It sucks to embarrass yourself

[Leigh 87]

Guys,

 

How much does it take for a girl to scare you off, make you think she is crazy or... make you not want to see her anymore?

 

In the early stages of dating when you are just getting to know a person.

 

I have done crazy. Will never do it again. Turns out, I simply like to write a lot and elaborate my points. But to EVERY ONE. Not just guys. They do not realise and probably thought I was CRAZY!

In every instance, I always knew I came off as crazy and I was HIGHLY embarrassed about it and vowed to never do it again... Only do embarrass myself in a similar fashion but not repeating the exact same mistake.

 

(one came back by the way a year later! Not for sex, to be friends)

 

 

Lately, I have made a few wrong calls with texting; I texted things that I should not have texted. Not too many texts or too often.

 

So guys. I love to have a laugh about dating and what guys put up with. What is the most you tolerate from a girl you are REALLY into?

How much do you try to see past these "indiscretions" if you are truly into a girl?

 

I ALWAYS know when I do it though without other people telling me.

 

It is like... I eff up with a guy and I just KNOW.

 

And feel ... really embarrassed:o:o:o:o

 

One thing I am conflicted over, that various people have different opinions on, is this:

 

" if a guy is truly into you, even if it is only a short time you have known them, nothing minor you do will unnerve them and scare them off entirely"

" they will want to give you more chances"

 

Where as others tell me

 

" Leigh 87, even one or two off texts is enough to make them run"

 

Can guys on here or even girls for that matter, share their stories?

 

 

 

 

I would love to know what guys think about what behaviour they find acceptable or not.

 

I am still learning:o I never dated before my ex.

[theonlyjuan]

I can put up with anything but cheating. I am pretty easy going and I don't mind a crazy girl lol. I have had some girls bombard me with texts, about 2 min after the last. It never really bothered me.

 

Every girl I have been involved with had insecurities, everyone does. I had one girl threaten to self harm over something silly, that wasn't cool but dealt with it.

 

 

I have some mates who do not tolerate crazy girls at all.

[Leigh 87]

I text bombed my ex and he tolerated it because there was something about me that drew him to be, albeit we were not meant to be in the end obviously.

 

I did not text bomb him at first though! Only after moving in with him and establishing a serious thing. 7 or 8 months down the track.

 

Interestingly, he loved my silly texts. If I did not text him a lot and I was silent for just one night, he would ring me and be like " leigh 87? Where is my silly girl gone. I miss your texts! Are you upset or sad or something?"

 

:lmao:

 

 

I just texted two wrong texts to the last guy on two diff occasions. I only knew him one week so that was obviously enough to put him off me.

 

He was otherwise very much into me.

 

I may have said something the last time that grossed him out. Long story. It was just when I left him and everything was going well.

 

So yeah. It does not always take much to put a guy off:(

 

I hope I can learn from the guys on here how much various guys will tolerate.

[MrCastle]

I don't think women have embarrassed themselves per se. I have had a few that talk about past relationships/men they've hooked up like I actually want to hear about it.

 

I don't know where these people get in their heads that their new dating prospect wants to hear about the old ones. I don't care who you dated or what you did before me. Don't wanna hear it thank youuu.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think women have embarrassed themselves per se. I have had a few that talk about past relationships/men they've hooked up like I actually want to hear about it.

 

I don't know where these people get in their heads that their new dating prospect wants to hear about the old ones. I don't care who you dated or what you did before me. Don't wanna hear it thank youuu.

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing that.

 

I have done that too.......

 

I do not talk about just any guy I have dated - it is just my recent ex...

 

We lived together and the past 3 years of my life have been filled. FILLED with memories that my ex and I made...

 

We had some crazy times together and a lot of funny things happened, that we both did together.

 

I know it is off to talk about exes now.

 

I did do it, but I am not sure how badly...

 

And I would NEVER mention a negative thing about another guy, to a new guy:lmao:

 

It is just hard to forget my life I had with my ex. It ended in May of this year.

[Imajerk17]

I'm not sure if this is OT or not but here goes: For the record Leigh, I don't think you did anything "wrong" per se with this guy from last week. (Those text(s) that you sent at the end might have been ill-advised but in all actuality, they didn't really hurt anything. This guy knew that he was acting as a douche.) Your big huge mistake was putting way too much emotional energy to a guy who didn't even seem to be "all that".

