You'd be proud...Maybe.

[It's Just Me]

Yes, you are there, because you WANT to be in this horrible situation. And you seem to enjoy being in it and talking about it, so... just do what you want to do. Give your power over to some worthless POS and let him control your feelings. Enjoy.

[Simon Phoenix]

You have to do it. You just have to. You don't have the self-control to do this without NC. The fact that you are still here a year later in this same place is evidence of that. I'm glad you are making some steps, but it kind of defeats the purpose when you refuse to execute the biggest step -- No Contact. It's like trying to build a car without wheels, a house without a foundation, etc. And yes, he'll probably try to find you again. But if you enpower yourself, then you can deal with that correctly instead of wussing out and caving like you always do and you almost did again except for your friends intervening to save you from yourself.

 

And yes, we understand all of the stuff that comes from doing this. We are all here. Your situation is something nearly all of the people in this section have gone through, and it sucks. But the more you keep putting it off, the worse it gets and the harder it is to treat. If a doctor discovered a tumor in you, would you try to get it treated, or would you just put it off and just hope that the cancer in your body goes away on its own? I'm pretty sure you'd choose option A. So why the fu*k do you constantly refuse to do the same thing for your heart in this situation? You aren't a stupid person, you obviously have intelligence, which makes your obtuse way of handling this that much more frustrating to everyone who reads your threads. It's almost like you enjoy this at this point.

 

You are a drug addict. And the best way to solve an addiction is to but all your resources in kicking it and refusing to stray from it. Your way of curing alcoholism is drinking beers instead of taking shots as an attempt to wean yourself off of it. Guess what happens when you do that? You go on a bender and get a DUI or throw into the drunk tank?

 

I mean, you have to stop acting stupid, you have to embrace the fear instead of freaking out and running away from it like you always do and you have to go through the pain. You always wimp out and cheat and you always find yourself in this situation. No more fu*king excuses. No more "just one more" time. No more lashing out at posters trying to help you because they are telling you things you don't want to hear.

 

Take control of your life. Have some pride, have some backbone. No pain, no gain. What doesn't kill us will make us stronger. All those cliches exist for a reason. You aren't going to die, you are going to go through hurt. And if you stop cheating and stop cutting corners and stop relapsing and actually take this seriously, you are going to smack yourself in the head and wonder why you wasted so much time instead of just doing the work.

 

Do. The. Work. No exceptions.

[Simon Phoenix]

Stop throwing a pity party. No one here is going to be ok with that. If he finds a way, big deal. You'll deal with that when it happens. But for now, you're not even bothering to start. And if you start, then that's all that matters.

 

Block him from FB/Twitter, whatever other social media sites you're on. Block him from your email address (this is a cinch, if you're not sure how, Google should be able to tell you the rules for your email provider).

 

Get a new phone number. Changing your number should be fairly simple, and I would suggest just changing a few digits, second/third last from the end. Then make sure that only the important people have it. Whomever you call/text the most, they're the ones that need your number. The rest can hit you up via FB. In time, you can share the number with more people.

 

You have to start. There's no point throwing the 'woe is me' party. Put on your big girl pants and take the next step. If he continues to harrass you after this, then you have legal steps available to you. But you have. To. Start.

 

 

Exactly. We've all been through this and it was awful. But it was necessary.

[candie13]

hey, girl

 

you know how I was all up, on my high horses, preaching you about NC? Well, life decided to come an smack me in the face. I had celebrated my second week of perfect NC, when my ex suddenly decided to call me. He left a stupid voice message and had a pretext for getting in touch with me. I don't know if I've caved in or not, but after several IM messages... I broke NC.

 

I wrote "not interested, thx". HE tried to tie up a conversation after that, which got me mad. So, again, on IM, I've expressed my wish to install NC and that I didn't want anything of his. Again, I don't like the resentment, so I wrote "no hard feelings" and said "bye". He called . I was so mad! I stood my ground. I've responded his call to show that 1. I am not intimidated by his aggressive attitude and 2. I mean business. During the phone conversation, I've reiterated the exact, very same things: I don't want anything from him, he should not contact me anymore. Guess what: he said "well, if there are no hard feelings, why won't you meet me and have the thing I bought for you in NY?". The nerve that guy has, OMG! So, I said: "because I don't want to. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you. Let's try and keep it civil, we live in a small city".

 

What I am trying to say, dear OP, is that I totally understand what it is like to break free from a relationship that lifts you up and spins you around! Better than you think. Very alluring... but when that man has subdued you, he will smash you against a wall with this selfishness. It's not love, it's possession.

