PrincezzJazmine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Hi Loveshack! In my first thread I asked if I should let my guy stay at my place and now it is settled that he is gonna stay at the hotel for the first 2 weeks and another 2 weeks at my place. I have another question now. I have to say I live a very simple life. While I have all the basic things a person should have, I don't invest on fancy things, I don't buy expensive stuffs. I don't eat on 5 star hotels and restaurants. I am very low maintenance. I always save money for when I get married, have family and kids. When my guy decided to come visit me, it was his decision, so of course, he's paying for everything, visa, plane tickets and hotel accommodations. I've got me holidays off so we'll pretty much spend complete 2 weeks together. And we are planning to do things together. And these things that we are going to do together require money. Example, if we go hiking, we should get stuffs to bring to the mountains like tents and foods and gears plus fare. If we go to the beach, we'll get swimming gears, then hotel fees too. If we go running, we'll get shoes, we'll pay for the registration fees. Now these are just 3 of things that we are planning to do, we've got a lot more in our list. He told me, he wants to be the man in the relationship. And that he's got everything for this relationship. Whatever I need, all I have to do is ask him. He is 31 and he has a good paying job and he is living a luxurious life. I am 26, I have a decent job and have savings but I am still in college. Should I chip in or should I just let him pay for everything? I don't want to come across as someone to depend on him on everything. I would like to help in any way that I could as I want to be fair but he's the one who has much more. What's the best thing to do? How do I talk to him about it? Anyways, since he will be staying in my place for 2 weeks, I've got new things to make my place more comfortable for him. I've hired people to repair and fix my house and bought many stuffs. I paid them myself. Thoughts?
FitChick Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I would never date a man who expected me to match him dollar for dollar if he made more money than I did. Let him pay but make little gestures like, for example, if you are at the beach and an ice cream vendor comes buy, buy him an ice cream. If you stop for coffee, pay for coffee. Buy him a hamburger at lunch time. Little things like that to show you care. Make sure you thank him when he pays for something, saying you really appreciate his generosity. At your house, act like a wife would and see to his comfort. Before he arrives, ask him what he might need during his stay so you can have it on hand, like does he sleep with an extra pillow? Does he have any allergies? My ex was allergic to feathers so I bought new memory foam pillows. What type of food does he like or dislike, because you will be cooking some of the time. Go online and watch some massage videos. Everyone likes a good massage, especially if you've been out hiking. In other words, be considerate. 2
Author PrincezzJazmine Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I'm happy with about every word you said there, Fitchick, thank you 1
smoky eyes Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 My ex always had a lot more money and paid for most things, but it's always good to treat to dinner or at least coffee the odd time. Sometimes if you don't they get a bit resentful even if they don't mean to (happened with a couple I know). 1
Author PrincezzJazmine Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 That's noted, Smokey Eyes
Carenth Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I make a lot more than my girlfriend does. She just came to visit for the last two weeks. She insisted on paying for her own ticket but I wouldn't let her pay for anything while she was here. 1
justwhoiam Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 he's paying for everything, visa, plane tickets and hotel accommodations. My visa is free. He paid for my flights both last year and this year. I always pay for hotel accomodations I pick. He never brings up paying for me, and that's something I love about him. I don't care about who pays what either. So we're a good match in that regard. these things that we are going to do together require money. Example, if we go hiking, we should get stuffs to bring to the mountains like tents and foods and gears plus fare. If we go to the beach, we'll get swimming gears, then hotel fees too. If we go running, we'll get shoes, we'll pay for the registration fees. Now these are just 3 of things that we are planning to do, we've got a lot more in our list. You don't have a tent, nor shoes to run? So why are you doing those things? And swimming gears to go to the beach? Can't you just wear a bikini? Anyway, your "holiday" sounds way too active for me. And with someone you're not tight-knit with yet. He told me, he wants to be the man in the relationship. And that he's got everything for this relationship. Whatever I need, all I have to do is ask him. He is 31 and he has a good paying job and he is living a luxurious life. I am 26, I have a decent job and have savings but I am still in college. Should I chip in or should I just let him pay for everything? I make less than him, but I don't think that's the reason why he pays for me if we go out. I guess it's just a nice gesture, and he's a gentleman. But I can take him off-guard at times. As I said, I don't care who pays what. Once he didn't have coins for a machine, and I did, so we used my money. Another time we were having breakfast somewhere, he went to the bathroom and I asked for the bill and paid. When he got back he asked for the bill and everything was already paid much to his surprise. What's the best thing to do? How do I talk to him about it? Don't talk about money if it's not necessary. I never really talked about money. I start with thinking I have to pay for myself. If then he will pay, fine. And it's nice for me to give him things. I like him having things of me.
Author PrincezzJazmine Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Because these are the things that we used to do in the past but stopped doing. And now we've got time to do these stuffs, we decided to do them all together. And in my area, there are many mountains nearby that we can explore. Many sport activities to do... so that's why...
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Thoughts? A real man pays for everything on a date/vacation. It's just incredibly rude and effeminate not to. 1
clia Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) I think you should treat it the same way you would treat dating a local guy. Would you expect a local guy to pay for everything? He may well want to pay for everything, but I don't think you should go into it expecting that, and you should try to reciprocate (or offer to reciprocate). I think it's just polite. I assume he knows about your financial situation. However, given that he's probably spent quite a bit of money to travel to see you, I think it would be rude of you to just expect him to pay for everything while he is visiting. I've got me holidays off so we'll pretty much spend complete 2 weeks together. And we are planning to do things together. And these things that we are going to do together require money. Example, if we go hiking, we should get stuffs to bring to the mountains like tents and foods and gears plus fare. If we go to the beach, we'll get swimming gears, then hotel fees too. If we go running, we'll get shoes, we'll pay for the registration fees. This sounds like a gray zone. It's one thing to have to pay for normal "date" stuff -- i.e. going out to dinner, going to movies, getting food for a picnic or a day of hiking, buying lunch at the beach, etc. -- versus actually buying "stuff" you need to do those activities. This is all going to add up fast if you are planning to go shopping to buy a bunch of camping/hiking gear and other equipment. It just seems odd to me that you would spend that kind of money for such a brief activity. Will he take the equipment home with him or leave it with you? I find it confusing that you plan to go running, but you don't already have running shoes? Have you ever even ran before? Has he? Why wouldn't he just bring his running shoes? That seems kind of strange to me to do as an activity if you don't do it often. And what are the registration fees? Can't you just go outside and run for free? I don't know that I would expect a boyfriend to buy me running shoes. Also, what do you need for the beach other than a swimsuit and towel? You have those things, don't you? Again, I'm not sure I would expect a boyfriend to buy me that kind of stuff. Is it possible you are overthinking the amount of "stuff" you need to do these activities together? I mean, when you were talking about doing all this stuff, did you say "I don't have running shoes" or "I don't have a tent"? If so, did he say "Don't worry, I'll buy that stuff for you?" I guess the point I'm trying to make is that to me there is a line between normal date type activities versus actually buying the "stuff" you need to do those activities, like hiking boots, tents, camping gear, running shoes, swimsuits, beach towels, etc. Certainly if he offers and wants to buy the latter for you, that's his choice, but that kind of stuff goes beyond, IMO, and you should be prepared to buy your own, or at least chip in. Edited September 3, 2013 by clia
Recommended Posts