hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Well that was dumb of me!! I require no response for this rant ..... I just want to warn others so they can hopefully learn from my stupidity. Like many others, I haven't been able to listen to the radio or watch many types of movies and TV for obvious reasons. Anyway, when I first started seeing "him" The song Heaven nor Hell by Volbeat had just come out. HA! how ironic....but anyway, It's not a love song or anything. I just think it's a good song and it really reminds me of that time when we first started dating and how happy I was. It's really upbeat and rock and roll for those that haven't heard it. So I haven't been able to listen to it because like I said it reminds me of him and how happy I was just a few short months ago. The past few days I have FORCED myself to give up HOPE! It really sucks but in a way I feel good because I am accepting the fact that I will never see him again, never talk to him again, never know him again. I have even entertained the idea that I really will meet someone else that I can be even happier with (this one I don't really believe....yet! but I'm trying to) So, because I was feeling a little stronger and DAMNIT I want to listen to MY music again and eventually go to a movie or watch TV without it making me burst into tears. I want my "old happy carefree self back" I REALLY MISS ME!!!!!! sounds weird but I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing an empty, devastated, lost and tortured shell with a nice shiny hairstyle, fully made up face (waterproof mascara) new clothes and even a better body (all the exercise and loss of appetite) All the things we force ourselves to do to feel better. I want to look in the mirror and see a beautiful girl that comes from WITHIN because no matter how much effort I put into my appearance, I want that "glow" that comes from being at peace. Okay, getting off topic a little but I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I was getting stronger, I listened to the damn song AND looked at a pic of him I have filed away in my computer. OUCH!!!!!! It's not even a sappy come back to me love song. It's a happy (for me) feel good song and a HUGE mistake to listen to. OMG!!!! It brought back ALL the happy fall in love feelings that I felt when we first met. Music is SOOOOO POWERFUL!!!! It took me right back to that time and dumped me full force back to reality. I am going to go back to being kind and gentle to myself but really wanted to share so no one else does this. DON"T push on that raw nerve to see if it still hurts!!!!! IT DOES!!!!! 3
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 You aren't the only one honey. When I used to get in his car I'd instantly plug in my ipod or iphone and put specific songs (every time) we liked. I skip them now, I'm deleting them now. I am sure people will do it, regardless of this post however it's probably part of the learning to live again bit. I'm sorry your upset and you are a tough cookie. Your still breathing right? uh hu xxxxxxxx
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 You aren't the only one honey. When I used to get in his car I'd instantly plug in my ipod or iphone and put specific songs (every time) we liked. I skip them now, I'm deleting them now. I am sure people will do it, regardless of this post however it's probably part of the learning to live again bit. I'm sorry your upset and you are a tough cookie. Your still breathing right? uh hu xxxxxxxx Thank you! yeah, still breathing. Now if I could just stop the thoughts of him and his new girlfriend (I'm sure he has one by now) """"MUSIC FROM THE MOVIE PSYCHO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.""""" Ha Ha!
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Thank you! yeah, still breathing. Now if I could just stop the thoughts of him and his new girlfriend (I'm sure he has one by now) """"MUSIC FROM THE MOVIE PSYCHO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.""""" Ha Ha! LMFAO just stay away from the knifes! He may not have one, but don't go snooping to find out like I would... That also sucks! 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 LMFAO just stay away from the knifes! He may not have one, but don't go snooping to find out like I would... That also sucks! Yes, Thank God he deactivated his FB!!! I know he didn't block me because I have tried to find his profile using other peoples accounts and NOTHING comes up. *******more music from PSHYCHO******* Which is such a great thing! I wouldn't snoop now, at least I would like to think I wouldn't but hey, you never know. I could have the urge to poke the nerve again! just kidding!!!
