Maleficent Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I'll raise my hand... While the gesture is cute sometimes, I really don't understand the delight people take with putting amputated plant genitals in a vase and watching them die slowly indoors. Take me on a walk at the botanical garden instead. There you go. He is talking about bringing her one rose for her on their next date. Not send her a bouquet every day until the next date. I'm not a big fan of flowers either, in the sense I don't expect them on specific occasion - but like you said, the gesture is cute.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 OP Perhaps an educational video will make it clear for you. Remember women like the attention of men who make them horny on a physical level. They seek it and are open to it. If they are married or the man is socially undesirable for some other reason, they do it in secret. The bottom line is Flowers from the hot guy, a *ick pic from the hot guy, a @$$ grab from the hot guy, is all flattering and done with social consciousness and sensitivity. A furtive glance, or sitting two rows behind by an unattractive guy is creepy and stalkerish. That is the simple bottom line. Just give her the flowers. Look at it as a test. If she isn't into you she will fleah and you get to save money you would have spent just to get a terse text message saying they aren't going on a 2nd or 3rd (usually when sex or real contact happens) date with you.
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 My first date with my ex, I brought her a flower and made a reservation at a pretty decent restaurant cuz I thought it'd be embarassing to take her somewhere and have em say "Sorry, we're booked solid". Anyways, a few months after we were exclusive she told me she thought that it was the cutest thing ever that I got her a flower and booked a reservation and that was the moment she knew I was a keeper cause most guys don't even put that much thought into a date (I didn't think it took much thought, so it goes to show you the calibre of men out there). Don't be weird about it, make it into a joke or something. I think I said something along the lines of "hey, I picked this from my neighbours garden for you...." cause to be honest I felt corny giving her a flower on the first date, and was trying to break the ice. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 My first date with my ex, I brought her a flower and made a reservation at a pretty decent restaurant cuz I thought it'd be embarassing to take her somewhere and have em say "Sorry, we're booked solid". Anyways, a few months after we were exclusive she told me she thought that it was the cutest thing ever that I got her a flower and booked a reservation and that was the moment she knew I was a keeper cause most guys don't even put that much thought into a date (I didn't think it took much thought, so it goes to show you the calibre of men out there). Don't be weird about it, make it into a joke or something. I think I said something along the lines of "hey, I picked this from my neighbours garden for you...." cause to be honest I felt corny giving her a flower on the first date, and was trying to break the ice. That's because she was attracted to you.... The op is rightly afraid of the slurs directed at him when he gives that effort to an online date who is not interested, or only luke warm.
Maleficent Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 That's because she was attracted to you.... The op is rightly afraid of the slurs directed at him when he gives that effort to an online date who is not interested, or only luke warm. So the way I see it, if OP gives her a flower and she is interested - it's a good thing. If she isn't interested, she won't be interested whether he gives her a flower or not. So just go for it. 5
StanMusial Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I think Carhill nailed it. The problem with asking women for dating advice is, they DON'T DATE WOMEN. Not counting lesbians, that's totally different. In most cases, when you ask a girl if she would like flowers she's going to imagine the hot guy at the office/bar/class/gym giving her flowers and say "Yes, its cute." You giving your date flowers? Its a crapshoot. I only have one female friend who I think is realistic and honest enough to consider her advice. Trust me, I have made some blunders and I've seen even worse blunders based on trying to do romantic gestures as advised by women. If you want advice, seek out those with a successful track record with the ladies. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Chiming back in to say that I have received flowers from guys a) who i wasn't that interested in b) who I wasn't that attracted to c) who I wasn't even on a date with (ie before asked out) Even when they were dorks, it didn't bother me at all and did not "hurt" their chances. If anything, it helped because it was a sign that they were willing to do what they thought it meant to treat me well and had the guts to put themselves on the line a bit. Even if a dork makes a bold move, it shows some sort of confidence which is attractive. The dorkiest person who ever gave me flowers still strikes me as one of the sweetest gestures. He never had a chance with me and we weren't dating at all but the gesture still stands out in a good way. All the flowers I have received from guys I was dating or attracted to were ALL positive. All of them. I think you just have to make an assumption here: This person is going on 3rd date with you because she wants to date you and finds you attractive up until this point. Then work with that assumption as far as a flower goes. If it is within your personality to give one and within what you know of her so far to seemingly like one, then take a chance. By the way, like another poster has said, I received other things like a plant, orchid which related to personal things my dates and i had talked about and those meant even more because they had personal meaning. Just tailor it to the person you are getting to know. A flower is not make or break....unless you are already broken. 1
MrTurk Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Dating advice from women is entertaining but often wrong. X 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 I actually enjoy talking to women about this sort of thing....just to listen to the stuff that they come up with. They tend to be totally clueless(not stupid, just clueless) as to what they or any other woman wants or is attracted to. I've seen a number of documentaries and sociology experiments on dating and relationships. You would be amazed at how many women "think" they know what they want.....and will even make a list of what "their" type of guys is.....And then they meet a guy that they fall in love with...and he's always totally different than what she said she wanted. Women giving other women dating advice also wreaks havoc on many relationships.....instead of the woman just talking to her man directly. .
