Why do taken women still desire to hit the clubs?

[Woggle]

Still, not listening. No one here has said it doesn't happen. I've already stated my gripes. Go back and read some of these posts. Men are flat out name calling women and saying women can't go to the club because men are horny. Why should women be punished because men have high sex drives and are indiscriminate about who they have sex with?

 

I never said that personally. I said that is suspicious of somebody male or female is constantly going to a known meat market dressed to the nines.

[KungFuJoe]

...and welcome to LS!

 

I know that when I go to a club, I've only got ONE THING on my mind, and it's finding the hottest piece of man meat I can spot on the dance flo'. I find out his name and run up his bar tab, too. I mean, I deserve it after all the hard work I put into my outfit and hair!

 

I just PRETEND that I want to have a good time with my girlfriends. It's really all about the sex.

 

FINALLY. Someone admits it!

 

[Woggle]

...and welcome to LS!

 

I know that when I go to a club, I've only got ONE THING on my mind, and it's finding the hottest piece of man meat I can spot on the dance flo'. I find out his name and run up his bar tab, too. I mean, I deserve it after all the hard work I put into my outfit and hair!

 

I just PRETEND that I want to have a good time with my girlfriends. It's really all about the sex.

 

YOu are being sarcastic right? If not then you have just proved the men's point for them.

[kaylan]

Still, not listening. No one here has said it doesn't happen. I've already stated my gripes. Go back and read some of these posts. Men are flat out name calling women and saying women can't go to the club because men are horny. Why should women be punished because men have high sex drives and are indiscriminate about who they have sex with?

Actually, the guys posting were concerned with the womens intentions more so than the mans. I know what Ive seen in clubs and bars, and I know what some women have tried to do to me in these places....so Im definitely not putting blame on the male sex drive. The female sex drive is a big culprit in its own right.

[Revolver]

Young Men and women go to the club for the same reasons

 

Party

Get drunk

And ultimately hook up

 

The difference is Only men are honest about it

Edited September 10, 2013 by Revolver

[chucksagent]

Someone asked "What can girls do on girls night out if not go to the club and dance?"

 

Hmmmm....good question. What do adult females who are doctors, lawyers, engineers, community leaders, teachers, business women, etc. all do for fun? They MUST have to give up alcohol and dancing...man that stinks. I use those examples of professions because those professions usually respect themselves.

 

Adult women AND men give up clubbing because clubbing is for singles. You want a drink and dance with your girls? Go to a regular bar where you can dance by yourselves with no dance floor where wandering crotches can find you to rub on you.

 

And as far as "what will girls night out be without alcohol and clubbing?"

 

How about dinner, movies, wine tasting, book club, walk around a lake, walk on a beach, board games, dinner club, golfing, mini golf, cook, grill out, patio party, swimming party, go shopping, go to the mall, go for coffee, go to an amusement park, go to a concert, go skiing, go to a water-park, go for lunch, take a class together, or you could even go to a bar (NOT A CLUB)!!!!!!!!!!

[Emilia]

How about dinner, movies, wine tasting, book club, walk around a lake, walk on a beach, board games, dinner club, golfing, mini golf, cook, grill out, patio party, swimming party, go shopping, go to the mall, go for coffee, go to an amusement park, go to a concert, go skiing, go to a water-park, go for lunch, take a class together, or you could even go to a bar (NOT A CLUB)!!!!!!!!!!

Because not everyone is 50 years old?

[hppr]

Because not everyone is 50 years old?

 

I'm a 31 year old guy and I prefer that stuff to a 'club'. If someone wants to club at my age that's fine but if you are married or in a relationship then you're just asking for trouble. Tons of horny guys and drunk chicks dressed up in their skank uniforms, it's dark, everyone's rubbing up on everyone else, sorry but people don't go to those places 'for the music'. They go to get drunk and try to get laid.

[hppr]

I think the point is, if you want to act single, then be single.

 

Lots of guys get whipped in relationships, their wives/girlfriends walk all over them. I used to see girls I knew from work who were married out at the 'clubs' on their 'girl's night out' and they were open for business in a big way. Meanwhile the husband would be at home drinking beer in front of the TV lol.

