Completely lost after breakup of a 4 year relationship

[May72]

I'm deeply devastated and lost right now.. I hope after reading my story someone can help shed some light and help me see the positive from this because I can't seem to make myself feel better at all.

 

He and I have been together for 4 years, starting at the age of 18. Even though I was the type to focus only on my education and that he was not my type at all physically, he caught my attention because of how well he carried himself compared to all of the boys at my high school. It took me awhile to fall in love with him, but the more caring and attentive he became, the easier it was for me to fall. He even admitted that I was his top priority when we first got together.

 

Months into our relationship, and every now and then for the past 4 years, we'd have our fights which usually stem from me not being ok with him being OVERLY friendly with his female friends like taking them out for lunch and paying, complimenting them on all their photos, sending them texts with hearts or winks. Still, I stayed with him because I really believed he genuinely loved me because of how hard he fights for me when I wanted to leave several times due to his behavior. He'd even talk about things like moving in together one day and marrying me later down the line. He'd open up to me about his deepest, darkest secrets that he never told anyone else which made me feel really special. He'd tell me that I'm such a rare find because I'm intelligent, good-looking, great at sex, can cook, and have a sense of humor that he likes. Basically, he made me felt like I was The One.

 

Thing is, things start to dramatically change once his life starts to get better. He got a promotion at work, he finally saved up enough for a car so he doesn;t need to bart or walk anymore, his confidence is at an all time high (thanks to me consciously stroking his ego for years because he started out insecure), and suddenly I'm at the bottom of his priority list. He started being distant, he'd call and text less, even when he does it's just how was your day and what did you do questions. I started questioning him about his behavior and he blames it all on work.

 

Then all of a sudden he wants a break because supposedly he's lost in life. He swears up and down that it had nothing to do with me but then breaks up with me a week later. I got angry and accused him of lying to me, stringing me along, and using me until he can stand on his own two feet. I guess that upset him because he finally admit that the break was because of me and that he feels I didn't support him the way he needed to be supported, which was letting him be independent. I though I did? I basically let him do whatever he wanted, only thing I requested from him was to be loyal and not lie or flirt with other girls. We saw each other only once or twice a week so he has tons of independence.

 

Anyway.. I did the most shameful things after the breakup. I'd plead and plead for him to give me another chance. I broke NC several times. He sounded so cold when he repeatedly said no. He basically blamed everything that was wrong in our relationship on me and said that I progressed too slow for his pace. He keeps saying that there was no one else but I found out a couple days ago from a mutual friend that he has been flirting with a girl at work and it looks like he's trying really hard to get with her. We've only been broken up for a month!

 

For the past month Ive been trying to do everything I can to get over him: NC, get rid of everything that links back to him, flirt guys that are interested in me (I just can't myself to like them though), exercise, eat healthy. I've had many great days but hearing that he has his eyes on someone else, and probably while we were together, is very devastating to me. I'm doing a whole bunch of things and he's still in the back of my mind but he seems to already have forgotten about me because there's another girl.

 

I feel like I've been lied to in the very worst way. How can someone that talked so much about loving me and marrying me just act like nothing out of the 4 years matter? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like everything is just falling apart for me. I still very much want this guy in my life despite how badly he ended things with me but he wants me out of his life for good. I miss him so much. I miss the sex, the cuddling, the dates, the calls, the emotional support, EVERYTHING. It ****ing sucks that he's looking forward to doing that with someone else now and I am still struggling to find someone I can click with. No matter how many guys like me, none of them are my ex! I can't force myself to like someone else.. I just can't. I hate this feeling of desperation. I want to call him but I know I'd have nothing to say besides please take me back which is pretty pathetic.

Edited September 2, 2013 by May72

[killershaft]

hey there...Went thru your whole thread.... First up just take a deep breath and calm yourself when u feel your losing control... its quite natural to feel the way your doing... It might sound funny but talk to yourself if that helps you to de-stress yourself... Coming to your story... i feel your bf has lost feelings for you currently because hes already with somebody else... It hurts less as the days go by... one sinciere advice from my end is to stop contacting him.... it only makes you feel worse when he says a 'no' and that hes with somebody else... your self respect and confidence takes a big jolt... look for ways to do new things that makes you forget old memories. Also, just refrain from thinking what your ex is doing and who hes going to be with... it wont matter to you couple of months down the line... just keep some patience and hang in there... the future is much better and brighter... And just to mention your ex will only think about returning if you completely forget about him and live your life happily. Think about how you can achieve that... build your character from this incident thats happened... make yourself better... pls dont waste your time thinking about someone who doesnt want you.... its a complete waste... Go out.. talk to people... don get into any new relationships just to feel better and get over the loneliness... it only makes things worse... keep the faith....you will forget about that selfish guy very soon... and for heavens sake don accept him back when he returns.. and i assure you he will return when his new found relationship starts rotting and once u stop contact with him... Its a part of your life thats over just accept it... its a hard pill to swallow.. but just do it... you will come out as a superwoman at the end of it.... Talk to us if u feel lonely and left out....

