paigej91 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I'm supposed to go out with a guy (who I don't know if I should call a friend or FWB) tonight for a drink, but I'm not going to meet him until at least 9:00 after dinner with his friends. Call me a prude, but I really want to cancel whatever "date" he had in mind tonight because anything after 8 or so doesn't seem like actual time together, it just seems like he's putting in the time so we can go to his place later. Is this completely unrealistic or am I right? I just wanted to make sure I'm not the only one who thinks this Also, is there any way I can go to this to spend time with him (because I really love his company) and then smoothly tell him I'd rather go home alone without it being awkward? (I realize I shouldn't have to feel like this, and that's already a bad sign :/)
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Well..... I think it depends on what you want with this guy and what he's willing/able to offer you. If you are saying that you're not sure what to call him, Friend or FWB or what have you, then it sounds like you've already slept with him? If you've already slept with him without dates and without establishing what kind of relationship this is, then yes he's probably a FWB and changing that now is probably not going to happen. I would then assume that late drinks does mean that you will go to his place after for some sexy time. If you just want to spend time with this guy without sex, then you need to not accept 9 p.m. 'dates'. If he's booty calling you and you're allowing that to happen, and you're saying that you would really just like to spend time with him without sex, then that's a friend and/or you're developing feelings for him which is dangerous if he's only viewing this as a FWB. I think you need to decide what you really want out of this relationship and then act accordingly. If you want to date him or if you want a relationship, then you need to raise the bar and not meet at 9 p.m for 'drinks' when you know he's expecting you to go to his place after. I think more background information is needed though for you to get advice. Best of luck
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Paige I just read your last thread and assuming this is the same guy, then yes he's a FWB. Should have done my homework. I wouldn't invest any more in this guy. A guy that goes a month without making efforts to see you and then does go out with you after you suggest it (not him suggesting or initiating) is not interested in a relationship with you. Sorry!! Time of death: 9:37 p.m. (Eastern time) 1
Author paigej91 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Paige I just read your last thread and assuming this is the same guy, then yes he's a FWB. Should have done my homework. I wouldn't invest any more in this guy. A guy that goes a month without making efforts to see you and then does go out with you after you suggest it (not him suggesting or initiating) is not interested in a relationship with you. Sorry!! Time of death: 9:37 p.m. (Eastern time) It's a different guy, no worries! haha. I'm definitely done with the one from my last thread
Author paigej91 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Is having sex with him that terrible? Your rhetorical question adds so much value to this thread.
HappyLove Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Uh oh, I was thinking of having a 8:00pm coffee date because my day is pretty busy. Do you guys think that's too late to meet up? This is a first meet I didn't even think I could be sending a subliminal message, lol. What time is too late?
curlygirl40 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Uh oh, I was thinking of having a 8:00pm coffee date because my day is pretty busy. Do you guys think that's too late to meet up? This is a first meet I didn't even think I could be sending a subliminal message, lol. What time is too late? No I don't think that's too late for a first meet, coffee date type of thing as long as it meets both of your schedules. As long as it's a public place, of course. I think the question the OP was asking was about a guy she had already slept with (she never confirmed it but did mention FWB) and was meeting for drinks at 9 p.m. and possibly expecting sex. I think you're fine as long as it works for both of you.
white Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Coffee is a bit different and inherently more casual. Also, coffee at 8pm? You're not going to sleep well. Cut out caffeine after 6pm at the latest. Just advice. 1
Author paigej91 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I think the question the OP was asking was about a guy she had already slept with (she never confirmed it but did mention FWB) and was meeting for drinks at 9 p.m. and possibly expecting sex. I haven't slept with him yet, but we're definitely at that point where it should happen soon (or should have already happened depending on your views).
