Its an art to live with pain....

[Soon2bsngl]

And it makes you wonder....Do they even think about it this much? Do they even realize how much pain they have caused? I know it's awful to say but I hope that the OW is in as much pain as I am. She knew all along he was married.

[DazednConfused]

Hello all;

 

Been a while since I posted, but I guess i have to add my "me too" to the growing list here.

 

For me, it's pushing 7 1/2 months since discovery of my wife's year-long emotional and sexual affair. And I concur with some of the others that time truly does help, it muzzes the memory, creates distance, etc. But the roller coaster ride never stops; it does seem to slow down, but for me, the peaks and valleys are much higher and lower than in the beginning. Not really lower perhaps, but perhaps longer and more involved.

 

I have been on a two-week low now without an end in sight. Maybe I have entered the "I Hate you" stage. You see, even at this advanced point in recovery, I can vividly recall the way I was treated during her affair. She acted like it was such a pain to be around me and our daughter, I can bring back many of the bald-faced lies and half-truths; I can recall many of my own thoughts during that time of suspecting the affair and my own self-doubt and refusal to open my eyes to the truth. While i try not to dwell on these things, they are there. Always.

 

Since discovery, (actually since before that), my wife has been attentive, loving, kind, gracious, and patient. On the surface, these are all good things, and things she should be to repair our marriage. For six months, time spent with her was about the only time I felt good about anything. For about the last month or so, it has just felt like I cannot accept this anymore. Her affection feels contrived to me; "She's doing this because she has to....", and the other things she has been doing just feel wrong somehow. I am hoping this is yet another phase that will pass or I will be doomed to divorce and starting over.

 

I find myself suspecting and picking apart her accounts of the affair, timelines, events, etc. Since I have caught her in several lies since discovery and "complete disclosure", I feel absolutely no trust, and little respect for her anymore. I think logically that my future ability to trust should hinge upon her honesty, call me funny that way.

 

I think one thing that truly sticks in my craw is that I have done so very much for her over the years; been so incredibly good to her, loved her with every fiber to the exclusion of any other female on the planet. I changed myself to better fit her dreams and accomplish the goals that we had set for ourselves early on, I sacrificed my college education in a low-paying field (but work that I loved), to pursue other more lucrative opportunities. I did this to provide a better life for my wife and my daughter.

 

All this, and for over a year, in her eyes, I was second. I was cast aside. I was unimportant. I was controlling. I was unreasonable. I was over-protective. I was crazy. I was just the dumbass she married when she didn't know better. How does anyone not resent that?? How do I get past the FACT that she was not only ungrateful, but she spat in my face?

 

Of course there is the territory issue involved in the sex as well. No, she was not a virgin when I met her, nor was I. I think when a woman chooses a man to marry and spend her life with, that man feels like he won. He wants to believe that he is her best, and that she is no longer going to shop around. When a woman marries a man, she is telling him that she is satisfied with all of him. The man puts his ring on her finger, and promises to love her, and make a life with her that is fulfilling for both, and so she becomes his territory, and his alone. And so the territorial issue is a tough one to pass as well. Unless you are interested in the swinging lifestyle, or get turned on by the thought; good luck coming to terms with your wife and another man happily banging away. Even intelligent, educated, self-confident, and accomplished men will suffer a staggering blow to their ego.

 

Wow, I am sorry for the rant, but it's been a while. I check the site daily still, and I am pulling for each of you. Does it really get better? I am sure it does for some. For me, the jury is still out.

 

-Dazed.

 

 

Just reread my post....I guess i still have some anger issus huh?

[Soon2bsngl]

Well this is one roller coaster ride that I want off of. I can't stand this. I have lost complete respect for him and our marriage. And although I love him sometimes I look at him with such disgust and I just can not fathom how he could do it. How could he be out with her and come home to me and look me in the eye and tell me he loves me. Or how do you crawl into bed with me after just leaving her? I want thinkgs to work, but something has to change or I want out. I love my husband but I can't live with this pain for the rest of my life. I think back now to all the fighting and tears and heartache and I just get sick over it. I would never do that to him, nor would he tolerate it. He tells me all the time that if he found out I cheated on him he would leave with no looking back. So is that what I should do to him?

