Question For Guys

[Leigh 87]

Good Grief...

 

Leigh...Its time to drop back and punt...Its 4th down with 33 yards for a first down...

 

TFY

 

 

He really did seem to like me a lot for a girl he only just met. I don't think he often met girls like me, who he liked this much initially.

 

He lost interest. Who cares?

 

It happens all the time.

 

I will slow things down next time.

[sigurpol]

To answer a few questions you listed. Short answer: no.

 

Long answer: it depends what you mean by "being in to" someone. If I like someone's company, then yeah, I would probably spend a day with them and not expect sex. Aside from that, no, I wouldn't kiss someone for a prolonged period of time or pretend to be into them when I'm not. If they happened to make some impulsive move to kiss ME and I wasn't in to them, I would explain this isn't something I'm looking for. Little trickier, I suppose. Overall, I wouldn't put myself in a situation with someone like that if I wasn't into them.

 

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "would I bother" telling them how much I liked being around them- which would imply would I take the time and trouble to tell someone that. If I have to 'bother' to tell someone something, then I'm not going to say it at all. If I like SOMEONE, anything, I'd probably compliment them.

 

Your situation, I don't know, you're the one who seems pretty confident in yourself and how you see other people's (or males, I should say) behavior. You made a, in my opinion, somewhat of a brash decision texting him in that manner. I would have just left it alone and waited until he said something and went from there. Depending on what his response would have been.

 

Are there ACTUALLY guys out there who DO legitimately feel strongly about a girl they only just met, yet not contact them for DAYS at a time?- I've done something like this only because the girl I was talking to was doing the same. I picked up on her social cues that she wasn't connected to her phone as much as I was, so we would chat every few days through a text or a phone call. I remember one time when we had plans to do something and I didn't hear from her for two days. I kept busy and waited for a response which I eventually got. She had an unexpected death in the family and also had to work both of her jobs. Life happens. I didn't hold her silence against her, she doesn't owe me anything.

 

If I spend days with someone would I still contact her on my days off? Probably. It just all depends. I think relationships are very subjective. To provide another example, I took a four day vacation and purposely left my cell phone at my hotel all day. Not because of anyone in particular, but because I was there doing my own thing with my friends. When I got back, I would respond to anyone who got a hold of me and even get in touch with the girl I was talking to.

 

If you want to cut your loses like you say, I suggest you do so.

[Leigh 87]

No. You're wrong. A person can be interested in, and feel like they really like someone - and then get to know more about them, and not like them so much after all.

 

THAT IS WHY PEOPLE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

 

Nobody can "feel strongly enough" about anybody after 4 days, or whatever. Probably even 4 months, or a year.

 

That time is supposed to be spent GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER. And LEARNING how strong the feelings can grow.

 

 

That is true.

 

Based on even a week with me, though, one or two texts that were off ( not still not batsh*t crazy) would not stop a guy who really felt potential with me.

 

They would eventually try again I think. Once we were intimate and they had feelings, which I think he did have.

 

More than likely, he was not feeling it with me the last time we were together. Otherwise, I believe he would reach out after my last text, if he was that interested.

 

I am not sure if interest can change over night, if it was that strong to begin with.

 

I think he came me two chances and I blew it; when he first did not text me for a day or two, I said " so, would you like to hang out as friends instead"

 

He ignored, have me the benefit of the doubt, and things went well next time we hung out.

 

Then we hung out again and he said he was very busy working all weekend.

When he did not contact me that time, I just texted "goodbye".

 

I guess I was scared he was using me for sex and that he was not into me anymore since he did not text me for days; although busy, guys who are into a girl text or call once or twice, if the girl is on their mind.

 

I cut my losses with my last text. Maybe he would have texted me again eventually, had no remained silent until he next texted me.

 

 

I am scared of being used just for sex and I am not at he stage in life where I trust if guys are being genuine.

So I said goodbye before he had the chance to..... either ignore me or go on texting me and arranging to see me.

 

Maybe he would have texted had I not sent the goodbye text. Maybe he would have gotten know me more and get stronger feelings over time?

 

The thing is, I will never know.

 

I want to have time single to date and LEARN things about men.

 

I want to learn how to handle it better next time.

 

I have already learnt from this experience that SILENCE is better than texting " okay, goodbye"

 

Since there was still a small chance that he truly did want to keep seeing me, in spite of him not being the type to call or text when he was not with me in person.

 

Next time I doubt someone I am going to choose to remain silent and let THEM prove to me in the end if they truly are not interested in me.

