jamandsugarsky Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I don't know where to start, but I am feeling so awful and sad at the moment, I just didn't know where to turn, so I'm glad I found this site. My ex and I were together for three years and it was 'ok'. I adored him, but always felt I loved him more than he loved me. He joined a dating site whilst we were together and it just seemed he didn't want me around much. He dumped me because he said he hadn't love me for a while. It broke my heart. A few weeks after he dumped me- we became FWB. This has been going on for 4/5 YEARS now. We can't seem to stay away from each other. We do much more than just have sex, we're friends too. We go on holiday, cook, go to the movies, go out for meals etc. It's like we're together. Sometimes he's lovely to me and lets me stay over and is really nice. Other times he is cold and pushes me away. In this time, I've met other people, but they don't compare to him. We stopped talking/hanging out for a while and in this time he got a girlfriend. I said because of history we shouldn't hang out but a few weeks later he said he was single. I went round and we hooked up and he then told me he actually was still with her. That fizzled out but I think he still sees her occasionally. I have told him how I feel about him before- and he just cuts me out and we stop talking, as he says he doesn't want to lead me on. However, he's always the one who starts up contact again, and we end up in the same situations as before. I dont' understand what's going on and I really don't know what to do. He says it's just friendship and sex but then he says "It will be a shame when either of us has a relationship, because we won't see each other anymore" We go on holiday- to movies, to restaurants... we're more than just sex. I see him once or twice a week, sometimes I stay over. I just don't know what this is, or what to do. His friendship means everything to me. In a few weeks he is going to see his other ex and go on a city break with her. He has said I shouldn't get upset or care- because he and I are just friends who have sex, so I have no need to get upset or jealous. He's right, I have no 'ownership' over him, but the thought of them having sex makes me feel sick. Btw- this is the girl he cheated on with me (told me he wasn't with her to get me around his place). I told him I won't sleep with him again if he's going off having sex with her- but he said 'We might not have sex, I'm not even going to see her for that'. But come on- I don't believe that for a second. It just hurts that after everything, he is throwing away what he and I have (four years of it) for a night in a hotel with her. And I'm not even allowed to get jealous or upset. I'm asking for help, what to do about this situation? Tell him how I feel and lose him? Or just carry on with this until I hopefully meet someone else? Any help, advice or input would be amazing. xx 2
hurts2death Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 wake up. if you see how you treat your self from outside all this you will feel hate for you... YOU DESERVE BETTER QUALITIES IN YOUR LIFE..... no contact .... or ofocourse if you hate your self and want it sink in a dark nasty place..... I don't know where to start, but I am feeling so awful and sad at the moment, I just didn't know where to turn, so I'm glad I found this site. My ex and I were together for three years and it was 'ok'. I adored him, but always felt I loved him more than he loved me. He joined a dating site whilst we were together and it just seemed he didn't want me around much. He dumped me because he said he hadn't love me for a while. It broke my heart. A few weeks after he dumped me- we became FWB. This has been going on for 4/5 YEARS now. We can't seem to stay away from each other. We do much more than just have sex, we're friends too. We go on holiday, cook, go to the movies, go out for meals etc. It's like we're together. Sometimes he's lovely to me and lets me stay over and is really nice. Other times he is cold and pushes me away. In this time, I've met other people, but they don't compare to him. We stopped talking/hanging out for a while and in this time he got a girlfriend. I said because of history we shouldn't hang out but a few weeks later he said he was single. I went round and we hooked up and he then told me he actually was still with her. That fizzled out but I think he still sees her occasionally. I have told him how I feel about him before- and he just cuts me out and we stop talking, as he says he doesn't want to lead me on. However, he's always the one who starts up contact again, and we end up in the same situations as before. I dont' understand what's going on and I really don't know what to do. He says it's just friendship and sex but then he says "It will be a shame when either of us has a relationship, because we won't see each other anymore" We go on holiday- to movies, to restaurants... we're more than just sex. I see him once or twice a week, sometimes I stay over. I just don't know what this is, or what to do. His friendship means everything to me. In a few weeks he is going to see his other ex and go on a city break with her. He has said I shouldn't get upset or care- because he and I are just friends who have sex, so I have no need to get upset or jealous. He's right, I have no 'ownership' over him, but the thought of them having sex makes me feel sick. Btw- this is the girl he cheated on with me (told me he wasn't with her to get me around his place). I told him I won't sleep with him again if he's going off having sex with her- but he said 'We might not have sex, I'm not even going to see her for that'. But come on- I don't believe that for a second. It just hurts that after everything, he is throwing away what he and I have (four years of it) for a night in a hotel with her. And I'm not even allowed to get jealous or upset. I'm asking for help, what to do about this situation? Tell him how I feel and lose him? Or just carry on with this until I hopefully meet someone else? Any help, advice or input would be amazing. xx
Author jamandsugarsky Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Should I remain being friends with him minus having sex with him and hope the feelings fade?
hurts2death Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 no because subconcius will trigger you feel the hope.... you will never get over... please do you a favor and love youyr self.. act like he never existed....please.Should I remain being friends with him minus having sex with him and hope the feelings fade?
beyond Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Should I remain being friends with him minus having sex with him and hope the feelings fade? After years of pining for this guy to want you the same way you want him, it's very unlikely these feelings will fade anytime soon. Will you really be happy meeting him as a friend and hearing what girls he has met, as a true friend would? Why put yourself through that. He has told you and shown you by his actions (breaking up from being your boyfriend and continuing to have sex with you while seeing others) that he just sees you as a FWB and you have shown him by your actions (being a willing participant) that you accept this. I would suggest not having anymore contact with him, until/unless all romantic feelings for him go. 1
Ireallydontknow Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 You could of used these 4 years to move on and get better. Instead you stayed around as someone's toy. It's cruel to think about it like that, but it is what it is. You should cut him off. And start moving on. 1
Author jamandsugarsky Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 You could of used these 4 years to move on and get better. Instead you stayed around as someone's toy. It's cruel to think about it like that, but it is what it is. You should cut him off. And start moving on. Do you think he really sees me as a toy? He always says how much he thinks of me as a person and close friend...
Author jamandsugarsky Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 After years of pining for this guy to want you the same way you want him, it's very unlikely these feelings will fade anytime soon. Will you really be happy meeting him as a friend and hearing what girls he has met, as a true friend would? Why put yourself through that. He has told you and shown you by his actions (breaking up from being your boyfriend and continuing to have sex with you while seeing others) that he just sees you as a FWB and you have shown him by your actions (being a willing participant) that you accept this. I would suggest not having anymore contact with him, until/unless all romantic feelings for him go. I didn't think about this - you're right. I would be guted to hear of him with other girls- even if we weren't complicating things by having sex. This is true. Even without sex complicating things- I would still feel upset hearing about other people.
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