Is it just me, or does this seem sketchy?

September 2, 2013

Thanks for you take on it.

What do you mean he's being mean?

I often hear from stay at home moms that they get sick of everything being baby all the time, and they do crave adult conversation and interaction.

So that part didn't bug me, but the whole scenario set off my spidy senses.

if you mean intuition as spidey sense, well, okay you'll know where you are, I meant "mean" as in thoughtless (look, he's got you needing Loveshack) but if a man is smitten, he does not tell the object of his devotion about another woman but she might turn out to be boring, idk, you need to see the expression on his face when he talks about her to gauge what's on his mind

September 2, 2013

I really though his mentioning it on the first date was an attempt to showcase how he's a good friend and likes kids - I didn't mind the first date mention since we were trying to get to know each other about family & friends, etc.

It's bringing it up the next time we called that set off my spidey sense.

I totally get what you're saying It's Just Me, and it is that aspect of having the best friend's wife visits, and the whole possible sketchy-ness.

But I guess I could give it the second date to get more answers.

Oh and I do plan on paying for our activity - so even if I decide not to see him after that, he wouldn't have spent more money anyways.

Thanks

Ok, cool. Make sure to report back!

September 2, 2013

if you mean intuition as spidey sense, well, okay you'll know where you are, I meant "mean" as in thoughtless (look, he's got you needing Loveshack) but if a man is smitten, he does not tell the object of his devotion about another woman but she might turn out to be boring, idk, you need to see the expression on his face when he talks about her to gauge what's on his mind

hmmm Thanks.

Yeah at first I thought he mentioned it to look like a good guy (good friend) and all that, second time seemed weird.

I will need to see his expression tomorrow.

Thanks

September 2, 2013

Ok' date=' cool. Make sure to report back! [/quote']

Will do.

Stay tuned

September 2, 2013

Maybe he and the wife put on a little show for the husband via webcam.

September 2, 2013

Maybe he and the wife put on a little show for the husband via webcam.

Ewww...

Thanks for that thought FC

September 2, 2013

Yeah this is definitely weird. Count me in the "he's cheating" camp.

Also, your sister is best friends with this Ryan guy. That's nothing unusual. Whereas you don't know to what extent the guy is friends with best friend's wife. They could be doing a whole matter of hokey stuff behind his back, and of course he'd trust them not to do anything since he loves them and realistically wouldn't suspect them of foul play.

September 2, 2013

Ya it's weird he brought it up. My best friends girlfriend is now one of my best friends too, we hang out regularly alone, but I wouldn't bring it up a few times in as many dates.

Edited September 2, 2013 by crederer

September 2, 2013

Yeah this is definitely weird. Count me in the "he's cheating" camp.

Also, your sister is best friends with this Ryan guy. That's nothing unusual. Whereas you don't know to what extent the guy is friends with best friend's wife. They could be doing a whole matter of hokey stuff behind his back, and of course he'd trust them not to do anything since he loves them and realistically wouldn't suspect them of foul play.

Thanks for your take on it. I plan to ask more about the history of these friendships. I should have answers tomorrow.

September 2, 2013

Ya it's weird he brought it up. My best friends girlfriend is now one of my best friends too, we hang out regularly alone, but I wouldn't bring it up a few times in as many dates.

Agreed, his mentioning it the second time is what made it weird.

Thanks for your input

September 2, 2013

Alright, so date #2.

So we met up to do our activity date.

As I was asking him what he did with the rest of his weekend, he mentioned how he went to the friends's house.

So here's the oops part.

I think when he mentioned them on the phone (the 2nd time he mentioned the best friend's wife and kid) - I'm thinking that we were talking about our weekend plans. Which means he didn't just bring them up out of nowhere.

I know we talked about weekend plans, I know that at some point he mentioned them (2nd time in a row as far as I was concerned) - and I think I forgot that we were talking about weekend plans when I was analyzing all that stuff after the phone call.

I asked him today how long he has know that best friend and the wife and he's known the guy for like 15 years and the wife for over 10. So I am leaning towards my sister's way of seeing it more.

Honestly I looked at his body language, I looked at his face, I don't think he is lying.

I told him how at some point I did think something sketchy was up, he wasn't offended and understood that I don't know him all that well.

I dunno, I think I over reacted and that is because when I was thinking about it later, I forgot that we were talking about weekend plans - I though he just brought them up out of the blue.

So I think my update is positive, I do feel better about him (compared to what I was assuming and all that before).

As with anyone new that I get to know, I will be cautious and look out for red flags and tread carefully.

thanks to everyone for all the advice and input.

September 3, 2013

Well I was waiting to see if your instincts were right about the woman being a stay-at-home mom.

I can fully rationalize a stay-at-home mom craving adult interaction... and even if your guy wants with all of his heart to bang this woman... the woman still has the p*ssy, so she has the power.

Thus it may be accurate that your guy does want to bang his best friend's wife, and it may be accurate that he doesn't have a chance in hell of doing so, if that isn't what she wants.

September 3, 2013

Well I was waiting to see if your instincts were right about the woman being a stay-at-home mom.

