templeofmax Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Took me 4 months to realize it, but better late than never! I am a doormat for her and her whole family! Wrote a message to her cousin about her sister insulting mine when the **** hit the fan and not receiving any apologies. On the contrary, I apologized for my mistakes, sent a message to the whole family. I was ALWAYS the one apologizing, chasing, wanting to work things out inside and outside the relationship. Then, my sister gets called very bad things because of who knows what as she is a innocent bystander, and all I get is a 'take with a grain of salt'. Of course, asking for an apology is like banging my head against the wall, cause my message gets read but ignored, same way my ex has been ignoring me for 4 months, even after I have told her I care for her and will leave her be to work on her low self-esteem issues. It just pisses me off to be treated like a criminal by her whole family, for some mistakes I made, but HATE that in one way or another they are blaming me for her insecurities. I should have walked a looong time ago when she was driving me out of my head, but I love her and wanted for her to get better and did not want to lose her. Was so loyal and honest with her, and yes, made mistakes as nobody is perfect, but now I am being vilified and treated like a mop, as if they were the kings and queens and I was their servant. I took a severe emotional beating too because of her insecurities and I tried to help her through it with what I had at the time. A little gratitude would e expected at least. Instead, its like I cheated, abused her and hit her, like I murdered someone. And I am still here like a ****ing idiot. I am not heartbroken anymore, just miss her, but can't help feeling so vilified and wronged and even reaching out is pointless. They are high up there receiving apologies and taking upon themselves to ignore me and being right with this cousin's immature insults and their passive-agresive behavior that may just have a genetic component. How do I turn it off? Not the missing her cause I know that takes time, but how do I let go of the anger I feel about being treated like a mop? Like I wasn't good for her? Like I wasn't patient enough? Like I did not love her like I do? like I am the devil in disguise? Like I am not to blame for the insecurities caused by her parents and past ex-boyfriend who was the REAL *******, Like I ALSO deserve respect and have feelings too? She of course will listen to her family and they, instead of really helping her through are allowing her to escape her insecurities instead of facing them, always BLAMING me for things that were her issue to begin with. I cannot change myself so she does not feel insecure, that is crazy. And I did change a bit, I did it for her, so she would feel better about herself, but that is something she only can do herself. BUT THEY DONT GET THAT, THEY BLAME ME, so of course they validate her feelings instead of helping her see the light. I know, not my problem as we are not together anymore. I guess you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. Ironically, I care for her, I want her to fight her demons and she needs to do it without me in her life, and have expressed this to her in some messages. I am not wanting her back, at least not now, I am supporting her, but how do I get rid of the 'feeling like a mop' part? I know I need to stop reaching out and just disappear once and for all instead of sending stupid breadcrumbs, but within myself, how do I get rid of the hurt and anger I feel, not about her leaving, but about her and her family treating me like ****? Edited September 2, 2013 by templeofmax
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I too feel like a total doormat looking back. I am still in the process of forgiving myself for being so damn NICE!!! That and being so naïve and believing all his lines of BS! As far as her family goes, I would say that's just what families do. I know I could totally screw a man over (NOT that I ever would, just not my nature) hence the nice and naïve. But my family would still take my side. Some would even argue that that's what families are for, to back us up no matter what. Probably didn't help you much but that would be my guess. I'm sure you are beyond angry (who wouldn't be?) I know I would be too. But what others think of us is really out of our hands. I know easier said than done. I still struggle with that one! I'm no doctor or anything but I am pretty sure that you being so angry is actually a good sign. Right guys???? I still haven't gotten to that stage yet so I'm not sure. Keep posting here! We are all here for you 1
