Mystery2Me Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Happy Labor Day Folks! Enjoyed a lovely brunch today with a gentleman. Okay skeptics it was JUST brunch. As a new divorcee, after more than 1 year NC, nice to dip my toe in the water. Back ground, Gentleman for 6 months has waited for an outting. However for me, call me old-fashion, could not do so until divorced. Fast forward I...yes I...focused on me and enjoyed a lovely time. What does that mean?!?!?!?! No long term expectations, rather a nice time and just enjoyed chatting and lovely sunshine. Mystery's wins: Just got on out there and had FUN w/o being on the hook. ***Bonus: Feeling sexy and light on my feet w/o extra innings. P.S. Gentleman is a nice man and twas nice to be valued and importantly treat a man like a man. All we can do is choose: "I think I can, I think I can" until we find our steady ground. ~Choosing Happines-Mystery Edited September 2, 2013 by Mystery2Me 6
Author Mystery2Me Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Many Thanks Vla! Big step for me and mercy I was nervous after 20 plus years....a date...clutch the pearls. (Yes...I am a Perry Mason Fan). Anyway, it was my Red Badge of Courage in embrassing singleness in the public. I am not ashamed to say I cried before and afterwards, but I am moving forward. Take care of yourself Vla and thank you for your support. ~Cheers-Mystery
littlejaz Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Good for you. I agree with you, no dating until I am finally divorced, but have to admit at this point I can't even envision going out with another man. Hopefully I will get there once it's over. You are an inspiration for those of us who are struggling with the idea. Thanks 1
MsOptimist Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Good for you!! It's a process learning how to date again. I had been on a small handful of first dates before becoming exclusive with my new boyfriend, and no matter what, I learned a lot. Things are different in the dating world these days and it takes a little bit to learn the ropes again. I was so nervous on the first date with my boyfriend that my hands were literally shaking! Will there be a second date with the gentleman? 2
Author Mystery2Me Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Good for you. I agree with you, no dating until I am finally divorced, but have to admit at this point I can't even envision going out with another man. Hopefully I will get there once it's over. You are an inspiration for those of us who are struggling with the idea. Thanks Thanks LittleJaz! Yes, it is a struggle and it continues to be for me. Each of us can only choose what will be healthy for our unique situation. For me, I have NOT SEEN or SPOKEN to exhusband for more than a 1 yr. And can I tell you, at times it was comfronting and also very lonely too. So after a 1 yr on the shelf, I thought it may be nice to dust myself off and enjoy the company of a gentleman. After all....It's just brunch. But I am taking it s-l-o-w-l-y, because I am brave enough to admit I am scared. Also I am still working with my counselor, to continue to address issues. My best advise, only do what brings you peace and be very kind to yourself. ~Mystery 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Good for you!! It's a process learning how to date again. I had been on a small handful of first dates before becoming exclusive with my new boyfriend, and no matter what, I learned a lot. Things are different in the dating world these days and it takes a little bit to learn the ropes again. I was so nervous on the first date with my boyfriend that my hands were literally shaking! Will there be a second date with the gentleman? Hello Ms. O! Hope you enjoyed a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Yes, a whole new world for me with this dating. And for me more of a mental shift of accepting not only my divorceness (I am alone...and I am ok:)), but also my embracing singleness (I am alone...I am ok...and I choose to enjoy dating:p). Congratulations again and enjoy spending time with your boyfriend. Life is really good isn't it! Date number 2 with the gentleman, Yes this coming weekend. 1
Steadfast Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Anyway, it was my Red Badge of Courage in embrassing singleness in the public. I am not ashamed to say I cried before and afterwards, but I am moving forward. This is bittersweet, genuine and deeply touching. My heart pours out for you. I envision you all at once being crushed by the reality of your actions, yet resolved to not being held hostage by a love that can never be returned. I can only dream of a woman loving me enough to carry it even after betrayal. Once, in the dark days that were the end of my marriage, I asked my wife if I entered her mind when she joined with her lover for the first time. She responded; "No. I put you out of my mind." I knew then that if she ever loved me, that love was gone. I have never been so humbled. While I admire your courage to live life head on, I'm moved on a deeper level by your ability to express your feelings with such clarity. It is this part of your message that, in my opinion, illuminates that dark path best. Here's to much love, romance and fulfillment as you move forward.
trippi1432 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Stead - It's acceptance. Even the Laws state that we are successful in our endeavors when we become more than what those who oppress us. There is always a time to set ourselves free from that which oppresses us my friend.
trippi1432 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Why shouldn't she? She did no wrong..why should women who weren't loved like they deserved be punished? When a man walks from your life, should you continue to question your worth? When a woman walks from you should you continue to question yours? Edited September 4, 2013 by trippi1432 Hmmmm
Steadfast Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Why shouldn't she? She did no wrong..why should women who weren't loved like they deserved be punished? When a man walks from your life, should you continue to question your worth? When a woman walks from you should you continue to question yours? Couldn't agree more tripp. She's doing nothing wrong and everything right, In my opinion anyway. The only 'wrong' is what continues to cling to her because of the faith she once had in it. That doesn't wash off easily. This is the crux of healing...pushing on, even when it hurts to heal. I don't question my worth...for what it's worth. I'm just stating facts. There is no greater thing on earth for a man than to be loved by a woman. Some are, some are not. I never said it's fair nor should it debilitate. It just...is.
trippi1432 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Perhaps I misunderstood the intent of the post, both M2M, MsO and even myself have come far from where we once were left. Embracing single life but being okay alone, alone is only by choice as there are many ways not to be alone. My current boyfriend asked me if I ever get lonely, I told him I am ever only alone if it's my choice. Not men, dates...etc mind you, but friends, family, etc. Healing, well, it's beautiful. When you can open that door and create a new and wonderful life where you embrace and celebrate you. The only look back is to see how far you have come, not to relive, but to rejoice.
