Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Hi, I have been real hesitant to come back and post, its been nearly a year. I posted under a different name last year. I am now 31. The man in question is 51. Brief background for those who may not remember. I am "in love" with my neighbor. Feelings are the most real thing I've ever had for someone. We met last April and had a weird issue in the fall, he got a bit weirded out when I asked for his number and gave him a get well card. Slowly over the next few months, we got back to where we were, he started coming around again. In June, his ill mom he was living with, passed away. Since then, now that he lives alone, he has been outside ALOT more and talking to me on average of 2-3 times a week. Things are great. However moving forward, since my feelings obviously are still very real, I need to know if I am delusional to ever think he will see me as more than "just a neighbor" and yes I am horrible at reading people so I am really honestly unsure Anyway... now my parents think he likes me. I wish it were true but I doubt it. Here is some things that have happened since his mom passed... -- He introduced me to his brother, and my dogs. -- I asked him if I would take some dirt he had for some holes in my yard, and he went and filled them on his own, 3 different times. -- He told me I am welcome by his house anytime to take photos of my dogs by his pond or of the wildlife, even if he is at work. -- In July he bought a box of biscuts to give my dogs over the fence. He ok'd the brand and everything with me. It was a cheap box. Then randomly a few weeks ago, he bought a 12$ box of treats for them while out shopping. He has no dog of his own, nor is there any in his family or small circle of friends. I am also the only neighbor he talks to with dogs -- He met my dad in July for the first time, and about a week later, asked me his name again, because he forgot. He never forgot mine. -- He told me outright that he is single. "I am a single man, with a job." -- He has offered to help me make a snow dog this winter. Also told me I can help him do holiday lights at his place. Now its hard to know if he is being nice out of boredem... or he only likes my dogs... or he likes me and if so, just as a friend, a neighbor or more? Anyone? PLEASE no need to be rude.
Weezy1973 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Whether he likes you or not doesn't really matter at this point. If you like him, take a risk. Let him know. Make a move. When it comes to love it's ALWAYS a risk - no reason to play it safe. Seriously. Just go for it. 1
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Thanks but in this case there is... I don't wanna act like a fool if he has no possible interest at all and then be stuck living next to him and having things be massively akward anytime I am outside and he is...
EasyHeart Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Thanks but in this case there is... I don't wanna act like a fool if he has no possible interest at all and then be stuck living next to him and having things be massively akward anytime I am outside and he is... Speaking as a 51 year old man, it sounds like he likes you, but he is worried about the same things. Do you flirt with him when he's around? Do you brush against him or try to touch him? Do you make suggestions about doing things together? One of you has to up the ante or you'll just keep spinning your wheels. He's the one who should do it, but if he doesn't then it's up to you!
RedRobin Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 If he were interested, he would have made a move.... he (rightly) sees you as someone young enough to be his daughter and is treating you as such. Leave it alone and find someone closer to your own age or seek therapy.
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 If he were interested, he would have made a move.... he (rightly) sees you as someone young enough to be his daughter and is treating you as such. Leave it alone and find someone closer to your own age or seek therapy. I don't find men my own age, attractive, so mind your business. I like older men and thats just how it is for some people. I don't need therapy As for the person who is 51 on here.... no I am horrible at flirting LOL but I am willing to try. I have invited him to my dogs birthday party but he didn't go. 1
EasyHeart Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 oI don't find men my own age, attractive, so mind your business. I like older men and thats just how it is for some people. I don't need therapyWell said. As for the person who is 51 on here.... no I am horrible at flirting LOL but I am willing to try. I have invited him to my dogs birthday party but he didn't go.You don't have to do too much. The point is that if you act like a neighbor, he will treat you like a neighbor; if you act like a woman, he will treat you like a woman. 1
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 You don't have to do too much. The point is that if you act like a neighbor, he will treat you like a neighbor; if you act like a woman, he will treat you like a woman. So true. Thats probably why its so hard for me. I've been friend-ish. Trying to be there for him during this difficult time. I know he is still struggling with losing his mom, he tells me all the time about how he misses her and she went to soon etc.... I don't feel like he is ready for a relationship yet due to his grief state so thats why I been trying to be there for him instead for now. I should also mention that when we chat, its not like its 5 min, its usually 40-an hr or so. He often tries to relate to me too like when I said I was a vegetarian, he said "I barely eat any meat" Also for the record, I never once asked anything about if you think its ok to like someone older.... I frankly don't care, I didn't go out looking for him, he just happened to be a man I fell for, who was nearly 20 years older. So lets not make this about the age, thanks, just wanna know what people were thinking of his behavior.
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Are you both white? Are you fat? Are you pretty? You could ask him out once. You'd have to face rejection. You could say there's a restaurant you wanted to try and if he would go with you some time? What the hell does all that have to do with it? No I am not fat and I don't think I am pretty, I am average... but I'd hope to hell not everyone is judgemental on such things....
NYC-BigKat Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Whether he likes you or not doesn't really matter at this point. If you like him, take a risk. Let him know. Make a move. When it comes to love it's ALWAYS a risk - no reason to play it safe. Seriously. Just go for it. Yea lots of younger girls like older guys & sometimes the other way around. Its a good experience to have u know .