[killershaft]

And just to add... hes rejected you not because your not good... its because hes greedy and selfish and wants more from life... he will face the consequences of his actions very soon for the fact that hes hurt a girl who loved him so much... just sit back and watch the fun... Karma teaches everyone a lesson.. i assure you... Your someone with a loving heart... Dont feel bad, left out and rejected because of this incident.... Life is full of surprises... face everything in life with a smile or atleast pretend to... eventually you will...... Experience thats talking here

[Ireallydontknow]

Your ex is going to say whatever to alleviate guilt or shift the blame. I was told everything under the sun. Sometimes I feel guilty like it was my fault, but dammit she wasn't the easiest person to get along with at times. All I can say is just sever the tie. He probably found someone else so get used to that. After 4 years people just don't one day wake up and go "Yeah I don't like that person anymore."

 

It happened to me, she denied it was because of someone else. The relationship got strung along till I got cheated on. Just end it now don't get back together just to be betrayed in the future. It's going to suck. I had a good day yesterday, but today I'm thinking about her. Start getting healthy and then your mind will follow.

 

Stay strong!

[hurts2death]

aka kind of gigs?

 

mh ex girl also said - to live things.....and other phrases like that.....selfish people....wish karma teaches them a lesson . i believe it will...

And just to add... hes rejected you not because your not good... its because hes greedy and selfish and wants more from life... he will face the consequences of his actions very soon for the fact that hes hurt a girl who loved him so much... just sit back and watch the fun... Karma teaches everyone a lesson.. i assure you... Your someone with a loving heart... Dont feel bad, left out and rejected because of this incident.... Life is full of surprises... face everything in life with a smile or atleast pretend to... eventually you will...... Experience thats talking here

[May72]

Thank you guys. I'm okay now. All it took was some good night rest and I'm back to better judgement now. Just because he found someone else, doesn't mean they'll last forever.. and even she finds him perfect, it doesn't mean he was perfect for me because there were some serious red flags I ignored due to me not wanting to be alone.

 

And just to add... hes rejected you not because your not good... its because hes greedy and selfish and wants more from life... he will face the consequences of his actions very soon for the fact that hes hurt a girl who loved him so much... just sit back and watch the fun... Karma teaches everyone a lesson.. i assure you... Your someone with a loving heart... Dont feel bad, left out and rejected because of this incident.... Life is full of surprises... face everything in life with a smile or atleast pretend to... eventually you will...... Experience thats talking here

 

He is very selfish and it showed the last couple of weeks we were together. I myself would never be able to be as selfish to someone that loves me as he had been to me. I will never understand.. Thanks again for your comforting words though

[killershaft]

Great going..... you leading by example.... Keep the positive vibe going.... Hope you holding up well today cheers

[KCCK]

Cheer up... you are not entirely at fault .. he was selfish and he gave up on the relationship and went searching for someone else instead of trying to fix the problem together.. you deserve better.. take care..

[saltyfishhead666]

Oh killer I am loving your posts right now <3

[ellowmay]

Can I just say that I just recently went through pretty much exactly the same thing as the OP. I just had a 4 year relationship that got dragged out a little and finally ended, poorly this time, and with some added drama. But it was pretty much the same, as soon as things started looking up for him he broke it off, and is now experiencing some wild success, and it seems like he doesn't give a single **** about me. Even after all this time I've spent pouring my effort into him. Granted, it was difficult and we went through a lot during our relationship, but he presents no appearance to even be bothered by my absence. I've tried apologizing because of the mean things I said when we broke up, but still nothing..

 

All I want is to be friends with him now. I want closure and resolution for myself, and yet I have received nothing. How do you deal with this if you still have a bone to pick with this person. I have owned up to and apologized for all the things I did, but he hasn't. I want to tell him that it's ****ed up and that I deserve better, and at least an apology, and I would like to move on and be friends. But I can't contact him now, because if I did he probably wouldn't respond well or it would not go well, or I would seem pathetic. But I truly want resolution for this....how do I achieve it?

[hurts2death]

my ex girlfrnd also got a good job and also started forgetting "us"

 

it pains like hell i know. you will not find resolution... let it go . continue nc and target improving you and only you.....he is in more warm waters now as he thinks,, but guess what carreer counts **** infront of love and he will sometime feel ****... but you must not care,,,, life has sth better for you... keep your head up and LOVE YOU

Can I just say that I just recently went through pretty much exactly the same thing as the OP. I just had a 4 year relationship that got dragged out a little and finally ended, poorly this time, and with some added drama. But it was pretty much the same, as soon as things started looking up for him he broke it off, and is now experiencing some wild success, and it seems like he doesn't give a single **** about me. Even after all this time I've spent pouring my effort into him. Granted, it was difficult and we went through a lot during our relationship, but he presents no appearance to even be bothered by my absence. I've tried apologizing because of the mean things I said when we broke up, but still nothing..

 

All I want is to be friends with him now. I want closure and resolution for myself, and yet I have received nothing. How do you deal with this if you still have a bone to pick with this person. I have owned up to and apologized for all the things I did, but he hasn't. I want to tell him that it's ****ed up and that I deserve better, and at least an apology, and I would like to move on and be friends. But I can't contact him now, because if I did he probably wouldn't respond well or it would not go well, or I would seem pathetic. But I truly want resolution for this....how do I achieve it?