tuxedo cat Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 My ex and I started speaking again a few months ago. I feel that I've fallen back in love with him but I can't tell if I'm wasting my time. I'll be moving to where he lives in 2-3 months for work. For the record I was the one who ended things a year ago but it wasn't a choice I wanted to make...things had just gotten so bad with the distance and our fighting. When we first started talking again in late April he said to me he knew we could never be together again, that he wouldn't even consider the possibility. After a couple of months we had grown closer and I asked him again how he felt. He told me he was open to the possibility if things develop naturally when I move but he has no idea if that will happen...that it's just a question mark. I went out to visit him for a weekend, staying at his place. We had sex and acted like a couple while I was there, went out to dinner, movies, museums, explored the city. He told me he loved me constantly, cuddled me as we fell asleep at night, told me he didn't want me to go. Yet no mention of wanting to be together. Right after I left he sent me a text that said "I had such a great time with you, I love you and miss you already." Once after the visit I asked him how he felt about us being together and he got infuriated and wouldn't speak about it. He reiterated that he's open to the idea in the future but doesn't want to be together right now. Now we are speaking every single night for hours at a time. He initiates 90% of it. I know he isn't seeing anyone else because with the frequency we talk (like we haven't missed a night in months), that would be impossible. I notice he has stopped going out and trying to meet other girls at bars, as he was doing when we first started speaking in April. Instead he stays at home and talks to me. He says things like "I love you so much"..."you are an incredibly important part of my life"..."I miss/love my [my name]"...."I love my girl"..."I wish I could hold you right now." He won't let me get off the phone, even when I need to wake up early the next day. He begs me to talk to him for a few more minutes and minutes sometimes stretch into hours. Back in April he told me he was looking for a "low-key" relationship with a girl, so I know he's not adverse to having a girlfriend...it's just me. I just don't understand...how can someone say all this and not want to be in a relationship? Do you think he'll ever come around?
heartshaped Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Sounds like he's a cake eater. He won't commit to you in any shape or form, but wants the benefits of being your boyfriend. Now, you have to decide whether or not you are going to put up with that. 1
CrystalCastles Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I'd go NC. There's a reason why you two broke up in the first place.
MrCastle Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Exes are exes for a reason. In my experience, people who get back together with an ex are with them very briefly. At some point they realize "Oh yeaaah. Now I remember why we broke up initially."
HappyLove Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I say, decide what YOU want. You seem like you want a committed relationship and he doesn't want that so why are you continuing to let him monopolize your time? Maybe you need to go after what you want and if he ever wakes up and realizes its with you then you consider it.
xxoo Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I just don't understand...how can someone say all this and not want to be in a relationship? Do you think he'll ever come around? Because he's getting everything he wants without the responsibilities of a relationship. He doesn't even have to communicate with you, and you still give him the perks. Why would he change? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I think he would give you more if he was faced with the real prospect of losing you. But you must be ready to carry it through and don't come back. Because if you end up coming back to the same old situation, he will lose all respect.
BC1980 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 In relationships, I think you teach people what you will put up with. You are teaching him that you will put up with him getting all the benefits of a relationship (companionship, sex, ect.) but with no commitment. I don't think this is okay for you based on your first post. You obviously want to be in a committed relationship with him. Here is what I would tell him. Do it very nicely and say that you love spending time with him, but you are looking for a man who sees a future with you and who will commit to you. Tell him it's okay if he's not that one. You would never want him to do something he didn't want to do. This is a decision for you and what's best for your life. That way, you have not given him an ultimatum or pressuring him. You are simply stating what you want and letting him know that you aren't afraid to walk if you feel you need something else. His true intentions should come to the surface after that. They might not be apparent immediately, but time will tell. In the meantime, I would keep living your life and doing what you want. Good luck. 1
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