shvrk Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 These things are stressful because I need to tell an entire story and hope for reply. Alright, here I go typing a mini essay as A-Ha's Hunting High and Low plays in the background... In November of last year we've started dating and the first few months were incredible, as usual, but this was both of our first relationships. We have had very intense feelings for each other, I would go to all of his family events, his mother loves me, she and I have an amazing relationship as well. Anyway about 3 months into my relationship I had left my ipod (which is what I used for messaging) at his house. He found that I had been texting a guy that I had sex with, prior to the relationship. I don't know how clear that is, but once I was in my current relationship I cut off the friends-with-benefits thing and the other guy and I were just friends at that point, and he was totally fine with it. One day I needed a ride to the next city over for an event, and I tweeted it, so people could understand my urgency. My boyfriend unfortunately was unable to do it, so this guy (the one I was sleeping with) offered to drop me off since he was going that way anyway. I accepted it and the ride was totally innocent. My boyfriend read about that in the messages and also saw that we spoke about sex (before my current boyfriend was in the picture. I would never cheat on him.) He then became very upset and untrusting for a long while, then our relationship started to become as I wanted it to be. There then became a point where he couldn't seem to take it, the fact that I slept with someone before him, because he asked me out of the blue how many people I've been with. 2. And he's only been with one. I feel that it bugs him, along with the fact that he's white and the guys I've been with are black. He's even told me that. I feel like he's insecure, but the best sex I've ever had was with him. I love him so much. I treat him like a king and I would never cheat on him. We were having a rough time for a while, then I went camping with him and his family for a few day, were we just connected with eachother on a great level. But from that point in May till now, he's still "trying to figure out if he wants to be with me." We've been on a break since the middle of May. But we still act as if we are together. Even recently I stayed at his house with him and his family because I was kicked out. It was the best week of my life. I could focus on classes, and the place was quiet, and he was always around or would be coming home to me. I loved every moment of it. What I forgot to mention was that I was sick of waiting around for him (before I stayed with him for a week) and I broke it off. Then almost immediately I wanted to get back with him. He seemed to make it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me, so of course I panic, and cry, and I go to the friend that I used to have sex with in the past. I didn't see him, I just texted him and let him know what happened. I also explain why I hadn't spoken to him in a few months. He understood and was cool with it, but I realized that I didn't want to fall in to the same old habits and stopped talking to him. So, my boyfriend and I have been attempting to communicate better when he asks me if I had been trying to be with other guys since we broke up. I told him no, and then he called me a liar because he found out that I messaged that guy when we broke up. He's hurt. I love him so much, and I know it's a bit ****ed up to even to to bring back into my life what caused problems in my relationship. So now whenever my boyfriend and I hangout, there is a sense of resentment, and it sucks. Even after we've made a list of things we can work on with the relationship (how controlling he can be, his anger issues, my emotional freakouts, and other little things) the day before. Then a mess happens. We went to the movies yesterday and we were very distant. Afterwards he told me "I feel alone even when I am with you." I then told him, "That's how I feel quite often." Then I texted him this morning that I feel like I need to be away from him for a while. (NC) so he can have time to forgive me, and so that I can rebuild my self esteem, (I've been on an emotional roller coaster these past few months, and I've been exercising to keep myself sane.) He agreed that maybe it was needed, and that he hopes love will bring us back together, and that he wants to return the affection that I give him, but he's still very hurt that I texted that guy. I just hate the idea that this guy could be out of my life forever. He loves me, and I love him, but it's been difficult. Could anyone please just reply with any kind of advice?
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 only time will tell if you guys will end up together, you should just do what you both said you wanted to do, work on yourselves see how it goes....keep in contact and dont date others... maybe further down the track, have some platonic dates with your bf no kissing touching hugging.........see how that goes...might seem like a whack idea and boring(it actually is only as boring as the two of you make it)....but if you have platonic dates and just have fun maybe you can recapture the feelings you had...this has worked for me ebfore when goign through rough spots with my ex....and it does work.... touching kissing hugging complicates the base feeling.....which is ....friendship and to be someone friend you have to be able to trust them..which was a big part of the base you lost..try to build from there again....you might be surprised at the outcome...could end up on a firmer foundation even more so than before...............good luck....deb 1
Author shvrk Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 only time will tell if you guys will end up together, you should just do what you both said you wanted to do, work on yourselves see how it goes....keep in contact and dont date others... maybe further down the track, have some platonic dates with your bf no kissing touching hugging.........see how that goes...might seem like a whack idea and boring(it actually is only as boring as the two of you make it)....but if you have platonic dates and just have fun maybe you can recapture the feelings you had...this has worked for me ebfore when goign through rough spots with my ex....and it does work.... touching kissing hugging complicates the base feeling.....which is ....friendship and to be someone friend you have to be able to trust them..which was a big part of the base you lost..try to build from there again....you might be surprised at the outcome...could end up on a firmer foundation even more so than before...............good luck....deb Thank you. I'm willing to try it, I'm just very scared I will slip up, or make a mistake, as far as taking time goes. It's hard to think about having to be back at step one with someone that I've done everything with.. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Thank you. I'm willing to try it, I'm just very scared I will slip up, or make a mistake, as far as taking time goes. It's hard to think about having to be back at step one with someone that I've done everything with.. it actually isnt easy, the natural thing to feel is to want to touch the person you love......but stepping back from that allows you to see the person properly and just try and have fun do something you both like to do share some laughter...imagine before you got to gether and you were just getting to know each other think fo when you first kissed first touched the feelings you felt then and you were probably scared then too...but if love is there...this is the feeling you will recapture.........think..and when you do eventually touch trust me you will think there is nothing better than just to be in each others arms..the passion.....you get a second chance at remembering what it felt like the first time.....if you get that feeling from the both of you the love never died.....i wish you much love and luck.....hugs.......deb
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