jacksonww Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Met the perfect woman about a month ago, we click on every level, we kiss, we touch, we talk. The mistake I made is that have basically told her every feeling I have for her. I did not tell her that I loved her but I may as well have. Now I am stuck chasing and getting a bit of resistance in return. We talked about it and she said she is afraid if she lets go everything will spiral out of control but she does like me enough to work on it. Guess that is a good sign. Bottom line is that chasing is taking all of my energy and the fact that we can only see each other about once a week makes me feel like I may be wasting my time. How can I fix this and make her chase me? I need to see the woman I am falling for more than once a week! Most of our contact is by phone and I am not a big chatter period. Am being selfish? I know she will only be busy for a few more months and there is talk of her taking next term off. I don't want to play games but I do want to feel like this is a give and take relationship. By the way, she's 26, a single Mother, Student, and Manager. Me, 36 and have all the time in the world aside from work. Any input?
bluechocolate Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 The mistake I made is that have basically told her every feeling I have for her. I did not tell her that I loved her but I may as well have. That was a mistake. I always thought you should be guarded about your feelings for the first couple of months, maybe even longer if you can't see each as often as you like. Now of course she's scared that it's too much too fast. Now I am stuck chasing and getting a bit of resistance in return. I think chasing her has the potential to confirm her fear about you. I think you should back off a bit. Bottom line is that chasing is taking all of my energy and the fact that we can only see each other about once a week makes me feel like I may be wasting my time. I don't really think once a week is too bad. Busy working people (and she's a single mom!!) can often only afford a Friday or a Saturday night to let loose. Your head-space can be quite different from Monday to Friday. I need to see the woman I am falling for more than once a week! If that is not possible then deal with the reality as it is now. As you say, it may change in the future. Most of our contact is by phone and I am not a big chatter period. I'm usually not a good phone talker myself, but you can change that & you should try. It will make the week seem shorter & help you two to get to know each other better. I don't want to play games but I do want to feel like this is a give and take relationship. I think you're really jumping the gun here. You've only known her a month & she's a busy single mom. Relax. What's the big rush? Stop trying to chase her so much & stop talking about your feelings for her & enjoy trying to get to know each other better without so much pressure. Worry about all that relationship crapola a little later.
CraigC Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 I agree, she knows you're gogga over her, so I would say back way off and let it play out, realizing that it may not play out. I also agree about her being a single mother. Even if she has say a family or friend or even babysitter, she may feel her child comes first, and rightly so, and that can mean close to zero time even for herself. Also, she may not concerned about somebody hurting her child by binding with somebody and then breaking off the relationship. So many things. Take it easy, very easy. Relationships work best that way anyway since you can't force her to like you or anything like that.
alphamale Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 1) Women like to chase men they like, not the other way around 2) You gave way too much way too soon 3) You are putting all your eggs in one basket with her, date other women 4) After one month of "seeing" this lady, you know nothing about her 5) If you don't play the "game" then you will never win 6) You are makeing yourself way to available to her, the less of you there is to go around the more she will want you good luck
Author jacksonww Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 Well we had dinner last night and we both came to the conclusion that this "What ever it was" was not working. We decided just to take it easy and maybe keep in in touch once in a while. No more talk of a relationship because she does not have the time right now and she feels bad because she can't give in me anything in return. Too bad for her - I would have given her the world and would have waited too. Funny how that works. When you give your all, it seems it is all for nothing. Maybe she will look back and see what she had. Who knows. For now - I'm laying low. If I catch a woman's eye, then she can chase me! I think I'm done for a while. Call me jaded if you will. At least I can say I have given all I had in all of my relationships and have never quit for any reason on any woman in my 36 years of living. I always try and be optimistic hoping things will work out in the end. As I get older it seems to get harder however. What do women want anyway? It must not be open communication, honesty, flowers, or being a gentleman! What a crappy day! Jack
DayumQuitPlayin Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale 1) Women like to chase men they like, not the other way aroundgood luck I would have to disagree with that statement. Girls like to chase.. and so do Guys. Some girls like for guys to chase them.. makes them feel wanted.. same for guys.. they like the attention of having all these girls after them. Anywayz.. I have Spoken To the guy who started this Thread.. Good Lucc
snilljente Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I thought that guys found girls who chased them "needy" and it turned them off.....don't they want the elusive, hard to catch girl? I'm confused!!
JackieQ Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 everyone's giving advice about chaser vs chasee... isn't that just the way it goes? Both have their +/-'s. Don't know that one is better than the other. I am sorry it didn't work out this time though. That's bad no matter which side your on. jackieq
Author jacksonww Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 Looking back I can tell you that I pushed too hard and basically put this new woman in place of the last one. It's only been 2 months since my 8 year relationship was lost. Guess I thought if I had someone new I would not have to deal with the past. Unfortunatly it made things worse and now I have to deal with a broken heart twice. Bummer - Things will get better in time however. This I know for a fact!
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