Going to School and Might See Her Again

[lakerman34]

I just want to preface this by stating that I prefer people reply who are aware of my situation with this girl.

 

But here's a brief summary:

-We were talking for 2 months straight for hours each day

-3 days before I left for a 3 month journey to South Africa, we hung out

-We slept together, she wanted sex, I said no b/c I wanted something more, and asked to take it slow, she said she didn't want to start anything w/ someone who was leaving for so long in a couple of days

-Things get weird for me in South Africa

-She tells me that she likes that she's so open w/ me and divulges info to me that she doesn't tell anyone else, that she feels she can be her true self around me

-I kind of call her out for acting too unsure about me

-She tells me she doesn't want a relationship

-We still talk a little, but she doesn't offer anything substantial to our conversations anymore

-I stop talking to her completely

-We don't talk for a VERY long time

-Out of the blue, she decides to argue w/ me about something I said about Shakespeare, but it doesn't materialize into anything

-ALL of my friends at school and I have a falling out, she's actually partially the reason

-Fast forward to now (about 6 months since we had a real conversation), she still, ever so often, Tweets something at me (usually argumentative, but this was the nature of our short-term "relationship") and favorites a couple of my Tweets. I also SWEAR that things that I tweet about, a couple of days later she sort of tweets about something similar.

-She's NOT a player, doesn't sleep around. I THINK she's only been w/ 2 or 3 guys (me being the 3rd guy).

 

I felt like a one-night stand that night. I thought we were going to date, go out to the Presidential Ball together, watch a movie, split a bottle of Bourbon. I got to the school at 8PM, hung out w/ my ex-roommate, she didn't text me back til 1:30AM, THEN didn't want anyone to know that we were doing anything together (made me swear to remain mum, and went through quite a lot of hassle to make sure her roommates didn't know I was there). I'm actually happy I left some hickeys on her neck -- hope those roommates saw them

 

I went back to my ex-roommate, and he isn't stupid. Gee, you stayed over in a girls room overnight? Did you guys have a fun slumber party? I, of course, had to tell him, but didn't get into too much detail.

 

OK, now with that all being said, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like this girl. It's confusing, b/c my roommate hooked me up w/ her JUST before I was about to graduate in December. He did this b/c I was just coming off of a relationship w/ a girl I fell in love w/, but got over her in 2 months. This girl lasted, MAYBE 3 months, 6 months later, I'm not over her completely.

 

I was invited by a friend to go to my school to visit. I may be going next weekend. Thing is, I plan on seeing A LOT of my friends, and she intersects with A LOT of those friend groups. I'm nervous to see her. I'm afraid I'll freeze up, or I'll overanalyze anything she says.

 

Also, it could be possible that we both get drunk and end up in bed together. This might mess with my head, or might be the closure I need. My best friend's take on the situation (mind you, this is also the kid that convinced me that "if you REALLY like her and want to go the distance w/ her, you probably shouldn't sleep with her right away") is 'dude, you should talk to her, and try to get her in bed. You guys have unfinished business. You had her naked on top of you, made her wet, then rejected her. Upon seeing you, she'll remember that night you had together, and she might want you again. Sleep with her, then never talk to her again. The closure you both need.'

 

The kid I'll be staying w/ lives in the same dorm as her. It's too perfect.

 

MANY, MANY people think that she was in love with me, and I her, but we just needed some time and space away from each other. I've never felt more compatible to another girl in my entire life, and, from what she said, she may share the same sentiment.

 

I'm sure I'm missing some important detail to this story. I'll add it as I remember it.

 

Thoughts?

Edited September 2, 2013 by lakerman34

[lakerman34]

Bbbbbbumpppppp

[lakerman34]

I went, and tried to not see her. I saw her at the bar. We ran into each other hugged (it was obviously very awkward for her....I thought) in the bathroom line.

 

So, when she came out of the bathroom, I went to say 'hi' to her, and tried to start a conversation with her. Just being friendly. She was drunk, I was drunk, and she was VERY weirded out. I could tell she was trying to get out of the conversation.

 

Yeah, we hooked up once, but we knew each other, we were sorta friendly to each other, I figured we could treat each other like human beings.

 

One of my "friends" (in the group that came in w/ me, not a real friend) basically separated us.

 

The content of the conversation was awful. I don't want to get into too much detail about it, but I was asking her how her classes were, and she was basically talking out of her ass. Even before we hooked up, she was always very antsy, always very frantic around me. Like, she doesn't have that 'cool.' As if she was on copious amounts of caffeine.

 

I also mentioned to her how she shouldn't take offense that I unfriended her on Facebook. I told her that I unfriended everybody b/c I barely use it, and it has essentially became a thing to keep in touch with my family (so I didn't want anything racy on it). I tried to readd her, she declined.

 

When my "friend" came to break up our conversation, she slid off to sit at the table that I was at. Thing is, before I was about to talk to her, a friend of mine stopped me (hadn't seen him for a while), so I spoke to him for a few minutes. She could have left right then and there, but chose not to.

 

Just now, I go on my Twitter, and she says to me on DM: "Did I really reject your friend request? Sorry, dude."

 

I thought that was weird to even say anything at all. I responded: "It's really OK. It was nice seeing you, (girl's name)."