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 It's part of the 5 stages of grieving. Anger is an inevitable emotion that we are subject to experience when losing a loved one. This is a common denominator in all of us. A few weeks ago I went on a rampage. I was beyond furious. I too went through hell and back a few times to help my ex in getting her life straighten out. To make the long story short, now that she has a great job in addition to her business taking off and I am on the opposite end she has absolutely not problem kicking me while I'm down. I am learning to not be angry at her because of that. It simply shows me the type of selfish individual she is yet I refused to see it as I was highly blinded by love. I was told by a professional to view everything I did for my ex while in our relationship as MY choices and own up to them. No one pointed a gun to me to do the many crazy things I did for her, they were my choice and mine only. Why? because I'm a stand up guy and I'm there for someone in times of need, I don't walk out on them. Find peace within yourself and most importantly, don't act on anger. I unfortunately did and later felt awful for making such premature decision against my better judgment. Anger will literally eat you alive as you are already experiencing. Don't allow it to consume you and hinder you from making genuine progress. Dwelling on what you could have, would have, should have does absolutely nothing but leave you stagnant in a bad place where you are trying to crawl out of. Remember you are the only person that matters from this point forward, leave the past where it belongs. 2
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 It's part of the 5 stages of grieving. Anger is an inevitable emotion that we are subject to experience when losing a loved one. This is a common denominator in all of us. A few weeks ago I went on a rampage. I was beyond furious. I too went through hell and back a few times to help my ex in getting her life straighten out. To make the long story short, now that she has a great job in addition to her business taking off and I am on the opposite end she has absolutely not problem kicking me while I'm down. I am learning to not be angry at her because of that. It simply shows me the type of selfish individual she is yet I refused to see it as I was highly blinded by love. I was told by a professional to view everything I did for my ex while in our relationship as MY choices and own up to them. No one pointed a gun to me to do the many crazy things I did for her, they were my choice and mine only. Why? because I'm a stand up guy and I'm there for someone in times of need, I don't walk out on them. Find peace within yourself and most importantly, don't act on anger. I unfortunately did and later felt awful for making such premature decision against my better judgment. Anger will literally eat you alive as you are already experiencing. Don't allow it to consume you and hinder you from making genuine progress. Dwelling on what you could have, would have, should have does absolutely nothing but leave you stagnant in a bad place where you are trying to crawl out of. Remember you are the only person that matters from this point forward, leave the past where it belongs. See? I knew someone would explain it to you WAAAAY better than I could! If you have a minute, you may want to read this guys posts. He has been super helpful! Actually, when I get to my anger stage (and it's coming!) I have a feeling I will be re reading this thread. I am terrified of the anger that I KNOW I have to deal with. I was dumped, well no, dumped would have been at least merciful........ I was completely ignored and tossed like a garbage bag on the side of the road. He made plans to come see me. ALL HIS IDEA. Then stood me up never to be heard from again. I REALLY thought I meant more to him but I guess he didn't think I deserved even a Go F*** yourself text. My point is, one day I will be FURIOUS!!! How f***** dare he!!! We never even had an argument. I treated him like a f****** king and this is what I get?!?!?! See what I mean? ha ha! The anger is right around the corner and I'm scared I may just GO OFF! Not on him......I can't really do that..... and that's why I'm scared. How/who/when am I just going to GO OFF! 2
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) When peopel split i think oen fo the most pianful things si you lose family......was with my ex for fifteen years over that time i got to know his family and like with everyone i get to know really well, would do anything for them ...i loved them..truth is, still love them..his mum and i were extremely close.....we would spend afternoon weekends together......and she would tell me stories of growing up in south africa she was a midwife......and i just loved listening to her......i would talk to his dad who is always a thoughtful and compassionate man......who never thought my questions were stupid and he was so patient with me. his mum knew my history and accepted me in spite of it....not many people would but she understood it was soemthing i had no control over....... so when we spilt ...i lost them all......his mum couldnt look at me..neither could his dad..she was ashamed i feel of what was happening and there was nothing she could do to make me feel better....although at the start she tried but kept crying so we both would have to hang up...i lost my loving supportive family who i adored not only my ex...and i was devastated.......its not the family's fault it is quite common for the breakdown to occur when you split from a partner..... sometimes people just dont know what to say and honestly they have to be there for the other half...she is their child and they need to support your ex not you....i am sorry, maybe by making you out to be the bad guy makes them feel better , because even though they have to support your ex, they probably know the truth so it makes it easier fro them to blame you....i dont know.... as far as missing her goes, with me, took me quite a few years, once i had moved.......i went six months straight up no contact...its the only thing that works to get over someone..that included him speaking to the girls...i tried to heal and i tried to heal my family.......he eventually contacted me and