Febreze Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Yes I do FYI! Now let me explain the scenario. Just yesterday we had a family BBQ out in Long Island with tons of people (Italians & Irish) and it was crazy fun Me and my boyfriend is just starting to get serious now since dating in April and he's acting a little better to me since I threatened to leave him but my relationship never felt challenged until now and by family My niece is only 16 years old but sometimes tries to act 25 and this is only sometimes when adults are around she wants to be a part of conversations yada yada. I saw that she had her eyes on my man throughout the BBQ by coming over to him a lot like she was trying to get his attention but he ignored her thank god right? At the end when almost everyone was gone my boyfriend whose 38 is out back cleaning up some of the leftover garbage and I was about to go help with it my niece volunteers to stay and do this. Now I'm like uh-oh what is she up to I knew I had to stick around and see things through w/o making it obvious where she wont bother helping out. Makes sense right? So I stay in the kitchen but every now and then I peek into the living room where the glass door is to the backyard and now all of a sudden she is in the back with my man and her shirt is tied way above her stomach They throw little comments at each other but no real conversation but she is too close to him with this homemade midriff and I'm annoyed. Then to top it off when he goes back into the house to watch TV she joins him on the other side of the couch wearing the same tied shirt and now a pair of daisy dukes That's when I had enough and ran into the living room to sandwich myself between his legs and start flirting with him to stop her from trying. What other choice did I have right? I don't think I overreacted. My niece is too young to be interested in men his age and being my man is double jeopardy right? She's a pretty girl with a nice figure. Why cant she go out and get a guy around her own age or should I find her one?
Keenly Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I think this was all in your head. He's what, 38? Wouldn't a 16 year old girl think that he was gross? 1
lawlz_xD Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Yes I do FYI! Now let me explain the scenario. Just yesterday we had a family BBQ out in Long Island with tons of people (Italians & Irish) and it was crazy fun Me and my boyfriend is just starting to get serious now since dating in April and he's acting a little better to me since I threatened to leave him but my relationship never felt challenged until now and by family My niece is only 16 years old but sometimes tries to act 25 and this is only sometimes when adults are around she wants to be a part of conversations yada yada. I saw that she had her eyes on my man throughout the BBQ by coming over to him a lot like she was trying to get his attention but he ignored her thank god right? At the end when almost everyone was gone my boyfriend whose 38 is out back cleaning up some of the leftover garbage and I was about to go help with it my niece volunteers to stay and do this. Now I'm like uh-oh what is she up to I knew I had to stick around and see things through w/o making it obvious where she wont bother helping out. Makes sense right? So I stay in the kitchen but every now and then I peek into the living room where the glass door is to the backyard and now all of a sudden she is in the back with my man and her shirt is tied way above her stomach They throw little comments at each other but no real conversation but she is too close to him with this homemade midriff and I'm annoyed. Then to top it off when he goes back into the house to watch TV she joins him on the other side of the couch wearing the same tied shirt and now a pair of daisy dukes That's when I had enough and ran into the living room to sandwich myself between his legs and start flirting with him to stop her from trying. What other choice did I have right? I don't think I overreacted. My niece is too young to be interested in men his age and being my man is double jeopardy right? She's a pretty girl with a nice figure. Why cant she go out and get a guy around her own age or should I find her one? I think this entire situation highlights your own insecurities. 2
fanine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Do you feel insecure he will act on her attention? If you felt secure with him you would just be laughing at her behaviour tbh. She is only 16. He's old enough to be her dad
NYC-BigKat Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Yes I do FYI! Now let me explain the scenario. Just yesterday we had a family BBQ out in Long Island with tons of people (Italians & Irish) and it was crazy fun Me and my boyfriend is just starting to get serious now since dating in April and he's acting a little better to me since I threatened to leave him but my relationship never felt challenged until now and by family My niece is only 16 years old but sometimes tries to act 25 and this is only sometimes when adults are around she wants to be a part of conversations yada yada. I saw that she had her eyes on my man throughout the BBQ by coming over to him a lot like she was trying to get his attention but he ignored her thank god right? At the end when almost everyone was gone my boyfriend whose 38 is out back cleaning up some of the leftover garbage and I was about to go help with it my niece volunteers to stay and do this. Now I'm like uh-oh what is she up to I knew I had to stick around and see things through w/o making it obvious where she wont bother helping out. Makes sense right? So I stay in the kitchen but every now and then I peek into the living room where the glass door is to the backyard and now all of a sudden she is in the back with my man and her shirt is tied way above her stomach They throw little comments at each other but no real conversation but she is too close to him with this homemade midriff and I'm annoyed. Then to top it off when he goes back into the house to watch TV she joins him on the other side of the couch wearing the same tied shirt and now a pair of daisy dukes That's when I had enough and ran into the living room to sandwich myself between his legs and start flirting with him to stop her from trying. What other choice did I have right? I don't think I overreacted. My niece is too young to be interested in men his age and being my man is double jeopardy right? She's a pretty girl with a nice figure. Why cant she go out and get a guy around her own age or should I find her one? Um...finding her a bf wont work probably nope. Lots of girls her age love older guys esp if they look handsome & stuff. My uncle is a hit with young girls between 16 & 30 u know & he's 42-43 or something. Just don't bring him to stuff where your niece is gonna be & try to have guys her age there so she doesn't have to mess with your boyfriend all the time.
