MelodyJ Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 OK, I don't get it. Heres the question: Guys: Are any of you jealous and controlling of your women? Do you let them choose their friends, are they "allowed" to hang out just with the girls every so often? If they have an attractive single friend, do you get jealous and make them end the friendship? Ladies: Are your b/f like this? Do you put up with it? If you have and been able to work it out, what did you do? Here's the scenario: This weekend my sis told me that her b/f threw her out for not being home in the afternoon and hanging out with a friend he doesn't like. This is the 3rd time he has done this to her. He is starting to act and sound just like my soon- to- be ex b/f. Jealous, controlling, insecure, and when ever they feel like it, they pull the "get out of my house". Last week she told me he is jealous of me visiting, we are both pretty and when she and I get together (maybe 1x a month) we have too much fun, he feels left out! (we drink beer, smoke a little, and play on the computer, maybe go shopping) When I am finally single, he will not want me visiting her anymore. Last week he took us to play pool and hear a band, well, a guy sent me over a drink, and now her b/f thinks that I am trouble I guess. He told her that night he can just imagine what she and I do when he is not around and told her he does'nt want us to take our trip in Jan. to see our dad because he thinks we are going to go out and meet guys! I swear, I didn't do anything to make this guy buy me a drink, and I didn't go talk to him, I just laughed it off, and the whole time my sis was giving her b/f full attention, even gave him a kiss at the table. What is his problem? He liked me when he thought that I was in a relationship, when he found out we are breaking up, now he is threatened by me? My ex-hubby was like this as well. My sis was single and used to go to Palm Spgs for an annual girls weekend, and I was never allowed to go, he said married (or attached) women don't go out with the girls! I was young, I believed him. I just don't get the whole control thing. When does a woman to go from person you were attracted to just as they were, to a possession that you can order around and treat like dirt? I have a friend in a similar position as well, and she is just biding her time until she can leave. We were all discussing it this weekend, and we just don't get it. Is it the age? Our b/f's are all early to mid-40's. They don't want to go anywhere, have no friends they desire to hang out with, just want us there to cook, clean, and behave the way they want. Oh, and help pay the day to day expenses. All three of us are smart, attractive, have decent jobs and do more than our share of the kid stuff, even if it isn't our kid! Are we all just coincidentally unlucky in our choice of men, or is it something in the water? I apoloize for the rambling, we just really need to know what is up with men these days. The 3 of us are nice ladies, we just don't get it at all. Even my daughter asked how all three of us ended up with such jerks, she is 18, I just said I don't know!
Queen B Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 I commend you on leaving your husband AND your current BF!!!!! I say all three of you ladies need to a.)leave the men b.)find an apartment to share together and c.) have the fun that you deserve. When a guy isolates you from your friends by being so controlling it's easy to become hopeless and stay where you are, even if you're miserable. I'm not sure where guys get this idea maybe it has something to do with their male role models as a child or some sort of inferiorty complex. I have a lot of guy friends so when my current BF and I got together he was a bit insecure about things when I would spend time with these guys or give them a hug. I explained to him that these are my friends, I'm not having sex with them and I've had them for a lot longer than I've had him so if he was going to be with me he would have to find a way to deal with this. He seems to have accepted this but I guess it could have easily gone the other way and we wouldn't be together today. I think it's really important for everyone, especially women to be their own people, even within a couple or with kids...it's the only way to stay sane. One night out a week to do as you please like go out with the girls or spend some time alone shopping or at a spa is not a big deal in terms of a long term relationship it's less than 1/7th of your time!!!! But seriously, if you realise this is a mistake you've made more than once maybe some counselling could help you figure out how/why you ended up where you are. Then you can move on to finding the guy that you deserve!
Author MelodyJ Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 thanks for the input Queen, I am working on it, well my friend and I are, my sis has a long way to go I'm afraid. I just hope they get it together or she moves on before investing too much time in this guy. M
YellowLioness Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 My fiance is sort of controlling. He has to know where I am all the time: he also controlls the time I spend with people, even if they are just female friends. He won't come out and say, "You can't do this," but he'll call every five minutes and make life difficult. If guys flirt with me while we're out (no fault of mine, I don't bring it on myself) he gets pissed. Really, it's gotten to the point that he's the only person I see. We've been through alot lately in our relationship, and it's made him hyper sensitive to the fact that he could lose me. Personally, I don't know what to do with my fiance. He's a really good most of the time. You wanted random input, and here's mine. Take care, Yellow
Author MelodyJ Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 YL, I have read some of your other posts and you sound like a really nice lady. This is exactly what I am talking about, what is it they think they are accomplishing by holding on so tight we choke? If you meet someone, whether they are a social butterfly, or a homebody, isn't that the person you fall for? When I met my s-t-b ex b/f I was in mgmt and had to travel, not a lot, but still. He knew it and thought it was cool. Also, my family is very close, he knew I spent Sun. with the parents, now, we never go over for dinner. If I make a comment about looking up an old girlfriend to see how life turned out for her, he gets mad at me and asks me why I want to pursue the past. Just stupid little things. All a part of the person I am leaving finally. Good luck with your b/f, been there, done that, as the saying goes. You take care too!
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