[Soon2bsngl]

To all these people who are trying to recover from being cheated on, now that the affair is out in the open does your cheater accuse you of cheating on them? My H is so insecure now and scared that I'm going to do it to him for revenge. Is anyone else going through this?

[DazednConfused]

No, my wife said it is a concern for her, but no accusations....

[brashgal]

does your cheater accuse you of cheating on them? My H is so insecure now and scared that I'm going to do it to him for revenge

 

I think he is just trying to assuage his guilt - it's merely a smokescreen. He has to understand there is no "getting even" here - two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Ironically, my ex told me he thought I should cheat on him, maybe I'd understand how he felt - how is that for convoluted thinking?

[Soon2bsngl]

It really surprises me to see how many people stayed with their cheating spouse after finding out. The way my friends and family acted after we got back together I thought I was the only person that ever tried to forgive. It makes me feel better to know there are people out there that I can share my thoughts and fears with and you guys aren't judging. Good luck to us all, and I'm proud of us!! It takes a certain kind of person to go through what we have gone through and still hold our heads high and look at our spouse and say........Yes you screwed up but I know you love me and I love you and we can get through this.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I half to share a little story that made me feel goo about my self....

 

but a little background first. My wife is a very strong woman....very beautiful and a very confident lady. She gets labled as a firecracker sometimes because she is so out going and bold. She loves attention like that. She has this energy vibe that is very attractive to both men and women....

 

What I am getting at is that she has never had to worry about me "putting my self out there" like that. I have always been lowkey in my character. She never had a reason to be jealous...and I think that maybe that was a bad thing....casue maybe if she was more jealous at times it would make her realize what she has in me...and that if she didnt hold on tight, that someone could get in at some point.

 

Anyways....that tinge of jealous finally took place the other day. It was actually quite nice. Know I now that I am a nice person, attractive and fun to be around. But due to my insecurities, i didnt understand or believe it untill now.

 

SO.....me and wife met up with a GF of hers who was out with another GF. My wife have never met this other girl before. So we walk in the bar and I see a friend i have seen in a while...so I stay and caht with him a bit, while my wife goes in the back to find her firend. A few minutes later I go look for them too....as I walk up to the table (wife and her firend dont see me), but the other girl saw me and I over heard her say to my wife and her firend..."Ohhh theres a cute one"...as I continue walking over to them...my wife notices that it was me....hahahaha they all laugh and I sit down inbetween my wife and this other girl. We all sat and had afew drinks. The other girl was talking to me alot...and we had alot in commen. She thought U2 and Pearl Jam were the two greatest bands alive...WHICH I think too...I was flattered and interested. This girl also know alot about sports and we were watching the Bucks game and we talked about that a while. She also plays pool, which i play alot, so me and her wnet and played a few games. Then my wife and her friend got up to go to the bathroom....and this girl said to them "go ahead, I'll just stay here and flirt with yuor cute husband". Later on we went to a dance bar...I dont dance, and neither did her friend, but my wife and this other girl wnet and danced. Oh and I have to say that my wife ansd this other girl were wearing the same outfit sorta...jeans and brown shirt and both have bolnde hair. Anyway...they came off the dance floor...I was up against the table setting down my beer and I feel this a$$ and hips shaking up against my hips....so without looking I grabbed her waist and right under the breast...OHHH...turn around to see it was NOT my wife. hahaha I said to her, "OMG I thought you were my wife"...and this girl looked me in the eye and said..."no you didnt! "...all the while my wife is standing there....my wife kinda looked at me with a smile of hey what you doin?....but its was like a look of "hey thats kinda sexy"...in a wierd way. Then when we left, this other girl gave me a hug and ran her fingers up around the back of my neck and into the back of my hair..(not a normal hug you give to someone you dont know)...it was a VERY flirtatious hug and then she said to me "buy, see you around sometime".......man that was a nice feeling.