xxoo Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 DO NOT compete with your niece. Your bf should make it abundantly clear that he is not interested in her. If he doesn't, you have bigger problems than you niece. 7
darkmoon Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 keep them separate from now on, nobody can protect you but you, be sensible your family do not get much of write-up here, btw, niece's mother should be easy to talk to, but apparently no, so be diplomatic and disappear, I wouldn't blame you, be sensible, not masochistic
Author Febreze Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Do you feel insecure he will act on her attention? If you felt secure with him you would just be laughing at her behaviour tbh. She is only 16. He's old enough to be her dad Yea that's true but anything possible with these men. I'm not getting any younger either I don't really think he'll do anything since he wasn't paying attention to her or maybe he pretended to not pay attention? I really don't know TBH. I wont bring this up to him because he's the type to make a situation out of it and then he'll deliberately look into my niece's behavior next time meaning he'll really pay attention to her to see if I'm right and I hope I'm wrong.
crederer Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 How old are you? I got a feeling pretty young just by the way that post was worded.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Yea that's true but anything possible with these men. I'm not getting any younger either I don't really think he'll do anything since he wasn't paying attention to her or maybe he pretended to not pay attention? I really don't know TBH. I wont bring this up to him because he's the type to make a situation out of it and then he'll deliberately look into my niece's behavior next time meaning he'll really pay attention to her to see if I'm right and I hope I'm wrong. If she's 16 with a pretty face and a hot body, you damn straight he took a bit of notice to it. Don't even kid yourself that he didn't. The only thing you can do now is keep them from being alone together. I see things getting very interesting if this girl gets another shot at him or if you annoy your boyfriend enough times to want to stray. So, be smart. Ensure that they don't come around each other with no one else around and don't act insecure, clingy, and fussy during this tenure. I personally cant stand women like that. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 If she's 16 with a pretty face and a hot body, you damn straight he took a bit of notice to it. Don't even kid yourself that he didn't. The only thing you can do now is keep them from being alone together. I see things getting very interesting if this girl gets another shot at him or if you annoy your boyfriend enough times to want to stray. So, be smart. Ensure that they don't come around each other with no one else around and don't act insecure, clingy, and fussy during this tenure. I personally cant stand women like that. The girl is 16. He's 38. I can only assume that he should know that if he even got the thought in his head, he knows that messing with a over sexed 16 year old girl will only get him a long stretch in the pen and then be labeled a sex offender. Not to mention a great big one of a kind Italian Irish ass kicking with his ex girlfriend cheering them on. Does this girl have a mother? Maybe you should give her the heads up and have Mom reign in the little Aphrodite before she gets her tender ass in a ringer that she can't get out of.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 The girl is 16. He's 38. I can only assume that he should know that if he even got the thought in his head, he knows that messing with a over sexed 16 year old girl will only get him a long stretch in the pen and then be labeled a sex offender. Not to mention a great big one of a kind Italian Irish ass kicking with his ex girlfriend cheering them on. Maybe...then again, maybe not. She could be less than a year off from 17, the legal age of consent in NYS. But all of this irrelevant because Febreze is more concerned about controlling the situation before it gets out of control.