stated how eh wanted to speak to the girls.....and after a few years i actually forgave him.... we are better friends now than we have been since we first met.......i think.....not too sure.......once trust is gone it is almost impossible to get it back any future relationship you have with this girl and her family will be tainted by distrust.....the best thing for you to do is go no contact and its not easy and extremely difficult to stick to....when all you want to do is call to hear their voice on the other side of the phone or see them and soak up their smile...but its something you just have to do..... ps i got a lovely card from my exes mum recently....that said....thank you for bringing up such a wonderful family and for just being you..made me cry..........not all families are like your exes........and maybe that does say a little about your ex to hav ea family that treats you nastily when its over..........that she would allow them to be so uncaring....... even though my ex hurt em deeply...ok more than that...he broke me like no other could.....i never let my family speak badly to him.......and when my girls have resentment.....which is often especially when they are hurting an dthey only hav em,y arms to take comfort in...they never show that resentment....always respectful...they treat him with respect......as you should everyone, and everyone should treat you with respect....like them or not..like you or not.. be the bigger man hold you head up...walk away...you have done nothing wrong to them...and they know it..go no contact stay that way....the missing part will fade...it always does....dont know how long that will take for you...best wishes......deb Edited September 2, 2013 by todreaminblue 3
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 See? I knew someone would explain it to you WAAAAY better than I could! If you have a minute, you may want to read this guys posts. He has been super helpful! Actually, when I get to my anger stage (and it's coming!) I have a feeling I will be re reading this thread. I am terrified of the anger that I KNOW I have to deal with. I was dumped, well no, dumped would have been at least merciful........ I was completely ignored and tossed like a garbage bag on the side of the road. He made plans to come see me. ALL HIS IDEA. Then stood me up never to be heard from again. I REALLY thought I meant more to him but I guess he didn't think I deserved even a Go F*** yourself text. My point is, one day I will be FURIOUS!!! How f***** dare he!!! We never even had an argument. I treated him like a f****** king and this is what I get?!?!?! See what I mean? ha ha! The anger is right around the corner and I'm scared I may just GO OFF! Not on him......I can't really do that..... and that's why I'm scared. How/who/when am I just going to GO OFF! buy a kick boxing bag and take your anger out on it before it surfaces....its pro active..it is therapeutic...smilin.....i can kick butt....not that i ever would unless backed into a corner.........but i love my bag.......it is very good for misplaced anger.....kick boxing has helped me in the past to deal with frustration it works...deb 2
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 See? I knew someone would explain it to you WAAAAY better than I could! If you have a minute, you may want to read this guys posts. He has been super helpful! Actually, when I get to my anger stage (and it's coming!) I have a feeling I will be re reading this thread. I am terrified of the anger that I KNOW I have to deal with. I was dumped, well no, dumped would have been at least merciful........ I was completely ignored and tossed like a garbage bag on the side of the road. He made plans to come see me. ALL HIS IDEA. Then stood me up never to be heard from again. I REALLY thought I meant more to him but I guess he didn't think I deserved even a Go F*** yourself text. My point is, one day I will be FURIOUS!!! How f***** dare he!!! We never even had an argument. I treated him like a f****** king and this is what I get?!?!?! See what I mean? ha ha! The anger is right around the corner and I'm scared I may just GO OFF! Not on him......I can't really do that..... and that's why I'm scared. How/who/when am I just going to GO OFF! When the moment comes and it eventually will, play out your intentions in your head and analyze. Always focusing on how this may or may not benefit you. You will conclude that 99.9% of the time it will only be a detriment to you and prolong your healing process. There are certain times in life when it's best to walk away and be thankful for the experience and lesson learned. Make things work in your favor, take that energy and channel it towards something positive. When my ex dumped me the first time around, years ago I was mostly in pain. I had an awesome, fun and high paying job, beautiful apartment, nice car but I was all alone without her. My approach to dealing with the breakup then was to expose my self to other people's realities. I started vigorously volunteering at homeless shelters, animal rescue shelters and volunteering in any activity where I can contribute my time towards the well being of others. It absolutely helped me so much and it helped me humble myself as a person. You can manage anger by seeing that our reality may not be as harsh at the person next to us. And it almost felt at one point as if I was drowning in a glass of water. Keep a close eye and know when anger starts to strategically creep up and take over you, ultimately leading you to think and perhaps even execute what you wouldn't otherwise do in a healthier state of mind. Don't fear it, just embrace it. 3