MrTurk Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 The problem with asking women for dating advice is, they DON'T DATE WOMEN. Not counting lesbians, that's totally different. In most cases, when you ask a girl if she would like flowers she's going to imagine the hot guy at the office/bar/class/gym giving her flowers and say "Yes, its cute." You giving your date flowers? Its a crapshoot. SO true. Many women envision some romantic scene when they think of stuff like that....its always unrealistic compared to how it truly plays out in the reality the rest of us live in. 1
nescafe1982 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I think the correct question to ask is how many women here received flowers on the first date and is that the guy they are with currently. I think you will find that while many women think they would like it, the real life scenario has not happened to give them a real perspective. Dating advice is often silly because what people THINK they want is rarely what they actually want. My current SO brought flowers on the second date. I thought it was sweet and thanked him. The guy I dated before current SO brought me flowers on the third date. And a little sachet of dried sweet smelling herbs. And I thought that was sweet and I thanked him. But on flowers? No roses. Too cliche. Current SO brought wildflowers, previous guy brought a sunflower arrangement. They don't scream "overdone!" if they are not roses and are multicolored. But on the first date? Eh, that's a bit much. As for women's advice generally, I think women's advice on dating is mostly better than men's advice, BUT (and this is a big BUT) it can be skewed by our own desire to be polite and supportive to the guys we're talking to. The example of telling a guy we like toned muscles but "also something to hold onto" displays a preference but also a desire not to offend a guy who is not as ripped as superman. You know, kind of how men say "oh, I like a woman who looks natural. no makeup" etc. He thinks he likes a natural looking woman... but he has little idea that the "natural" look is not "no makeup" but rather a rigorous series of skin treatments, waxed eyebrows, taupe eyeshadows, peach blush and mascara. "Natural" indeed! Women's perspectives on dating are valuable to men who want to date well, but they are perspectives, not absolute, omniscient truth.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Chiming back in to say that I have received flowers from guys a) who i wasn't that interested in b) who I wasn't that attracted to c) who I wasn't even on a date with (ie before asked out) Even when they were dorks, it didn't bother me at all and did not "hurt" their chances. If anything, it helped because it was a sign that they were willing to do what they thought it meant to treat me well and had the guts to put themselves on the line a bit. Even if a dork makes a bold move, it shows some sort of confidence which is attractive. The dorkiest person who ever gave me flowers still strikes me as one of the sweetest gestures. He never had a chance with me and we weren't dating at all but the gesture still stands out in a good way. All the flowers I have received from guys I was dating or attracted to were ALL positive. All of them.. Look at this from a male perspective. In Darwinian terms that dorky guy wasted his time even talking to you and giving flowers to a woman who would never ever accept his seed into her. As nasty as that sounds that is the reason for the season. (and it's nothing compared to what women will do to trap a man into marriage. I think you just have to make an assumption here: This person is going on 3rd date with you because she wants to date you and finds you attractive up until this point. Then work with that assumption as far as a flower goes. If it is within your personality to give one and within what you know of her so far to seemingly like one, then take a chance. By the way, like another poster has said, I received other things like a plant, orchid which related to personal things my dates and i had talked about and those meant even more because they had personal meaning. Just tailor it to the person you are getting to know. A flower is not make or break....unless you are already broken. Your advice illustrates the point all the males who date females have made in this thread. Heterosexual women change their mind about men, all, the, time. Giving flowers to a woman who you haven't had physical contact with is a mistake. That is coming from someone who gave a single rose to a woman on Valentines day and was rejected. That was in favor of the man she eventually married who gave her a bigger bouquet so more power to her. Maleficent Exactly. If the OP gives the woman the flower he should mentally recast it as a test for her to pass or fail. If she's his kind of girl and he wants a woman who appreciates his romantic gestures then she'll take the flowers.
