Why do taken women still desire to hit the clubs?

[Woggle]

I don't think all women who go out are DTF but I worked in a club long enough to know that plenty of cheating from both men and women goes on. These fears don't just come from nowhere.

[Woggle]

Of course there is. If somebody is feeling like cheating, a club is an obvious spot to go to make it happen.

 

That doesn't mean that everybody who goes out to clubs is "DTF." And, certainly, a group of people from a "meet up" or whatever, which the OP wrote about, seems to clearly be going out in a group for fun. Which there is nothing wrong with.

 

I am seriously offended by MEN who insist they know all about what's going on with every woman, or every couple. And even more by men (like the OP) who are suggesting that "taken" women stay out of clubs because evidently it's confusing to men who are on the prowl.

 

It's not "indefensible" for a "taken" person to be in a club. It's nobody's business besides their own, and their partner's.

 

I sort of agree. If a person wants to cheat they will do so no matter where but I get sick of people acting like it is absurd for men to even have any fears or insecurities when it comes to relationships with women. I try to understand where it's coming from even if I don't fully agree.

 

Why can't people understand that these are genuine fears instead of men just trying to control women because we are all a bunch of misogynistic neanderthals?

 

I don't expect people to agree but the attitude towards these mens fears is what gets to me.

[xxoo]

I sort of agree. If a person wants to cheat they will do so no matter where but I get sick of people acting like it is absurd for men to even have any fears or insecurities when it comes to relationships with women. I try to understand where it's coming from even if I don't fully agree.

 

Why can't people understand that these are genuine fears instead of men just trying to control women because we are all a bunch of misogynistic neanderthals?

 

I don't expect people to agree but the attitude towards these mens fears is what gets to me.

 

This thread didn't begin out of fear. It began because the OP was annoyed that the women he met in the club were NOT available to date. Meaning they were NOT acting inappropriately, or in any way that should trigger fears. Their only offense was daring to go to a club with friends, and annoying the single guy who didn't have a shot with them.

 

It really isn't about fears. It is about expectation that women in the club should be available.

[crederer]

You can cut the insecurity in this thread with a knife...

[Shaun-Dro]

I was out with some friends the other night, it was Meetup event, and one of the ladies brought 5 more rather attractive women to the group...most of the people in said group are spoken for or kind of older in years.

 

So it was nice to see a series of fresh new faces to get to know.

 

Well, turns out one of them was married, another engaged, and the rest had boyfriends.

 

Buzzkill, but I still flirted regardless since, well, it was a "Girls Night Out" for them and well, if he ain't around what would the boyfriend know, right?

 

I didn't flirt with the married or engaged one, but one with the boyfriends...well, boyfriends always come and go.

 

But...anyhow, regardless, I sometimes wonder the desire to hit clubs and bars is really all that interesting to a woman that's already "taken" but, I wonder if said women get tired of being hit on by legitimately single guys and will just stay at home or find non-night club related activities to do.

 

I even asked one of the said women to join me in a dance (the one that had a boyfriend), and she complied...so at least I got some fun out of it. LOL

 

But it can be frustrating for guys regardless.

 

They left early, and the rest of our regulars stayed around and I said to one o f them, "Man, I can't believe they all had boyfriends and crap".

 

And he was like "Meh, they always do" lol

 

Women are going to always doll up and hit the clubs/lounges whether or not they're seeing anyone. It validates them to have men still interested. I figured you'd known this.

[hotpotato]

Men might mess around with women like that but most men with something going for them who do have options will not pick highly promiscuous women for relationships. It is not an attractive quality to most men.

 

We are not talking about relationships or dating. We are talking about sex and cheating. Yes, most men are unselective and try to catch what is thrown at them.

[Woggle]

So women should just pander to those fears, instead of helping those men understand that they are irrational and will probably be the catalyst in driving a potential relationship away, rather than the knuckle-draggers who frequent clubs?

 

If a guy said constanbtly said to me "I;m worried you're going to cheat on me if you go to that club", I wouldn't say "No problem honey, I won't go." Instead, I would say "Your constant, thinly veiled accusations of cheating are going to have one of two consequences if you don't address them instead on projecting. I will help you address them, and support you, but here's what happens if you don't: 1 - I'll leave. 2 - I'll cheat, and REALLY give you something to be upset about."

