sweet_pea Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 So, you all would not believe who added me on Facebook...ex-OW. I kid y'all not, it was her. I don't know why she added me, it's been a couple years since everything happened and I haven't spoken to her since then. I'm just kind of in shock right now. What in the world? Definitely going to decline the request although I am very curious as to why she would add me. Has this ever happened to anyone? Did xAP/xWS/xWhoever reached out to you months/years after DDay? How did you handle it?
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Wow. That's ballsy. Flipping stupid and disrespectful, but ballsy. 1
Coolit Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 What is the story behind this? Was she your friend? Are you divorced from your WS. I can see a OW reaching out via messaging but friend request would have a total different answer. That being said. It is really easy to accidently add people on the phone. I've done it and not caught it and i've done it and cancelled. But that would mean she was FB stalking you. Lol, now i sound like a stalker myself. 6
Author sweet_pea Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Ballsy, definitely. I'm thinking (hoping) it was a mistake. We were not friends, I didn't know her during the affair. Yes, I am divorced from xWS. They might actually be together now, not sure though. If it was an accident, it kind of would be creepy that she was on my page since it's been a few years out. The whole thing threw me off, though. 1
Try Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I'm thinking (hoping) it was a mistake. We were not friends, I didn't know her during the affair. Yes, I am divorced from xWS. They might actually be together now, not sure though. It was not a mistake. If they are together then there are a number of possible reasons that she invited you. One could be that she wants to show others that you accept her relationship with your ex. If you accept it enough to be FB friends, then it would be easier for your ex's family and friends to accept her. Another could be that she had or is having issues with your ex that make her think that the two of you now have something in common. Either way, do not play her game as she is looking for validation from you that she does not deserve. 4
Betterthanthis13 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Ballsy, definitely. I'm thinking (hoping) it was a mistake. We were not friends, I didn't know her during the affair. Yes, I am divorced from xWS. They might actually be together now, not sure though. If it was an accident, it kind of would be creepy that she was on my page since it's been a few years out. The whole thing threw me off, though. Super creepy. Delete, deny request, block. Maybe she is passive aggressively looking for forgiveness? 2
Koekie Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Depending on the type of person she is this can be good for you. I reached out to the OW once and as it turned out she didnt know about me and we were in the same boat. I didnt want to start thinking of her as this magical awesome person in my head and when I reached out I knew that it will help to dispell that thought. We started talking and she is now one of the most precious people in my life. We chat everyday and I can honestly say that I have grown to love her and cant imagine not having her as my friend. So even if you dont become friends with her I think talking to her will help realize she is probably not all that awesome or better than you. I think it helps, but thats just me. Way on the other end of the spectrum is of course keep your friends close and your enemies closer 4
Betrayed&Stayed Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 So, you all would not believe who added me on Facebook...ex-OW. I kid y'all not, it was her. I don't know why she added me, it's been a couple years since everything happened and I haven't spoken to her since then. I'm just kind of in shock right now. What in the world? Definitely going to decline the request although I am very curious as to why she would add me. Has this ever happened to anyone? Did xAP/xWS/xWhoever reached out to you months/years after DDay? How did you handle it? This reminded me of a surprise that I gave to my wife's ex-OM a few years ago. The OM was single during his affair with my wife, but had a girlfriend. The timing worked out that his now wife could have been that girlfriend. I sent the OM's wife a FB message that was very short asking when did she start dating [husband]. I didn't get a response but within the hour both his and her FB accounts were locked down tight. 1
Author sweet_pea Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Soooo, here's a little update for anyone interested and advice is always welcome. I did not accept the friend request from her, but didn't block her-- because of course I was curious to know why I was added in the first place. Well, late last night I got the answer: she wanted to know if me & the ex (or is it the ex & I? ) were sleeping together aka if we were cheating together on her... yeah, kind of ironic? He has tried to contact me on occasion recently, to "talk" or what have you but I've always turned him down. I wouldn't even think about getting back with him, let alone do something like that to another person, no matter how much I dislike them. Should I answer her? Or just delete, ignore and move on?