Edited September 1, 2013 by Imajerk17

[Jadedbyluv]

Guys,

 

 

 

One thing I am conflicted over, that various people have different opinions on, is this:

 

" if a guy is truly into you, even if it is only a short time you have known them, nothing minor you do will unnerve them and scare them off entirely"

" they will want to give you more chances"

 

Where as others tell me

 

" Leigh 87, even one or two off texts is enough to make them run"

 

Can guys on here or even girls for that matter, share their stories?

 

 

 

 

 

I agree with the first statement. If a guy likes you, he's not going to run away with a few texts. If he does, he was probably was on his way out anyway. The texts were just the final straw.

 

I'm in the same type of predicament. I was dating someone for over a month. He told me how much he liked me and had me thinking he wanted to see where things went. Texted him one too many times and he decided to pack it up. As much as it hurts, if he liked me and wanted things like he said he did then he wouldn't have reacted that way. Just my two cents.

[gaius]

Yeah, I've never heard of a guy dumping a girl he was really into over sending one too many text messages. In fact he probably enjoyed the attention you were lavishing on him. It's one of those excuses people like to use when they were going to dump you already.

 

I think the only things that have turned me off from a girl I was really interested in was a) Putting another guy before me b) Ignoring me when I talk to you. Other than that I can handle just about any form of crazy.

[hoping2heal]

Female here,

 

It's been my experience both in men I have liked and vice versa that it's not so much the texts, etc. that scare one off but rather any indication that the I or that man wanted something different. E.g. I may have been attracted to a guy and enjoyed spending time with him, but that doesn't mean I necesarily wanted anything serious with him but if he showed that he did I would be turned off. Not because there's anything wrong with wanting something serious or showing serious interest but because that's not what I wanted in the first place.

 

I think a few texts are fine as long as you two are on the same page and know the one another's expectations. It will save from assumptions on either part.

[Divasu]

Oh Leigh, we've ALL embarrassed ourselves at one point or another.

 

Everyone responds differently when they fear a loss, whether it be someone not calling back, or someone breaking up with you. As long as you haven't done anything illegal (like slash someones tires or something) learn to forgive yourself, learn to understand how your behavior ensued as a result of that "loss", and, try not to repeat it.

 

Embarrassing story example - shortly after my engagement ended years ago, I was in a bad place. I was at a bar, got a little too tipsy, and totally came onto this guy who was there that I knew. I made some off the wall comments () but he got angry and turned off by my behavior and totally turned me down. Ooops.

[2sure]

I've embarassed myself so many times on dates, that now I call my friends afterward to tell them , because if since I do it so often, I may as well find it entertaining.

[candie13]

Embarrassing story example - shortly after my engagement ended years ago, I was in a bad place. I was at a bar, got a little too tipsy, and totally came onto this guy who was there that I knew. I made some off the wall comments () but he got angry and turned off by my behavior and totally turned me down. Ooops.

 

Lucky you, Divasu, his horrible character prevented him from getting some sex that night, grreeaaatt !!!

 

Leigh, here's my rule: if a guy likes you, there are little chances you can "scare him off", even if you share too much too quickly.

 

However, if the guy likes more the game of catching you than you, yeah, he may be turned off by the unrequested reveal of information. Btw, it's because he was never into you that much... so you've gained, on the long run, because all girls deserve guys that are crazy about them. You're too gorgeous to be with a guy who's meah about you.

 

Think about this: you're obviously more into this guy than he is into you. What if he stayed and you got even more involved and then he'd pull a fast one on you? Girl, you are LUCKY, you've gained experience and time.

 

Always be true to yourself. If you feel like texting a guy, you should be natural and text him. If he likes you, he'll enjoy it 100%, because it's the genuine you, not miss "I am only texting 24 hours later to make sure I keep his interest".

 

cheers

[salparadise]

I may have said something the last time that grossed him out. Long story.

 

Ok, Leigh... spill it. What did you say that grossed him out?

 

I draw the line at the fridge... if I peek in a woman's freezer and she has a selection of dead pets in freezer bags, I'm outta there.

[Divasu]

Lucky you, Divasu, his horrible character prevented him from getting some sex that night, grreeaaatt !!!

 

I should clarify, my "off the wall" comments weren't sexual in nature. I told him I liked him a lot and that I am no longer engaged and that I know he had a crush on me. But yes, he had good character that night. Several months later, he began pursuing me pretty hard.

 

So, maybe a guy can be into you, but if you display too much crazy, he concludes it is not worth it.

[Keenly]

Well... I have been scared off before.

 

The first one was an okcupid meeting. I had never met her before, and it was a couple days away from valentines day, and she showed up on our first meet up with a Valentine's day related gift. I played it off but throughout the date she never once made or held eye contact with me. I was slowly weening myself off texting her after that, but one day she asked.if.I wanted to hang out the following weekend. I didn't respond for 1.5 hours and I got the " I guess you aren't interested " text. I never responded.