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 When the moment comes and it eventually will, play out your intentions in your head and analyze. Always focusing on how this may or may not benefit you. You will conclude that 99.9% of the time it will only be a detriment to you and prolong your healing process. There are certain times in life when it's best to walk away and be thankful for the experience and lesson learned. Make things work in your favor, take that energy and channel it towards something positive. When my ex dumped me the first time around, years ago I was mostly in pain. I had an awesome, fun and high paying job, beautiful apartment, nice car but I was all alone without her. My approach to dealing with the breakup then was to expose my self to other people's realities. I started vigorously volunteering at homeless shelters, animal rescue shelters and volunteering in any activity where I can contribute my time towards the well being of others. It absolutely helped me so much and it helped me humble myself as a person. You can manage anger by seeing that our reality may not be as harsh at the person next to us. And it almost felt at one point as if I was drowning in a glass of water. Keep a close eye and know when anger starts to strategically creep up and take over you, ultimately leading you to think and perhaps even execute what you wouldn't otherwise do in a healthier state of mind. Don't fear it, just embrace it. YAY woot woot...volunteer yes...........best thing in the world to do...i think i love you....;0)......smilin.....deb 2
hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 When the moment comes and it eventually will, play out your intentions in your head and analyze. Always focusing on how this may or may not benefit you. You will conclude that 99.9% of the time it will only be a detriment to you and prolong your healing process. There are certain times in life when it's best to walk away and be thankful for the experience and lesson learned. Make things work in your favor, take that energy and channel it towards something positive. When my ex dumped me the first time around, years ago I was mostly in pain. I had an awesome, fun and high paying job, beautiful apartment, nice car but I was all alone without her. My approach to dealing with the breakup then was to expose my self to other people's realities. I started vigorously volunteering at homeless shelters, animal rescue shelters and volunteering in any activity where I can contribute my time towards the well being of others. It absolutely helped me so much and it helped me humble myself as a person. You can manage anger by seeing that our reality may not be as harsh at the person next to us. And it almost felt at one point as if I was drowning in a glass of water. Keep a close eye and know when anger starts to strategically creep up and take over you, ultimately leading you to think and perhaps even execute what you wouldn't otherwise do in a healthier state of mind. Don't fear it, just embrace it. Now that was something I never even thought of. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! 2
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 YAY woot woot...volunteer yes...........best thing in the world to do...i think i love you....;0)......smilin.....deb Love you too We will all make it out of this and be thankful for all the pain as it will help us grow into a new and improved us. 1
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Now that was something I never even thought of. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, not all hope is lost. We are all survivors. 3
Author templeofmax Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 When the moment comes and it eventually will, play out your intentions in your head and analyze. Always focusing on how this may or may not benefit you. You will conclude that 99.9% of the time it will only be a detriment to you and prolong your healing process. There are certain times in life when it's best to walk away and be thankful for the experience and lesson learned. Make things work in your favor, take that energy and channel it towards something positive. When my ex dumped me the first time around, years ago I was mostly in pain. I had an awesome, fun and high paying job, beautiful apartment, nice car but I was all alone without her. My approach to dealing with the breakup then was to expose my self to other people's realities. I started vigorously volunteering at homeless shelters, animal rescue shelters and volunteering in any activity where I can contribute my time towards the well being of others. It absolutely helped me so much and it helped me humble myself as a person. You can manage anger by seeing that our reality may not be as harsh at the person next to us. And it almost felt at one point as if I was drowning in a glass of water. Keep a close eye and know when anger starts to strategically creep up and take over you, ultimately leading you to think and perhaps even execute what you wouldn't otherwise do in a healthier state of mind. Don't fear it, just embrace it. Yeah, I have been thinking of doing some volunteering work. I know I need to be more humble as well. I don't like animals, but have thought about maybe working with old people? What do you mean, when she dumped you THE FIRST TIME?