 

Anyway...when we got home my wife said to me that she felt a little flattered by this other woman hitting on me all night....even right in front of her. I asked her if she was jealous...she said, nah...I;m not, I know you wouldnt do anything anyways. She also said that she tought I loved it and she was kinda glad that it happened cause she knows this sorta thing NEVER happens to me.

 

Well 2 days later, in the morning my wife says to me.."so did you dream about Julie last night?"...hahahah i said no I dream about you. Then later that night...without prompting her....she admitted to me that she DID feel little jealous...and that maybe she needs that every now and then to remind her what she has and that other women DO find me attractive.

 

 

All i can say from this experience is that I LOVED IT......things like this NEVER happen to me...let alone in front of my wife....but man I am so gald it did. It felt REALLY GOOD. I also told my wife that now i kinda understand why she likes attention like that from other people...because it make you feel good, makes you feel wanted. And dont get me wrong, my wife feels wanted by me....its the thrill of other people enjoying what yuo have that is exciting. Anyways....it was a good thing that it happen....not only to boost my understanding that other women DO find me attractive and also that my wife felt a little threatened by this other woman.....keep her on her toes....hahahaha

 

 

hope it happens more....hehehehehehe

[sgirl728]

TMY

 

I have to ask you a question. I have a friend that has had the same experience as you have. He has been deeply hurt. He has been with her for 20 years, but he has found out that there have been several affairs (at least 10) throughout their marriage. About 4 months after he found out all of this we be came very close and eventually started having an affair. He's now so torn and doesn't know what to do. I guess reading your post I see more of what he is going through. But, it's still hard. He can't seem to walk away from her. I guess my question for you is this. After what she has done to you, if you met someone else and fell in love, would you be able to walk away from her, or has she beaten down your ego so much that you just can't function?? I really love this man very deeply, but I'm trying to be patient and let him get through his emotions on his own without pressure from me. I guess I'm just trying to see from a man's point of view why he is willing to stay with her.

[ThumbingMyWay]

just leaving work....

 

but that is a very interesting question....I will reply tomorrow....

[sylviaguardian]

Ha, ha, ha! I can see where you're coming from TMY. No wonder you enjoyed your evening so much. Perhaps some of your self-confidence is coming back and other are starting to notice? Good for you. God knows we all need an ego boost here.

 

Sylvia

 

P.S. I agree that Pearl Jam are great!

[ThumbingMyWay]

Originally posted by sylviaguardian

Ha, ha, ha! I can see where you're coming from TMY. No wonder you enjoyed your evening so much. Perhaps some of your self-confidence is coming back and other are starting to notice? Good for you. God knows we all need an ego boost here.

 

Sylvia

 

P.S. I agree that Pearl Jam are great!

 

great big ego boost for me.....

 

and PJ Rocks!

[ThumbingMyWay]

Originally posted by sgirl728

TMY

 

I have to ask you a question. I have a friend that has had the same experience as you have. He has been deeply hurt. He has been with her for 20 years, but he has found out that there have been several affairs (at least 10) throughout their marriage. About 4 months after he found out all of this we be came very close and eventually started having an affair. He's now so torn and doesn't know what to do. I guess reading your post I see more of what he is going through. But, it's still hard. He can't seem to walk away from her. I guess my question for you is this. After what she has done to you, if you met someone else and fell in love, would you be able to walk away from her, or has she beaten down your ego so much that you just can't function?? I really love this man very deeply, but I'm trying to be patient and let him get through his emotions on his own without pressure from me. I guess I'm just trying to see from a man's point of view why he is willing to stay with her.