 

I am not sure if I did right to break NC, but I am not afraid to confront him. We have had a 8 month relationship and, unlike him, I want a civilized end of this affair. I can tell you one thing: he wanted to get me mad. HE wanted me to lose temper, because it meant I cared...

 

 

Anyway, rant over. What I mean to say is, irrelevant of what I say and all of these other posters say, here on LS, you need to be convinced of the fairness of your actions. You need to be the one to say NO to your man. Not your gf. Not me. Not Simon. Because you will be the one that your future ex will be testing and harassing, when you decide to leave.

 

So... take your time, gather strength and just... do what you feel it's right. MAybe it's not the time to break up. IF you believe there's another chance, fine, go ahead. You need to do your own mistakes and you need to find out first hand if it works or not. And after you've understood... you will be the one letting him go.

 

i've tortured myself 4 months. I should have left my ex a long long time ago. Everytime I was leaving, he would make these spectacular come backs, and he was sooo convincing, he really did make me believe in him, in his feelings for me, in our relationship. Until I got to know him better and better and until I understood the truth.

 

If I were smart, I wouldn't have dated this guy for so long. If I were smart, I would have left a long long time ago. Turns out I am a hopeless romantic. Turns out I believe love does win it all. It's who I am. And I accept that it will take me longer than reasonable to give up people. To stop trying. But then, when I do, I am not looking back anymore, because while I am a hopeless romantic, I love myself more than the idea of love.

 

I wish you a clear head and a lot of courage to look inside yourself and embrace whatever it is that is scaring you much and pushing you into your man's arms! Once you do, you won't be needing him anymore.

 

Cheers

Edited September 3, 2013 by candie13

[Salvatore85]

What do you expect to happen in the long run if you two keep up with toxic relationship? Do you think a 29 year old is going to suddenly mature and realize what a huge mistake he's making? He's not going too and you're wasting your time with an immature punk who is happy dragging you through the mud while he has his fun, trying to find something better.

 

Stop this crap about being hopeless and going on about how good the sex was because I'm sure you can find someone whom actually appreciates you to have great sex with. Make an actually effort to change, stop being hung up on one person when there are millions of people out there and I guarantee you they're not all douche bags like your ex seems to be.

[KatZee]

I understand the last part....No Contact. Blocking. Ignoring. Deleting. But he will find a way. I know him.

 

I really don't think you understand the last part. You don't get it at all. And stop making excuses. "he'll find a way. I know him." No. He knows YOU.

 

He knows you're weak, and he knows you'll always go back. He "finds ways" to come back because you're easy prey. You're an easy target to use and abuse. And you allow it. So why shouldn't he have some easy, free and casual sex whenever he wants it?

 

You misinterpret him "coming around" and "not letting you go" as him "loving you." No. He doesn't love you. You're a fun thing to do when he's bored. Great sex, no commitment, a girl who's obsessed with him. You're a great ego stroke for someone who obviously has severe insecurity issues.

 

People say once I go NC, I'll get over it. But I think I'll just be even more sad that he isn't around anymore. I'll never fully recover.

 

You won't recover because you mistake his contact as love. The sooner you fully grasp that this kid does not love you, and has never loved you (at least not in the traditional sense) the sooner you will come back to reality.

 

I really think you love when he contacts you and it's why you refuse, absolutely REFUSE to go NC with him. You've made threads on here how he's "blocked" and then you play the "naive" girl where you go, "Oh I blocked him! Oh but I left my e-mail open for him... woops! heehee!"

 

I'm pretty sure if you put your foot down, threatened him, and demanded he leave your life, and you blocked him 110% in every single avenue, he would leave.

 

But... you're not someone to take seriously. He doesn't take you seriously. You don't even take yourself seriously, and he knows this. And it's why he keeps pulling on your leash.

 

Engaging with him in the form of a love letter? Having your friends text him from your phone saying he has a small d*ck? Seriously, how old are you guys? Grow up and move on from this situation already.

 

I think it's about that time where we all agree here, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Cut this sh*t about how you're so weak and you can't move on and you'll always miss him, and all this other horse crap you write on here. It's BS. You've put this guy on a pedestal, you idealize him, you've made him out to be this superhero and amazing person when HE'S NOT.

 

You're the one doing this!! Wake up and accept that he's a d-bag already! You have an idea of what you want him to be, what you thought he could be... but he's NOT THAT GUY!

[mtnbiker3000]

Having your friends text him from your phone saying he has a small d*ck?

 

She said skinny d*ck. Not small...

[barky2]

I'm proud. I never turned down the infamous booty call from the ex.

 

The dig at him...maybe you coulda done with out.

 

 

 

Barky