XYZ1234567 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 My story is pretty serious... I am not gonna make it too long. I really want your oppinion. I met him 6 months ago, fell head over heals. Both of us. Two weeks into the relationship he asked me to go on a 10 day trip to Thailand. After that I moved in with him. It was amazing. When we met I was in a bad stage in life, no job, no flat, did not speak to my best friends etc. So, in a way he saved me. He gave me a roof over my head, got me job (a great one I love), helped me reconcile with my best friends and spoiled me with holidays, dinners and presents. I was in heaven, he was the best man I met. I am Mediterranean, I say what I think, I get impulsive, I cool off. What would be a discussion, finding a solution would be for him a fight he needs three days to get over. He would tell me how it hurt him... Last week we broke up in the most traumatic way. On Wednesday night I came home, he was not home, we did not speak much during the day. I call him, he does not respond but sends me a message immediately saying: "hi baby, how are you? missed your call. give me a kiss". I start freaking out because he did not pick or call back. All turns into a huge mess of shouting, not picking up the phone, me hanging up. Me locking the door, sending him a picture of it and telling him not to come home. By 200% this was the worst fight we had... He stayed at a hotel, I told him not to at the end and that he is risking us but he did not listen. The next morning he rushed into the flat, put £500 into an envelope, put it in my luggage and told me he is kicking me out and I have until 12pm to leave his flat. That he has done everything for me and I am a selfish bitch. That he has no feelings for me and wants me out of his life. He leaves and I am crashed and can't move from the floor. The next day we were supposed to go to Spain for the weekend. The day before he woke up saying he can't wait to spend the weekend with me at the beach and a day later he never wants to see me again. It does not stop there. I took 65 painkillers and told him that. He came home with the police, calling an ambulance. He cried so much that he could not breath, speak, he was shaking. I could not look him in the eyes and he did not come to the hospital. He said he couldn't, his best friend from high school killed himself. I was fine. My friends were there. The next day I packed my things, left my keys on the table with a letter apologizing. A day later he texted me saying he does not want to speak for a couple of weeks until all is settled and needs time and space for himself. If he needed 3 days to recover after a little fight, how long was this one gonna be?! Two days later I could not resist and told him how I miss him and how I don't understand. He basically said it was all my fault, he made his decision even it is hard, it is his choice. Another two days later I asked him if he wants to say a proper goodbye. He said yes, but not now, in a couple of weeks. I am not even sure he means it. He always told me he wants me to be independent. Now, I am getting my own flat and my job is going well and keeping me busy. I want to see if we have another chance but he would not speak to me.... I wish I could turn back time but I can't. I need your advice. Thank you.
Grumpybutfun Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 First of all, I think there is a very important lesson in this for you. Treating someone well and being kind while communicating in a mature and calm manner is a must for any relationship to survive. Life throws too many curveballs for your man not to be able to count on you being kind and calm during arguments. Since you have been together such a short period of time, you must see that your behavior was out of control. Did you grow up with a lot of drama in your family? Do you need it to feel loved and important to someone else? This sounds like a dramafest in which you made a mountain out of a molehill for every situation and made him feel uneasy and bad. Then, when you are called out on it and asked to leave, you attempt suicide which makes him feel sad and bad and guilty. Now, even if a woman was awesome 98% of the time and treated me like this the other 2%, I would be looking for a way to get away from her. You behaved poorly after he tried very hard to help you. He gave you opportunity and compassion and helped you land on your feet after a hard time- When we met I was in a bad stage in life, no job, no flat, did not speak to my best friends etc. So, in a way he saved me. He gave me a roof over my head, got me job (a great one I love), helped me reconcile with my best friends and spoiled me with holidays, dinners and presents. and you reward him with - Me locking the door, sending him a picture of it and telling him not to come home. I took 65 painkillers and told him that. He came home with the police, calling an ambulance. He cried so much that he could not breath, speak, he was shaking. You need to figure out why you behaved like this. The hard time that you allude to...was it because of your behavior before? Was it due to things you did or did not do? You need to sincerely ask this man for forgiveness without any expectations that he will ever take you back. Quite honestly, I know many Mediterraneans, including family, and they none act like this. I hope you understand that relationships that are based on real feeling are the ones where the two people treat each other with kindness and respect at all times, and they do not manipulate the other out of fear or a need to control them. Good luck, Grumps 1
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