[Leigh 87]

Maybe he doesn't like you very much. This has nothing to do with your worth or whether you're "enough."

 

If I met a guy and felt gigantic sparks and he behaved the way that you did (yes, even just the texts) I would bail fast without looking back. I would not want to get any further involved.

 

 

 

I behaved normally while we were together. The two texts I sent that were off were not enough to send a guy who liked me running. They were not crazy enough. Multiple texts that go unanswered are crazy. Not a mere two texts on two separate occasions.

 

And initially, trust me, he showed that he really liked me.

 

A guy who 'did not like me very much'.... without a doubt, would have not been the way he was around me.

 

I do not accept that he "just never liked me very much' from the get go.

 

My gut and my strong opinion of him indicates that he simply lost the interest.

[Leigh 87]

Maybe he doesn't like you very much. This has nothing to do with your worth or whether you're "enough."

 

If I met a guy and felt gigantic sparks and he behaved the way that you did (yes, even just the texts) I would bail fast without looking back. I would not want to get any further involved.

And yes I am of the understanding that even if a guy does not like a girl very much, it is NOT a sign she is not enough or worthy of a loving relationship with a decent guy.

 

I just do not agree, based on how he acted, that he just did not like me very much lol.

 

And maybe you're right. Even if he truly was into me and felt strongly about me, as much as he could for a girl he just met; perhaps the texts alone were enough to put him off. When he otherwise was very happy about me.

 

I have a hunch that the last time together or something happened that made his feelings uncertain for me before the last text.

 

I sent it this morning.

 

You never know. He may reply:lmao::lmao:

 

JOKING.

[KungFuJoe]

He is overweight so I believed him, as I cannot see him getting hot girls.

 

THIS is the only thing that warrants any attention in everything you typed.

 

THIS.

 

Your attitude is your biggest enemy. I don't know how old you are, but you have a lot of maturing to do in terms of how you think.

 

You are WAY WAY WAY too concerned about looks. You probably don't even bother noticing what a guy is about when you hook up. You aren't concerned if he's a responsible, nice, dependable, etc, etc person who likes you for YOU.

 

You only see what's on the outside and not what's on the inside.

 

It's most likely this guy didn't know the REAL you when you first started dating and the more he saw, the more he wanted out of whatever "relationship" you guys had going.

 

If I sound a bit harsh, it's because you need a SERIOUS wake up call. You don't need someone to tell you "there, there...it's going to be all right". You need to be told how it is. No beating around the bush here. Your attitude is VERY UNATTRACTIVE. I'm sure you are a very nice person who means well. But, until you can learn to feel with your heart and not just your eyes, you're going to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

[sigurpol]

THIS is the only thing that warrants any attention in everything you typed.

 

THIS.

 

Your attitude is your biggest enemy. I don't know how old you are, but you have a lot of maturing to do in terms of how you think.

 

You are WAY WAY WAY too concerned about looks. You probably don't even bother noticing what a guy is about when you hook up. You aren't concerned if he's a responsible, nice, dependable, etc, etc person who likes you for YOU.

 

You only see what's on the outside and not what's on the inside.

 

It's most likely this guy didn't know the REAL you when you first started dating and the more he saw, the more he wanted out of whatever "relationship" you guys had going.

 

If I sound a bit harsh, it's because you need a SERIOUS wake up call. You don't need someone to tell you "there, there...it's going to be all right". You need to be told how it is. No beating around the bush here. Your attitude is VERY UNATTRACTIVE. I'm sure you are a very nice person who means well. But, until you can learn to feel with your heart and not just your eyes, you're going to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

 

Noted. I was going to add this in my original response but I wanted to stay on track and answer the questions she asked. But this was what I was thinking the entire time.

 

I felt that was a really rotten thing to say about someone and would chalk it up as a defense mechanism as "it's his loss, anyway" mentality. Overweight and can't get other girls? Dear lord. I also had a difficult time reading these predisposed notions about guys in general.

 

You shouldn't paint with such a broad brush.

Edited September 1, 2013 by sigurpol

[Leigh 87]

You are TOTALLY wrong about how I feel.

 

HE WAS ADORABLE to me.

 

I was VERY attracted to him!

 

He was GORGEOUS to me.

 

I meant to say that it could have been largely infatuation towards me LOOK wise, in combination of the fact I am a nice girl. Hence his intensity towards me initially!

 

I NEVER said he could not get girls. I said he never got HOT girls, which he readily admitted about his ex. HE TOLD ME he had never been into sexual stuff more than he had been with me, due to the other girls he had been with.

