DmxDex Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) My relationship ended in march. It had been going that way for some time. My ex girlfried 23 originally dumped me 1 month after daughter was born. The pregnancy was great and she became distant and kept me at arms lenth from her family and didnt communicate properly with me, only on the things she wanted, it was very 1 way. We suffered a miscarriage 8 months earlier which seemed to change her for the worse, she didnt get over it properly and just wanted another child and put me under alot of pressure. She did admit last year she wishes she got some counselling like i asked her, but i dont regret my nearly 3 year old daughter. but still wasnt able to discuss the miscarriage properly. I never moved into her flat that she got when she was 6 months, she wanted me to have a job first, i did have 2 jobs during the pregnancy but one job didnt was with a friend who promised me regular work but in the end was 3 weeks, the type of job things change. The second job was temp but i expected alot more that a month. I was searching for employment everyday. My ex was just distant with me and i felt pushed out and pushed away which led to arguments and stress for us both. So when our daughter was born i was over the moon and so happy, i was ready to settle down but my ex was distant and mood and agitated, i put it down to her hermones at the time. I wanted to be their with my family everyday, but one month in she dumped me and wasnt really able to offer up a good reason, she more or less pass blame onto me, saying i didnt do enough and wasnt their for her enough and didnt try to get work or move in. At this point it crushed me heavily like a knife through my heart, i was very happy i was a dad, which i was also fearing and worry about alot due my my mental health issues i only recently got properly diagnosed this year which is ADHD. I fell apart, having a mini break down, i was due for therapy the same week she dumped me. I was major depressed and anxiety was through the roof. I had to see her a few days a week because i went to her flat to see my daughter. I bathed her fed her and help alot and tried to get things back together, My ex just seemed extremely angry and moody and nasty, something i had never seen before and again put it down to after birth. We got back together 3 months later due to me nagging and hassling, something i wish i didnt do now knowing what i know. I wish i had gone through with what i planned to have my daughter, but she cried alot and got upset. I caved in. During the 3 months i tried to move with her on a number of occasions but she didnt seem to communicate properly or confirm yes or no. So the last 2 years was very hard and difficult, i wasnt moved in and went home every night staying sometimes. She was very hot and cold with me which further agitated and annoyed me an d leaved me feeling very confused. I did alot of running and help her out alot when i was at the flat with our daughter and general tasks around the flat and going to the shops and trying to still establish a relationship and a family. I was so depressed due to her dumping me and her being hot and cold. I was on alot of meds which looking back made me worse and more agitated and nasty. In 2012 she setup a dating profile which i found out i cant remember now, i thi nk she told me. She said she and her friend did it for a laugh. Looking back now i do feel suspicious. So in march she dumped me, even though she was showing me alot of emotions 2 weeks earlier and crying saying she must have feelings for me with the way she felt at that time, and said lets try couples therapy, which i had asked alot about throughout the last 2 years. We went out to a shop and the meds i was on where the worst i had been on any meds, i was very nasty and stayed on that dose for 4 months huge mistake. I was moody and very agitated in the shops which annoyed her alot so she decided to just leave. And i got mad with her in public and my daughter, something i had never done before like that. I know it really upset her alot and imbarrased her. I apologised and so much and told her i was ashamed of myself and got off the meds and felt better within a week or back to normal. But about 2 weeks later she ended the relationship she seemed very annoyed and said she cant even cry about it anymore, i sensed by that time she was very fed up. I dont really understand why she ended our relationship a month after our daughter was born when she wanted a family and was ready. Instead she blamed me for her decision, which also she said she regretted 6 months after she had done it, but said things where never the same in terms of her feelings for me, saying when she ended the relationship she still loved me, but fell out of love the same month. That doesnt seem possible to me in the same month so that feels like lies. My ex said to me stopped getting the butterflies to which i tried explainig to her that intense feeling you get when you meet someone doesnt last forever and then relationship requires work from both people. She didnt really believe me. After the split she said she was just angry at me alot during the 2 years after our daughter was born, im not sure if thats anger or resentment of getting back with me or her own issues. My ex was very sexually active from a young age, as young as 12 and had slept with alot of men and 2 married men, one being when she was 14. I think by the time i got with her when she was 17 and i was 22 she had slept with over 30 men. I was curious and it seemed her mum and dad didnt give her alot of affection as a child. She didnt seem to get alot of hugs and kissing that sort of thing, even though she is close to her dad. she has a love hate relationship with her mum which is the same for her sister, her other sister has nothing to do with her mum. My ex however has laid the blame at my door when we split when i tried getting back with her again, saying i never tried to move in or get a job. The job thing i had issues because i was so depressed with everything and upset with what had happened. I did try moving in alot, i know i had issues with my mood and was agitated and moody alot, i now know i was depressed with things. I though i had a mood disorder, my ex was good at making me think all the problems was caused by me. My ex was chatting to other men on a dating website 2 days when she ended it, even though in her mind it was over a long time ago. I found out from her laptop when i was watching my daughter. When i seen her i told her i wanted no