Dadubwa Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color]Someone PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....(this can get pretty gross sorry) ...it starts off like this...I'm 16 years old and I've been dating this great girl for 8 months...(I'm a lesbian let me add) ...we've been having oral sex for about 4 months now...and something happend last night that has been haunting my face every second of the day!...We were having sex and everything like normal and she fingered me, and I stuck her fingers inside my vaginal opening for the first time last night (now I masturbate and such, whatever, all the time, so I'm used to it but I never stuck her fingers there) so she was enjoying herself and what-not...she went down on me and ate me out...anyways we finished and I went to the bathroom, now the thing is I've been waiting for my period, and before I realized it...I got it when we were having sex!! My underwear had blood in it, and it obviously went unseen by her...until I went back in the bed room and saw her fingers had my blood on it!! Now the lights were turned off, but I turned them on and cought a glimps of her fingers and I swear up a storm in my head. Now her and I don't normally talk about our sex life...but...this was just gross I couldn't believe what i had done!...not to mention I always have the feeling of feeling guilty after I have sex with her because some how in the back of my head I believe having sex with a girl is degrating her...now I'm really kicking myself in the ass for doing this...I couldn't believe it...but that wasn't the end of it...this morning when she woke up she went to go take a shower and she ran back in my room and passed out!!!!!!! she doesn't know why she did BUT SHE DID! was it because she might have eatin me out when I was menstrating!?!? was it because she cought a glimps of her own fingers and saw my blood on it!?...I don't know what to do or say! ALL I KNOW...IS I'M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!....well I mean no time soon...I mean does anyone think her passing out would have something to do with that? or am I just putting in useless infromation that people are most likely going to puke from?...sorry for how gross this is but I need help I love her so much and I'm so scared of what I might have caused her...I'm scared ****less SOMEONE HELP ME OUT PLEASE!!!!
Merin Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 First of all, relax.. it's not like doing this even if you were having your period is going to be fatal to her. Secondly, it's not as if you knew right then that you had begun your cycle.. so no foul there right? It wasn't your intention.. Third, I think you're way more freaked out over this than obviously she is.. she didn't say anything to you regarding it.. didn't start screaming, or freaking out over things right.. Last thing.. you said you feel it degrates her to be having sex with a girl why do you feel this way? If you're both okay with it (and obviously you are?) then why are you feeling this way?
Author Dadubwa Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 You're so right. I was totally freaking out about it...I mean I want to say it wasn't my fault cause I didn't know but...I obviously should have been more aware....I think you're right, I'm freaking out more about this than her, but the only thing is she's really oblivious....I mean she prob. didn't even know I was menstrating, and if she did I wonder if she would have freaked out...but the point is...I know kayln (my girlfriend) is okay with sex because back 4 months ago she's the one who started it...we were just making out and she pushed my hand on her boobs...and asked me if I "wanted to" and I never really answered her...I guess the reason was because...well let me get into things deeper... okay so it's last year durring the summer and my friend of 5 years starts "liking me" I'm of course in the closet (I didn't come out until the middle of last year)...so I go out with her...we had sex at about 5 months in the relationship and I was only 14, idk if that was to early for me or what...but that's the girl I lost my lesbian virginity to...my friend of 5 years! I mean I'm totally not a slut or anything I swear I'm like so not! But anyways...Her name is kris...and sometimes I wonder if I was to young to have sex and I was just letting my hormons take my mentality...the point is...idk if I ever really loved kris...maybe that's why I feel like sex is bad because you're supposed to have sex with someone you love right? well...idk if I ever really loved kris...she was a really great person and a good girlfriend but we fought all the time like consently...she's medicaly depressed and sometimes she or I would use that as in acscuse of why we fought so much...but within time I realized I was letting things slide that..maybe I shouldn't have...like her cheating on me...and idk...well...(I'm getting into alot of topics now and getting off topic too!) I find when I talk to Kayln (my current girlfriend) in the back of my head I want to call her Kris!!! idk why! they're nothing alike!...well I guess there are a few similar things... 1. They're both vegetarians 2. They're both really light skined 3. They both have blue eyes 4. They both have the same type cheeks 5. They both have names that begin with "K" 6. They both have the same type of eye brows... -idk maybe I have a type??? That is still no reason I should be calling my current My Ex's name... I've called Kayln Kris like 2 times sometimes durring sex I almost feel like yelling out "Kris" insted of "Kayln" -One time when I was talking to kayln (sunday night) I said "You're so pretty Kr..K!..." I was going to say "Kris" But I covered it up with just saying "You're so pretty K...?" lol and making it sound like a question..I know kayln knew she def. had some type of idea... -THE POINT is....I love Kayln with all my heart and I DON'T like Kris and I know it...sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go out with kris again but doesn't everyone!? I'm so happy with Kayln and I'm totally afraid if I keep calling her my ex's name she's going to freak out and she's not like that at all she's so mellow and I just...I love her and don't want to her to flip on me!.......OK SO BACK TO THE POINT! And the Questions!...... A) Maybe I think I had sex to early because I may not have ever been in love with Kris when we had sex and now I'm afraid that if I have sex with someone else I don't love it might be the same!!? But I'm in love with kayln I KNOW I am... B) Maybe I think sex is just gross! Ya know!? because who wants to eat a girl out because they like it!? I mean...that's not to often...but to tell the truth I don't mind...maybe kayln is the same way??.. C) HOW do I stop calling Kayln "Kris"!?!? P.S. Thank you so much for your comment!! I was hoping all day long someone would have an answer or at least a comment for me! THANKS SO MUCH!