 

Frankly, I believe what he told me, based on his reaction to my body and the fact that NO I DO NOT think her is the type of guy who CAN go and get he most attractive women in the room every time he wants.

 

That IS NOT to say I find him fat and unattractive!

 

You are READING ME all wrong.

 

.....................................................

 

 

And it was the way he made me FEEL that mattered and I was attracted to!

 

It WAS NOT his looks!

 

I thought he was very cute!

 

ALL I meant is that I believe him when he said he was very attracted to me, and had not been as sexually charged with other girls before.

[Leigh 87]

I am sad about this thing ending, because I miss being around him in general.

 

I picked him as a prospect over others because of how I felt about him.

 

Looks were totally irrelevant to me. Of course, I have to be attracted enough to be sexual with a guy and be interested in them to begin with.

 

I was illustrating that, based on his past relationship and the girls he has hooked up with, he told me he felt very sexually crazy about me in a way he had not experienced before.

 

I actually believe him, hence why I think, in the end, he realised what we had was largely physical and not much else. Although I think he liked being around me for a little....

[KungFuJoe]

Sorry Leigh, but I'm not buying it.

 

I've read enough of your posts to know that you have some pretty severe self confidence issues and that you are VERY focused on physical appearance. You can hardly write an entire sentence without using words like "hot", "looks", "gorgeous", etc.

 

Low self esteem and placing high importance on physical looks is a DANGEROUS combination. It makes you even MORE focused on looks...not just your partners but your own as well.

 

Learn to love yourself for WHO you are and not WHAT you are...and things will turn around for you. But, that is much much easier said than done and there's nothing I or anyone else on this forum can type up that will change your mind.

 

You're either going to have to come to this realization yourself (which usually means hitting rock bottom) or perhaps some therapy would help.

[Leigh 87]

Sorry Leigh, but I'm not buying it.

 

I've read enough of your posts to know that you have some pretty severe self confidence issues and that you are VERY focused on physical appearance. You can hardly write an entire sentence without using words like "hot", "looks", "gorgeous", etc.

 

Low self esteem and placing high importance on physical looks is a DANGEROUS combination. It makes you even MORE focused on looks...not just your partners but your own as well.

 

Learn to love yourself for WHO you are and not WHAT you are...and things will turn around for you. But, that is much much easier said than done and there's nothing I or anyone else on this forum can type up that will change your mind.

 

You're either going to have to come to this realization yourself (which usually means hitting rock bottom) or perhaps some therapy would help.

 

 

 

My self confidence issues are very personal and more to do with being my age and not having accomplished anything professionally yet.

 

For the most part, I am happy with who I am and am really glad I am the way I am, in terms of my base personality.

 

I also listen and look for things that rub people the wrong way in life, and change the things I can and should for the better.

 

SO yeah. I already know I have more to offer than my looks.

 

I also DO NOT go for men due to their looks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I go for men who are normal looking, and I get talking to them and they come across really well to me!

 

I do not for the...... most fit and good looking men out there!

[Leigh 87]

You've gone on and on and on and on about his fat and zits from your other thread to this one. You think you're better than he is because you think you're hot now. Maybe you are. Not attractive attitude though, like KFJ said.

 

 

I NEVER. ONCE. SAID. That I think I am just so hot.

 

I said TO SOME GUYS I am. Not MOST guys.

 

I said for him, he acted and even TOLD ME that he was extremely attracted to me, where as he had not felt like that about the other girls he had been with, and he was very overwhelmed with the physical side of things.

 

I do not think I am that great looking jesus. TO SOME men I am. SOME. The same with most girls.

[Leigh 87]

I am sad:( I really do miss this guys company, hugs, and spending days with him.

 

It is a healthy sort of sad.. The way you miss hugging and kissing someone due to the fact you did it A LOT in a short space of time.

 

Stop being mean, I am actually quiet sad that I am missing a person who I thought liked me.

 

His looks were never something I thought about whilst with him. At all. I only ever looked at him and thought he was so cute and attractive.

 

My point was, that I believed him when he complimented me a lot about the way I looked and I believed him when he said he is more attracted to me then the other girls he has had.

 

That does not mean I think I am great, and it does not mean I think he ISN'T.

 

I pointed out the sort of girls he has been with. I believe him to be genuine when he says he was really thrilled to have a girl he was actually really attracted to, opposed to the girls who normally pursue him and he accepts and gets to know/like/love.