 

It's no different than the guys who go out, get hammered, do drugs, screw waitresses, while the wife is at home watching the kids. Only society today largely gives women a pass on it.

 

Biggest thing to remember is that that kind of relationship only happens to you if you let it.

[Got it]

I do not get dressed up for male attention. Contrary to popular belief random men hitting on you is about as fun as tweezing your eyebrows. They are usually awkward, annoying and as hard to get off of you as white on rice.

 

I don't go dancing a lot but I love to go dancing. Usually it is concerts and since I spent most of my college years following bands I will be damned if someone says I can't go to a show anymore. I will go to a dance club some but it is about hanging out with your friends. Usually in my younger years I went only with my guy friends just so no one would hit on me. Even my bachelorette party I wanted to hang out with my friends and sister and was not interested in any male attention. It was about acting like a fool, goofying around and having my sister photobomb every picture. We did have some annoying guys who wouldn't leave us alone. Why should we be the ones not there because guys can't tell the difference in a girl that is interested and girls who don't notice you?

 

So because of how guys are I usually only went with male friends and now my husband. Than I can do my thing with out strangers trying to talk to me.

 

I think an all girls and gay guy club would be fantastic!!!

[MissBee]

1. Isn't that what an Iphone/MP3 player is for?

2. Can you do that at other places like at each other's home (i.e - BBQ, Pool Party, etc or the movie theater?

3. You can drink alcohol no matter where you go.

 

 

I don't see why some single men act like the world is created to cater to their dating needs lol - it's not. I go out and there are men who have gfs out too, I've never felt the need to wonder why they were out at the club/bar and never thought maybe they should stay home so that I don't get disappointed.

 

If you're attractive you're gonna get hit on, generally, whether single or taken, bar or supermarket. You can't lock yourself away so as not to disappoint your admirers lmaoo! Women who don't like men hitting on them in clubs/bars don't go there, even if they are single. Women who don't mind will go and it's not some conspiracy to frustrate single men on the prowl.

 

I like clubs, I like dancing, I like going out for drinks, dancing, and even harmless flirting. Single or taken, men will hit on me, it doesn't bother me. If I'm not interested or not available, then that's it and life goes on. I've never gone home with or slept with anyone from a club, never had a one night stand or anything like that, so that is not even on my radar when single much less if I'm taken...so I don't see clubs as necessarily a place people go for the purposes of having sex with some stranger and when I go to clubs when I'm in a relationship absolutely nothing happens between me and any strange man there. All I do is get riled up and go home to my man after . Perhaps that offends single men on the prowl...but too bad.

[chucksagent]

Missbe - Yeah, but at a grocery store, no guy is going to be rubbing his crotch up and down your butt and legs, and you won't be inebriated and three sheets to the wind with "flirting" (as you admitted) on your mind. As has been said 1000 times before. Human beings are DESIGNED to make mistakes....therefore, the SMART human beings, LIMIT their RISK of mistakes. i.e. being blized drunk, being in a dark/creepy atmosphere, getting horny guys rubbing themselves on you, etc. So compare that to just dancing at a bar (more acceptable) - not dark and creepy, wide open everyone can see you, no horny guys rubbing up on you, and boom, you're left with only 1 mitigating factor which is alcohol. See how it works? It's called caring about someone else MORE than yourself, and wanting to make sure you don't do anything to hurt them. Because, after all, we are all human and can make mistakes if put in the wrong situation.

 

Hppr - I am also 31 and agree 100% with you. The only friends of mine who go clubbing are the losers who still have kid jobs or college type jobs and nothing else meaningful to do (all male friends).

 

Hppr - You NAILED it about the "Women clubbing are TODAYS version of the man out and about all night with wife sitting home." It is the EXACT same thing....only...sl*tty women are smart these days...they have labled men who get upset by this as "controlling and jealous jerks." Whereas if rolls were reversed, and I was out all night grinding on females, and my wife was home alone upset, both her family AND my family would be consoling her and telling her everything will be ok "He's a jerk and doesn't deserve you."

