lillybear1 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Hey! Thanks for reading! So, a little background information. I met this guy online via online dating. He's 24. I'm 20. While online, we had really great conversation. We hung out once, but it was a bit awkward. Things definitely could have ended there, but I initiated conversation again, asked him to hang out again (because I think it's kind of dumb to assume that it was a lost cause just b/c we were a bit nervous), and soon I found that it was back to normal. He was texting me everyday or every other day. We were still having good conversation and we've been on two actual dates since. I know he had a good time on both because he said so and definitely lingered and tried to make the date last even longer. Also, he labeled these as dates, paid for my meal, picked me up, etc. Anyway, I really like him and really enjoy spending time with him. I think he feels the same way from what I've observed, but I just feel like there is no real sign that it's a date other than the logistical stuff (meal paying, picking me up, etc.) Like, he hasn't gotten close to me, tried to hold my hand, or anything similar. I think maybe he's just shy, but I'm not sure. We've hugged every time, though, so I guess that's something. But we are going on date number 4 next time we see each other, so I feel like it's past time for something to happen. I just wish he'd just make the first move. What are some ways to let him know I'm ready to hold his hand, kiss him, etc.? Side note: he did kind of act like he wanted to kiss me, maybe? He was dropping me off and I live across from a really big parking lot and parking deck, and he drove way out to the parking deck b/c he wanted to know what it was, parked, and then after we talked for a few, drove back. Then he lingered in the car and started conversation until I unclicked my seatbelt (I know, I"m dumb.) Then, last date, he asked (jokingly, perhaps?) if I wanted him to circle the parking lot again. I laughed and told him he'd already figured out what the parking deck was. He said he supposed i was correct, parked, and we got out and hugged. He lingered outside and we talked for a few, too. So, maybe kissing was his intentions both times? If so, I just need him to be clearer about it.
Keenly Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Just kiss him. Seriously . Wait until he makes eye contact with you, grab his shirt, pull him in, and kiss him for 2 seconds. Let go, and gauge the look on his face. Anything other than a recoil is a good sign. Dudes just nervous and obviously likes you. Kissing him is going to make his face turn bright red, I bet you. * spoken from experience. 1
charlietheginger Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Grin at him look at his lips lean in for the kiss.....
MilkyWay Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 (edited) I am a 25 years old woman, turning 26 very soon, and this is my opinion: Also, he labeled these as dates, paid for my meal, picked me up, etc. I know he had a good time on both because he said so and definitely lingered and tried to make the date last even longer. Then he lingered in the car and started conversation until I unclicked my seatbelt (I know, I"m dumb.) Then, last date, he asked (jokingly, perhaps?) if I wanted him to circle the parking lot again. These are very obvious signs to anybody that he is interested in being more than friends with you. He obviously wants to start a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you. "Lingering" is a very good sign that he does not want the date to end so soon and that he wants to spend more time with you. Since he is obviously interested in you, do you feel the same way about him? But we are going on date number 4 next time we see each other, so I feel like it's past time for something to happen. I just wish he'd just make the first move. What are some ways to let him know I'm ready to hold his hand, kiss him, etc.? From this quote, I think you do feel the same way about him. I personally think that since he is making SO MUCH EFFORT on his side: by paying for the dates, picking you up and also lingering on in order to be with you longer, i think you should start making an effort on your side. Dating and relationships are a reciprocal thing- It takes two people, NOT ONE, for a relationship to work. Always remember that. Put youself in his shoes. Would you always want to be the one to make the move or effort? In fact, i think he himself knows he made quite a lot of effort to make the relationship progess and would like some initation from your side- some reciprocation or encouragement FROM YOU for things to continue and move forward and develop into a solid full blown boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Do not depend on the GUY to make the first move. Do not think it is the MALE ROLE to make the first move to kiss, hold hands, have sex etc If he keeps making the effort and you do not, the relationship will feel very one-sided and he will start thinking that you are not interested in him or that you are not into him as he is into you. You do not want to give him this impression or else he would start to give up on having a bf/gf relationship with you. Just like girls, guys can be shy. Just like you, he can also be nervous and shy about making the first move of kissing you or holding hands with you and be worried and be fearful of rejection or recoil or moving too fast. You should "reward" all his efforts so far by making the first move yourself. I don't think you realise that a lot of people, both men and women, would love to be in the position you are in- have someone who is interested in them and also feel the same way about that someone, have someone who is kind and gentleman-ly enough to pay for dates and who want to spend more time with you. To be in that first early stages of a blossoming relationship with all the butterflies and all the thrills... What i'd do to be in your shoes!! I think what is preventing you from making the first move is that you are afraid he will reject you or recoil and that you are moving too fast. For Date No. 4, I think you should start holding his hands and you should kss him at the end of the date on his lips, and start smooching away for at least 10 full seconds. If he rejects or recoils, then you can just be open to him and communicate to him about all the signals and hints he has been giving you and your interpretation of his actions and signals. You can just be open to hiim about wanting to move on to the next level and that you are interested in him as a boyfriend. I 100% think he WILL NOT REJECT YOU OR RECOIL. However you should not let a silly thing like fear of rejection prevent you from making the first move or getting what yuo want in lfe or getting what you want in life QUICKLY. Should you wish to contact me, go to my About Me section and get my contact details and email me. I would love to hear how the story progresses. Please Please update this thread as soon as possible if ANYTHING happens, especially taking so much time and effort to reply to you. Cheers MilkyWay (my name is Lily) P.S.Please be careful with online dating. He might just want to get close to you for sex only and not get close to you because he likes you as a person. Edited September 1, 2013 by MilkyWay 2
Author lillybear1 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Thank you all for your answers! It'll be a week or so before I see him again probably, b/c he is out of town, but I think I will go for it and see how it goes next time we go out. I've never made the first move when kissing a guy before, however. Any tips on that?
natwilliams Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Why are you in such a rush to kiss? I would get to know him more since its an internet acquintance. In response to the last post, yes some guys go to internet dating just for sex, but so do women. Its happened to me. Which begs the question to OP, are you looking to longterm date this guy or just get some action? Like is this a guy you want to bring into your social and family circles? It sounds more like youre desperate for physicality. If so maybe this guy can sense that and thats why hes being slow. Just a thought.
Author lillybear1 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Definitely not in it for the sexuality nor am I desperate to kiss him. IF we still get along down the road, I am looking for something more longterm. I have no intentions of getting more seriously physical with him anytime soon. I think I am in a hurry to kiss him because it's been months since we met in person for the first time and I'm pretty sure that he wants to kiss, so I feel like I should. But besides that, I also want to see if something is indeed there (though I'm pretty sure there is), and kissing is oftentimes a good way to do that. It's not the end of the world if we don't kiss next time I see him, but I feel like it'd be nice to do it so it's done and we can move on past the awkwardness of it.
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