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Yes, Thank God he deactivated his FB!!! I know he didn't block me because I have tried to find his profile using other peoples accounts and NOTHING comes up. *******more music from PSHYCHO******* Which is such a great thing! I wouldn't snoop now, at least I would like to think I wouldn't but hey, you never know. I could have the urge to poke the nerve again! just kidding!!! PMSL!!! We all do it, I have no idea why we poke at the sore spot but we do. Gluten for punishment - I know I am. No more facebook as I deleted it although every day is tempting until they DELETE it xxx 1
Sparkle304 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Well that was dumb of me!! I have even entertained the idea that I really will meet someone else that I can be even happier with (this one I don't really believe....yet! but I'm trying to) Ha! I'm going down this road right now as well. Just a word of warning.........I look at men's profiles online, realize that I still miss him and all his great qualities, get discouraged and then head back to the couch. Clearly I'm not ready..... Oh, and I also miss ME. Not sure where I've disappeared to, but I want ME back!!! And soon 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Well that was dumb of me!! I have even entertained the idea that I really will meet someone else that I can be even happier with (this one I don't really believe....yet! but I'm trying to) Ha! I'm going down this road right now as well. Just a word of warning.........I look at men's profiles online, realize that I still miss him and all his great qualities, get discouraged and then head back to the couch. Clearly I'm not ready..... Oh, and I also miss ME. Not sure where I've disappeared to, but I want ME back!!! And soon Ha ha! Me too! I look at some profiles but don't do much about it. I'm not ready either but still keeping poking around because that's what the "old me" would do. She was soooooo much fun! Can't wait to have her back! 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Ha ha! Me too! I look at some profiles but don't do much about it. I'm not ready either but still keeping poking around because that's what the "old me" would do. She was soooooo much fun! Can't wait to have her back! Sparkle304, wanted to add I hope you get "you" back soon too! Here's to our lost souls and that they come home soon! ((CHEERS!)) 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Must be a women thing. I do it too and pick faults in other people because they aren't like him. They won't smell the way he did (I used to love his after shave and smell it on him every time I was there) They don't do their hair the same way They lack that umph! I think I once said someone was too short (he was 6'3 I'm 5'0) and said that their hands were too small :laugh: Cheers to bringing back our souls. We deserve them back 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Must be a women thing. I do it too and pick faults in other people because they aren't like him. They won't smell the way he did (I used to love his after shave and smell it on him every time I was there) They don't do their hair the same way They lack that umph! I think I once said someone was too short (he was 6'3 I'm 5'0) and said that their hands were too small :laugh: Cheers to bringing back our souls. We deserve them back Oh, I know that smell!!! I LOVE the way a man smells after a shower and puts on aftershave (deep sigh) Did you know they have a candle that smells like that? WON'T buy that one. It would just make me burst into tears right now. Also I TOTALLY GET the hands thing. My x had the most BEAUTIFUL big strong hands. ACKKKKK! this is madness!!!! HA HA!!! We do deserve our souls back! They are coming for us. Hope it's soon because mine has gone completely berserk
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 So funny you posted this now. I few weeks ago I purposely cleaned out my entire Ipod from any song that may remind me of her which is pretty much any song. And I uploaded a new playlist that have absolutely nothing to do with her. Earlier today as I was driving home from the gym I wanted to listen to a song that she also liked as well but I knew it would still hurt to listen to. So I refrained myself from listening to the song as I knew how I would end up feeling afterwards. I would have remembered every little thing she said when we listened to the song, all the silly things she said to me and I just didn't want to put myself through that again, so I decided not to listen to the stupid song. I understand how ridiculous this is but I'm learning to stay away from things that cause me pain or at least until I'm ready to enjoy them genuinely once again. It may almost feel as if we can't enjoy simple things in life but I'm realizing that I'm still emotional, walking on this fine line where anything can easily throw me off balance. And until I'm ready and strong enough to go back to my regular activities I'll be gentle with myself until better days come. 3
im_thedude Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Man, I've been feeling the same way lately. I work in a Target that my ex and I used to browse all the time. When I get there too early to clock in, I walk laps around the store. Down every aisle I look, I remember the vivid memories we had laughing and joking about various things. Earlier today I went for a drive to a different part of town, one I never had the chance to visit with my ex. I figured, it's good to go to new places that aren't riddled with new memories. Lo and behold, I still ended up driving past these places we went to throughout the years, and it made me so incredibly sad. The pain is still too fresh for me to even try purposely revisiting most things we happened to have shared, in some attempt at triumphantly declaring they were MY interests. You better believe my Ipod is chock full of songs we shared together. So... I've more or less switched to the radio since the breakup.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I've had 2 c sections. I am treating this as recovering from one of those. hurts like hell, you have to tip toe around your normal every day routines until your heeled! The thing that pissed me off most is he's amazing. He's a fab father, kind, caring, spoiled me rotten (well I tried to pay for things and he'd go in a cute huff because he wanted to pay for me) He's really good. I think it's a shame that even though he was single when I met him, we got engaged and were very happy. The more it went on the more I noticed he wasn't over his marriage, he wasn't "letting go" completely like he should have. Such a shame he ruined a good relationship. Although today I did notice something. He wanted things like his ex wife, her mum, dad ect on facebook. To share a bank account, to text her friendly even though it wasn't needed. He wanted me to tolerate it. He wanted me to play somewhat second fiddle to her. I now am healing because regardless of loving him. I won't be 2nd. I won't share and no man on this earth could ever make me do that.