 

Seriously. I met my ex boyfriend and I was not attracted to him initially, then within a month he became the most sexy guy out

there

 

SO yeah. I do not get into relationships based on the best looking person I think people will most approve of or anything.

 

I have ALWAYS looked for great guys. Who are almost always attractive TO ME, but who I cannot see going and picking up the hottest girls around.

 

The guys I go for tell me they are very happy with the way I look, compared to the other girls who have approached them, and I enjoy it when a guy is truly attracted to me, since my ex was not 100% attracted to me. He was attracted but there was something missing.

 

Lately, I have gone for guys, both classically good looking like my FWB, and guys who ARE NOT good looking to most women.

 

 

I have gone for a whole host of guys lately!

 

I all thought they each guy could possibly fall for ME based on who I AM.

 

Personally, I would probably have an aversion to dating my FWB or a guy who looked like him, as he is the type of guy who gets very beautiful girls.

 

I believed him when he found me very attractive, but I prefer guys like the recent one and my ex boyfriend, who do not HAVE the most gorgeous girls throwing themselves at them!

 

I think most thing am saying make sense here!

[Leigh 87]

Do you know what would be really bizarre?

 

If he ever contacted me again. Thinking things were good until I sent the text and he wanted to give me once last chance.

 

Don't worry I know it I snot going to happen.

 

I have had one guy I scared off, before I knew as much as I know now, come back and ring me out of the blue. It is ALWAYS when you have moved on and have a new guy in the picture though:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

It wouldn't be that crazy for him to hit you up again. Just don't think about it.

 

 

Oh look, he is a busy guy with friends and a life. I seriously doubt he will.

 

At least of he does he knows I do not want just sex from a guy. LOL.

 

Since that is what I stated in my message. To NOT contact me again just for sex. ]

 

............Since many guys do that to girls that do not want anything serious with.

[fanine]

This was a guy you only really knew for one week. Yet from looking on your other post you totally obsessed over him from the start. Just chill out about all the dating stuff. When you meet a guy you don't need to over analyse it all and post on LS necessarily as that makes it even more obsessive. Just let these things go with the flow, take it on face value, enjoy it and see where it goes. You can't assume all men will be the same etc with communicating. Mine was pretty useless even from the start. He is better with me now but generally with everyone he is pretty useless re texting, returning calls etc. Take things slowly, give yourself time to get to know the real man you are dating.

[Leigh 87]

This was a guy you only really knew for one week. Yet from looking on your other post you totally obsessed over him from the start. Just chill out about all the dating stuff. When you meet a guy you don't need to over analyse it all and post on LS necessarily as that makes it even more obsessive. Just let these things go with the flow, take it on face value, enjoy it and see where it goes. You can't assume all men will be the same etc with communicating. Mine was pretty useless even from the start. He is better with me now but generally with everyone he is pretty useless re texting, returning calls etc. Take things slowly, give yourself time to get to know the real man you are dating.

 

 

 

I was obsessed with the notion of finding a guy who I had something seemingly special with from the start.

 

Not him; I do not know who he is.

 

We both just went on feelings, we did not really know each other yet.

 

That is what is so good about this - I can learn what I did wrong with him, in how I handled things, and not repeat it again.

 

It is much better I learn with a guy I barley know, than with a guy I have invested a month or more in.

 

I am fine now, we got close very fast and I was really upset initially, but yeah by end of tomorrow I do not foresee me thinking about him.

 

I will not make a thread on loveshack about a new guy unless we are serious and I want to share a positive update to people who know me on here. As in, a 6 month update when things are more stable.

 

I will not make a thread about guys and I will also not contact THEM if they have stopped contacting ME.

[Leigh 87]

Ahem, I repeat: I shall NOT be making another thread about another guy on here. AGAIN.

 

 

..............unless this guy calls or texts again. Which he won't:lmao:

 

And unless, one day in the future, me and a guy actually get to know each other, we are in an established relationship, and everything is fine or NOT and I then feel upset and need support in the break up section again:lmao:

 

There was a lot right about Jack and the recent guys I have seen that I do want in a guy that my ex lacked.

 

Just little things I have learnt; like initial sparks can happen, yet not mean anything long term. Even if the sparks do not come along that often....

 

I am never again writing " lets just be friends then" messages when a dude doesn't contact me for a few days.

 

I mean. I am going to at least give them a chance to prove they, you know. May have lost heir phones:lmao::lmao:

 

Serious here. Some people who are crazy for a person can, after a week of seeing each other non stop, possibly just want space. And to then see the person the entire next week:lmao: Opposed to always ringing and texting while not together.

