Joaquin Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Do you think that girls (sorry I'm a guy) that have them are actually ever relationship material. Lately it seems that the ones that are up for it are fairly messed up. Any thought's.
Keenly Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Any girl could be relationship materiel, given the right motivation. I'm sure lifelong relationships have started from a one night stand, but I don't think its common. She probably is not looking for a relationship with that person that she hooked up with. Sometimes a girl just wants to get out there and get some sex. 1
CrystalCastles Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I only know of one case where the relationship began as a ONS. The guy has been with this girl for 5 years (she initiated the sex, then exclusivity eventually) and he is now fishing for other girls and has cheated emotionally on his gf. So I wouldn't expect a healthy R from a ONS.
FitChick Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 My friends had sex on the first date and have been married over twenty years.
SensitiveTJ Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Do you think that girls (sorry I'm a guy) that have them are actually ever relationship material. Lately it seems that the ones that are up for it are fairly messed up. Any thought's. I think a more useful question for you is "Am I the kind of guy capable of having a relationship with a girl who has ONS?" You need to answer that one for yourself. And whether the answer is yes or no, that's fine. But posting threads on LS insinuating that there is something wrong with people different than you are is quite unproductive. 5
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 No, they are not. I had a good friend who recently had a ONS after she was seeing me for 8 months and I flipped out on her. She had the reputation of being promiscuous and immature, but I never believed it until I heard of her ONS, with a random guy she had met once of all people. Needless to say, I was angry, and her excuse was one a 16 year old would use "he was really attractive!" Girls who do that are not relationship material because they seek attention and lack the ability to care for someone else. In fact, most girls who do that have no idea how to have relationships and merely want attention from men, regardless of how it makes them look or who it hurts. ONS hardly ever turn into anything real, and guys who have ONS with girls would never consider them relationship material because if they were willing to do it with them, what's stopping them from doing it with other random people? Again, this is my experience with girls who have ONSs. Perhaps some day they will grow up and decide that's not the kind of person they want to be (ie cheap), but until they do that, stay away. Otherwise you're opening yourself up to get hurt. 1
Author Joaquin Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I think a more useful question for you is "Am I the kind of guy capable of having a relationship with a girl who has ONS?" You need to answer that one for yourself. And whether the answer is yes or no, that's fine. But posting threads on LS insinuating that there is something wrong with people different than you are is quite unproductive. I take your point, which is well made. my question could more bluntly be made Are girl's that are willing to **** after knowing u 3 hours likely to be healthy individuals.
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I take your point, which is well made. my question could more bluntly be made Are girl's that are willing to **** after knowing u 3 hours likely to be healthy individuals. But what Im more interested in hearing is whether No, they aren't, from my experience at least. Most of them are attention seekers who are not used to being treated like an adult. They lack compassion for anyone but themselves and do reckless things like sleeping with people they've met for an hour while not considering the repercussions of their actions. The girls I know who sleep around have very deep issues: anxiety orders (ONS are used to reaffirm that they are worth it, when really it reinforces the opposite), problems with their parents (a few I know have no relationship with their mothers and abuse their fathers who give into their every wish), etc. ONSs cheapen a person because you're giving it all away after 1 hour or so, especially if the guy does nothing but talk to you for a bit and you invite him back. What does that say about them as a person? As a guy, it tells me to stay very far away. 1
betw3nstations Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I think it's unfair to generalize a whole population based on only one thing they have in common. To answer your question, I think it depends on the girl's (and guy's) motivation for the ONS in the first place. If they are emotionally healthy, stable and can walk away afterwards with no remorse, then they're clearly not in the same category as someone who did it out of desperation, for attention, etc. Do you think that girls (sorry I'm a guy) that have them are actually ever relationship material. Lately it seems that the ones that are up for it are fairly messed up. Any thought's.
SensitiveTJ Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I take your point, which is well made. my question could more bluntly be made Are girl's that are willing to **** after knowing u 3 hours likely to be healthy individuals. Why does that matter though? What's it to you? If you don't want to have relationship with girls like that, then don't do it. I'm on the same page here as you are; I don't run with those kind of women either. But I also don't let their motivations or background trouble me. So why are you so interested?
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Dude, shut up. Sex is not just something for a man to enjoy, it's there for women to get their kicks too. That means some women can enjoy one night stands. Big deal. I happen to think guys who do it too aren't healthy individuals. Normally the type that do it are simply looking for instant gratification/affirmation or they are simply immature.