Steadfast Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not sure what to say Tripp, except that I agree...again. I was touched by the words. Especially how mystery became emotional before and after the date. I haven't cried (I'd admit it if I did) but I did feel a strong emotional pull from finding myself in a place I never expected to be. As for looking back, I often 'call up' memories to give perspective when posting. Sometimes that works and I connect. Sometimes not. Like here? No biggie. Thanks again, mystery and tripp.
Author Mystery2Me Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Hey Steadfast and Trippi! Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you for the awesome support! Precisely why LoveShack Members Rock support is always there. Both you are both correct for me in getting the 2 main points of my "Dating is Labor"post which is: All at the same time it is fun, bittersweet, empowering, and scary moving forward in our new lives. 1. Accepting/knowing we deserve happiness a major accomplishment:cool: ...Trippi you rocked this!! 2. Why must I deal with harnessing my courage while hornoring the pain I am still healing:eek:...Steadfast rocked this!!!!! For me these two points are the maintenance stage post-divorce, and are key to our regaining true happiness. Regardless of the issue be it: dating or grocery shopping. For me the reality still is Divorce is Crazy (especially abandonment) moving healthfully forward means acknowledging right to happiness and honoring damaging effects of divorce. ~Choosing Happiness-Mystery:love: 3
MsOptimist Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 So happy to hear that you have a 2nd date coming up! It's fun to look forward to something like that. I have a fun weekend date coming up this weekend as well. I just want to know why Mystery gets the all-clear to date from Steadfast and I got the "slow down MsO!" speech 3
Steadfast Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) I just want to know why Mystery gets the all-clear to date from Steadfast and I got the "slow down MsO!" speech That's because, my dear MsO, Mystery is going slow. Crawl speed. You ladies should know that you're an inspiration to men too, not just women. Trippi reached out and wrapped her (cyber) arms around me a long time ago. She was one of the first women I shared conversation with post-divorce. It was tripp who reminded me that -sometimes- just being there is more important than being right. Reading these posts give men hope that mutual goals and accomplishments can and are shared by both sexes. Thank god. And while I'm not foolish enough to believe men and women are the same, the bigger picture is becoming better, stronger, more loving people. You are doing this ladies. Edited September 4, 2013 by Steadfast 3
littlejaz Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am 1 1/2 years into getting divorced. Same as during marriage STBXH will not engage in divorce and today we had hearing for his attorney to withdraw from the case, so don't assume anything is going to happen in the divorce until our court date in Nov. But since I joined LS and started reading the posts, I have started to feel better and want to get out of the house so I started a meetup group last Saturday on meetup dot com and now have 4 members. Our first meetup will be on Sept 13 and I am so excited. This is very far outside of my comfort zone, but reading the posts on here gave me the courage to just do it, so we'll see how it goes. Thank you all. 1
Author Mystery2Me Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Lol...MsO and Steadfast! 1
trippi1432 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I am 1 1/2 years into getting divorced. Same as during marriage STBXH will not engage in divorce and today we had hearing for his attorney to withdraw from the case, so don't assume anything is going to happen in the divorce until our court date in Nov. But since I joined LS and started reading the posts, I have started to feel better and want to get out of the house so I started a meetup group last Saturday on meetup dot com and now have 4 members. Our first meetup will be on Sept 13 and I am so excited. This is very far outside of my comfort zone, but reading the posts on here gave me the courage to just do it, so we'll see how it goes. Thank you all. Good for you Littlejaz!! :bunny: I started one over two years ago, it gained a lot of momentum until earlier this year and I finally closed it down on the Meetup site. Just run it on Facebook now, but I made a lot of life-long friends doing it. Good luck, it helps stepping outside your comfort zone. 1
littlejaz Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Thanks Tripp-I am determined to come out of this divorce better than before and the encouragement on this site really helps.
Misadventure Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hey Steadfast and Trippi! Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you for the awesome support! Precisely why LoveShack Members Rock support is always there. Both you are both correct for me in getting the 2 main points of my "Dating is Labor"post which is: All at the same time it is fun, bittersweet, empowering, and scary moving forward in our new lives. 1. Accepting/knowing we deserve happiness a major accomplishment:cool: ...Trippi you rocked this!! 2. Why must I deal with harnessing my courage while hornoring the pain I am still healing:eek:...Steadfast rocked this!!!!! For me these two points are the maintenance stage post-divorce, and are key to our regaining true happiness. Regardless of the issue be it: dating or grocery shopping. For me the reality still is Divorce is Crazy (especially abandonment) moving healthfully forward means acknowledging right to happiness and honoring damaging effects of divorce. ~Choosing Happiness-Mystery:love: I just read this thread. I am so very happy for you. You are amazing. You are also VERY right.
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