 

Well....after 20 years and 10 affairs...I truely think I would have a different view if I was in that boat.

 

If this had happened.....and my wife truely made amends and wanted to work it out...i would try, becuase MY conviction to the sanctity of marriage is strong. But I think it would be hard, very hard. In my situation...my wife confessed. Now in you friends situ....did she confess or did he find out and confront her?. That would make a difference. Also is the wife of your friend truely sorry and working on the marriage? Cause If she was not remorseful and putting her energy back into the marriage...man I would prolly leave. But everyone has there own way. 20 years is a long time....it would be tuff. But as I think of it....10 A's in 20 years....man, there has to be more missing in the marriage for those affairs to take place over that time frame. Some people just dont know how to be faithful...they just dont understand a marriage commintment. Like I said to my wife.....women cheat for emotional purposes, and men cheat for sex. well at least thats a good generalization. So your friends wife cheated for a reason...what it is i dont know.

 

 

 

As for if I found someone else and fell in love, would I leave my marriage.

 

Well, first of all, at this time of my recovery, I would never put myself out there to be in that situ. I could never open my heart enough for someone else to get in. that is my conviction to marriage....never give your heart up....keep in close to your wife. I really dont see myself ever getting there. Simply because I have never had the need to do so.

 

But can I say is it a possiblity? Absolutely. One thing I have learned thru counseling is that no one really knows the future. And could someone come along and make me tingle inside.....yes it could.....BUT would I persue it?....that would depend on how I felt in my own marriage. If I ever cheated, it would be because I was unhappy in my marriage....not because I need sex and affection. I do get that from my wife. BUT as I said in previous posts....at the current time, I dont feel that my wife is 100% back into our marriage...she just isnt there yet....but it takes time. Now if this feeling continues for the next year or so.....meaning, if i continue to give 100% and I dont get it back....well then I would have some tuff decision. BUT would I go find someone prior to makeing that decision.....NO...I would try to make it work and if it didnt...I would leave, be on my own for a while....and then explore new love.

[sgirl728]

Ok, well here's the kicker. She confessed to an affair after they were married a year. Then a few years later he found out from someone else about another affair. He never confronted her. Well 5 years later he learns of several other flings, affairs, whatever they were. She never confessed. He never confronted her. They just pretend as if it never happened.

I don't know, as I'm sitting here typing this, I feel as if I'm just payback and that I really never meant anything to him. It's like a ton a bricks just hit me.

I guess I was wrong about him. So no matter what you say now or what your response is, it won't change the fact that I've meant nothing to him.

Thanks for your response anyway.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Just had a wierd thought.....hahahah

 

 

if for whatever reason my marriage dont work.....and if one of yours doenst work out....

 

 

Then, maybe I could coerce one of you nice ladys to go out with me and we could give a try..

 

 

LS should have a singles forum....hahahahah. With all the knowledge we know of each other...I bet a LS could produce at least one lasting relationship.....never know huh?

 

Divorced Male

34

2 kids

Enjoy music, camping, fishing and pool

I can make you laugh and am fun to be around

Loving and faithful...i will never stray....

 

 

 

ok ok....maybe not...

[sylviaguardian]

sgirl728,

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You probably weren't just payback.Maybe your MM is getting to the stage where he is letting go. I agree with TMY that it's probably better to decide that the marriage is dead and to be alone for a while but that's quite a brave thing to do.

 

Rejection is hard, in any form. But don't internalise the problems in his marriage. They are nothing to do with you. I'm sure if he wanted payback he could have done it in faster and easier ways (like a one-night stand). Sometimes it's just the wrong time, wrong place. That does not reflect on you as a person.

 

Sylvia

[sgirl728]

Y'all are right. I know I mean a lot to him. Sometimes he just gets so wrapped up in their problems that I get neglected and he can't even see it. He's a man of few words and doesn't express his emotions very well and if he tells you something he truly means it. He has told me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him and that I am the best friend he has ever had and that I am more like him than anyone he has ever known.

