Is my wife having an affair?

[Lux1]

My wife admitted that she had been going downstairs at night to text other guys. This has apparently stopped. However, I am now locked out the the computer by a pin, ands he makes sure I can't check her two phones also pin protected.

 

During a recent row, she told me she could have an affair at anytime, because an old flame who lives nearby, has contacted her several times asking for an affair.

 

I looked him up on facebook, he's a jerk, divorced, and seems to view women as mere sexual objects.

 

However, he has blocked me from finding him now, I know this as I logged on via a friend and still found him

 

So did my wife tell him to block himself, or does he now not want to be found. Either way he's no longer a friend of my wife on facebook.

 

I'm just concerned, as my wife lately doesn't seem to give a toss about our marriage. She doesn't work and has all the savings, and expects me to pay everything, - which can be quite a struggle.

[Balzac]

Greetings! Welcome to LS. Reads as though you're in LUX. Different laws concerning marital issue.

 

Whether she's actively cheating or not, she's baiting you into action or at least confrontation. The not working its hard to comment on not knowing your local laws. Take control of what you can, your pay may be an area you can control.

[SoleMate]

She may or may not be having actual physical relations, but either way your marriage is severely troubled and in a crisis. Time to decide whether to fight for a fair and honest marriage, or cut your losses.

[purplesoul]

It's not even so much the alleged cheating that could be happening but rather the complete lack of respect your wife is showing you?!

 

Why are you allowing her to treat you this way? Take a stand. She leaves or you both work on this marriage because the situation from what you describe, is utter crap and what is most puzzling is, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, MY MAN?!

[oldshirt]

It's not even so much the alleged cheating that could be happening but rather the complete lack of respect your wife is showing you?!

 

Why are you allowing her to treat you this way? Take a stand. She leaves or you both work on this marriage because the situation from what you describe, is utter crap and what is most puzzling is, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, MY MAN?!

 

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

Even if her legs haven't made their way up over someone else's shoulders yet, the level of disregard and disrespect she is showing you is atrocious.

 

If she hasn't actually completed the deed yet, she will within a matter of days or weeks at this point.

 

She is still actively engaging in secretive and unacceptable behavior. She is not acting in reconciliatory manner in the slightest. This is still an active scenario and you are in a current crisis.

[oldshirt]

 

During a recent row, she told me she could have an affair at anytime, because an old flame who lives nearby, has contacted her several times asking for an affair.

 

This was running the skull-and-crossbones up the flagpole and declaring war. This was a clear challenge to either step out of her way and let her have her fun without interference or it was a challenge for you to Velcro your balls back on and put the smack-down on her out of control behavior.

 

You have three options here -

 

#1. Man up and put the smack down on her and make her either toe the line, treat you with respect and get her head back in the marriage. Or pack her $h!t and hit the road.

 

#2. Cut your losses, see an attorney yesterday to protect yourself as much as possible and then cut her out of your life like a cancer.

 

#3. Keep buying into the bull$***** she spewing out her mouth as live as a spineless, weak-willed cuckhold and sugar daddy that provides her a home and food on the table while she treats you like toe jam and screws every guy in the neighborhood.....except you.

 

Those are your only real options at this point.

[Chi townD]

Well, if you want to know if something is going on, the most important thing for you to do is act stupid. Act as if everything is right in the universe. The more she thinks you're clueless, the more relaxed she's going to be and THAT'S when she will make a mistake.

 

Right now, she let the cat out of the bag. She has you questioning everything. Therefore, if she's having an affair, she's taking it underground and burying it deep as she can because of her own stupidity.

 

So, a couple of things you can do. Get yourself a couple of Voice Activated Recorder's (VAR's). You can get them pretty cheap at Walmart or whatever is equivalent where you live. Hide one in a room in the home where she spends most of her time on the phone. Then, go to your local hardware store and buy some heavy duty Velcro. Secure a VAR under her drivers seat of her car using the Velcro to secure it. Most cheaters do their communication while driving. So, you might catch her conversations and what's being said.

 

If she has an iphone, she's probably used the home computer to charge it up at one time or another. If this is the case, that phone and the computer probably sync'd up. Therefore, there's a hidden folder on that computer that holds all of the texts conversations that phone has on it. Go on the computer and download software to retrieve that folder. You need to download an iphone file extractor.

 

Now, if you find a piece of evidence, but it seems a little sketchy, DO NOT CONFRONT HER WITH IT! It's not your smoking gun and it could be something that she could easily explain away. Then, the only thing you've accomplished is teaching her how to hide her affair a little better. Post what you found here and people will be able to tell you if you have a smoking gun or just a smoke trail.

 

What was a big red flag to me was she threatened you about having an affair with the guy and then a couple of days AFTERWARD he's nowhere to be found.....too much of a coincidence for my liking. She's talking to him.

[Madman81]

I'm just concerned, as my wife lately doesn't seem to give a toss about our marriage. She doesn't work and has all the savings, and expects me to pay everything, - which can be quite a struggle.

Why are you allowing this to go on? How does she have "all the savings"? Are the savings completely beyond your ability to touch or exercise control over?

 

If you do have control/access, exercise it immediately by scooping at least half of it and putting it in an account she can't access. And for god's sake, stop handing your paycheques over to her.

 

If you DON'T have control/access to those assets, and have decided that this isn't the kind of marriage you want to be part of anymore, see a lawyer immediately. You should be able to get an order without notice putting a freeze on those assets. You won't be able to scoop them, but neither will she.

 

If you DON'T have control/access to those assets, but do want to try to save your marriage, I think you should outwardly lie low for the moment, and do some snooping. Better yet, see if you can hire a PI to do a bit of snooping and gather info about her activities. If something's going on, you need to know about it.

 

Long story short, you need to take some covert action here, to protect yourself. What actions you take depends on which of the above situations is applicable to you.

[Coolit]

Sounds to me at this point your money issues are a huge problem.

 

As to cheating. Doesn't sound good. I'd like to add that VARs and PIs would not have caught me. A keylogger would have caught me. So if you are gonna go into sleuth mode. Cover all your bases.

[Jonah]

I'm sorry to read that you have to suffer this, still I think there is a certain circle of us who would love to live your life right now to insure the right screws are in place at the right time just for the entertainment purposes alone.

 

A key-logger would do the trick on the computer. It sounds like your wife is fairly tech savvy but that you are not so much so be careful about tipping your hand.

 

That sucks to have to work while she gets to be off, which leads to much unknowns... unknowns being quite discomforting. I know what that's like.

 

Do not tip your hand guy until you scrape up a ton of hard evidence. She's already rubbing it in your face so you may not need to bother... Be ready with a lawyer so you can have your shields up in case she drops a bomb on you. It would be much less fun for her if you were like: "Ok, whatever. My lawyer is already aware... hurry and be gone because I already am."

 

In the mean time, sincerely offer marriage counseling. You have to try.

[William]

As the thread starter logged out a few minutes after posting this and hasn't returned, I'll close this pending their alert to continue. Thanks for your participation and advice.