mtb1986 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Basically I have started dating this girl, we've been seeing each other for the last month or two and things are going well, apart from one thing. She is 23 and lives with her mum and her ex boyfriend who she was with from the ages of 13 to 17. They've remained friends since and are more like brother and sister. She has lived with her ex for the last 6 months and he has a gf of 2 years. Should I be worried? She has been honest about him and has said that nothing will happen between them. But I don't feel I can cope with it at the moment, they were together for quite a long time.
MrCastle Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 To her credit, she could have easily kept her mouth shut since it was years ago and not told you she was staying with an ex. So her honesty at some level shows she wants to be transparent with you and that she is over him. However, the possible messiness of it would be enough to turn me off to her. I'm not into this buddy buddy ex thing that some people find acceptable. Not for me. 6
FitChick Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 They basically grew up together and now he has a girlfriend. I wouldn't worry about it. It shows she is stable and probably a very nice person. 2
Author mtb1986 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 They basically grew up together and now he has a girlfriend. I wouldn't worry about it. It shows she is stable and probably a very nice person. Yeah I know, i just dont feel comfortable with it and need to deal with it
Maleficent Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Basically I have started dating this girl, we've been seeing each other for the last month or two and things are going well, apart from one thing. She is 23 and lives with her mum and her ex boyfriend who she was with from the ages of 13 to 17. They've remained friends since and are more like brother and sister. She has lived with her ex for the last 6 months and he has a gf of 2 years. Should I be worried? She has been honest about him and has said that nothing will happen between them. But I don't feel I can cope with it at the moment, they were together for quite a long time. How old is she now?
Author mtb1986 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 How old is she now? she is 23 now
Maleficent Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 she is 23 now Ok. So she lives with her mom - so he's living with them - he's had a girlfriend for the last two years and they dated during their teens 6 years ago. I don't see anything you need to worry about. If they wanted to be together, they would be at this point. 1
TB Rhine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 She will sleep with him at some point while you're together... be prepared for this. Alternatively, if you're very lucky, she'll reject you in the near future (probably AFTER you foot the bill for that all-expenses-paid trip to the Bahamas), then, when you have the audacity to complain that you feel used, she'll hit you with the "Hey - you KNEW I was living with my ex!" She's basically laying pipe for an excuse/escape clause she knows (or strongly suspects) she may need in the not too distant future. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 what to do Find a woman that has a life of her own..She is dependent on her family and an ex bf... Time for the big girl panties..... TFY 1
darkmoon Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) the ex should live with his current girlfriend, not the ex, he should have an alternative home in mind, he should be given notice to quit but her parents/mother are on whose side? is he playing her mother? maybe her mother is attracted to him Edited September 2, 2013 by darkmoon
veggirl Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I wouldn't date someone who had their ex living with them or was "best friends" with an ex. Why does the ex live with them again? do either have jobs, why do they both live with her mom? have you met the guy and seen them interact or are you kept separate from him?
Author mtb1986 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 the ex should live with his current girlfriend, not the ex, he should have an alternative home in mind, he should be given notice to quit but her parents/mother are on whose side? is he playing her mother? maybe her mother is attracted to him playing her? he has a long term gf, they split up 6 years. Her mum really likes him, almost like a son to her
Author mtb1986 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 I wouldn't date someone who had their ex living with them or was "best friends" with an ex. Why does the ex live with them again? do either have jobs, why do they both live with her mom? have you met the guy and seen them interact or are you kept separate from him? well hes a student, met him briefly (only just started dating), although she said that she was nervous/thought it was going be awkard meeting him
darkmoon Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 playing her? he has a long term gf, they split up 6 years. Her mum really likes him, almost like a son to her I now suspect the mother of keeping this 8th grade situation going, you have every right to be heard and understood you want to be like the son to her, but feel marginalised, I should think unless the mother and your girlfriend register your feelings and act accordingly, discreetly start to date others you do not deserve this crap
Author mtb1986 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 I now suspect the mother of keeping this 8th grade situation going, you have every right to be heard and understood you want to be like the son to her, but feel marginalised, I should think unless the mother and your girlfriend register your feelings and act accordingly, discreetly start to date others you do not deserve this crap but he has a girlfriend of 2 years. She is fine with it. And I really like this girl, its so annoying she lives with her ex
darkmoon Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 but he has a girlfriend of 2 years. She is fine with it. And I really like this girl, its so annoying she lives with her ex none of them seem to give a damn about you, though
Author mtb1986 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 none of them seem to give a damn about you, though why would they, I've only dated her for a few weeks
thefooloftheyear Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 why would they, I've only dated her for a few weeks Well, then thats even more the reason to GTFO...Believe me, bro...This has ugly written all over it. TFY 1
darkmoon Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 why would they, I've only dated her for a few weeks because you are her boyf, they should care, or just one or two of them should you said you'd been seeing each other one month in your posting bout this, even so, you are her boyf, 3 weeks/one month, whatever i have said my two cent's worth, tried hard to help you, look, see what others say, bye
phineas Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I've never seen this type of situation but i've met separated women going through a divorce with the soon to be ex living on the property still. Yeah, no fricken way am I going there. Even if they legitimately are not screwing (would never know). The potential interference, BS, & drama from that type of situation.... Yeah like I said, no fricken way.
Sanman Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I had a similar situation to this happen to me. While others here are worried about sex and cheating, that is not the issue if she is an honest person. The difficulty will be whether you are taken seriously as her bf. Throughout the few months I experienced this, I came to realize it was a futile situation. I would always play second fiddle to the ex/BFF in terms of priorities. So, my advice is to date the girl if you like her, but keep your eyes open. If she is breaking dates if he has a problem, prioritizing his comfort over yours, and generally not making the relationship a main priority, I would bail and let her know why. The same goes for mom. I couldn't imagine having a MIL that always compared me to a favorite ex. Luckily, I am the favorite of my gf's parents so it is not a problem.
inamity Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Maybe I'm weird for thinking it but given that the relationship was from ages 13-17 and that 6 years have passed, it doesn't seem like it should be as much of a red flag as say, someone having a relationship as an adult and still living with them immediately after the relationship ended. I mean, 13 is young. People change pretty dramatically from 17 into their 20s. Everyone is right to say be skeptical or be weary, but outright dealbreaker? Really? Have they lived together the whole 6 years since the breakup? Do you know if she has plans to move out or if he does? You should be probing this information more aggressively than you are. Just don't be accusatory about it when you do.
fanine Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Do you know his family history? Why he moved in with the family? It could be something to do with his family, lack of maybe or something happened to them, so he moved in at a young age. I would find out the reason he moved there in the first place at such a young age.
CptSaveAho Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I dont get this post and OP Why put yourself in this situation? "I know its bad enough to come here and post about it yet I dont listen to logical/common sense advice to date someone else and I am going to argue and pretend that its ok because the girls ex boyfriend is dating another girl for 2 years so its ok" Do you have so little self respect that you are even considering this? The only positive things I see coming from dating this girl is an STD/kid that may or may not be yours in the future/and DRAMARAMA
Recommended Posts