After I posted I asked why he's been different and said he just didn't want things to blow up before the holidays. I fully understand and respect that. I care so much for him that I'd let him go completely to be alone for a while if he needed me to. Hopefully he is getting the letting go stage. It took me a while to get there myself. I was a year and a half ahead of him on this, so I know he needs more time. We have a beautiful friendship above everything else.

So I will just let him go through his stages and I will be there for him when he needs me to pick him back up.

Does anybody know the actual stages you go through?? I went through them myself and I have been watching him go through them, but it's hard to really know what they are when you are going through them yourself.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by DazednConfused ....

I think when a woman chooses a man to marry and spend her life with, that man feels like he won. He wants to believe that he is her best, and that she is no longer going to shop around. When a woman marries a man, she is telling him that she is satisfied with all of him. The man puts his ring on her finger, and promises to love her, and make a life with her that is fulfilling for both, and so she becomes his territory, and his alone.

 

I think your gonna have to pee on her, Dazed! <====cheesy joke just to make you smile

 

You're having a tough day. But I imagine that you're right that this is also a phase. I have a friend who is just now showing her rage after her husband's PA, and it's been a year now.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Well….I have been feeling really good about myself and my situation this week.

 

BUT after the lose of my wifes coworker/friend, my wife has been really feeling down this week.

 

We had a great heart to heart talk about life and ourselves and our marriage this past Tuesday night. The lose of her friend has really got her thinking about life and that at any moment your life could end…and everything she has would be gone for her. She is really thinking about what she already HAS in lieu of trying to get what SHE wants.

 

My wife finally is realizing how selfish she has been this last year. And she admitted that she does not like that about herself. She does not like that she is hurting me. She admitted and cryed while talking, that she doesn’t understand why she is that way and why she keeps putting me thru hurt. She think that over the last few years, because I was not meeting her emotional needs, that it made her bitter towards me and that she has became more selfish for what SHE wants, without taking into account that she is still married with children.

 

Anyways before our talk that night, on Tuesday, she was spose to go to a training meeting in Chicago, but it got canceled at the last minute. So she called me at work and said..”Oh, looks like I wont be going today, but I talked with my friend and I am going to go shopping with her tonight and then go out for drinks. Oh and its MY friends birthday this Sat so I am going out with her that night too….oh but if you can find a sitter, then MAYBE we could go together…:and don’t tell the kids I staying home from training cause they will want to decorate the xmas tree tonight, but I;m going out so we can do that on Weds nite.”

 

SO during our talk, I brought up this earlier phone call. I told her..”ya know, when we talked today, all I heard was…I, I, I, me, me and a MAYBE we”. It made her cry, but I felt it emphasized the point and her understanding that SHE is selfish…and she don’t like being that way. I think she is finally understanding that although she wants all of this ME time….she realizes that she is hurting me and the kids in the process. I think this is a turning point for her.

 

During our talk……She asked me if would ever leave her and if I would be OK if she ever left me. I told her that at the present time, I would not be OK, but if she keeps going the direction she is going and does not put forth more effort in turely showing me that she loves me…then I have thought about leaving, because I cannot be in a marriage were love is not reciprocated. She cryed when I said that, she said she would be devastated if I left her, she would be lost without me…..(which is opposite of what she has said the last few months)…meaning she has always said she could be on her own with no problems….but now I know this is not true. She realizes what she has in me, and my family and that we love her. This is her place, and she is starting to realize it. She asked for me to just wait for her…that she will come around. I then told her that all I want is to be married to her and be loved….and that I will wait as long as it takes…I said that I am not going anywhere…and that I am here for her….she just needs to let me back in. And she hugged me and said that she never wants to lose me. And I hugged her back and said I never want to lose her either and we both need to be commited to our marriage first with compromise for our desires of selfishness.