compulsivedancer Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Go figure. (Ex and me) No idea what to tell her. I guess, what you just said. He's contacted me but I wasn't interested. Then block. 2
ComingInHot Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Silence can be the loudest form of communication. And I'd suspect, a little "fun" in this stitch. ..* See?! This is the feisty side in me. 2
BoxOfRain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Interestingly enough, it was the OM looking at my LinkedIn profile that got me connecting the dots and led to Dday. 1
experiencethedevine Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Oh definitely as CIH! Don't tell her ANYTHING! Leave her to stew in her own juice. Now she knows what it feels like to 'wonder' and worry about what her wonderful man is up to behind her back. Every dog has their day my dear, and this is yours. Smile and leave things just the way they are. Enjoy!............. 3
MissBee Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 So, you all would not believe who added me on Facebook...ex-OW. I kid y'all not, it was her. I don't know why she added me, it's been a couple years since everything happened and I haven't spoken to her since then. I'm just kind of in shock right now. What in the world? Definitely going to decline the request although I am very curious as to why she would add me. Has this ever happened to anyone? Did xAP/xWS/xWhoever reached out to you months/years after DDay? How did you handle it? Wow... Not sure why anyone would do that! Although, back when I was 16 my bf at the time cheated on me and then some years later the girl he cheated on me with (whom I knew but only in passing) added me on FB and sent me a msg saying she didn't know I lived in a particular city now and if she could have my number. Huh?! While truthfully I was over it and we were 16 and I wasn't married to him so I didn't care, I was shocked about whether or not she had amnesia and why would she think I'd want to be her friend. Smh. I can't begin to understand what the ex-OW is thinking by doing this.
juvevk Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I have a very good relationship with all of my ex girlfriends but one. It's not uncommon when two people who had a relationship to let time go by and try to be friends. This could certainly be the case with her, it all depends on what caused the relationship to end and if you've gotten over the breakup to be able to be friends with her. But it's not uncommon for this to happen.
MissBee Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I have a very good relationship with all of my ex girlfriends but one. It's not uncommon when two people who had a relationship to let time go by and try to be friends. This could certainly be the case with her, it all depends on what caused the relationship to end and if you've gotten over the breakup to be able to be friends with her. But it's not uncommon for this to happen. They are not exes...this woman had an affair with her husband and is now trying to add her as a friend on FB.
almond Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 My reply to her would read as follows: "LOL." Short, sweet and effective. Then block and delete. 4
harrybrown Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 So she is concerned that he cheated with her and now she is concerned that he is cheating on her? karma! Let her know he tried to contact you. Send her the contact information before blocking her.
thummper Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Soooo, here's a little update for anyone interested and advice is always welcome. I did not accept the friend request from her, but didn't block her-- because of course I was curious to know why I was added in the first place. Well, late last night I got the answer: she wanted to know if me & the ex (or is it the ex & I? ) were sleeping together aka if we were cheating together on her... yeah, kind of ironic? He has tried to contact me on occasion recently, to "talk" or what have you but I've always turned him down. I wouldn't even think about getting back with him, let alone do something like that to another person, no matter how much I dislike them. Should I answer her? Or just delete, ignore and move on? Mmmmmmmmmm. Too bad you couldn't play a little with her and say, "Sure we 'communicate' a lot. Thought you knew." lol Nasty trick, but she probably deserves it. Let him explain THAT to her. I don't think cheaters deserve a lot of consideration, but maybe I should be more charitable......nah! You sound like a very nice, considerate person. One wonders how your hubby could have strayed from someone like you. We guys can be awfully clueless sometimes.
BetrayedH Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I tend to defer to honesty unless I have a good reason not to. I'd probably tell her that he's made attempts to reach you to talk but you've refused to engage with him. No games; no lies. Keep your head high and show her what integrity looks like. And frankly, just the fact that he's been reaching out to you will probably lead to some interesting and much deserved drama in their household. My exwife's OM recently viewed my LinkedIn page and I got a notice. I'm tempted to message him that he'd be best to leave me in his past but so far I've managed to restrain myself. I have to admit, revenge is tempting enough - it doesn't help when they engage you.
sidney2718 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I tend to defer to honesty unless I have a good reason not to. I'd probably tell her that he's made attempts to reach you to talk but you've refused to engage with him. No games; no lies. Keep your head high and show her what integrity looks like. And frankly, just the fact that he's been reaching out to you will probably lead to some interesting and much deserved drama in their household. I agree. I'd also believe her when she says that she had no idea the ex was already involved with her. In fact the two women have a cheater in common. Why not be honest and share information, just as you say.
LilGirlandOW Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 could have been a mistake, I sent my old high school guidance counsillor a FB message, as that was my only means to contact her.... when i was a teen i went to her about being sexually abused i used names and it turns out she (guidance counsillor) knew the abuser and his family, told his GF (I was 14 GF was 22) that i was "after" her man, the GF attempted to beat me up several times. The whole thing broke me in many ways... Anyways, when i sent her the message I accidently friend requested her.... Another option, is shes reaching out to you for forgiveness or answers, etc. My guess would be is that if she wanted to be on your friends list to keep up with your doings she'd make a false profile, add a few of your friends/family first, then you after you had mutual friends together.
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