 

 

Another girl was a total wall flower. Which is fine, but every single time we would interact she would apologize for a joke she made that was obviously a joke. She would apologize if there was even a chance what she did could be misinterpreted. Constantly apologizing for everything and it was a huge turn off. I didn't understand this girl, she was strongly feminist in her beliefs, yet 100% submissive in practice.

[salparadise]

So, maybe a guy can be into you, but if you display too much crazy, he concludes it is not worth it.

 

 

Yea, displaying just the right amount of crazy is an artform.

[candie13]

I should clarify, my "off the wall" comments weren't sexual in nature. I told him I liked him a lot and that I am no longer engaged and that I know he had a crush on me. But yes, he had good character that night. Several months later, he began pursuing me pretty hard.

 

So, maybe a guy can be into you, but if you display too much crazy, he concludes it is not worth it.

 

oh, I assumed you made fun of his shirt and he took it personally, hahaha!

 

that's more like something I'd do, when I'm nervous .

 

I totally agree on displaying too much crazy, that is the no 1 turn off for guys. But if you think about it, when are girls turning "crazy"? When they feel vulnerable. Why are they vulnerable? Because they care.

 

I totally agree that a guy needs to be ready to put up with crazy you, at some point, in order for things to work. If you're "too crazy" for him, it means he cannot handle you, thus it can never work.

 

of course, there's always showing crazy too soon.. which is a bit of a pain in the arse... well, there are more guys where that one came from, haha!

[candie13]

Yea, displaying just the right amount of crazy is an artform.

 

timing is a b*tch as well, if you ask me...

[Shepp]

It wouldn't take much for me to run - a lot of texts would send alarm bells ringing in my head of clinginess and that is something I cant deal with in a relationship.

 

Thinking back like if it was my gf back when we first met, I was crazy for her, if she had felt the same and had text me a lot would I of put up with it? .....er probably, a bit at least - though I d think it would of killed the attraction for me after a while.

 

To be honest I like girls to play hard to get, I don't really like a girl to fall at my feet, I like her to keep me on my toes.

[white]

I tolerate almost everything provided I'm interested and I think she's interested. I don't care if she wants to show me her collection of meat cleavers or her pet graveyard or texts me non stop about everything that's happening. More concrete things matter to me than these. I'll only be put off by getting strong hints of what I consider ****ed up lifestyles or attitudes. Because it'll just never work.

[TheGuard13]

It depends on the guy, really.

 

Some men are knowledgeable, patient, understanding, and forgiving. Some too much. And some aren't. At all.

 

Text bombing isn't as bad as text ranting, or stream of consciousness texting without a filter. That...that can come across as not just clingy, but crazy to a lot of guys. When a woman can't control herself, regardless of the scenario, a lot of men get jumpy.

 

It's situational for me. There are things that matter to me and things that don't. Some guys are immediately turned off or scared away by mental illness, intensity, or various other things. It's all relative.

[Leigh 87]

Candie 13 - Oh. This guy WAS just as into me as I was into him. INITIALLY. He obviously lost that interest, but I know for sure he started out crazy about me. I am 100% certain of that...

It sucks when they lose interest for no.... big reason.

 

.... It makes you question " oh... so I sent one too many texts.... oops"

 

When really, That other poster is right: there was something there to begin with that had them... not sure about you. The texts or something off you may have said, was just the catalyst to them fleeing.

 

With me, it was only a week we had known each other, therefore I think there is more potential for them to be put off you. They don't want to invest more in a girl that they think will turn out needy in the long term.

 

Which my texts were... They were needy. We had seen each other every day since we met pretty much. Not calling or texting me may have just been the norm, of how he would act to ANY girl.

 

Perhaps the period you have been dating a guy has a correlation as to HOW easily they get turned off?

 

As I mentioned earlier, my EX who was NOT 100% romantically in love with me or into me (but adored me and loved me as a person), HE put up with strange behaviour from the start and right through the R.

He admitted later that a few things I said made him think " wtf. I am not sure I will continue with this girl".

 

I asked him why he stayed, since he is not desperate and he did not only want sex from me (he felt more) and he was not looking for a girlfriend either.

 

He just said " he felt the need to keep talking to me"

 

I also think some guys put up with very little deviant behaviour. No matter HOW into a girl they are!

 

 

 

I guess all that matters is the fact that I will probably never hear from that guy again.