 

She has all these things she wants to do in life, but I told her she CAN…and still be married. I told her, there are lots of things I want to do too, but right now, my priority is our marriage and raising these kids. We will have plenty of ME time later in life to get the things we want as individuals. And she is finally understanding this concept.

 

So…with all this said. I feel that we are at a turning point. Were before it was ME who was feeling hurt and scared and anxiety about the possibility of losing my spouse and my family. Now the tide has turned….becasue with all the inner self work I have been doing..she knows that I know I am a good person and that I will be OK if we were to divorce and she admitted that she would not be OK. But know she is the one who is realizing that her actions may in fact push me away…and she is the one who is realizing that she too could lose everything she has. And she doesn’t every want that to ever happen. And I am glad she is FINALLY starting to change. We are a good team…and she is starting to believe it again….and what I great feeling and boost that is for me and for our marriage relationship.

 

WE are on our way to a better place….and I finally am starting to see an end to this rollercoaster ride. I feel that I gained some leverage in my feelings towards our situation, were before I felt helpless.

 

Thumb is a happier person today….been a long time coming.

[Owl]

Thumb- Glad to hear the positive motion forward friend!! Keep it up! I have only ONE word of caution for you friend...

 

Be careful with the phrase "I will wait for as long as it takes..." My only worry here is that some people take that literally...and so end up using that as justification or an excuse to continue doing inexcuseable behavior, because they feel there will be no repurcussions. If she feels there is no penalty for not making the changes and getting better, then she won't make those changes...ever.

 

Good luck friend!!

[sylviaguardian]

Thumb,

 

So glad to hear that things are going well for you. It really does give a lot of us here hope for the future.

 

Sylvia

[ThumbingMyWay]

I had a great weekend…..meaning I feel great….had some “down” slopes, but it didn’t affect me as bad as it used too...

 

 

Anyways…..my wife and I went out with some friends of hers on Sat. We had a great time….talked, kissed a lot and I even danced some…felt good. But at an early point in the evening….during a talk with my wife….she said…”I like the concept of marriage”…..I said WTF? is that spose to mean?. And she back peddled a bit….she said “she loves having a husband, stable home, the kids and security”. but that sometimes she “just wants to be able to do what ever she wants….with who ever she wants”…have your cake and eat it too. But she said, she knows she cant have that. I replied that I believe in the sanctity of marriage…..she felt bad. I know she is still torn in her thoughts…I can feel it. She has again admitted that she is selfish, and doesn’t know how to change it…..

 

so the night goes on…and we drink some and dance some….great time. Bar close comes and we decide to go get some food. In the parking lot we started talking again….and for what ever reason…I felt I needed to tell her how I really felt about her admission of selfishness….and also my feelings on how she has not been showing love and how she has not been giving 100% effort to make this work.

 

SO I told her. “The last thing I ever want to do, is leave this marriage. But honey, if you don’t start showing more effort that you are going to curb this selfishness and really show me that you love me. Then I already decided in my head, that I will leave you. Because I have changed, I am strong enough to do it. I now know that I am a good husband. I am a good person, and I am a good father. And there are many women who would love to be married to a man like me”….rest of night was lowkey.

 

My wife is torn between being herself and being married with children. But after I said those words……I think she had a wakeup call. The next morning, she said to me….”Honey I know what I need to do….I know I come across strong and independent….but I don’t want to lose you and the kids and your family and everything we have. I need to make a decision as to what I want…and I know what I need to do. Just give me a chance”. I told her, “I am here for you…Just give me a chance again too”.

 

She said that those words scared her….she always took me for granted cause I always said I would never leave….but that has changed….I will not stay if I am not loved, and now she knows that. As much as I love her….if I don’t get it in return….I will move on. And she did not like that. She said, that she needed to here that….a light has turned on inside her…..