 

Seeing if she'll respond, but I wanted to give the "I'm better than all this drama" sort of effect.

 

I think it's important to note that she was with a group of friends at the bar, sitting next to the type of guy I think she'd go after (a more introverted version of me), and then saw him and her together today as well. She's the type of girl that hangs out with guys regularly, and they didn't seem couply, but the fact that I saw them alone together today, I just packed my bags and left school.

 

Closure?

 

The girl that separated us during our conversation at the bar is friends w/ her as well. She told me that she "friendzoned me" in the past, but a couple of months later, we hooked up. Not the greatest judge of character.

 

I also definitely did see her eye me up a bit at the bar, and I think she did the same when I passed her when she was with the guy as well.

 

Hardest girl IN THE WORLD to read, but a friend of mine who knows of the situation said "just leave her be, and I think you guys just can't be friends anymore. You came on a little too strong and a little too much for her, you guys had your one night together, I think that's how the story should end. Don't be friends with her. She's a bitch anyways."

[lakerman34]

No responses ?!?

 

That's cool. I think it's best to just forget about her and move on.

[AllTooWell]

All I see here is her telling you she doesn't want to be with you.

 

I would just let her be, sorry.

[lakerman34]

So I have some new news:

 

I was speaking to a mutual friend, and he told me a bad joke I told (really offensive) was the reason why she was turned off. She really took it to heart. When she said "she didn't trust me," it was because she thought I was threatening to end her life.

 

Back story is, a couple of her friends told me I have 'serial killer eyes.' At first, it was a joke, then it just got annoying and offensive. I kind of projected the joke on her. She took it way too seriously.

 

I apologized, then something sort of cool happened. She told me it was OK, and that she apologized for being such 'a colossal bitch' to me when I visited, and that she truly felt terrible about it.

 

We had a small conversation about it, then we started talking about other things (school mostly and gender roles in society).

 

She told me, it being her senior year of college, that she started losing motivation. I told her to take a step back, look at the big picture, and remember she wants to be the best comedy writer in the world. That should be motivation enough. Schedule one day a week for fun or to let loose, because life is for living, not working.

 

She responded with two words: "So sage."

 

I responded, "Spicy? Maybe. Wise? I don't think so."

 

She didn't respond to that.

 

Overall a positive conversation. I didn't re-add her on Facebook, but that's where the conversation happened. Last time, I would have probably fed her more so the conversation could keep going. Now, I think I'll stop and wait for her to pick it up again. If she doesn't in, say, a week, I'll add her on Facebook again.

 

I'm not expecting anything. Not keeping my hopes up. Like I said, I think she's currently CASUALLY dating another guy, the key word being 'casual.' I got on good terms with most of her friends, it's just a matter of patience. I'll keep the conversation going, but I'll wait in larger chunks. She's the type of girl that likes brain stimulation. I'll keep away from the relationship-y talk, and keep the conversations smart. Sometimes I'll throw some humor in there, and escalate on how sexual said humor is.

 

I know that I have unfinished business with her, I'm curious to see if she feels the same way about me.

[steveT95]

If she doesn't continue the conversation in a week, don't re-add her on Facebook. It's pushy and she is already uninterested.

 

A comedy writer that got easily offended by your joke? She's going to need a thicker skin to survive in the comedy market, I'm afraid.

 

She said she was a 'colossal bitch.' All girls say that when they know they have done something wrong. It's rarely genuine. They put themselves down to draw you in.

 

I really think you need to start looking elsewhere. If she was interested she would have done more by now.

 

Maybe she didn't so 'So sage', maybe she said 'Sausage.'

[lakerman34]

If she doesn't continue the conversation in a week, don't re-add her on Facebook. It's pushy and she is already uninterested.

 

A comedy writer that got easily offended by your joke? She's going to need a thicker skin to survive in the comedy market, I'm afraid.

 

She said she was a 'colossal bitch.' All girls say that when they know they have done something wrong. It's rarely genuine. They put themselves down to draw you in.

 

I really think you need to start looking elsewhere. If she was interested she would have done more by now.

 

Maybe she didn't so 'So sage', maybe she said 'Sausage.'

 

I mean, the first time I got her in the sack, it was for being rather aggressive and "pushy." Two of our mutual friends told me I needed to 'calm down,' but at the end of the day, I landed her.

 

BUT, I kind of understand what you are saying. At this point, she needs to escalate.

[steveT95]

That was the first time. Things have changed.

 

Do you really want to be with someone that is making no effort for you?

[lakerman34]

That was the first time. Things have changed.

 

Do you really want to be with someone that is making no effort for you?

 

You're right.

 

It's good that we are on good terms now though. Like I've said, I've never felt more compatible to a girl than I did with her in my entire life. But....she's a mere 21 years old. Still some growing up to do, still some boys to screw, that sort of thing.

 

Perhaps I'll call her in a couple of years.

[steveT95]

I felt very compatible with my ex. I never had a connection like that with anyone else.

 

But these people are not 'the one' there is many 'ones.'

 

Someone else will come along in time, I promise you that.

[lakerman34]

Yeah it's dead. Sucks, but c'est la vie.