Author templeofmax Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 When peopel split i think oen fo the most pianful things si you lose family......was with my ex for fifteen years over that time i got to know his family and like with everyone i get to know really well, would do anything for them ...i loved them..truth is, still love them..his mum and i were extremely close.....we would spend afternoon weekends together......and she would tell me stories of growing up in south africa she was a midwife......and i just loved listening to her......i would talk to his dad who is always a thoughtful and compassionate man......who never thought my questions were stupid and he was so patient with me. his mum knew my history and accepted me in spite of it....not many people would but she understood it was soemthing i had no control over....... so when we spilt ...i lost them all......his mum couldnt look at me..neither could his dad..she was ashamed i feel of what was happening and there was nothing she could do to make me feel better....although at the start she tried but kept crying so we both would have to hang up...i lost my loving supportive family who i adored not only my ex...and i was devastated.......its not the family's fault it is quite common for the breakdown to occur when you split from a partner..... sometimes people just dont know what to say and honestly they have to be there for the other half...she is their child and they need to support your ex not you....i am sorry, maybe by making you out to be the bad guy makes them feel better , because even though they have to support your ex, they probably know the truth so it makes it easier fro them to blame you....i dont know.... as far as missing her goes, with me, took me quite a few years, once i had moved.......i went six months straight up no contact...its the only thing that works to get over someone..that included him speaking to the girls...i tried to heal and i tried to heal my family.......he eventually contacted me and stated how eh wanted to speak to the girls.....and after a few years i actually forgave him.... we are better friends now than we have been since we first met.......i think.....not too sure.......once trust is gone it is almost impossible to get it back any future relationship you have with this girl and her family will be tainted by distrust.....the best thing for you to do is go no contact and its not easy and extremely difficult to stick to....when all you want to do is call to hear their voice on the other side of the phone or see them and soak up their smile...but its something you just have to do..... ps i got a lovely card from my exes mum recently....that said....thank you for bringing up such a wonderful family and for just being you..made me cry..........not all families are like your exes........and maybe that does say a little about your ex to hav ea family that treats you nastily when its over..........that she would allow them to be so uncaring....... even though my ex hurt em deeply...ok more than that...he broke me like no other could.....i never let my family speak badly to him.......and when my girls have resentment.....which is often especially when they are hurting an dthey only hav em,y arms to take comfort in...they never show that resentment....always respectful...they treat him with respect......as you should everyone, and everyone should treat you with respect....like them or not..like you or not.. be the bigger man hold you head up...walk away...you have done nothing wrong to them...and they know it..go no contact stay that way....the missing part will fade...it always does....dont know how long that will take for you...best wishes......deb Well, its not like she trusted me anyway. I am the most loyal man in the world, but she is insecure, so the jealousy was really unreal. Her ability to trust a significant other is tainted anyhow.