[208ba]

This guy may have been shy but i dont think so as it seem you gave him all the chances but for what ever reason he got what i call cold feet or maybe just liked the idea of a good looking lady on his arm. in my experience if you are seeing a lady then you get to know each other and when the time is right you will both know when the time is right to make love and it shoulkd be amazing. Please dont change who are as the right man will be out their

[Leigh 87]

It's true what they say... a little "hard to get" goes a long way...

 

 

 

But I didn't act crazy, either.

 

Therefore I don't think the way I was, and the small things I did that put him off, would stop him contacting me again. If he really thought we had something together that was worth pursuing.

[jcrew11]

After 3 dates, you should at least be progressing to handj-bs or blowj-bs depending on the relationship. Some guys are just very horny and will move on to another girl who puts out faster. Perhaps he sensed your resistance to having sex, and for a young guy with other options, he might just decide to slow down with you.

[jcrew11]

I think he used me for sex, so I was baffled that he would do all those things, like kissing me for hours knowing that we would not have sex and also spending entire days with me.

 

I would personally not hang out with a person all day if I did not like them that much:lmao:

 

Then again I am a girl. I do not want sex from men badly enough to go pretending I like them, and trying to stomach hanging out with a man I do not like for sex. No matter how "hot" they are!

 

Honestly, I think he got bored. Its great fun to meet a new girl/guy and hang out everyday for a week. But then, maybe you don't have as much in common, or he sees some hotter girls he wants to date and ditches you.

 

If you want to be conservative and prudish about sex, then you need to find a conservative guy; and not a guy who is obsessed with kissing you, but someone you can share life with.

[jcrew11]

Please JUST answer the questions, and do not comment about sex early on with men.

 

I know of people who had sex early on after the first or second date and ate totally in love. Sex does not stop a guy who is truly head over heals for you.

 

I had sex with this guy but most of the time we just hung out with no sex.

Clearly he used me for sex, but I think it was a case of him liking to me around me too. And perhaps thinking he had feelings for me more than sex.

 

In any case it is all good, I just want guys here to answer my questions, as to whether THEY or THEIR FRIENDS would do all those things for a girl purely to get sex, without even liking the girl?

 

I find it startling, since I cannot imagine spending time with a person I did not even like. I mean. How irritating?

 

I think its naive for women to think they can trap or keep a guy in a relationship after sex.

 

For one thing, a guy's end goal is just to have sex. So guys can be really intense for those 3-4 weeks it takes to sleep with a girl; and then get tired/lazy/bored afterwards. Guys don't want to put the energy in maintaining relationships such as talking and texting constantly.

 

Another thing, if the sex is not good, then the guy doesn't want to see the girl again, either. Or he's a player who doesn't want a stage 5 clinger.

[Leigh 87]

I think its naive for women to think they can trap or keep a guy in a relationship after sex.

 

For one thing, a guy's end goal is just to have sex. So guys can be really intense for those 3-4 weeks it takes to sleep with a girl; and then get tired/lazy/bored afterwards. Guys don't want to put the energy in maintaining relationships such as talking and texting constantly.

 

Another thing, if the sex is not good, then the guy doesn't want to see the girl again, either. Or he's a player who doesn't want a stage 5 clinger.

 

 

 

But guys do eventually come accross a girl who they like enough to want to stay with.

 

And this guy doesn't normally get girls he's that attracted to that much. He doesn't just have hot girls to pick from.

 

He was really attracted to me so I think that is what our time was based on.

 

I think he definitely liked me. Just not enough to want to stick around.

[jcrew11]

But guys do eventually come accross a girl who they like enough to want to stay with.

 

And this guy doesn't normally get girls he's that attracted to that much. He doesn't just have hot girls to pick from.

 

He was really attracted to me so I think that is what our time was based on.

 

I think he definitely liked me. Just not enough to want to stick around.

 

Well, I think what makes people want to stay together is their relationship going forward.

A guy will do anything for sex, and make himself to be a super prince, but that kind of energy is unsustainable. Its up to the man's and woman's personalities if they are compatible in the long term.

 

I don't know anything about your personality, but you seem to focus a lot on what "the guy does for you and how much effort he puts into wooing you."

 

But at some point, a guy will want to stick around if "the woman can improve his life in some way as well."

 

Some guys want more than a "blonde girl without any personality" - but other guys are content with pretty girls with uncompatible personalities/boring personalities.