[julia12]

Hi there,

 

I am currently single, but even when I was in a relationship, I loved going out and dancing. Yeah, a lot of people (men and women) use it as a pulling ground, but it's always fun to get dressed up and dance and maybe flirt a bit, within limits. And having the opposite sex show interest in you is always an ago boost, although that's not why I did it! I'm really into music and dancing, personally.

[MissBee]

Missbe - Yeah, but at a grocery store, no guy is going to be rubbing his crotch up and down your butt and legs, and you won't be inebriated and three sheets to the wind with "flirting" (as you admitted) on your mind. As has been said 1000 times before. Human beings are DESIGNED to make mistakes....therefore, the SMART human beings, LIMIT their RISK of mistakes. i.e. being blized drunk, being in a dark/creepy atmosphere, getting horny guys rubbing themselves on you, etc. So compare that to just dancing at a bar (more acceptable) - not dark and creepy, wide open everyone can see you, no horny guys rubbing up on you, and boom, you're left with only 1 mitigating factor which is alcohol. See how it works? It's called caring about someone else MORE than yourself, and wanting to make sure you don't do anything to hurt them. Because, after all, we are all human and can make mistakes if put in the wrong situation.

 

Everyone needs to know what their boundaries are.

 

For me, going to a club while in a relationship has NEVER made me want to leave with some other man or have him rub on me neither am I drunk out of my mind, especially not when in a relationship. I go with my girlfriends, I have a drink or two and I dance with my friends mostly, and if I dance with a guy it doesn't turn into anything more neither are they rubbing their crotch on me. There are multiple ways of being at a club and all women don't drink alcohol or even if they do, they don't get "three sheets to the wind" or even allow men to rub on them, and they stick to their friends (those are the precautions smart people take at a club versus completely not going, I can't imagine anyone that out of control that it is impossible for them to go to a club and not be wasted and on top of a stranger). For me, I am not in danger of hurting the person I'm with by being at a club. I don't get into wreckless situations as a single person who technically can, so it wouldn't happen while I'm in a relationship.I literally have NEVER kissed, slept with, left with, or did anything with a man I met at the club.

 

Being drunk and alone with a male friend I'm attracted to while I'm having relationship problems --- yep recipe for disaster. Being out at a club or bar nope, not for me.So everybody has to know for themselves which situations put them "at risk."

Edited September 23, 2013 by MissBee

[Got it]

Why is it assume that women dance with strangers while at a club and why the assumption they let them grind on them?

[serial muse]

Why is it assume that women dance with strangers while at a club and why the assumption they let them grind on them?

 

I find this hilarious too. I like dancing and getting caught up in the music. Last thing I'd want to interrupt my groove is some sweaty stranger touching me with his sticky self. So I conclude that this must be some weird cuckold fantasy I've never heard of.

[piggyoink]

because some people believe women should stay home in a gorean relationship and not go out

[piggyoink]

Married women dancing in clubs?

 

 

The modern view

"i've been out clubbing with the girls while in a rl....just to dance, have fun, hang out with the girls, have some drinks....cuz none of our bars at home have all the different kind of alcohol for all the different kind ofd rinks there...we don't get drunk but we all want something different! I never allow anyone to rub up on me....they try relentlessly but they get told to stop, pushed away or slapped depending on how non-receptive they are to being told no. Believe it or not guys, there are some trustworthy girls who actually can be allowed to go anywhere without you having to worry"

 

 

The Old School View

"I'm old school. I'm not for either of us going out clubbing or partying without the other. I'm not comfortable dancing with any other man besides my hubby. Personally I start to feel violated once a guy is squeezing me tight(slow dancing) and jirating while his stuff is hard. Thankfully it's only happened a few times and that was back in the day when I didn't want to be rude, and tell them to back off."

[carhill]

Why do taken women still desire to hit the clubs?

 

If they know it annoys their spouse, it adds some 'spice' to the relationship, along with assuaging some of the annoyances from their spouse they feel deserve accounting for.

 

Another reason can be substance addiction, aka 'club friends' who drink or use drugs , are their social circle and they desire to retain that social circle even when LTR or M. Substance addiction can be hard to give up and some people hide it well.

[Got it]

So you wouldn't respect a boyfriend's feelings if you did something that he wasn't comfortable with? Its understandable that you wouldn't put up with someone dictating your whereabout. I get that.