I can fully rationalize a stay-at-home mom craving adult interaction... and even if your guy wants with all of his heart to bang this woman... the woman still has the p*ssy, so she has the power.

Thus it may be accurate that your guy does want to bang his best friend's wife, and it may be accurate that he doesn't have a chance in hell of doing so, if that isn't what she wants.

So according to you there are only 2 possibilities:

1. He wants to bang her

2. He wants to bang her but doesn't have a chance.

Are you completely ruling out that they really could have all been friends for over a decade and are just like family (as in my sister's example)?

p.s. and he's not my guy - just a guy I went on 2 dates with.

September 3, 2013

OK, I'm in a trio like that, of sorts. But I'm a woman. I've known this family for 8 years, our kids went to preschool together. We used to meet as family friends. usually at my house, when I was married, about once a month, and I, my kid and them as a family were also meeting for additional playdates at the park etc., without my ex-H, who didn't want to be involved in any kind of kids activities. After my divorce 5 years ago, I started to meet with them every Saturday, from 12pm to 9pm, unless one of us was out of town. They initiated and promoted this amount of time spent together, I just let it happen and enjoyed it also because I was alone and could definitely use the company. I avoided meeting the husband alone, made a rule out of that. However, it still happened once or twice within the last 5 years, when the wife was out of town. Once we went out to dinner me, him and all the kids. Nothing remotely sexual ever happened, but for a year or so a couple of years back I did feel there was some sexual tension going on, which cooled off/died since nothing advanced anywhere. I agree that it is an excessive amount of time that we were/are spending. Now that I'm in a relationship, I'm struggling keeping them and the BF scheduled, and I'm naturally cutting back on time with them. Don't want to completely cut them off, since they've been around for me forever, and my R might or might not pan out. But overall, I want to say that things like that can happen and not be a red flag necessarily, so I tend to believe that, at least in this respect, the guy might be OK.

September 3, 2013

Honestly, my first reaction when I read your story was that he mentioned them to try to be upfront about the situation, and not look like he was hiding it from you.

September 3, 2013

So I think my update is positive, I do feel better about him (compared to what I was assuming and all that before).

I think you are absolutely right to look at it from a more neutral, objective perspective. It is possible that it's just friendship, that he's a person of integrity, and that his friend trusts him implicitly. My initial thought was that if something shady was going on he would not have mentioned any of it to you. It's not surprising that so many jumped to the opposite conclusion. That's the nature of this venue unfortunately.

September 3, 2013

My ex-bf would, when we had been apart during a break-up, mention how some woman was "throwing herself at him" or flirting heavily, or how an ex-gf messaged him while I was away from him. It was always in the context of we hadn't slept together yet (again). Always quickly followed by "I don't actually think I could handle her, or some such."

It seemed like designed to arouse competitive instincts ("if I sleep with him, he won't sleep with her") but followed with something to make me think he might not "actually" do the deed with them. In the end, I think he actually would have because the final break-up resulted in his "being in love" with someone and sleeping with them very quickly, when really they'd only known each other a few weeks.

He was very good at gauging what certain remarks would drive me to think. Doesn't sound like the guy you're dating but it is a possibility in similar situations for some.

September 3, 2013

OK, I'm in a trio like that, of sorts. But I'm a woman. I've known this family for 8 years, our kids went to preschool together. We used to meet as family friends. usually at my house, when I was married, about once a month, and I, my kid and them as a family were also meeting for additional playdates at the park etc., without my ex-H, who didn't want to be involved in any kind of kids activities. After my divorce 5 years ago, I started to meet with them every Saturday, from 12pm to 9pm, unless one of us was out of town. They initiated and promoted this amount of time spent together, I just let it happen and enjoyed it also because I was alone and could definitely use the company. I avoided meeting the husband alone, made a rule out of that. However, it still happened once or twice within the last 5 years, when the wife was out of town. Once we went out to dinner me, him and all the kids. Nothing remotely sexual ever happened, but for a year or so a couple of years back I did feel there was some sexual tension going on, which cooled off/died since nothing advanced anywhere. I agree that it is an excessive amount of time that we were/are spending. Now that I'm in a relationship, I'm struggling keeping them and the BF scheduled, and I'm naturally cutting back on time with them. Don't want to completely cut them off, since they've been around for me forever, and my R might or might not pan out. But overall, I want to say that things like that can happen and not be a red flag necessarily, so I tend to believe that, at least in this respect, the guy might be OK.

Thanks for sharing your story to give me some perspective.

The thing is, when I thought he was mentioning that family the 2nd time - when I thought it was out of the blue (even though looking back on it now, I really think he was talking about his weekend plans) it really seemed weird.

I have guy friends, and I know that a guy and a girl can be friends without anything sexual happening. But yeah since I don't know him that well and I am paranoid, I automatically jumped to the 'sketchy' category.

But I am just gonna chill and see how things go with him in general, and see if we progress how things will be.

Thanks again

September 3, 2013

Honestly, my first reaction when I read your story was that he mentioned them to try to be upfront about the situation, and not look like he was hiding it from you.

