7 weeks NC glad we are over, but want to contact him? Delusional?

[melell]

It is an 8 year relationship. since I was 17. I wanted him gone because he started to drink/drug non stop and was a complete mess, I was suffering. I'd tell him to leave but not follow through when he begged. He ended up leaving on his own accord to have 'no consequences' for his using.

 

9 weeks post BU, 7 weeks strict no contact. No online media, no talking about him, no letting anyone mention him. I feel great. I am looking forward to loads of things. Am very glad that time in my life is over. HERE IS THE BUT

 

for the first month I was devastated. Now that I feel good, I don't want to be with this person. I am sure that even if he begged me I would say no. But I am going through a stage where it is indifference, but with that I seem to have let go of many things which he did to hurt me. I don't think of him negatively anymore. I am fairly sure that this is only a temporary stage.

 

Anyway, I am feeling slightly guilty for ignoring him, and felt like an olive branch would be a good thing to do to clear the air.

 

But I wonder, am I actually moving on and glad to be free of an addicted person, or is this simply the delusions NC brings. Where if I broke it, it would all become raw again?

[melell]

bump

 

Thoughts plz

[jamandsugarsky]

Don't break NC to find out. You say you're happier now, so hopefully that will continue if you keep NC. I think it's totally normal to wonder and perhaps even think about being friends again, after all an ex was a big part of our lives.

 

Just remember how you feel now and how you felt then- you don't want to go back to feeling that way. x

[Ireallydontknow]

My fiancé was 17 when I met her too. She lied about her age when I first met her. Only you know if you are ready to contact him. 9 weeks does not seem that long for a 8 year relationship. You'll need to evaluate your feelings before going into it. I've seen people say "If your asking on here, your not ready."

 

Stay strong.

[BC1980]

Seeing or contacting him might stir up feelings that you didn't anticipate. You might think it won't, but 8 years is a long time. I would not contact him at this point.

[melell]

So we had been together 8 years. I thought I was doing fine, I actually am doing fine.

 

There was some good news regarding someone in my family who had been really sick. I knew he was worried so I text "Wasn't sure if I should contact you or not but ______ is in the clear, thought I better let you know"

 

He replied.

 

"Thank you for telling me, I am really really glad :)"

 

I didn't respond.

 

It doesn't feel so good. I feel like I could have had someone else tell him, but part of me wanted to reach out so I just did it. Blah. It feels horrible. I feel like I just got a fix for an addiction and now feel really guilty/ashamed of it.

[melell]

I hadn't had any replies when I posted this (big time difference here with most posters I think). Anyway I did make contact. The premise of this post was because I had news he was waiting to hear about regarding a sick elderly family member of mine, and was trying to rationalize whether or not breaking contact would be okay. The news was good, so felt I should let him know.

 

It didn't feel good getting the reply. I was pretty much like "Wasn't sure if I should contact ya but thought I better let you know ____ is in the clear now"

 

He replied "Thank you for telling me, I am really really glad :)"

 

I didn't respond

 

I feel a bit uneasy today now. Wished I had someone else tell him.

[BC1980]

This forum is littered with people who broke NC and ended up disappointed with the results. I have definitely done it my fair share of times. Usually, no good comes of it, and you end up more confused than before.

[forgetmenot75]

I'm sorry you're hurting. 8 years is a long time, and it must be very hard to move on.

However, you have no other choice right now. Start no contact from zero again, and next time think twice about contacting him again.

Think how bad it feels when he doesn't reply what you want to hear.

So: start no contact again. Be strong.