Have I scared him off?

[CherryBlossom1980]

Without going into too much info, I met a guy on a night out he was really into me, pursued me constantly for a week before going on holiday, we had a couple of great dates, he introduced me to all his mates said to his brother before he left that one day he would marry me which I took with a pinch of salt. He texted me constantly on holiday and he then cheekily asked for a lift home from the airport (I live close to heathrow) so at first said no. The conversation we had was a drunken text convo which ended up with me saying i missed him a bit. Up until that point I had kept my cards close to my chest and remained pretty aloof. But because he didn't say he missed me in return, i jokingly said well clearly as you haven't missed me I won't come and collect you..it was supposed to be a sarcastic joke but was lost in text. He was a little taken back and ended up with me trying to explain that it was a joke, he then asked if I wanted to pick him up from the airport again and I said yes. So I ended up collecting him, he seemed genuinely pleased to see me but was very tired, he apologised for not being to talkative. We watched a film together and had a bit if 'fun time' on the sofa (I haven't had sex with him) then I felt like he was shutting down on me, we went to bed and no cuddles or anything. So the next morning I got up early, I tried cuddling him but he wasn't interested and just wanted to sleep. I said I was leaving and he said he would call me when he got up. I then just blurted out that he would never see again and he was shocked and said why. I said because he seemed off with me the night before and that it made me feel uncomfortable, he apologised and just said he was tired. So I left and he texted me when I got home to apologise and then messaged me in the evening to ask how my day was, he seemed receptive and friendly. I instigated a few messages that week, nothing too heavy. I had a disaster with my car which I told him about and said I was going out for a drink that evening. He sent me a message that evening to wish me a nice evening, the next day I responded and said thanks and did he fancy hanging out that evening? He declined and said he as having mates round and playing golf the next day which I know he does on a Saturday. I wished him a nice evening and that was it. He hasn't been in contact today to ask out meeting up. Have I scared him away? Why would he of contacted me after my outburst if he was scared off? I don't get it? I'm getting mixed messages... I'm doing no contact now. Help :-( I really like this guy and feel like I mucked the whole thing up by a series of silly misunderstandings x

[Mascara]

Have you messed things up? Hate to say it, but probably. It all sounds a bit too much drama if you ask me, your reactions were waaaay over the top.

 

Why are you saying to guys "I feel like you're not into it" or "why are you off with me". It's the worst possible thing you can do. It sounds needy, and makes people defensive. Imagine if a guy you'd just met said that to you?

 

Please don't try and make this right by explaining to him, it'll only make it worse. The only way you can make it right is by your actions not words - don't tell him you're not normally needy, that you don't normally say stuff like that, that you were stressed and you didn't mean it. Show him, with actions, by being relaxed, cool and noooo more drama.

 

Good luck. If you back off a bit and never refer to it, you might salvage something.

[CherryBlossom1980]

Awww that's a bit rubbish :-( so do you think that he won't resurface after a bit of time out? I knows that with ex's I wasn't the needy type, I told him I went skiing without my ex and didn't text him while I was away so should prove I'm not the needy type?! x

[Mascara]

Nothing proves you're not the needy type than showing him.. NOT telling him.

 

He might come back, but NC is definitely the way to go here. Move on in the meantime. And do NOT contact him trying to explain