salparadise Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Women will tell you what they think they want you to believe, but many of their instinctual needs/desires/motivations operate in the subconscious rather than the conscious mind. For example, who would be surprised to hear a woman talk about how much she is attracted to nice, respectful, emotive men, only to find out she's got her panties in a twist over some bad-boy casanova type who presents a challenge and won't capitulate? There is a question on OKC that asks: Does NO always mean NO? It is hilarious because all the woman answer, "No always means no." So in my answer I call them out, list some funny examples, and say they should fess up because any guy who takes NO for an answer and hasn't learned to persevere is destined to remain a virgin his whole life. Because mating strategies for men and women are asymmetrical there is a competitive element whether it's conscious or not. Women will tell you what they think you should believe, but what works is often altogether different. I went out with a woman I met online a week ago. We exchanged pleasantries afterward, but then a day or two later she emailed and said she didn't feel the connection she was looking for but wanted to stay in touch. I immediately wrote her off and didn't respond. But in the following week she has visited my profile nearly every day. What's going on? She was doing a power grab, setting herself up as the prize to be won, and I was supposed to pursue from a position of inferiority. Well, she blew it. Now she's checking out my profile and hoping I'll engage. It's really pretty funny.
Babolat Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 No woman EVER has told their BF "honey, your body looks too much like one of those Greek statues, do you think you could start chugging beer & downing baskets of wings until you have man-boobs because that would be HOT" Actually, if a woman thinks a guy is hot, everything they say goes right out the window. Actually, they do. My ex gf loved my body, called me solid, fit, ripped, cut, muscular, all that. She once saw some photos of me when I carried 20 more pounds. I was never overweight, always been on the thin side. She said "wow, you look so much hotter with a little more weight". And she would get after me, with a laugh, if I said I had gained a few lbs and wanted to lose them..stuff like "you look so much hotter with extra weight"
MrTurk Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 There is a question on OKC that asks: Does NO always mean NO? It is hilarious because all the woman answer, "No always means no." So in my answer I call them out, list some funny examples, and say they should fess up because any guy who takes NO for an answer and hasn't learned to persevere is destined to remain a virgin his whole life. Very true....many women I have slept with throughout my life...actually enjoyed retracting...just to get me to go for it. One woman especially....a FWB situation...got extremely aroused on telling me NO, and me pretty much forcing myself on her. She openly admitted it. The NO game isn't always about sex.....many women play it in all sorts of different scenarios.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I have some female friends...apparently she's done her share of online dating and I told her about the recent woman I met, and she suggested I should bring a flower on the next date. Because, "Women just LOVE flowers!" And I told her, "No, YOU love flowers, that's something I don't do unless we start getting serious/exclusive" And she's like "Fine suit yourself" When I know for a fact it may actually sabotage things. Most women tend to be scared off if you attempt at romance TOO quickly. Thats just an example, but gentleman ever have women give youdating advice that made it seem a little "off" about their advice? Most women can't give dating advice. They'll throw out generic tips at you. If you ever consider getting advice from a woman, consider a lesbian as I feel they'd be the most honest about what would catch a woman's notice the best.
Versacehottie Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Look at this from a male perspective. In Darwinian terms that dorky guy wasted his time even talking to you and giving flowers to a woman who would never ever accept his seed into her. Your advice illustrates the point all the males who date females have made in this thread. Heterosexual women change their mind about men, all, the, time. Giving flowers to a woman who you haven't had physical contact with is a mistake. That is coming from someone who gave a single rose to a woman on Valentines day and was rejected. That was in favor of the man she eventually married who gave her a bigger bouquet so more power to her. LOL, i think i usually agree with your pov...however, not sure I follow. The dork made the mistake of thinking we were anywhere in same league or that there was ANY interest whatsoever. He did not make a mistake with the flowers. Those I liked even if it was never going to happen between us. Also probably not a waste of time since someone who would have been more his speed probably witnessed the whole thing and respected him for it, just like I did. ______________________________________________________________ I still don't agree. Both men and women on this thread have said that if you have a "chance" with this person essentially to flower or not to flower is no big deal. I think if you already are feeling the person--contact or no contact, the flower is just a bonus. Not going to hurt, only going to help. Perhaps you are thinking the flower can tip the scales from "i'm not interested in this person/not attracted to this person/indifferent to this person" to "i like him" and THAT it cannot do. We won't even get into women changing their minds about men, you may have a point there.