MrCastle Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Your rhetorical question adds so much value to this thread. So, you want to date a guy but not have sex with him? 2
RedRobin Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 So, you want to date a guy but not have sex with him until I get to know him Correct. OP, it depends... I wouldn't meet someone that late because I don't want to set a precedent that all of our future get togethers are going to start that late.... like it did with the guy you just ended things with. If it is just coffee, then fine. I wouldn't accept future get togethers that late until we had known each other for awhile.
yankees51988 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Hmmm, seems like a strange mentality to me, but that might be just because I am younger. The majority of my dates consist of going to the bar and getting drinks, lol, and I usually don't even go out until like 9 or 10 earliest. I'd much rather go out for drinks, etc at like 9 o clock with a girl than in the middle of the day. I'm also not going to bring a girl I don't really know well out to a fancy place before I get to know her. Formal dates kind of suck though and I don't like them, I'd much rather go out for a bite to eat and some drinks at a bar than go out to a dinner, screw all that formality, "ok so the third date means this...." bs. Go out, wing it and have fun instead of having all these notions in your head. I think going out to the bar at 10 pm is a lot more fun than some quiet dinner at 6 pm, and I want a date to be fun, so if anything I'd much rather go out for drinks with a chick later at night or a concert or something fun than having a serious discussion over a salad while waiting for my meal, lol. Just because you go out late at night doesn't mean you are gonna bang, it means you are a night person. 1
yankees51988 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Also as the poster above me mentioned, I have had sexless dates start at like midnight or 1.
normal person Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I would say it's somewhat dependent on the culture of where you live. I couldn't comment if you're outside of North America. Here in NYC, meeting someone for the first time at a bar around 9:00 is standard practice. It has its pros -- if you don't like the person, you aren't locked into a whole evening like you are with a full dinner. You have an opportunity to leave after every round. Whether or not he offers to get another drink and whether or not you accept one is a pretty good indicator of basic interest for both of you. The guy isn't stuck paying for an expensive meal for a girl with whom there's no attraction. I think it's a good way of doing things. Is it that much different out in suburbia? I'm meeting a girl at 8:30 tomorrow and that seems a little early for me, to be honest. 1
MrCastle Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I would say it's somewhat dependent on the culture of where you live. I couldn't comment if you're outside of North America. Here in NYC, meeting someone for the first time at a bar around 9:00 is standard practice. It has its pros -- if you don't like the person, you aren't locked into a whole evening like you are with a full dinner. You have an opportunity to leave after every round. Whether or not he offers to get another drink and whether or not you accept one is a pretty good indicator of basic interest for both of you. The guy isn't stuck paying for an expensive meal for a girl with whom there's no attraction. I think it's a good way of doing things. Is it that much different out in suburbia? I'm meeting a girl at 8:30 tomorrow and that seems a little early for me, to be honest. That's possible too. I usually don't leave my house until 9. Bars here close at 5 am. No rush lol
phineas Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 A few nights a week I have my kids until 8:30pm. I drop them off then head home. A 9 to say 10:30 meet-up is plenty of time to figure out if you want to see someone again. also, if you aren't meeting up at someone's house how can you call it a bootycall? It's up to you if you want to go home with someone.
StanMusial Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If its a scheduling issue its fine... I work late sometimes and then have other stuff I need to do... however for some reason I get the impression this guy is a loser that doesn't have that problem...
soccerrprp Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Coffee is a bit different and inherently more casual. Also, coffee at 8pm? You're not going to sleep well. Cut out caffeine after 6pm at the latest. Just advice. ....or go decaf. I personally think that anyone that suggests drinks (alcoholic) for a meet-up or date is being irresponsible, especially if either or both are driving. Anyway, if you are worried about how to simply tell him that you'd rather go home after the meetup, you are already, IMO, too invested in someone you don't know that well.
yankees51988 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 ....or go decaf. I personally think that anyone that suggests drinks (alcoholic) for a meet-up or date is being irresponsible, especially if either or both are driving. Anyway, if you are worried about how to simply tell him that you'd rather go home after the meetup, you are already, IMO, too invested in someone you don't know that well. Lol, you should change your name to soccermom. How in any way is it irresponsible for two adults of legal age to meet up for alcoholic drinks instead of dinner? Yes, drunk driving is bad, but you called it irresponsible regardless of driving. Going out for drinks is fun, you want to have fun getting to know/dating someone, so why not go out for drinks if you both enjoy it? Seems a lot better to me than going to a movie, not being able to talk, and making out in the seats like a 14 year old, lol. Is it irresponsible because alcohol would make it more likely for them to have sex because of lower inhibitions... then that is just as bad. You don't need booze to have sex, lol, even if it lowers inhibitions. And hey, sometimes lowered inhibitions ain't a bad thing. If they get too drunk and accidentally have sex, well whoops, no big deal. As long as nobody got pregnant or an STD, just laugh it off, "Oops, well we certainly moved fast", no harm done.
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