Suzi62 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I will have been married 30 years in Sept. Have always had an up and down marriage. Married to a man 10 years older than me and now that I'm 50 and both kids are 27 and 24, is it finally time to move on. My husband has been unemployed since Jan. again after being unemployed 1 1/2 years ago also. This last time was such a blow to him, he has shut me out and everyone else in his life. He has so much to be blessed about, and has completely shut down. His moody disposition has taken a toll on me for years and I've often daydreamed about leaving him to get away from his negative outlook on life. It is bringing me down and he doesn't want to seek help for himself or our marriage. He also has given up on our intimate life and we sleep in separate rooms. I've always been a sensitive person and always shrived for keeping the spark alive without him doing his part. I feel I have given 95% and he has given 5% in the relationship. Now that he has given up on us and I am tired of being the one to beg to go to counseling and adding romance to our marriage, should I just get an official separation and move on. I am currently living outside of the home in a trial separation. Should I wait the allotted 3 mos time I have given myself to make a decision and then decide what to do afterward? I have been unhappy for a long time and he just wants to give up on love and be a washed up has-been. I also am tired of being the cheerleader when times are bad. Need some advise.
keepontruckin Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Of course, there are always two sides to every story, but you seem genuine... You are claiming to have made every effort available, in an attempt to fix things... Leave him. If that doesn't snap his ass into gear, NOTHING will... 1
Author Suzi62 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Hi Keep On Truckin: Thanks for your reply. Do you always give such quick advise? Just wondering what your story is? This is my first time on this site and wasn't sure what to expect from it. Appreciate the input. Suzi62
keepontruckin Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 My story? After 3 1/2 years of dating, and 1 1/2 years of marriage, my wife left me. That was five months ago now. I thought things were going well in the marriage, but in hindsight I did become somewhat complacent and was neglecting some of her needs. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20! When she left and wouldn't come back, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I did want to work on the marriage, however, and did everything humanely possible to convey that to her, and show that to her, since we were still in contact for a couple of months after she left. It made no difference. Normally I don't agree with people just leaving a marriage over issues that can be addressed, but you seem to be giving him ample opportunity to address his behaviours. And as I said, if he still sits on his ass looking dumb even after you've left, I'd say there is not much hope left. Most guys will kick things into ultra high gear once the spouse leaves, however he seems to truly not care...
Author Suzi62 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Only 1 1/2 years of marriage, that is not long at all. Did you realize at the time your wife was not happy before she left? How is the dating scene 3 1/2 years later? That's the part I'm worried about; is getting back out there. Interested in knowing a man's perspective.
Recommended Posts