HappyLove Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Next time you talk to him say, hey would you like to go for a coffee one day? Then that way if he says no then no biggie was just coffee and he's not interested. If he says yes, then you feel him out over coffee ask things like is he ready to date, what kind of women he likes, would he mind dating a younger woman? Hopefully he'll take the lead after that and maybe you can plan a movie date.
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 It's not judgmental that if you are from different races he might not want to date you. A lot of people only date the same race. Some only date the other races. It's a choice. I just asked because maybe that's what's holding you two back. No we are both white and he is a bit overweight but I don't care. I don't think its that. I think he is either, just bored and being nice for whatever reason, he only likes my dogs or.... he likes me but isn't ready for anything yet...
Midnight_Princess Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Why dont you ask him over for dinner or something? Maybe then he will realise you have some interest in him instead of just a friendly neighbour.
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I should mention, currently living with my parents. He knows this... but ya not gonna have him over for dinner here LOL I am HOPING to move by years end... and maybe that will make things better. Thank you tomtucker for your post, so true indeed. I am thinking of offering him and his aunt/uncle who are visiting in 2 weeks, my free zoo membership, I'd go with obviously.... but I figure if he isn't gonna go for that when he said he wish they would go but its too pricey, and its public then he surely wont be interested in anything with just me
Midnight_Princess Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I should mention, currently living with my parents. He knows this... but ya not gonna have him over for dinner here LOL I am HOPING to move by years end... and maybe that will make things better. Thank you tomtucker for your post, so true indeed. I am thinking of offering him and his aunt/uncle who are visiting in 2 weeks, my free zoo membership, I'd go with obviously.... but I figure if he isn't gonna go for that when he said he wish they would go but its too pricey, and its public then he surely wont be interested in anything with just me Lol ask him out to dinner then . Offering your zoo membership is good of you, but i dont think anything you are doing is showing you are actually interested in him. He might be interested too but i bet that your parents right next door scares him off of making a move.
RedRobin Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I'm going to give you some advice that a very wise friend of mine once told me in situations like yours.... If he's not asking, then he's not interested. He's had plenty of opportunities to put the moves on you in one way or another, and he hasn't... ... and contrary to all the encouraging words by the 'men' of LS... most guys I know (and I know a lot) wouldn't feel comfortable with someone their daughter's age... If anything, you ought to give him credit for not sexualizing your interactions. most emotionally healthy, mature men aren't attracted to women young enough to be his daughter. Just my opinion. Anyway, don't you have any other options???? Is he like, the only single guy in town or something? You sound obsessed. Not sure why you are so hell bent on this guy. Give it up already... accept his friendship and get over it.
EasyHeart Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 So true. Thats probably why its so hard for me. I've been friend-ish. Trying to be there for him during this difficult time. I know he is still struggling with losing his mom, he tells me all the time about how he misses her and she went to soon etc.... I don't feel like he is ready for a relationship yet due to his grief state so thats why I been trying to be there for him instead for now. That's very perceptive. Right now is probably not the right time to try and take things to the next level. He's preoccupied with other things. Often, relationships are all about timing. . . . He obviously likes you, or he wouldn't talk to you for hours at a time. The question is whether he likes you romantically (or as we used to say, "Whether he "likes you" likes you). Given his emotional state right now, I think you need to be patient. Let him grieve his mom before you try to jump his bones. I am thinking of offering him and his aunt/uncle who are visiting in 2 weeks, my free zoo membership, I'd go with obviously.... but I figure if he isn't gonna go for that when he said he wish they would go but its too pricey, and its public then he surely wont be interested in anything with just meDon't do this. Or rather, do it if you want to make a nice gesture, but don't do it to test his reaction. It doesn't mean anything. Tests are only valid if the other person knows he's being tested. He might just not want to go or he might have other plans. (And if it was me and I did like you, I wouldn't want my first "date" to be with my aunt and uncle! )
Author Melissa82 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I don't think it's as simple as if he liked her he'd ask. I mean he's 20 years older and she lives next door with her parents. Not jut her next door, her parents. He might not even know how old she is. If she looks good might look to be no different than a college girl to his 50 year old eyes. Lost of reasons why he wouldn't ask her out even if he liked her. True but he does know my age. He knew the day we met. I am not obsessed, as I said, I am dense about relationships and such. Its kinda hard not to think of someone you see basically everyday. I figure though that even when I do move, my folks will still be here and that will probably still weird him out. So its likely that nothing will ever happen beyond maybe friends
EasyHeart Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 The only problem here is your attitude, young lady. You are a strong and attractive woman and any man would be lucky to have you. Say it! Say it out loud!!! I SAID "SAY IT"!!!!!
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Given the age difference, I'm sure he isn't making a move based on that. I mean if I were him I wouldn't make a move on a girl 20 years younger than me unless she made it painfully obvious because otherwise I'd just be thinking it was all in my head. Another thing to note is that when you're his age he'll likely be in a diaper. Keep that in mind as well.
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