jeddarnold Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I am going to take the first step towards a divorce, just feel scared of future. What did you feel when you took the first step and afterwards ?
littlejaz Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 It is a terrifying experience. You are facing the unknown, but it wont' kill you and it does get better. You might get more support if you tell us a little more of you story. Good luck!
JJLA Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I am going to take the first step towards a divorce, just feel scared of future. What did you feel when you took the first step and afterwards ? Well, when you take that first step, be sure that it is something you really want to do. Seriously reflect on this. It only takes one person to initiate a divorce, but both parties have to agree to stop the process once begun. It is not uncommon for someone to change their mind only to find the spouse wants to go forward! Once you know this is something you want to do, there are a few steps. First, get counseling. If not couple's counseling (assuming this is beyond that point), then get someone just for you who can help you through this. Even if you are the one who wants the divorce-- as appears here-- there are still outstanding psychological issues. Often, people have trouble reconnecting with themselves as a single person after so long as a duo. The second thing is to plan how you will divorce. The best possible resolution is an amicable divorce where the parties can come to an agreement. This agreement is then incorporated into a judgment of dissolution without the need for expensive trials. Full blown litigation can run upwards of 100K and should be avoided at all costs. Full disclosure, I'm a divorce lawyer in California. I can answer some questions, but only in a vague way. Jurisdictions vary widely so it is best to consult with someone local for specific laws. Most have free consults. Here are some warning signs for lawyers: 1. If the lawyer seems aggressive or starts talking about beginning the process with motions to the court, find another attorney. He just wants your money and is not concerned with your well-being. A good attorney will try to get things done through negotiation first. 2. If the lawyer tries to pump you up with emotion, find another attorney. He may be on your side yelling "Rah! Rah! Rah! let's screw the spouse over!" I guarantee that if the spouse retained that attorney, he would be advocating screwing you over. Its a way to run up the bill. 3. If the lawyer does not present you with different options for divorce, find another attorney. There are many ways to get divorced, ranging from cheapest and least confrontational to most expensive and most confrontational. Look for one that sells mediation or collaborative law. 1
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