 

But what if you engaged in behavior he didn't like and for good reason? Just tell him tough sh*t?

 

She said that "she is in a relationship where ever she is" so she acts accordingly. So why would her SO be upset by her behavior is she is postulating the above?

 

The issue isn't whether or not some goes dancing at a club, has an alone vacation, etc. The issue is their conduct while doing so. So that should be assessed and judged, not a blanket statement that if one goes to x they must be y.

[MissBee]

Don't be silly. Nobody is saying that.

 

I'll say it again. Its real simple. If someone wants to act single then they should be single.

 

I'm not being facetious...

 

How do you act single or how do taken people act?

 

The only difference with me single and me in a relationship is that I'm off limits for other men to date, have sex with, touch sexually, talk to sexually and all areas related to sex and emotional intimacy are reserved for my bf.But otherwise my behavior is not any different. Acting single to me means you act like or let people know you are available for dating and sex with others and disregard your relationship. I'm not sure if I follow what you mean by acting single....is what I explained what you mean or are you saying acting single includes any kind of going out, drinking or anything without your SO or what?

[chucksagent]

Carhill - I think your point about substance abuse and addiction is an underrated point and not discussed enough. I've actually found myself at odds with 2 of my friends regarding this. Long story short - when me and all my boys were single and in our 20's, we'd all do the club/bar scene. Now I am a practicing attorney, my best friend owns a successful business, another friend is a scientist, etc. So our time is more limited. We have 2 other friends who are the same age as us (31) and they are both still waiting tables. Those two still go to bars and clubs all the time. The business owner is still single AND even when the scientist and I were still single in our late 20's it was SEVERELY slowing down our drive to go bar hopping and clubbin. I would venture to say once a week or once every 2 weeks even when we were single and like 28 for example. The 2 waiters are still going out drinking 4-5 times a week THAT I KNOW OF.

 

Now you get down to different kinds of people. I am the reasonable type. I'm not selfish, NOR am I overly giving. My wife has a friend who drinks all the time. And that friend is a CRAPPY friend who will ONLY hang out with my wife if they go to happy hour. No dinners, no movies, no grilling on the patio or hanging at our pool, no shopping trips, no museum trips, no nothing...other than ****ting at a dive bar for happy hour. NOW...my wife is overly giving and she accommodates this friend. Of my 2 friends who still drink like college kids....the 1 and I have kind of lost touch...no similar interests anymore. The other, we still have video games, sports, movies, wing nights, flag football, hanging poolside, etc. So he and I are still VERY close. Because he is ALSO REASONABLE like I am. It's not all about him and it's not all about me. Going out drinking is just ONE of MANY activities he likes. I have LOTS of activities he doesn't like. He doesn't like most of my nerd activities like museums or reading or dinner parties, etc. HOWEVER, we still have TONS in common and we are both CIVILIZED and REASONABLE so we do those things. Good friends would respect that you've evolved as a person and something like clubbing and getting drunk doesn't appeal to you as much anymore.

 

I got a 1400 on my SAT's (back when it was on a 1600 scale), I passed the bar exam on the first try and I know how to read people VERY well...I know when I'm being lied to. This whole "I NEED THE CLUB TO DANCE AND HAVE FUN" is the biggest bunch of horsecrap I've ever heard. You can try and kid yourself or your boyfriend or maybe you truly don't make sense and you're illogical...But if it's all about dancing with your friends and having a few drinks, there are PLENTY of places other than a meat market to do that.

 

Drseussgrrl - Prime example, she suggested a gay club. LOTS of girls do this when they ACTUALLY mean when they say they don't go clubbing to get hit on. If you TRULY only like the art of DAHNCE then this is a reasonable substitute. I'm sure "team girl" will come up with some excuse why it doesn't fill that huge gap created by the club (tear, how sad), but factually speaking it has EVERYTHING ELSE short of a horny guy rubbing up on you and giving you attention.

 

At the end of the day...it comes down to people YOU PERSONALLY would want to be with. Many of you wouldn't want to be with horrible gorean (lol) type guys like us; but I would NEVER be with (or stay with) a girl who in her 30's still feels the need to behave like a lonely, horny college girl. Just different strokes for different people.