I think you are absolutely right to look at it from a more neutral, objective perspective. It is possible that it's just friendship, that he's a person of integrity, and that his friend trusts him implicitly. My initial thought was that if something shady was going on he would not have mentioned any of it to you. It's not surprising that so many jumped to the opposite conclusion. That's the nature of this venue unfortunately.

Yeah but my initial thought was that if something shady is happening, he's mention going there to see her from the beginning (in an innocent way) so then if we progress and are in a relationship, he would still go and do his shady business but use the whole 'I told you from the beginning' line.

I am cynical and suspicious of people - and some LS threads usually make it worse

But I agree that I should just calm down and give people the benefit of the doubt, until they prove otherwise.

Thanks

September 3, 2013

I did mention this family on all of my dates, because the are a big part of my life. Basically, like a family, especially since I'm an immigrant and have no other family around. Might have scared off some guys with this maybe. My current BF and I went out last week, and then returned to my house and when he entered, he joked: "are so and so at home? Where are they? Maybe they're upstairs." Joking on how they are always around and can't get rid of them.

September 3, 2013

I did mention this family on all of my dates, because the are a big part of my life. Basically, like a family, especially since I'm an immigrant and have no other family around. Might have scared off some guys with this maybe. My current BF and I went out last week, and then returned to my house and when he entered, he joked: "are so and so at home? Where are they? Maybe they're upstairs." Joking on how they are always around and can't get rid of them.

I'm glad that your bf didn't jump to the sketchy assumption like I did. (well actually you hang out with the whole family, not mainly the husband when the wife is gone) - so your story doesn't sound as possible sketchy as this guy's did to me initially

I'm sure you know your priorities - that you make time for your family like friends and still make sure to spend quality time with your bf.

Edited September 3, 2013 by TigerCub

September 3, 2013

So according to you there are only 2 possibilities:
1. He wants to bang her
2. He wants to bang her but doesn't have a chance.

Are you completely ruling out that they really could have all been friends for over a decade and are just like family (as in my sister's example)?

p.s. and he's not my guy - just a guy I went on 2 dates with.

It's as if you aren't even reading these responses. You have yet to even let-on whether the woman is indeed a stay-at-home mom. If so, then it is entirely plausible that her story about craving adult interaction is fair and accurate. You need only look at the brief history of the internet to observe just how much trouble/'adult interaction' has been caused by what are usually fathers doing nothing with/for the moms they have staying home all day with their kids, sans adult interaction.

The part about being friends for over a decade, and being just like family only works when the oldest of the group is perhaps fourteen.

He is indeed your guy in the context of written response to your post, otherwise, what he does with his life shouldn't concern you enough to be writing about it at LS.

Finally, this next part doesn't mean anything when stated from the female vantage point:

I have guy friends, and I know that a guy and a girl can be friends without anything sexual happening.

Once again, you have the p*ssy, so you have the power in those situations. The fact that you remain disinterested in "anything sexual happening" does not discount the fact that nearly all men (save for coworkers, neighbors, and family connections) are only in those situations because they would rather be banging you.

September 4, 2013

It's as if you aren't even reading these responses. You have yet to even let-on whether the woman is indeed a stay-at-home mom.

So I forgot to answer 1 question. Jeez Relax!

and yes she is a stay at home mom.

The part about being friends for over a decade, and being just like family only works when the oldest of the group is perhaps fourteen.

Really so you have never met anyone later in your early twenties and developed a friendship with them, that after years they become like family?

I dunno how old you are - so maybe that doesn't even apply.

Most of my close 'family like' friends are people I've met in university so we were older than 14.

Anyways, thanks for your take on it.

September 4, 2013

Despite what was very clearly written up above:

Well I was waiting to see if your instincts were right about the woman being a stay-at-home mom.

I can fully rationalize a stay-at-home mom craving adult interaction...

You still somehow interpreted my initial post as follows:

So according to you there are only 2 possibilities:
1. He wants to bang her
2. He wants to bang her but doesn't have a chance.

And that was all predicated on the one question you so conveniently forgot to answer previously.

Now, if by "just like family", you mean: "they have evolved to be familiar with you dating others, and showing no interest in them"... that is fine, but not familial.

Back to the original concern here... it is entirely possible that said woman/mom would never give the 3rd wheel guy the time of day, let alone consent to give him sex. However, he is over there (alone, with her) not in the interest of sharing recipes, sewing a quilt, making a brisket, or planning a Tupperware party.

He is there because at some point he would have eagerly banged her had she given the green light. Just because said girl marries that guy's best friend does not mean that suddenly, "like family" there would cease to be any sexual attraction to her in his eyes at all.

In an ideal world, he would permanently exercise a hands off the buddy's wife standard... but he is over there so much as a means of testing/pushing that boundary.

In summation: There will be no Tupperware party.

As for you, IF you get to know the woman, and if you get a strong and confident vibe from her, along with devotion to her husband, then you can perhaps bank on her never giving-in and maybe continue to pursue something with the guy.

But if that woman has a weak constitution and/or character, then you're getting yourself into a mess that you don't want.

September 4, 2013

It's probably his semi-ex GF and his kid. There is no best friend.

But, you know , I have issues.

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Is it just me, or does this seem sketchy?

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