more to do with her which seemed to worry her and upset her. She seemed to use an excuse saying you know what im like, i didnt get alot of love as a child. Not sure if that was an excuse to justify her actions or if she really cannot be alone and needs a man even though she had someone who loved her alot. After that i had my daughter 3 days a week, i would pick her up from the flat and drop her off and have a chat with my ex. My ex would say some stuff to upset me though, like im very happy its over, i know you may be down about it. I didnt say anything to that, i was hurt inside though. And she was talking about xmas and family dinners like she was rubbing stuff into my face. But in the end i found it hard and my ex didnt want to get back together, so now i pick my daughter up from her mum and dads house and have done for 6 months. In those 6 months i texted my ex asking about my daughter and what she had been up to and was doing, and her only reply was she is fine. In the end i texted her about it and we had alittle argument with her making out i dont ask enough, and the stuff she said was the stuff i asked her about when it came to my daughter. But still the same she is fine. If i txted her asking what she had been up to with evie, like activitys, she would get arsey like i had no right to know what my daughter was doing, so after that i didnt speak to her much, she would text me asking me when i was on the way to get her, or when she needed me to look after my daughter because she had to work late to do stock take, so i was nice and did it for her. She texted me when her dad was poorly talking about it all worried and i spoke with her about it. But most times she acted cold and nasty. I found out she had a bf a month ago which really pissed me off for a few reasons. I found out from a friend she was seen twice in 4 days in town with her new bf and my daughter, i texted her calmly asking her about it, she said she should of told me and that our daughter was in no danger, and that she was getting serious with her new bf i suspect she had been with for 2 or 3 months. So not long after we split up. I then told her i dont want to talk to her anymore and we can do contact through her dad, she just said fine whatever. I was at that point picking up, but finding out she had a bf took on a whole new level, jealously was a new emotion and i went very deep into depression and anger. Its been 5 weeks and its settle alittle now. About 2 weeks into finding out she had a bf i had some anxiety issues, and needed to take a day out from my daughter, the first day in 5 months, i texted her dad and he was ok with it. The next morning my ex texted me pissed off making out i was a danger to my daughter because i was suicidal when we first broke up and told her how i felt, silly i know but at times we say and do silly stuff. She tried to make out my daughter was in danger, and when i told her how can you think that, she was trying to make out i was twisting her words making out like she isnt actually worried. I think she was angry because she had a day planned with her boyfriend. Since then NC. been 5 or 6 weeks. I just want to know why i got all the blame from her and why she ended a relationship a month into a child being born when she wanted the family? I just wonder if she got the gigs and her childhood are to blame for her behaviour? Her sister is also bipolar so im not sure if my ex is, some of her emotions where up and down and random. I wonder if she was cheating on me, She was going to the gym earlier this year, i though she was toning up for herself but im sure now it was to look nice for other men. i often told my ex she was sexy and beautiful and i loved her just the way she was. I know it is alot to read but its nice to get stuff off your chest. If anyone who has theories or insight into what went wrongi would appriciate your thoughs. Edited September 2, 2013 by DmxDex
Omei Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I dont really have any advice to offer since, I have no idea. But I feel for you, she sounds like a real brat causing you pain then saying your a danger for having that pain? I think any troubles you're having isnt without reason here. I call her bratty because it sounds as if you truely wanted to be there for her it just wasnt fast enough to her liking? Its a shame a lot of guys walk away but shes pushing you away, prob for a man that has no intention of supporting your child. All I can see is keep minimal contact try to do as much as you can for your child, you said you're in contact with her folks? Remain on their good side so they back you with you wanting to support the child.
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 hmmmmm ... turn your focus away from worrying so much about her and focus on your daughter and being an active presence in her life. Seek counselling/therapy to work through any issues and organize the thoughts you have in your mind. Move on from this woman, she seem unstable. Work on making yourself an emotionally happy and stable person for the sake of your daughter. I feel that your relationship cannot be saved, sorry to say. Though I do think that there is plenty of hope for an amazing relationship with your daughter providing you equip yourself with the tools to deal with her mother and be a good father. This will take time and effort on your part. each move you make needs to be rational and smart. You can do it with help, you can do it
Author DmxDex Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I think she has issues and is immature. But I hope for atleast an apology in the future.
Author DmxDex Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I dont really have any advice to offer since, I have no idea. But I feel for you, she sounds like a real brat causing you pain then saying your a danger for having that pain? I think any troubles you're having isnt without reason here. I call her bratty because it sounds as if you truely wanted to be there for her it just wasnt fast enough to her liking? Its a shame a lot of guys walk away but shes pushing you away, prob for a man that has no intention of supporting your child. All I can see is keep minimal contact try to do as much as you can for your child, you said you're in contact with her folks? Remain on their good side so they back you with you wanting to support the child. I just feel she will end up with alot of bfs making the same mistakes until she grows up and realises. Maybe then she will seen I was a good bloke.
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