 

I really think, that after the last few years….in particular the last year…and mostly in the last 4 months since D-day…..Reality is FINALLY setting in with her…this is it, she needs to make a decision. And I hope and pray to God that she chooses to keep what we have together. We both admitted that we don’t want to leave each other and have to start all over in life again. So I really believe she will do the right thing. We both agree that we need to be content with what you have, and not what you don’t have.….and that is what she is going to try and do.

 

I told her, my path is straight….I will not wander. I told my wife that I am taking the right path…I will not let society influence what I believe is right. I will follow the path God makes for me….cause I feel that is the way to happieness…..I just pray that my wife will choose this path with me….and if she don’t, I know that I will be OK…I may not be happy about it…but my spirit will be OK…I finally feel that now….and it’s a good feeling.

 

Keep faith everyone....it has helped me greatly the last few weeks.

[Owl]

Thumb- You're a heck of a man, I've got to tell you. I've followed your story since I've been here, and its been interesting seeing how many similarities between your story and mine are.

 

I have to admit, if I were to truly to be wondering if my wife was going to do this to me again a year from now, I don't know how well I could hang in there myself. I really think I would have given an ultimatum before then. I love my wife more than you can possibly know...but if I really thought she was so undecided on whether or not she still wanted to be with me after all that she's put me through, I don't know that I would have the willpower to hold on that long.

 

Hang in there friend...I think you've done the right thing by "laying all the cards on the table". I've made it clear to my wife that I couldn't go through this with her again...and she's made it pretty clear that she's got no intentions of ever letting herself get to feeling the way she was before either. I truly hope things work out for the best for you!

[ThumbingMyWay]

Originally posted by Owl

Thumb- You're a heck of a man, I've got to tell you. I've followed your story since I've been here, and its been interesting seeing how many similarities between your story and mine are.

 

I have to admit, if I were to truly to be wondering if my wife was going to do this to me again a year from now, I don't know how well I could hang in there myself. I really think I would have given an ultimatum before then. I love my wife more than you can possibly know...but if I really thought she was so undecided on whether or not she still wanted to be with me after all that she's put me through, I don't know that I would have the willpower to hold on that long.

 

Hang in there friend...I think you've done the right thing by "laying all the cards on the table". I've made it clear to my wife that I couldn't go through this with her again...and she's made it pretty clear that she's got no intentions of ever letting herself get to feeling the way she was before either. I truly hope things work out for the best for you!

 

THANKS for the kind words Owl...

 

I too love my wife more than life itself....and that is why I need to stay commited...I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. I will hang in there for 1 year....that will be July 17th 2005.

 

And it is because I love her, that I will have to choose to stay or let her go. I know that sounds weird, but because love is a 2 way street, I need reciporcation. And if i dont get it, I am only hurting myself...and I finally understand that...and so does my wife.

 

The ball is in her court. I AM commited, I will give 100%, i will DO everything possibly. It is HER that needs to make that decision...and I understand that I cannot make her try. She is the one that has to try. I know that if i try, It will not be my fault....(if there is any fault in all of this?). I feel strong about this and she knows it now.

 

The last thing I ever wanted was to be a divorced father of 2 kids. I NEVER wanted to raise kids in a divorced family....NEVER.....but I realize that to have happiness in a marriage, it NEEDS to be on both sides....and if it isn't...then who benefits?....no one does, we ALL suffer. And I will not put myself or my wife through that. My kids would be devasted if we were to ever divorce....and that is my driving force to make this work. I just pray that my wife sees it that way and can come back to a place were she is happy in life and marriage.

 

LOVE is all you need....and I know I have a TON of it....I just want my wife to find it again....thats all I want....LOVE is the key....it is there waiting for her....she just needs to let me back in for this to work.

[Owl]

You're on the money with the love being a two way street...after all, any of us who were hurt by our spouses straying on us KNOW what its like to love but not have it reciprocated like it should be. And all of us need to BE loved as well as love someone else. I wish you the best of luck!