Author irc333 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Yeah, I remember talking to this one woman I know, she apparently got a new boyfriend and I asked how they met. She said, "He asked me out 4 times and I said 'No' each time and when he asked me out the 5th time, I decided go go out with him". I used to hold off after asking once, but though I don't think I'd go as far as asking her out 5 times, I'd probably use the 3-strike rule. Very true....many women I have slept with throughout my life...actually enjoyed retracting...just to get me to go for it. One woman especially....a FWB situation...got extremely aroused on telling me NO, and me pretty much forcing myself on her. She openly admitted it. The NO game isn't always about sex.....many women play it in all sorts of different scenarios. 1
Babolat Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Very true....many women I have slept with throughout my life...actually enjoyed retracting...just to get me to go for it. One woman especially....a FWB situation...got extremely aroused on telling me NO, and me pretty much forcing myself on her. She openly admitted it. The NO game isn't always about sex.....many women play it in all sorts of different scenarios. In a comitted LTR, I get very turned on by my partner not letting me touch, pulling away, teasing me, saying "No". That's teasing and a mutual experience though.
salparadise Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Cause it has to be done. Yea, funny video. Women are all over the place with this... a million different ways to do the dance. Some will help you out and some expect you to just know. I've missed some cues that I really regret. I recently dated a woman who's a medical professional. This was when we were just starting, maybe second date. She had to stop by her office on a weekend to grab a file or something and invited me in to see where she worked. So before long we start playing humorous doctor/patient word games. I was getting a weird vibe but couldn't figure it out. This lasted only a minute and then the vibe disappeared and we went on our way. Well, about 30 minutes later it hit me like a brick in the head––she wanted me to f*uck her on her desk in the office! Damn I felt like an idiot. Wish I could get a mulligan on that one!
NXS Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 As for women's advice generally, I think women's advice on dating is mostly better than men's advice, BUT (and this is a big BUT) it can be skewed by our own desire to be polite and supportive to the guys we're talking to. The example of telling a guy we like toned muscles but "also something to hold onto" displays a preference but also a desire not to offend a guy who is not as ripped as superman. Yes this is a big part of the problem, when a guy is looking for dating advice he's, mostly, not looking to hear what you think he wants to hear. He wants actual hard cold objective advice that he can use. If he doesn't, then he's not really looking for advice just meaningless reassurance.
charlietheginger Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 It depends on the guy bringing flowers. If the guy is 6ft 190lbs dark handsome with blue eyes Nice house, nice car , nice job FLOWERS ARE A NICE GIFT if the guy is 5"6 balding and chubby flowers equals LOSERVILLE
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I learned long ago not to ask women for advice on other women. They either tell you a) what they think you want to hear or b) what they think they should like. But what women claim to like and what actually gets them going are often completely different things.
Revolver Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 You don't ask a fish for advice on how to catch fish, you ask an master fisherman 1
kevi Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I followed much of their general advice for many years and failed disastrously. Then, I started paying attention to what successful men were doing and saying, as well as listening to their advice, and things improved markedly. The key was in the numbers. Successful men know and practice what works with *many* women, since they dated and mated with many women. One woman gives advice that she feels positive about for *herself* and generally omits the part about such acts and/or words being predicated upon her feeling that ten second initial attraction which gains the man an audience for 'romance'. My responsibility was not properly understanding the words and taking them in a global way. This caused the decade of the flower/herb garden and the polishing of handwriting and poetry skills and now is the impetus for many jokes about the foolishness (mine) of that period. Getting married put it all in perspective. Good luck. There is always two sides of the story and believe me, you need to get both insights. Its way better to know how woman thinks and feels as you would want guys technique in dating. Get insights as you can then work with those that suits you.
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