Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 so i found out my ex is dating some dude... and i've been suspicious about this dude for a while, even while me and my ex were still dating. even though she denies there was nobody else, i know shes lying. we broke up because she was unhappy. she say's she doesn't want to date anyone, and that she feels jaded. i just want to send a simple text saying "can you please just be honest with me, is there somebody else?" the reason why i want to know the truth is so i can finally know the truth from her. i want to let go and move on. it will give me some closure.
Legatus Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 It's highly unlikely she stars speaking truth now. You will have no way of calibrating her answer anyway - just because she says what you want to hear does not make it true. If she was unhappy and there was someone in the shadows - I'm not surprised she thinks there wasn't anyone. I think they tend to admit that "there's someone else" only if they physically engage. People don't realise that making emotional attachments is cheating and having somebody else on the side.. And if she lied, her words may do more harm than good, not to mention you may not get any closure at all.. after all you can't be sure of her any more.. 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 so i found out my ex is dating some dude... and i've been suspicious about this dude for a while, even while me and my ex were still dating. even though she denies there was nobody else, i know shes lying. we broke up because she was unhappy. she say's she doesn't want to date anyone, and that she feels jaded. i just want to send a simple text saying "can you please just be honest with me, is there somebody else?" the reason why i want to know the truth is so i can finally know the truth from her. i want to let go and move on. it will give me some closure. She probably won't tell you, it's none of your business anymore and it's not your place to ask that question. It may kill you needing to know the truth, but asking won't get you anywhere but an fight and possibly more lies. Even if she was seeing him while with you... she'll never admit too it. Sorry
Author Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 It's highly unlikely she stars speaking truth now. You will have no way of calibrating her answer anyway - just because she says what you want to hear does not make it true. If she was unhappy and there was someone in the shadows - I'm not surprised she thinks there wasn't anyone. I think they tend to admit that "there's someone else" only if they physically engage. People don't realise that making emotional attachments is cheating and having somebody else on the side.. And if she lied, her words may do more harm than good, not to mention you may not get any closure at all.. after all you can't be sure of her any more.. well i know he's been sleeping over her place all labor day weekend.. so i would think it was physical.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 People can stay together and not be physical. I know... I practically jumped my ex to be told not now many times. Although the above is very unlikely. They probably are physical at least now
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Don't do it. Absolutely pointless. Closure comes from within -- she's not going to give it to you. Now that you know, you can put hope aside and move forward. And like the above poster said, it's absolutely none of your business. You are broken up -- it's time to start acting like it.
Author Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Don't do it. Absolutely pointless. Closure comes from within -- she's not going to give it to you. Now that you know, you can put hope aside and move forward. And like the above poster said, it's absolutely none of your business. You are broken up -- it's time to start acting like it. it is my business if it was the reason she broke up with me.. i just want her to admit that she left me for someone else.. the thing is i don't know for sure that its true, and he's just a friend.. but i just gotta know!
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 it is my business if it was the reason she broke up with me.. i just want her to admit that she left me for someone else.. the thing is i don't know for sure that its true, and he's just a friend.. but i just gotta know! For what? It won't change anything -- you'll still be broken up. The why doesn't matter, only the result does. Finding out the exact details will be like shoving a pine cone up your ass -- unnecessary painful. 3
Author Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 For what? It won't change anything -- you'll still be broken up. The why doesn't matter, only the result does. Finding out the exact details will be like shoving a pine cone up your ass -- unnecessary painful. exactly it won't change anything. i'm not trying to get back with her. i'm not going to be upset about it, but knowing the truth will help me heal.. if you get what i'm trying to say. its like getting the monkey off my back and finally accepting it.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Regardless of if they are together or sleeping together then or now it's not your business. It's hers and his. You knowing now won't change a thing at all except maybe make you angrier than you already are. If she'd have said "hey babe I love you but I cheated on you" You'd have most likely dumper her anyway. It doesn't matter what happened, what is happening or if it's all in your mind. Its harsh but it's over for whatever reason it may be. It's now time to move on. If it make's it easier for you, think she cheated. If it make's you feel better think that. It is highly likely they were playing around, but you can't prove anything and you can't confirm it so let it go. It really won't help you
writergal Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 it is my business if it was the reason she broke up with me.. i just want her to admit that she left me for someone else.. the thing is i don't know for sure that its true, and he's just a friend.. but i just gotta know! No, it's not your business, and it never will be, to know why your ex girlfriend really broke up with you. They (the breaker-uppers) NEVER tell the truth. Why? Because people are cowards. That's why. Obviously you are in a lot of emotional pain over this breakup which is normal because let's face it, breakups are awful. BUT they happen until you meet the right person. Your ex owes you nothing. Leave her alone, or you won't be able to heal your broken heart.
writergal Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 exactly it won't change anything. i'm not trying to get back with her. i'm not going to be upset about it, but knowing the truth will help me heal.. if you get what i'm trying to say. its like getting the monkey off my back and finally accepting it. No, sorry bud, knowing the "truth" won't help you heal. It will actually just give you more excuses to wallow in the relationship's failure so that you don't have to work through the pain (i.e. process everything on an emotional level), and then you don't have to risk putting yourself out there in the dating world again. The monkey on your back was put there by you, not her. This monkey is your unwillingness to accept that the relationship is over with this woman. It's over. That monkey (your insecurity) will disappear once you just accept that the relationship is done. You'll feel pain for a while, and then you won't. And when you stop feeling pain you'll be ready to date again.