Trimmer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 The girl is 16. He's 38. I can only assume that he should know that if he even got the thought in his head, he knows that messing with a over sexed 16 year old girl will only get him a long stretch in the pen and then be labeled a sex offender. Not to mention a great big one of a kind Italian Irish ass kicking with his ex girlfriend cheering them on. Certainly he knows, but none of that prevents him from enjoying the attention and the ego boost, though. Unwavering attention and admiration from a pretty young thing who is obviously displaying herself for him... Nah, he probably doesn't notice or care.
wavejumper Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) I had a very similar situation, same ages of both parties. Suffice it to say, my now ex husband crossed the lines of appropriate behavior which included inappropriate tickling, keeping secrets (him telling her not to tell me things that the two of them did together) and the final, her changing her top while he was in the same room, alone. I walked in right after she left the room and saw him sitting there staring into space, stupified. It was all very disturbing and contributed to our break up. as you may have read, he is now my ex. he had issues with unclear boundaries in general. I finally ended it 3 years ago. I did clue my sister in on this and she vaguely responded in a way that was quite ambiguous-another story with her and her drug/alcohol and boundary issues. An interesting side note: my sister and I are not speaking anymore and her and my ex hang out whenever she is in town. I have gleaned their coziness by looking at her Facebook page occasionally in which she posts pics (public settings) of the 3 of them together having a grand ole time . It just makes me sick. BTW- she was privy to his abusive behavior but she thinks him ok to be friends with... Oh, and my niece? She now 19 and is also best 'buds' with my ex too. They live in different cities, but keep in touch via facebook, twitter instagram. she no longer contacts aunty anymore Edited September 2, 2013 by wavejumper
StanMusial Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 If it wasn't the niece it would be someone else. Having to keep a constant eye on the SO is no way to live. 2
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 What the hell? Why is everyone jumping on the guy. As far as the info goes, he didn't do anything wrong.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 He's already got one foot out the door anyway "threatened to leave him"....oh that's original, this guy sounds REALLY into you you need to save that behavior for the 20 somethings and teens, you're immature niece has the right to be naive and do stupid things to a degree...maybe you should talk to her about this and try to find out the real problem? younger women at that age don't go after older men that don't have any issues in their little brains...daddy issues/validation problems among possible others. The guy just doesn't sound like much of a class act, so the fact that you can't trust him and you're so insecure about it basically defines the two major issues with this relationship...your insecurities and his lack of commitment/investment which solidifies any trust, which isn't a coincidence if you ask me this is exactly the kind of man that perpetuates your growing need for validation and acceptance due to your aging, instead of feeling confidence and proud of yourself for other reason...which is something a 16 year old doesn't typically know how to deal...hence the tied up shirt and daisy dukes....young women know or at least learn how to manipulate the chicken brains of men because they're so damn weak in the self-control department that they just can't help but get giddy and flirt with the interest of any woman considerably younger than them....younger women are an ego boost for men, that's what young women don't understand, it's not because you're amazing/special/unique or whatever it is you want to think, you make the guy feel young again and it gives him a sense of security where he lacks...after all if he can attract a woman much younger he must look good or be doing something right....right? that's the mind-set. Anyway, without trying to lecture too much here....drop the guy and prevent yourself a lot of future games and drama, nothing is going to change and if some 16 year old niece can seduce a 38 year old man then he's got bigger problems than she does and why you would want to be that kind of a guy in the first place is shameful....just goes to show how much everything is about you and your insecurity, to the point you'd actually have to go and "fight" her to fend her off....sorry ladies, that's pathetic and moreso will be ineffective...a man who wants to cheat or will, or will flirt or whatever it is...will, you can't be there 24/7 and while it might be an appropriate gesture when some whore is pining over him in some social setting, it's not with a 16 year old under any circumstances...you just put yourself on her level.
SpiralOut Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 She sounds like a teenager who wants to look good in front of a good looking guy. So long as you trust him, there should be no problem. It would be illegal for him to do anything anyway.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Actually in most states/countries, it's perfectly legal for them to hook up. But it is severely frowned upon for obivous reasons. Anyway, if you trust your boyfriend, it's a non-issue. If anything, he likely finds it to be a) amusing or b) an ego boost. I mean, what man wouldn't be flattered by a young, attractive girl flirting with him. Either you trust him not to act on it or you don't trust him and the relationship is doomed no matter what your niece does. Odds are your niece either a) has a bit of a crush which will pass or b) is just playing around to see what kind of reaction she'll get. I think it might freak her out if he actually acted on it (see Mena Suvari's character in American Beauty).