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Well, its not like she trusted me anyway. I am the most loyal man in the world, but she is insecure, so the jealousy was really unreal. Her ability to trust a significant other is tainted anyhow. speaking from experience and a woman who has massive insecurities...i am truly haunted i live with it though....i dont get jealous......insecurities may cause jealousy but its peopel who have fed that jealousy they are to blame....for the insecurities in he first place to exist can be external, either exes that have cheated or internal they are unfaithful themselves ...i have been cheated on but i dont have insecurities when it comes to a new relationship i may have in the future because i know if i go with a person it is with trust i go ....in me and trust for them.....or i wouldnt date them at all if i didnt trust them and i sure as crap can be trusted...smilin.....i dont like to hurt the people i love....extreme guilt cant live with it....so i try not to do soemthing i know would hurt them..... jealousy normally happens not because of insecurities it happens when something in that person is wrong or wrong with the person they feel jealousy over..........they dont trust because either they cant be trusted or that person they are jealous over .....has cheated on them.....so does that say anything to you...which is it for you...........can you be trusted i would think so......by saying you are loyal....so who is it that has issues with straying maybe ro thoughts of straying....and by her attitude towards you it is quite possible that she is the one with issues or thoughts of others...to split up with you callously and coldly doesnt say much for her character.......i would guess( only a guess) she projected onto you her own flaws...........deb Edited September 2, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author templeofmax Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) speaking from experience and a woman who has massive insecurities...i am truly haunted i live with it though....i dont get jealous......insecurities may cause jealousy but its peopel who have fed that jealousy they are to blame....for the insecurities in he first place to exist can be external, either exes that have cheated or internal they are unfaithful themselves ...i have been cheated on but i dont have insecurities when it comes to a new relationship i may have in the future because i know if i go with a person it is with trust i go ....in me and trust for them.....or i wouldnt date them at all if i didnt trust them and i sure as crap can be trusted...smilin.....i dont like to hurt the people i love....extreme guilt cant live with it....so i try not to do soemthing i know would hurt them..... jealousy normally happens not because of insecurities it happens when something in that person is wrong or wrong with the person they feel jealousy over..........they dont trust because either they cant be trusted or that person they are jealous over .....has cheated on them.....so does that say anything to you...which is it for you...........can you be trusted i would think so......by saying you are loyal....so who is it that has issues with straying maybe ro thoughts of straying....and by her attitude towards you it is quite possible that she is the one with issues or thoughts of others...to split up with you callously and coldly doesnt say much for her character.......i would guess( only a guess) she projected onto you her own flaws...........deb Yes she did. I knew it, but had my doubts. Told me that my sister manipulates me when in fact her family are the ones telling her what to do! The first time we broke up, I had insulted her sister out of anger (I know, I am not a saint an had some anger issues), but she forgave me the next day. However, at night, after talking to her family, called me and broke it off just like that. And now, her immature cousin 'vowed' to not let her near me again (my ex is 28, so its not like she is a child) after I told her family we needed to take a break cause we were disrespecting each other. Its not like I killled someone for crying out loud. So, yeah, an email about ending things off was the last I hear from her a week after my grandfather passed away and I was back home for the burial and Jewish ceremonies. Meanwhile, her cousin continued to insult my sister, and my ex continued to ignore both my sister and myself. Instead, she has chosen to 'cover' her pain by posting happy pictures all around, making trips with family, etc. She always ran away from problems, always, and now is no different. 2.5 years of me being patient, romantic and have to admit, disrespectful sometimes as I am not a saint, but I am admitting what I did and working so hard at it. However, other than being her doormat, I couldn't change so she wouldn't feel jealous or anxious about my normal sibling relationship with my sister. She needed me to not be close to my sister just so she would feel important, and when I could not supply that, she run off in the most cowardly way possible. One day, I know, one day she will wake up from her slumber and realize what she lost, someone that cares for her and understand her issues like no one else, not even her clueless family. The jealousy she brought from her past. I don't even have female friends for crying out loud. She was jealous of my cousin, her cousins, a girl that dropped a coin and I picked it up for her, a woman walking down the street that could be a man for all I care. That kind of jealousy that is fear of being wronged again. I lived through that, and I tried my hardest, I took emotional beatings for it, and I understand her struggles better than her, I guided her to seek counseling, bought her a book, but she doesn't like to read. Because of me, not her family, is that she started to understand her anxiety. I have manageable OCD, so I know about anxiety, I understand it, and I tried my hardest for her to not feel the anxiety. So before she could feel the anxiety anymore, she abandoned me. I mean, a little gratitude would be good at least. Her family are allowing her insecurities to shine, they think they are protecting her, but they are helping her escape from them, which is what she has always done her whole life. Life is very unjust sometimes. I am to blame because I care about my family the same way she cares about hers. I am to blame because I could not fulfill her emotional needs born out of insecurity. I am to blame because I could not fix her. Edited September 2, 2013 by templeofmax
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Yeah, I have been thinking of doing some volunteering work. I know I need to be more humble as well. I don't like animals, but have thought about maybe working with old people? What do you mean, when she dumped you THE FIRST TIME? Yes, we had a pretty interesting relationship to say the least.