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 So funny you posted this now. I few weeks ago I purposely cleaned out my entire Ipod from any song that may remind me of her which is pretty much any song. And I uploaded a new playlist that have absolutely nothing to do with her. Earlier today as I was driving home from the gym I wanted to listen to a song that she also liked as well but I knew it would still hurt to listen to. So I refrained myself from listening to the song as I knew how I would end up feeling afterwards. I would have remembered every little thing she said when we listened to the song, all the silly things she said to me and I just didn't want to put myself through that again, so I decided not to listen to the stupid song. I understand how ridiculous this is but I'm learning to stay away from things that cause me pain or at least until I'm ready to enjoy them genuinely once again. It may almost feel as if we can't enjoy simple things in life but I'm realizing that I'm still emotional, walking on this fine line where anything can easily throw me off balance. And until I'm ready and strong enough to go back to my regular activities I'll be gentle with myself until better days come. Music is so powerful! You were smart I have started listening to country, ironically you would think that would make me even more sad. NOT hatin on country music, just never been my preference and definitely not his! I can't stand silence so country it is for a while. 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Man, I've been feeling the same way lately. I work in a Target that my ex and I used to browse all the time. When I get there too early to clock in, I walk laps around the store. Down every aisle I look, I remember the vivid memories we had laughing and joking about various things. Earlier today I went for a drive to a different part of town, one I never had the chance to visit with my ex. I figured, it's good to go to new places that aren't riddled with new memories. Lo and behold, I still ended up driving past these places we went to throughout the years, and it made me so incredibly sad. The pain is still too fresh for me to even try purposely revisiting most things we happened to have shared, in some attempt at triumphantly declaring they were MY interests. You better believe my Ipod is chock full of songs we shared together. So... I've more or less switched to the radio since the breakup. OUCH! That must be hard working there with all those memories. Sounds like you are really trying to avoid those triggers though. It's those damn triggers that seem to come out of nowhere and just strangle you. Hope your healing gets better and better! Good luck!
Author hopefulfaerie Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 I've had 2 c sections. I am treating this as recovering from one of those. hurts like hell, you have to tip toe around your normal every day routines until your heeled! The thing that pissed me off most is he's amazing. He's a fab father, kind, caring, spoiled me rotten (well I tried to pay for things and he'd go in a cute huff because he wanted to pay for me) He's really good. I think it's a shame that even though he was single when I met him, we got engaged and were very happy. The more it went on the more I noticed he wasn't over his marriage, he wasn't "letting go" completely like he should have. Such a shame he ruined a good relationship. Although today I did notice something. He wanted things like his ex wife, her mum, dad ect on facebook. To share a bank account, to text her friendly even though it wasn't needed. He wanted me to tolerate it. He wanted me to play somewhat second fiddle to her. I now am healing because regardless of loving him. I won't be 2nd. I won't share and no man on this earth could ever make me do that. WOW! That's the first time I understood your story fully. I am so sorry! God, that sucks!!!! You are so brave and must love yourself very much to not settle for anything less than you deserve. What a fool he is! Again, I'm so sorry for your pain and here if you ever want to talk
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 WOW! That's the first time I understood your story fully. I am so sorry! God, that sucks!!!! You are so brave and must love yourself very much to not settle for anything less than you deserve. What a fool he is! Again, I'm so sorry for your pain and here if you ever want to talk I'm here for you too honey! I'm doing pretty good since realizing that. There are people on here who haven't even slightly healed a year after breaking up with only a boyfriend. He was alone for a year until he met me. So that's 1 year and 8 months to get over a 14 year marriage. Doesn't seem very long to me. Either way I am worth more than what's left of him and the little he has to emotionally invest in me. Although I am pregnant, not sure he believe's me even though we were openly trying... Hey Ho NC lol xxxx 1
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) yes music is powerful it can recapture feelings by whispering sweet words with melodic intent.....i have been listening to songs my ex dedicated to me i have many of them.......all i have been hearing when i listen to music on the tv lately is songs he dedicated to me......lol.......this is goign to soudn whack but i am left of center so bear with me my ex woudl tell me to listen to certain songs when i was down or sad or missing him and eh wanted to cheer me up and make me feel special....because often i really dont feel too good......a bit haunted.....he was the only one who knew when i felt haunted.....still is the only one......i have reserve now though when it comes to talking to him...... i have been listening to these songs not because of my ex but because those songs were mine, my ex made them mine by saying this is abotu you debs.......for me.....about me............the words of the song.....say things like i love your precious heart etc......and they make me remember i am special, i have an awesome heart(i am not up myself but i know i do have an awesome heart even if others dont feel that is true) and that i can be loved by a guy especially........helps lift me give me hope.......soothes my broken soul.....so i agree songs are powerful.........but its all in the way that you use and think of them.....deb Edited September 2, 2013 by todreaminblue 2
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Music is so powerful! You were smart I have started listening to country, ironically you would think that would make me even more sad. NOT hatin on country music, just never been my preference and definitely not his! I can't stand silence so country it is for a while. It certainly is, music can surface emotions you thought never existed. I have personally shifted genres to something a little more upbeat things that can make me sing to the top of my lungs while I'm driving and forget at least for as long as the song lasts. I should try country music, I always viewed it as a little depressing but hey I can find a song here and there that I will end up liking.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Speaking of songs that remind me of the break up - I am currently loving every rose has a thorn from the rock of ages sound track! Say's it all for moi x
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Omg listen to the words of roar by Katy perry!!!!!
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