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 He's already got one foot out the door anyway "threatened to leave him"....oh that's original, this guy sounds REALLY into you you need to save that behavior for the 20 somethings and teens, you're immature niece has the right to be naive and do stupid things to a degree...maybe you should talk to her about this and try to find out the real problem? younger women at that age don't go after older men that don't have any issues in their little brains...daddy issues/validation problems among possible others. The guy just doesn't sound like much of a class act, so the fact that you can't trust him and you're so insecure about it basically defines the two major issues with this relationship...your insecurities and his lack of commitment/investment which solidifies any trust, which isn't a coincidence if you ask me this is exactly the kind of man that perpetuates your growing need for validation and acceptance due to your aging, instead of feeling confidence and proud of yourself for other reason...which is something a 16 year old doesn't typically know how to deal...hence the tied up shirt and daisy dukes....young women know or at least learn how to manipulate the chicken brains of men because they're so damn weak in the self-control department that they just can't help but get giddy and flirt with the interest of any woman considerably younger than them....younger women are an ego boost for men, that's what young women don't understand, it's not because you're amazing/special/unique or whatever it is you want to think, you make the guy feel young again and it gives him a sense of security where he lacks...after all if he can attract a woman much younger he must look good or be doing something right....right? that's the mind-set. Anyway, without trying to lecture too much here....drop the guy and prevent yourself a lot of future games and drama, nothing is going to change and if some 16 year old niece can seduce a 38 year old man then he's got bigger problems than she does and why you would want to be that kind of a guy in the first place is shameful....just goes to show how much everything is about you and your insecurity, to the point you'd actually have to go and "fight" her to fend her off....sorry ladies, that's pathetic and moreso will be ineffective...a man who wants to cheat or will, or will flirt or whatever it is...will, you can't be there 24/7 and while it might be an appropriate gesture when some whore is pining over him in some social setting, it's not with a 16 year old under any circumstances...you just put yourself on her level. What are you basing this on? He doesn't sound like a class act? He didn't do anything.
Author Febreze Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 I had a very similar situation, same ages of both parties. Suffice it to say, my now ex husband crossed the lines of appropriate behavior which included inappropriate tickling, keeping secrets (him telling her not to tell me things that the two of them did together) and the final, her changing her top while he was in the same room, alone. I walked in right after she left the room and saw him sitting there staring into space, stupified. It was all very disturbing and contributed to our break up. as you may have read, he is now my ex. he had issues with unclear boundaries in general. I finally ended it 3 years ago. I did clue my sister in on this and she vaguely responded in a way that was quite ambiguous-another story with her and her drug/alcohol and boundary issues. An interesting side note: my sister and I are not speaking anymore and her and my ex hang out whenever she is in town. I have gleaned their coziness by looking at her Facebook page occasionally in which she posts pics (public settings) of the 3 of them together having a grand ole time . It just makes me sick. BTW- she was privy to his abusive behavior but she thinks him ok to be friends with... Oh, and my niece? She now 19 and is also best 'buds' with my ex too. They live in different cities, but keep in touch via facebook, twitter instagram. she no longer contacts aunty anymore OMG this is exactly what I'm so very afraid of I feel so tempted to bring this up to him but I just cant! He'll laugh at me and call me a typical insecure broad and other names and I just don't want to go back to that. We've been coming along really nice until this bump in the road with my niece but since she's out in another part of Long Island and I wont see her until the next get together all is well right? I'll just try to put this away for now. I'm the adult not her. PS- to answer one of the posts before about if my niece is close with me or any uncles in the family that I don't know because she hangs out all of the time from what I hear and loves to party it up. I was the same way at her age so who can I fault? Anyway its my day off from work thank god and I'm spending it with one of my sisters keeping it low key. NO NIECES TODAY LMAO!
Keenly Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I can't believe there is actually man blame floating around this thread.
fanine Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 You don't say how your boyfriend reacted to this attention. Fact is he may have been uncomfortable with it as well? Maybe he didn't even really notice? If I had been in your shoes and it bothered me, I would have said something light hearted to my other half about it. Rather than let it build up in my head.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Actually in most states/countries, it's perfectly legal for them to hook up. But it is severely frowned upon for obivous reasons. Anyway, if you trust your boyfriend, it's a non-issue. If anything, he likely finds it to be a) amusing or b) an ego boost. I mean, what man wouldn't be flattered by a young, attractive girl flirting with him. Either you trust him not to act on it or you don't trust him and the relationship is doomed no matter what your niece does. Odds are your niece either a) has a bit of a crush which will pass or b) is just playing around to see what kind of reaction she'll get. I think it might freak her out if he actually acted on it (see Mena Suvari's character in American Beauty). Freak out? Are you kidding or what? I saw that movie and the girl playing that teen girl actually laid down for the Lester character and was ready to lose her virginity to him. She wanted it, period! But that's irrelevant. I think Febreze will be fine as far as the niece chasing the boyfriend goes, simply because the niece will probably find another older man to flirt with and they're plenty of them out there. Febreze needs to worry about doing right by her man and not messing up to the point where he'll leave or cheat on her. It's just so easy to do.
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