difference. Its bothering me when he called me a liar, without considering why i had to lied. When he dumped me, i keep feeling guilty. I dont know, maybe i lost my mind
2sunny Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You get over it by not giving her any further thought or effort.
Heart of the Desert Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) Its bothering me when he called me a liar, without considering why i had to lied. When he dumped me, i keep feeling guilty. I dont know, maybe i lost my mind He probably didn't consider why you had lied because that would mean facing his cotrol/ jelousy issues. Many people would rather believe the fabrications they have created, instead of facing the truth about who they are and actualy making effort to change. It is convenient for him that you are the "terrible liar", a story which keeps him safe. I know that feeling though, thinking to myself "Maybe I am the crazy one here..." Living with people is strange. Edited September 5, 2013 by Heart of the Desert
Author the tank Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 You get over it by not giving her any further thought or effort. yeah ! I am doing that .I should have started the NC 2 weeks ago after the broke up. I'm concentrate on school, friends and activities I love to do Thanks a lot everyone who contribute. It's help me a lot. And for emy: Like Heart of the Desert said. It's not the same situation. She lied to me the day I met her. She lied about her job, education, she told me she was single, but the first month was still with her ex, and so many other lies. And when I confront her she still made some lies to me to covered up the fact she lied. Before the nc, she tried to manipulate me again... In your case you should ask yourself : Is the relationship even worth the stress it causes ? If you need to lie to meet friend , the guys is not worth. Trust is one pillar in a realationship .
emi Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 And for emy: Like Heart of the Desert said. It's not the same situation. She lied to me the day I met her. She lied about her job, education, she told me she was single, but the first month was still with her ex, and so many other lies. And when I confront her she still made some lies to me to covered up the fact she lied. Before the nc, she tried to manipulate me again... In your case you should ask yourself : Is the relationship even worth the stress it causes ? If you need to lie to meet friend , the guys is not worth. Trust is one pillar in a realationship . I know it isnt the same situation. Im sorry im starting complaining in your own thread, but when i saw the word '' liar'' its just hit me so hard It was very stressful, i swear i didnt cheat. Its just white lies, then i got dumped. Its still sting me.... I feel like its not worth it, but my heart is blind
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