Kavera Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 So I'll try to explain my situation in the fewest amount of words possible, but knowing me, this will probably be a long post, so sorry in advance. I'm 18 years old, just graduated high school in late May, and have been working at Chick-Fil-A since late January (about 7 months). A coworker of mine, who I will call Edward, works in the kitchen (I'm in the front of house). We had been friends for months, always goofing off with each other. Around June, that friendship just slowly turned into something more. Here's the thing though: Edward is 25. I know the age difference isn't THAT bad (about 7 years), but it was enough to freak out my parents. So we talked for about a month, just taking things slow, which is what we both wanted. He asked me out on July 23rd, and things were good. Edward is caring, doesn't pressure me, respectful, makes me laugh, family-oriented, and just an all around great guy. He did all the things a great boyfriend would do: late night phone calls after work, spending time with each other, compliments and having deep conversations with me one moment, and then a funny conversation the next moment. I would go over to his place where we would watch movies and just hang out and talk (and kiss lol). I love his dad, and visa versa, and the three of us would have lunch sometimes. All of our coworkers and supervisors were for us dating and loved messing with us (we're like one big family there). But here's the thing: I'm super close to my family. I had a good childhood, I'm close to my mom and I'm a daddy's girl. I have one older sister. I dated one other guy (one year older), and a couple weeks into that relationship, they invited him over one Sunday night for pizza, game night and a movie. So they aren't against me dating, but they do want me focus on my college classes (which just started last week). I'm sure they would love to keep me in a bubble though and keep me from growing up. So all the while Edward and I were dating, they already made their opinion clear that they did not approve, and their opinion was not going to change. But they said that I'm 18, they can't stop me, and they won't get in my way but they will make sure their opinion was heard. They said I can make my own decisions. I guess they were hoping I would learn something from this experience. Edward knew about the struggle and stress I was going through with my parents not approving and with them not even wanting to meet the guy, but he was very understanding. He cares for me a lot, as do I with him. Here are their concerns: The biggest one is age. My dad said the age doesn't freak him out too much, but it does for my mom. She thinks he's too old. Another thing is about his education. He had a rough start, he grew up in a poor part of NY and lacked motivation. Once he got his head on straight and moved down south, he started working to get his AA in computer design/game design. He has a few more credits before he does finally achieve this. He is about to be promoted to supervisor at work (where he is full time) since he has shown good leadership skills and motivation. So I know it sounds bad with him being 25 and not even having his AA yet, so that was a small red flag for me. And another thing is his financial situation. Working at a joe job obviously doesn't pay much, so things have been rough for him. He had to stop schooling temporarily (which happened earlier this year) until he could get his financial situation back in order to pay for classes. Things keep breaking and bills are piling up, he's managing, but barely. Also, he's big into video games. I wouldn't say it's obsessive, I've seen worse, but he loves them. Did video games ever become a priority over me or his family? Never. He just uses that as his get-a-way, which is understandable. Everyone has something they like to do in their down time to get away from the world. But my parents, again having never met him, think he is completely obsessed with them. Not true at all, I believe they are being very judgmental about all of this stuff. I can understand some of their points, but others, they just aren't being fair. The weekly and sometimes daily discussions with my parents (rarely heated, usually just heart to heart conversations but it would get very frustrating sometimes and would lead to some raised voices) were becoming very stressful for me. They would say some harsh things, but it's not fair because they never even gave him a chance. They kept telling me that they're sure he's a great guy, that I am a good judge of character, but they think I can do better and that he's not the one. It's hard hearing those words when this person brings you so much joy and happiness. Edward has been very encouraging and wants me to do well in school. When he was in school himself, he made straight A's and the dean's list. So with all of this said, let's back up to last Wednesday, August 28th. We had been dating a little over a month, a short period of time. This whole situation has been going on for a little over two months. I felt like I was put in a rock and a hard place, and decided to break up with him that night even though things were going really well. I was happy, but I couldn't be completely happy knowing my parents were shaking their head at me. I was crying during the break up, he understood but I could tell he was really upset. It was honestly one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, my parents didn't force me, but I felt like I didn't have much of a choice. It was like an hour long conversation, and he asked questions which I tried to answer honestly. I told him that my main reasons for doing this was because of age and my parents. I talked about schooling a little, but I didn't want to hurt him. He said you never know what the future holds, but he said he would respect my decision and give me space. We both have a good head on our shoulders and said that we're going to stay friends since we are close (my parents have no problem whatsoever with me being his friend, they just don't want us to date). I miss him like hell. We don't talk or text as much, and it's slowly killing me inside. I miss all of the small things that you take for granted during a relationship. I can tell I haven't been myself lately, and I've been crying a lot. I don't need a man to make me happy, I love myself enough that I don't mind being single, but Edward and I are so good together, it just sucks that there's a giant roadblock that is preventing us from continuing our relationship happily. Obviously I would never go behind my parents backs, I love them to death and could never do that, because I want a guy that I can bring home and that can fit into my family. I know if I asked him out he would come back to me, he's already opened that door. But with my whole parent situation, I just can't do that knowing I'll end up right back where I started. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. We have talked post-breakup, but things are a little awkward since we're both hurt. We both want each other, but it seems like it isn't achievable. Also, remember we are coworkers. The first time working together after the break up was extremely difficult, and I felt like my heart was in my stomach the whole 8 hour shift. I'm so lost. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
darkmoon Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) let the guy become more qualified, then try again with your family, time to live your own life, you might need to stop being Daddy's girl for a day, I hope you and this guy still talk, I think parents want their children to be safe, not scrimping over the nappy-money, no outings no baby-sitter money and all that, I am sure your parents mean well Edited September 2, 2013 by darkmoon 1
AHaze Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) I think you idolize your parents too much, I would like to say this in a much ruder way, but I won't.... "your parents need to back off, mind their own business, respect your decisions, and keep their opinions to themselves". Parents will always love you no matter what, and dating a guy they do not approve of will not change that, but if they CAN have it the way they want it... they will. And with you... they can, you are a push-over, submissive to your parents. Tell your parents that you feel they have pushed you into this, you're extremely upset with them and what they did is not right, basically PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND THINK FOR YOURSELF... you are tired of constantly seeking approval, feeling the need to make sure YOUR decisions in YOUR life must appease them before you can go ahead and do what you want to do. Meet up with Edward and apologize for letting your parents rule your life, tell him it was NOT your decision, not what you wanted and you really do like him, and that you hope he will forgive you for the hiccup... Hopefully you'll be happy together and share some great experiences. Welcome to adulthood. Edited September 2, 2013 by AHaze 2
nikkimikkime Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Your parents sound very reasonable. I'd take in their advice and evaluate them carefully, give their points some serious deep thoughts. You're young, but try think of a bigger picture. 1
Author Kavera Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 All very true. I think I am at that stage where I am transitioning from teenager to adult (a very weird phase if you ask me). I talked to my parents this morning, we talked for about two hours. It was a really good conversation, and even though they don't approve right now, they said that if they see changes with his schooling and stuff, they would be willing to give him a chance. I also talked to Edward last night on the phone for about an hour and a half. We miss each other. I think I am going to give things a second chance, also while respecting my parents. I have to choose what makes me happy.
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