[chucksagent]

Also, isn't it funny how you would ALWAYS see drunk/stumble/fall down girls at the club? Upskirt shots because they are falling over a mess...guys preying on them like vultures...going out into the parking lot or occasionally right on the dance floor...all sorts of grinding all over the club...

 

YET...

 

Whenever this discussion is had between clubbing people, you ONLY have the angels and perfect people of the world discussing it. LMFAO. You never get any of the trainwrecks. It's always the "I'm always 100% in control of my actions and I have never and will never randomly hook up with a guy at a club."

 

It's amazing how that works. They must all be hiding in their den of shame refusing to post to message boards or discuss/debate this issue in real life.

[MissBee]

She said that "she is in a relationship where ever she is" so she acts accordingly. So why would her SO be upset by her behavior is she is postulating the above?

 

The issue isn't whether or not some goes dancing at a club, has an alone vacation, etc. The issue is their conduct while doing so. So that should be assessed and judged, not a blanket statement that if one goes to x they must be y.

 

Precisely.

 

The idea is that when you go to a club you HAVE to act in the ways vellocet has described, when this is not some fact, as most of what he says I'm like whaaat, as a single person I don't do that so this wouldn't be an issue single or taken.

 

As I said, you can do anything and go anywhere but it's about how you act while there and what your boundaries are for yourself and what you and your partner feel comfortable with. I personally never dated a man who thought going to a club without him was a crime and never had a bf express feelings of being sure I was going to be drunk and in a compromising position with a man...they never worried about it and I never did it.

 

I date people's whose worldviews are compatible with my own though....so I don't tend to be in relationships where our boundaries and what we find acceptable are vastly different. I tend to date men who are independent and who believe in free choice and who trust me, and I offer the same to them. They may have a little jealousy about some stuff but largely, they realize I have a life and a mind of my own and they can see and feel that I love them and am faithful and me going to a party, bar, vacation etc. isn't any different than me going anywhere else, and when I'm at the bar, party, vacation, I am usually texting them at some point so they know I am thinking of them/miss them.

 

I have gone to clubs and strip clubs with boyfriends, they get lap dances, they dance with other women and I do it too, and at the end of the night that's that. I expect if they go out alone/with friends, unless they are of the mind to cheat, they won't cheat just because they're at a club. Likewise, I am not gonna just go to a club and start cheating just because I had a drink or two. I don't buy for one second when people act like the alcohol made them do something....NO...you already wanted to and it lowered your inhibitions, but you won't do something you completely don't want to do just because an opportunity presents itself. Most cheating doesn' happen at clubs anyway, but at work and on FB lol...so taken people should probably avoid work and the internet lest people think they are acting single.

 

I strongly believe both people have to have boundaries and protect their relationships and if for some clubs are a weak spot, then they deal with it and don't go. For me, that's not one. Protecting my relationship is not putting myself in compromising positions where I develop emotional intimacy with other men and feed attractions. That can only happen with men I'm attracted to and engage with over time, like becoming too chummy with a coworker, or male friend and texting and flirting and going out alone with these men. I could only see cheating for me happening in those situations, and for most affairs, that is exactly what happens, either the MP is out prowling for an affair on purpose or they become too chummy with coworkers/friends and feed an attraction. However, as a single woman I've NEVER randomly had sex with a man I just met at a club, so it will even be even less likely that if I cheated it would be because I had a drink and am at a club.

[chucksagent]

Missbee - I respect that reply. That was a very well thought out and well executed explanation. And you're 100% right, people need to have similar views and boundaries to avoid drama over issues like this. Well done.

 

I'd be willing to bet that most of you on the "clubbing" side of things are under 30 years old...MAYBE under 35 to stretch it. But once careers, kids, houses, etc. all start coming around...What little VALUABLE time you have, you will not want to spend in an atmosphere with annoying horny perverts, smelling like smoke, paying $7.50 for a small drink, so loud you're NOT ABLE TO HEAR OR UNDERSTAND what your best friend you haven't seen for 3 weeks (cause she's married too) is trying to say to you.