Author Dadubwa Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 Oh dear god...so I dated a girl back in the day my first Crush, my frist long lasting relationship of 8 months... my first lesbian relationship, the first person I lost my virginity to, my first real best friend I ever had, AND THE FIRST PERSON I EVER CHEATED WITH!!! .... I'm going to try to make it quick and simple I'm 16, I'm gay, I just came out last year. Keep all this in mind... THE PAST: Soooooo, I'm in 10th grade and me and my friend; Kris, of 5 years just stopped being friends because of a fight we haven't talked for 2 months... then a friend of mine; Tasha, tells me she has a crush on me... "WTF" I think I've been crushing on this girl since 6th grade! But I'd never had the balls to tell her because I was always in the closet...I always knew I was gay, I just never told anyone "How could she like me?" so Kris and I start talking again..one night majic happens we kiss on a couch and that starts the relationship off... Month 1: Great! Month 2: Great! Month 3: GRRRREAT! Month 4: GRRRRRRRRRRREAT! Month 5: Good Month 6: Okay Month 7: eh. Month 8: Over Between Month 4 and 5 two things in my life were happening... A) I met a great person named Kayln...(she's straight but she's great!) B) Kris is changing back to her old self...(A.K.A. the reason we got into a fight when we were friends! TO CLINGY!) Between Months 6 and 7 two things in my life were happening... A) I'm friends with this great person named Kayln (I see her all the time and I think I have a little crush on her!) B) Kris cheated on me (with my own cousin!!...we decide to take a break 2 weeks later she cheats on me again WITH MY FRIEND TASHA! WHEN we start going back out!) In Month 8 Kris and I break up...we're over...things just can't work out...and I've gained a kinda big crush on kayln... It's the summer of 10th grade and I've spent most of it with Kayln ...I find out some of the best news in my life..My friend Kassy comes and tells me a secret "Kayln Likes you..." "WTF!!!!!!!!!!!" (lucky huh?)... Long story short (I know a little to late for that!) ..Kayln and I start dating...everything is beautiful...we have been going strong for 4 months without a fight in sight! She's everything I've dreamed of! I love her with all my heart....but for a part in the summer she goes in lives with her father because of family problems...it's cool... I talk to Kris for the first time in a long time...her and her friend Kaitlin invite me over to spend the night...I go... I'm laying in the living room and Kris is laying on the floor...we started holding hands...she got on the couch...we ALMOST kissed...I pushed her off "I can't cheat on Kayln...I'm sorry"................... that's the worst mistake I've ever made in my life...little did I know 'Holding hands' was JUST what Kris did to me with my cousin...and it IS considered cheating...I had cheated on my girlfriend I love so much...I couldn't believe myself THE PRESENT: Kris told Kayln what happend...Kayln almost believed it...I made up some stupid lie to get away from it....I lied to kayln and cheated on her...I still can't forgive myself for what I did! Believe me...it sucks...I love kayln so much and her and I have been going out for 8 months now...we have yet to really fight...our friends call us "the perfect relationship" my parents love her...and her parents like me...I love kayln and not kris...I'm set with kayln...and I still don't understand why I did what I did...someone help me... ..... How can I get over this!?...Without telling Kayln... I've only told one person about this...and I hope he'll keep it a secret forever...Please help me out here...
JackieQ Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I agree with Merin...relax. Sounds like your doing what most of us do or did at your age, finding out who and what we like and don't like. I'm not saying to cheat on Kayln. I am saying that some of the feelings you're having are pretty normal. Probably the reason Kayln and Kris are so much alike is the same reason I tend to date tall guys with dark hair who have bizarre senses of humor. We all have certain types we like and to greater or lesser extents our ex's and our present tend to resemble each other. As I've changed, the type has changed some. And, I can honestly say that I've loved parts of all of them or I wouldn't have dated them. But, doesn't mean I can live or even be with some of them on a regular basis. take care hon, Jackieq
JackieQ Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 sorry bout that, I think I need to turn in shortly...getting tired. just read the last part of your post. Whether you talk to her or not is probably something you'll have to figure out. No guarantees on that one (Not fun huh?). Only thing I've learned is that forgiving yourself is probably the hardest thing to do and the most necessary in the long run. And, trying hard not to repeat your mistakes does come in handy (at least for me). I do think you should give yourself some credit for telling Kris that you couldn't cheat on Kayln. And, you didn't sleep with Kris while you were with Kayln.
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