holly25 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I had a bad break up with a guy here in my city. I was lonely and needed to get over him. I went on a dating website just looking for people to talk to, to help take my mind off what I was going through and hopefully meet someone I was attracted to. I did. To my surprise I met a guy that I was attracted to, and he was attracted to me. It was long distance though. He is in LA, I am in Chicago. I go to LA a lot and didn't think anything about the distance. I knew I'd see him. He apparently didn't think anything about the distance either, because for 9 months he communicated with me and showed interest. However he did get pushy for me to come out there, which is understandable, but I just wasn't ready yet. I had a lot going on. Anyway, right when I get ready, and it's time for me to buy my ticket, he breaks up with me. He said I waited too long and cancelled too many plans. We liked each other, he knew I was coming, 9 months of communicating....all gone. I still want to see him. When I move to LA, should I contact him and tell him that I'm there? Or not? Why did this happen? I don't want him to be the one that got away. I don't know if I should blame him or myself. I just know that I'm sad. He was really pushy about travel plans. I did cancel and postpone, but that was only because I had so much going on and at the same time I did not want to disappoint him. I had two surgeries within the 9 months of us communicating. Things came up. I liked him. I told him I was going to see him. When he broke it off with me he said that I couldn't show him proof that I was going out there, so he met a girl at a restaurant and she's his girlfriend now. After two weeks of knowing her, she's his girlfriend. Nine months of us talking...all for nothing. I feel like he led me on and he feels like I led him on. Either way, I can't shake this feeling of thinking he's a great match for me. What to do? Even worse, like I stated earlier, I'm able to go out there now. I actually have some upcoming LA travel plans for various reasons, then plan on moving there shortly. It's unbelievably sad to me that I came close to meeting my soul mate, but he was too impatient, or the distance just ruined it. I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
heartshaped Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Hard truth: this guy isn't your soulmate. You haven't even met him in person. If meeting in person was such a priority to either of you, you would have done so in the nine months you talked. And if you meant anything to him he suddenly wouldn't just be in a relationship with some woman he met two weeks ago. Either he's been in a relationship all along, he only said that to hurt your feelings and really isn't in one at all, or he's a douche. Take your pick. Either way, move on. 1
fanine Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Why couldn't he make the effort and come to you? Why all the pressure on you to visit him?
Author holly25 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Why couldn't he make the effort and come to you? Why all the pressure on you to visit him? He never suggested coming to see me. I also put that blame on myself. I used to live in California and go there all the time. I pretty much never demanded he come to me, since I'm in LA all the time anyway.
Author holly25 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Hard truth: this guy isn't your soulmate. You haven't even met him in person. If meeting in person was such a priority to either of you, you would have done so in the nine months you talked. And if you meant anything to him he suddenly wouldn't just be in a relationship with some woman he met two weeks ago. Either he's been in a relationship all along, he only said that to hurt your feelings and really isn't in one at all, or he's a douche. Take your pick. Either way, move on. Meeting was a priority for both of us. The timing was just wrong for me at least. But I do question if I should have rushed out there in two-three months or met him after 9 months. I just don't see why he would abrubtly cut me off when we made it this far.
Treasa Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I have a feeling he might have had a girlfriend all along, and wanted some side action, but is now rethinking it. He could have made plans to go visit you if he really wanted to. I don't think this guy was "the one." 4
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