Author Joaquin Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Dude, shut up. Sex is not just something for a man to enjoy, it's there for women to get their kicks too. That means some women can enjoy one night stands. Big deal. But are they healthy girls?
todreaminblue Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I take your point, which is well made. my question could more bluntly be made Are girl's that are willing to **** after knowing u 3 hours likely to be healthy individuals. most likely they have been drinking......deb 1
SensitiveTJ Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 But are they healthy girls? Millions of people have casual sex every year, dude. Men and women. There's no way to extrapolate an analysis of mental health for millions of people based on a single behavior pattern. 1
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 More reasons to just keep your sexual history to yourself... I would have much preferred that, but she was talking about it with a friend of hers and admitted it to me, so.... yeah. I wish I had never known to be completely honest. 1
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 personally, I remember that when I was emotionally vulnerable, I felt more inclined to jump ahead, thinking my date was the right one and getting physical... irrespective of how lucky or unlucky I got at that time, I believe that answers your question. I am not making any judgements about people who have sex on first date or ONS. I do have a problem with men who live by that rule - especially if they want to date me, that is, haha!
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I've had a ONS and so has my bf. We're in an exclusive, happy, committed relationship. *shrugs* Come to think of it, most of my married friends and those who are also in relationships have had ONS too. I do think people can change. I had some too when I was 19-20 years old in college, but at 25, I'd never have one. It's something you can do when you're super young and have no responsibilities, but now it just seems so sleazy and childish to me.
Divasu Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Are girl's that are willing to after knowing u 3 hours likely to be healthy individuals. You're incorrect. The norm is at least 4 hours.
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 To each their own. Sometimes I just wanted sex, but wasn't ready for a relationship. I went through a pretty horrible breakup two years ago and canceled a wedding. My heart was closed. But I still had physical needs. I don't think that makes me a bad prospect as a girlfriend. It makes me human. And now my heart is open again and I'm in love. It does depend how long it has been and the circumstances at the time. I suppose I am sour at the moment because a girl I cared a lot about as a friend keeps having ONS in hopes that she will start a relationship. She's never dated anyone seriously, continues to sleep around with random guys and wonders why she's alone. As a guy who cares for her, it's frustrating to me that she doesn't understand her actions are only hurting her at finding something meaningful. It's actually torn our friendship apart, and I'm pretty hurt by it. She could be so much better.
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 You're incorrect. The norm is at least 4 hours. oh, my
Divasu Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 oh, my I'm just speaking the truth Candie. 1
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Do you really want to be just her friend, or are you the "nice guy" who's upset that she's sleeping with everyone else but you? Be honest with yourself. A true guy friend would not be so emotionally tied to what a friend decides to do with other men. As someone who has had to walk this girl through problems in the past, I do just care about her as a friend. Knowing what I know about her, I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with her. There was a point when I did, but that ship sailed months ago. We will only be in school together for another few months and then we graduate, so a relationship isn't feasible. I would have liked a bit more openness considering how much we did together and how she was pushing me to take her on trips with me, just the two of us, but I just wanted to know what she wanted from me. Truthfully, I hate being told how awful she is. I hate hearing about how lonely she is and her constant questions about why no one wants to be with her. She's a decent girl and she's fun to be around, but I swear she is her own worst enemy.
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 well, you can actually speak your mind. A girl never has enough information about how a man's mind works. Take her out for a cup of coffee and give her some tough love. Tell her is she's simply having fun, it's one thing, but if she's putting out hoping to get a bf, she's doing it wrong. It may seem obvious to everyone but herself - when one's worked up inside, they tend to miss... that .
tart6245 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 well, you can actually speak your mind. A girl never has enough information about how a man's mind works. Take her out for a cup of coffee and give her some tough love. Tell her is she's simply having fun, it's one thing, but if she's putting out hoping to get a bf, she's doing it wrong. It may seem obvious to everyone but herself - when one's worked up inside, they tend to miss... that . We aren't speaking at the moment. We had a big argument the day she let it slip that she slept with a random guy, and I got angry and now we aren't talking. She isn't the type to take tough love. She thinks she knows it all. That's what makes everything so frustrating. I hope eventually we will be able to talk things out, but I'm not sure when that will be. I kind of screwed it up.
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 well, no one likes to be judged, even if you might think her sleeping with a random guy is a bad idea. Friends don't point fingers and she is not supposed to live her life the way you feel it's appropriate. You should apologize and ask her to continue to be your friend. And then, in a very civil, polite way, make your case, explaining your pov. And of course, offering her a shoulder to cry on, in case things don't turn out just as she wishes to.
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