What is the right decision?

[lifestyle1]

We have been broken up for a week. I asked him to leave (I called his bluff, becuz when he is angry he threatens to move out) Neither of us wanted to end it, and both of us are stubborn, so we went thru the motions of not speaking to each other and he packed up most of his things and left.

 

We lived together 3 yrs with my 3 kids (he left his W but never mailed the final divorce papers- they both signed/notarized)

 

I went from my H directly into a home with him (I'm divorced tho) and think I never grieved the loss if H #1 (even tho I wanted it).

 

well we have managed to make it through the stress and changes of families, children coping, me beginning a new business, me fighting a messy child support battle, and lastly moving into a home near his kids- which meant new schools for mine) sounds like alot? and we trudged through.

 

at one point we were going to ocunseling but now lived 40 mi away and he didnt want to find a new one (I still go alone and drive).

 

We both had gotten bitter. I was an angry mess. We were taking each other for granted and had gotten mean. although we had "heart to heart" talks on staying together, it wasn't until the BREAKUP that we both got that much needed wake up call to CHANGE our behaviors toward each other.

 

The week we broke up my 2 yr court case with the Ex finished. I cried and cried and feel like I finally wept and let go of my former relationship. Even tho I was not in love, I never shed a tear fo the change I made.

 

I bought the book "A struggle for Intimacy" and learned a lot about myself. Coming from a divoced family and NC from my dad, I have a push/pull effect towards my mate. I want them and I want to be independant. He is very strong willed, it is his way or no way- and that caused resentment.

 

he told me he was signing a 1yr lease on a rental house and he would like to work on the relationship. I want my space, but I'm afraid to really start building separate lives. He would have to furnish a house and is having his mom and sister move in with him. He already gave a deposit, but was going to call them to see if he could get it returned in order to move back in with me.

 

I want to make the right decision not based on money, material things, convenience. People say that you go right back to the old behaviors in a split second- and I dont want that.

 

I am also 46 and do not want the dating game again.

 

your adivce?

[Pocky]

Do you think you can be happy in this relationship if everything was fixed? If yes, then move forward with the intention of working things out. If not, then I'd have to say you don't care for him anymore and regardless of whether or not the problems disappeared you'd still be unhappy.