Els Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I think we can't really assess these interactions because we don't know how she phrased them, how long they lasted, and how much a % of your total conversation time is taken up by them. I think it's a red flag if ex conversations dominate your conversations. Regardless, though, if you aren't comfortable with that, just steer the conversation away each time and see what happens. If even after that she insists on constantly steering the topic back... yeah, red flag. 1
giblesp Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Is it normal for someone to bring up their exes in the early stages of dating? We've been dating for about a month. She first brought up one of her exes when she said that he was a jerk and that she's dating other jerks and hopes I'm nice. She brought another one of her exes up about how they were both really spontaneous and had some crazy times. And another time she brought up her ex and her ex's friend and the dynamic between them and how her ex's friend didn't like her. The last time I spoke to her she said she went through a really messed up time and asked me if I wanted to know about it. Each time I just went along and shrugged it off and the subject changed to something else soon after. I have never felt the urge to bring up my ex or feel it is necessary. My only concern is that she may still have feelings for an ex. She did say her last relationship was about 6 months ago. I think I won't look much into it and just continue to just have fun dating. Though, I would like to know what you LSers think Ask her straight up if she still has any feeling for her exes. If she's into you then it will be a straight no. If yes, then best to leave her to think about her exes! Explain to her, that unless there's something that is troubling her about her past and she needs to 'get it off her chest,' you'd rather not hear about the past and concentrate on the time you and her have in the present. Sounds like she has had some traumas there, so listen to any stuff she needs to share and help her to heal.
Author counterman Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I just had an argument with her... We had decided not to bring up our exes again in a previous conversation I had with her. She brought one up just a moment ago and I called her on it and asked her if she still had feelings for him. She said she didn't. Then I pushed her a bit more and she said that she felt that I was restricting what she had to say. She said that this past relationship happened not too long ago and that she is still affected by it, but she has not more feelings for him. She said that whenever she sees a situation that reminds her of her ex, she brings it up. That's just the way she is. She said that I was controlling what she could and could not say. But when I brought up the idea that she should just stop talking about our exes, she agreed. She just said she did that for me. I don't want to be that guy that controls what she has to say. But I feel that her past relationship with this guy is restricting our relationship. OR should I just listen to what she has to say about her exes when she has to say them? She said that guy was an important part of her life. But he did hurt her real bad...
kenneth1010 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 She said that this past relationship happened not too long ago and that she is still affected by it, but she has not more feelings for him. She said that guy was an important part of her life. But he did hurt her real bad... Sounds like she needs time away from men, at least in the short term. She probably still has feelings for him, despite him hurting her badly and cant understand why she still has feelings for him. I think you need to give her space and time to heal. Just my opinion.
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