[Leigh 87]

It wouldn't take much for me to run - a lot of texts would send alarm bells ringing in my head of clinginess and that is something I cant deal with in a relationship.

 

Thinking back like if it was my gf back when we first met, I was crazy for her, if she had felt the same and had text me a lot would I of put up with it? .....er probably, a bit at least - though I d think it would of killed the attraction for me after a while.

 

To be honest I like girls to play hard to get, I don't really like a girl to fall at my feet, I like her to keep me on my toes.

 

 

 

I was clingy to this guy in the way I sent him a " so... do you just want to be friends, that is still cool with me" After ONE DAY and night of no contact.

 

We had seen each other the past 3 or 4 days since the day we met. So.....

He ignored it and we had a great time the next time we saw each other.

 

Saw each other the next day. I get shy and nervous around new people, and as I was leaving his car I was like " so... what are your funniest sex stories"

He had none apparently. So I, in my stupid nervous state when I tend to blurt out embarrassing things, told him what mine was.

 

He was mortified.

 

I was SO embarrassed and laughed it off....

 

I left just after that. He was busy working all weekend for days and we had just spent a whole week together seeing each other most days, so I said " well, when you aint working you should try to see your friends and get some college work done"

 

I already knew he preferred to see me, rather than text.

Well, when he did not text for two days I sent him a goodnight text with a nice picture of me. Late at night.

He did no respond by about 10am next morning so I sent ANOTHER " okay, you obviously aint interested, please do not contact me again if you just want sex cos I want more than that. Goodbye dude"

 

 

It was STUPID of me to have sent him a text. Would my behaviour have made you never want to contact me again IF you were initially crazy about me?

 

I know for a fact that this guy was really into me initially but obviously changed his mind after a few days.

 

What would you have done if you really liked a girl but had not known her for long?

 

Since I came off as needy, would you have left things? Or, if you initially really liked a girl, would you later come back to test the waters?

[forgetmenot75]

I think this went wrong from the beginning, but all that "funny sex stories" was definitely A turn off. Guys are sensitive with that, he might felt you are judgemental, who knows.

Those texts you sent are needy, try not to repeat sending this kind of texts in the future and stay cool. I agree you really liked him and you were nervous, and in that state one does things that normally won't do (I sent some feisty texts too, which I'm not proud off, but one learns from their mistakes)

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

[candie13]

Candie 13 - Oh. This guy WAS just as into me as I was into him. INITIALLY. He obviously lost that interest, but I know for sure he started out crazy about me. I am 100% certain of that...

It sucks when they lose interest for no.... big reason.

 

.... It makes you question " oh... so I sent one too many texts.... oops"

 

When really, That other poster is right: there was something there to begin with that had them... not sure about you. The texts or something off you may have said, was just the catalyst to them fleeing.

 

With me, it was only a week we had known each other, therefore I think there is more potential for them to be put off you. They don't want to invest more in a girl that they think will turn out needy in the long term.

 

Which my texts were... They were needy. We had seen each other every day since we met pretty much. Not calling or texting me may have just been the norm, of how he would act to ANY girl.

 

Perhaps the period you have been dating a guy has a correlation as to HOW easily they get turned off?

 

As I mentioned earlier, my EX who was NOT 100% romantically in love with me or into me (but adored me and loved me as a person), HE put up with strange behaviour from the start and right through the R.

He admitted later that a few things I said made him think " wtf. I am not sure I will continue with this girl".

 

I asked him why he stayed, since he is not desperate and he did not only want sex from me (he felt more) and he was not looking for a girlfriend either.

 

He just said " he felt the need to keep talking to me"

 

I also think some guys put up with very little deviant behaviour. No matter HOW into a girl they are!

 

 

 

I guess all that matters is the fact that I will probably never hear from that guy again.

 

pffff, so you got a bit excited, big deal!!!

 

Instead of beating yourself up for having build up hopes, you should be nice to yourself. It's not like you've imagined the whole thing, there were signs from his side. It's just that beginnings are hard and one should go a bit easier, that's all. The truth is, you don't know your partner after one week. Not even after one month. Or one year.

 

Use this experience to lower your expectation and actually take the time to discover your partner and evaluate if you really do like him. Try to look at people and distinguish between reality and your own projections...

 

Since you don't know him, it's hard to guess his reactions to too much communication.

 

Again, my only advice to you would be to look at what it is that he offered you and if you liked it, rather that what you think he might be like... and you potentially missing it. Focus on what you know. Right now, you have yourself. Good. Screw men, have a nice day and enjoy being a woman, having dreams and not being afraid to love. You are richer than you realize, my friend !