Author Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 you know i've been holding on to her thinking she may come back to me, if you know my story.. but getting the truth out will finally let me move on. i don't want to be holding on to her anymore and i shouldn't, but the truth will set me free.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 you know i've been holding on to her thinking she may come back to me, if you know my story.. but getting the truth out will finally let me move on. i don't want to be holding on to her anymore and i shouldn't, but the truth will set me free. No it won't. You'll be back here in a week wanting to know what you can do to show her that she should come back to you. Let go. Move on. Stop creating unnecessary drama. 1
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 As previously stated, I wouldn't trust a thing that comes out of her mouth from this point forward. You find closure within yourself, closure can not be given by the same person who caused you all this pain. 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I have REALLY wanted an explanation myself. I think my guy (putting that nicely) was seeing someone else. I'll actually never know because he disappeared without even the courtesy of a F*** you text. But I finally realized that I would NEVER be satisfied with anything he said. Think about that..................NOTHING he says will give me the closure I want and need. As someone above stated "closure comes from within" Mr. Douche can't give me that! Only I can. The ONLY thing I would be satisfied with is him telling me he was abducted by aliens and hitch hiked from Mars and he's so sorry if I was worried about him but he's back and we can start our lives together and live happily ever after. HAAAAA HAAAAA!!! yeah right! If I want closure that's all on me. My closure is he's a butt pony and I deserve better!
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I have REALLY wanted an explanation myself. I think my guy (putting that nicely) was seeing someone else. I'll actually never know because he disappeared without even the courtesy of a F*** you text. But I finally realized that I would NEVER be satisfied with anything he said. Think about that..................NOTHING he says will give me the closure I want and need. As someone above stated "closure comes from within" Mr. Douche can't give me that! Only I can. The ONLY thing I would be satisfied with is him telling me he was abducted by aliens and hitch hiked from Mars and he's so sorry if I was worried about him but he's back and we can start our lives together and live happily ever after. HAAAAA HAAAAA!!! yeah right! If I want closure that's all on me. My closure is he's a butt pony and I deserve better! A butt pony? hahahahaha that's a new one!!! Also I don't think mars and aliens take douchebags. They'd have sent him right back :laugh: 1
Author Kozmo Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 well can someone tell me this...she said she was "moving on" last time we spoke before n/c. does that mean moving on to someone else? with her saying that does it give me confirmation?
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 well can someone tell me this...she said she was "moving on" last time we spoke before n/c. does that mean moving on to someone else? with her saying that does it give me confirmation? I fail to see how anything besides "I'm moving on" matters. She could be seeing another guy, she could be converting to lesbianism, she could be joining a convent or a monastery. Result is still the same as far as you are concerned. 2
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 A butt pony? hahahahaha that's a new one!!! Also I don't think mars and aliens take douchebags. They'd have sent him right back :laugh: So you know him? :D
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I fail to see how anything besides "I'm moving on" matters. She could be seeing another guy, she could be converting to lesbianism, she could be joining a convent or a monastery. Result is still the same as far as you are concerned. Completely agree. When they say "moving on" all we really need to know is it's without us. It truly sucks! For me it's also very scary because I take it as they just don't want to know us anymore....OUCH!!!!
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Moving on literally means MOVING ON. It mean's she's outta your life, it could mean she's in someone else's life, it could mean she's going to dye her hair green and decide to get a career as a bull rider. She's moving on honey and you ain't invited on that right
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I fail to see how anything besides "I'm moving on" matters. She could be seeing another guy, she could be converting to lesbianism, she could be joining a convent or a monastery. Result is still the same as far as you are concerned. speaking of joining a convent... I wonder if they have any free spots for me
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 After a while the shock of it will wear off. I PROMISE YOU! You will still be sad but you won't have the panicky and need to know feelings. Trust me. I had a full blown panic attack less than a week ago and I came and posted here. It passed and yours will too! We are all here for you! Keep posting. We will help you through this misery because we all understand it. I kinda feel like this is my "family" of broken hearts. The Manson family!!!! JUST KIDDING!! LOVE YOU GUYS! 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 speaking of joining a convent... I wonder if they have any free spots for me Take me with you "sister" 1
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