Author templeofmax Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Well, in my case as well, as she broke up with me like 3 times before.
JDPT Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 No need to expose yourself further. Move forward and never look back. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 No doubt that the deck is stacked against you. You can try to help her until your blue in the face but she has to help herself and when you have a family that is right behind her, ready to catch her as soon as she falls, she'll never be able to stand on her own. That's what happens with an interfering family who always makes her out to be right when in reality she isn't. I have a cousin that was married to a girl who came from a family of nuts, in my opinion. She has a Mother that sat and twiddled her thumbs all day worrying about her daughter and her idiot son. Her Dad was always making threats to my cousin if he didn't take care of his spineless daughter and her brother was a chip off the old block making his own threats and my cousin's wife would just say that they care about her happiness. Any time there was an argument, she cried the blues and the threats started. One day my cousin had enough and told her if she wasn't happy then go. She called Daddy and cried the blues. Idiot brother shows up and grabs my cousin in my cousins home and idiot brother found out that his bark was way worse than his bite. He got his ass kicked and thrown out. His wife went home to Mumsy and Daddy and a couple hours later my cousin shows up at her parents house with four suitcases full of her clothes and told her not to come back, then told the old man to stick his daughter up his ass and left. He filed and got out of that mess. Point is you fighting an up hill battle. Maybe you should let go and be happy. 1
Author templeofmax Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 No doubt that the deck is stacked against you. You can try to help her until your blue in the face but she has to help herself and when you have a family that is right behind her, ready to catch her as soon as she falls, she'll never be able to stand on her own. That's what happens with an interfering family who always makes her out to be right when in reality she isn't. I have a cousin that was married to a girl who came from a family of nuts, in my opinion. She has a Mother that sat and twiddled her thumbs all day worrying about her daughter and her idiot son. Her Dad was always making threats to my cousin if he didn't take care of his spineless daughter and her brother was a chip off the old block making his own threats and my cousin's wife would just say that they care about her happiness. Any time there was an argument, she cried the blues and the threats started. One day my cousin had enough and told her if she wasn't happy then go. She called Daddy and cried the blues. Idiot brother shows up and grabs my cousin in my cousins home and idiot brother found out that his bark was way worse than his bite. He got his ass kicked and thrown out. His wife went home to Mumsy and Daddy and a couple hours later my cousin shows up at her parents house with four suitcases full of her clothes and told her not to come back, then told the old man to stick his daughter up his ass and left. He filed and got out of that mess. Point is you fighting an up hill battle. Maybe you should let go and be happy. Whoa! Here is not that bad, but yes, they all are blind at how insecure she really is and of course has chosen to blame me, and what's worse, my sister, who has nothing to do with it. Its all coming from my ex's fears and imaginations. So my sister got called a whore, ****-faced, who knows what else by this immature prick cousin, and she never replied with an insult, nor did I when I was called a 'psycho'! I did my **** too, but I accepted it, apologized, tried to work it out and even sacrificed sometimes by walking on eggshells around my ex so she wouldn't feel bad and start arguments because at some point or another I was paying attention to my sister instead of her. I wasn't happy either, but I do care for her and did not want her to suffer like that, but now, because of that, I am paying the consequences, not so much as she is gone and ignores everything, but at the fact that her family are all high and mighty and can't even apologize to my sister. SHE WANTED ME TO SACRIFICE MY OWN SMALL FAMILY SO I COULD GET OVERTAKEN BY HER BIG FAMILY. She wanted me to share with her family, to be accepted by them, to share with her friends, without making an effort to at least understand that I also have my family to take care of. I mean, I get her insecurities and want her to get better, but there is so much one can do before becoming a mop. When somebody doesn't accept the level of care or love I have for them, I have no options but to move on.
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