natwilliams Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 There's a girl I met at my market job who gave me her number gladly on a business card, (she was playing violin busking for change). Next week she came to busk at the same spot. So I thought maybe she likes me. So I called her a few days later asking her out to a bar (not my typical style but I was inspired to be more direct by an article on a manliness blog). She said he had plans that night with her boyfriend. I said no problem. I planned to follow the Brad Pitt rule which is you ask once and only once. However, she then texted me a couple days later saying she was at market and didn't see me there. ?? What do you think that means?
CarrieT Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 She's looking to set you up as a back-up plan... Avoid.
Author natwilliams Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Are you sure? What's wrong with being a backup plan?
James-London Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Nothing wrong with being a backup plan in my book. If she wants to cheat on her BF with you, then that is her choice. I don't think you are doing anything wrong be facilitating that. All I would say is - remember you are the backup plan, so she will likely be an emotional mess as she grapples with the guilt of the situation. Also, if you ever get involved with her more seriously, remember how she treated this BF... Subject to those caveats, game on!
Woop1337 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 That's your style man? Asking women out, who are unavailable? The text could mean anything. If you really like her, hang back, and wait till they break up. Other than that, pursue a woman who is single.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 That's your style man? Asking women out, who are unavailable? The text could mean anything. If you really like her, hang back, and wait till they break up. Other than that, pursue a woman who is single. He asked her out THEN she said she had a boyfriend. OP read this. The Five Big Dating Mistakes of College Men | The Tao of Dating® by Dr. Ali Binazir 2. You need to appreciate the psychology of college-age women Kevin says that “her behavior over the last week has been uncharacteristically fickle. One day she was enthusiastic and flirty and the next day she was uncommunicative and tense.” Wow. That’s really weird. A 19yr old woman who’s fickle? Ya don’t say. Before I pour another inch-thick layer of jamoca almond sarcasm on this, lemme tell ya something: the whole fickleness thing is not a bug – it’s a feature. The most likely thing a girl that age is going to do with her mind is to change it. Kevin is sharp enough to notice this, too, about the putative ‘boyfriend’: “He is in love with her, but to be honest, she seems surprisingly ambivalent toward him.” Well, guess what, Kevster: you’re right. She’s not all that sure about him. He may even just be a placeholder until something better comes along, since pretty girls are often terribly insecure about appearing alone (“Why doesn’t she have a boyfriend? Is something wrong with her?”). Girls her age simply have no idea what they want, and many end up as fully-grown women who don’t really know what they want. Often it’s just the tick-tock of the biological clock that wakes them up in a cold sweat at dawn around age 36: “Holy ****! If I don’t find a guy soon, I won’t be able to have kids, like, ever!” That very real deadline of declining fertility has a powerfully mind-clearing effect on them. (To be fair, most guys that age also have no clue what they want, and they continue to remain adolescent way into their 40s and beyond, since they don’t have the same deadline.) So if you want to succeed with a woman – however you define success for yourself, anywhere from getting a first date to getting some play to marrying her – you must take the lead. You do not wait for the infinitesimal chance that the probability distribution function of her distracted mind will settle upon you as an object of desire. Nosirreebob. You make **** happen. Which brings us to… - See more at: The Five Big Dating Mistakes of College Men | The Tao of Dating® by Dr. Ali Binazir I don't know if you are college age, but as the article points out many women and some men don't emotionally mature until late 30's or early 40's. The woman you are after may have a boyfriend who is more a placeholder than a genuine love. She may not have a boyfriend and be using that as a line or a test. If it's a line it was meant to get you to go away. If it's a test it was to see if you would pee your pants when she says she has a boyfriend. IME if a woman has a boyfriend and it's a real loving relationship they will act very differently. I have been working on a project with one woman who had a boyfriend. They were so serious she was living with his parents. They were very much in love and I felt no signs of signals of attraction from her. At the same time I was dealing with another woman. In her case there was plenty of flirtation, and emotional and physical intimacy. We got to know eachother very well and I even met her family privately. She agree'd to meet mine. All the while we never had a discussion of exclusivity and she and I both did see other people too. TLDR these things aren't so black and white. While it would suck to be dumped by her for another man at some point we can't all marry our first love. 1
Woop1337 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I see, what you meant. So the boyfriend came up, after him, askin out the woman. But, the second half of my post still stands. Don't pursue women who are accounted for. It's the right thing to do. Isnt it? It's the principle. I'm just assuming, he still wants to pursue the woman, after knowing she has a man. There's cute single women everywhere. That's all I'm saying.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I see, what you meant. So the boyfriend came up, after him, askin out the woman. But, the second half of my post still stands. Don't pursue women who are accounted for. It's the right thing to do. Isnt it? It's the principle. I'm just assuming, he still wants to pursue the woman, after knowing she has a man. There's cute single women everywhere. That's all I'm saying. I agree with that. The problem is that having a so called boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not "accounted for". Unless there is a ring on their left ring finger, the kind that gives a promise, or an engagement or a marriage... then it's not being accounted for. You'll understand when you are older. At my age NO ONE is every 100% free. There is always a casual thing, an EX that is still a possibility, a boyfriend or girlfriend who isn't all that great or who you know isn't the one but you keep em around just to get your rocks off. Don't make having a GF or BF to be more than it is. All romances have a time limit except for the one you marry and even then 1/2 of the time you break up with them too.
Author natwilliams Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Okay so update. I texted with her for the new year (jewish) and we had a few texts. She asked me my last name so she could "look up my music that's out". I ignored the text because I prefer girls not to google and facebook stalk me before they get to know me. I find they always become distant unless I hook with them with a little mystery. So should I keep ignoring the text and try to invite her out once more to something casual? Or should I jokingly leverage this and say something blatant flirty like I'll give you my last name if you come on one date with me.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Ask her out and see what she says or more importantly does.
Babolat Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 There's a girl I met at my market job who gave me her number gladly on a business card, (she was playing violin busking for change). Next week she came to busk at the same spot. So I thought maybe she likes me. So I called her a few days later asking her out to a bar (not my typical style but I was inspired to be more direct by an article on a manliness blog). She said he had plans that night with her boyfriend. I said no problem. I planned to follow the Brad Pitt rule which is you ask once and only once. However, she then texted me a couple days later saying she was at market and didn't see me there. ?? What do you think that means? Run away, fast. See me post on the girl with the bf..it will be a nightmare for you if you do not stop me.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Are you sure? What's wrong with being a backup plan? Oh nothing, until her angry-as-hell boyfriend comes looking for you. And yes, they have been known to do that
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