 

I never said that women should pander but in threads like this at least try to have some understanding as to where these men are coming from.

 

There was another thread where guy's girfriend was worried about his friend and nearly every woman in that thread got mad at him. Look at this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/416967-why-only-female-friends-cause-jealousy

 

He was supposed to pander to her insecurities and I said in that thread that if the genders were reversed the replies would be completely different. Here is a similiar thread where the genders are reversed and the women's responses are completely different.

 

This is the kind of stuff that just grates on my nerves. Men are supposed to cater to a woman's insecurities but god forbid a man has some fears and he is just trying to control her.

[Woggle]

Why does it have to be, once again, "MEN vs WOMEN"???

 

PEOPLE can very well feel insecure if their partner wants to go out to clubs, especially if it's a change of behavior and the partner is getting all spiffed up in uncharacteristic ways in preparation.

 

I'D be insecure, if it were to become a pattern.

 

My husband and I both believe that it's best to be aware of potentially unsavory situations, with regards to the health of our relationship, and we both steer clear of them. That's not to say that if either of us were out with a group of friends and the group decided to go see some music somewhere that we could not go, or if we did, it would be "indefensible" or prove that we were "DTF."

 

Because it is about gender. Compare the responses in this thread to the responses in the thread I posted and tell it's not about gender. I am not the one making it about gender. I said in this thread that I don't think married men should be going to strip clubs. If it's not about gender then why the vastly different responses?

[Woggle]

You are not even reading what is really here. As per normal, you're just looking for more validation for your misogyny, just like you always do.

 

Try reading what's really in this thread, and then, if you feel like it, comment.

 

I am reading what is in this thread and I compare it to another very similar thread. Why the different responses if it is not about gender?

[thefooloftheyear]

I cant believe this is still going on...

 

Just to reiterate my position, it wouldnt bother me..Ive never been an overbearing type...Go...Have fun and dont hurt yourself. And yes, if someone wants to cheat, they will..

 

That being said, some of the responses from some of the women are a bit surprising. OK, so if you admittedly dont do it very often, then why not give it up if you know that your SO/H has a problem with it? Is it really that important? Isnt that supposed to be what a successful relationship is all about? Give and take? Compromise? Respect for someone esle's feelings/concerns.?

 

How is giving up something that you admittedly dont do often "stripping you of all your independence?" I just dont get it...

 

I thought about this ..I have a very close relationship with all my first cousins...None of their wives, to my knowledge, do this(GNO)..Maybe its a regional thing..Around here, most women in committed relationships arent bar hopping..Theyll meet for coffee or dinner...Or perhaps join an exercise group or something. But I am not hearing much in the way of clubbing and bar hopping. I could be wrong, just an obsrevation...

 

Enjoy the holiday people and dont get all worked up for nothing!

 

TFY

[KungFuJoe]

I cant believe this is still going on...

 

Just to reiterate my position, it wouldnt bother me..Ive never been an overbearing type...Go...Have fun and dont hurt yourself. And yes, if someone wants to cheat, they will..

 

That being said, some of the responses from some of the women are a bit surprising. OK, so if you admittedly dont do it very often, then why not give it up if you know that your SO/H has a problem with it? Is it really that important? Isnt that supposed to be what a successful relationship is all about? Give and take? Compromise? Respect for someone esle's feelings/concerns.?

 

How is giving up something that you admittedly dont do often "stripping you of all your independence?" I just dont get it...

 

I thought about this ..I have a very close relationship with all my first cousins...None of their wives, to my knowledge, do this(GNO)..Maybe its a regional thing..Around here, most women in committed relationships arent bar hopping..Theyll meet for coffee or dinner...Or perhaps join an exercise group or something. But I am not hearing much in the way of clubbing and bar hopping. I could be wrong, just an obsrevation...

 

Enjoy the holiday people and dont get all worked up for nothing!

 

TFY

 

You should NEVER have to feel you have to give ANYTHING up to appease the insecurities of your partner.

[Woggle]

Nobody should try to posses somebody but asking a woman not to cheat is not being possessive or controlling.

 

Nobody has addressed the complete difference in responses in the other thread I posted.

[fanine]

If you're not in a serious relationship, fine. Do what you want.

 

If you're in one, you can get a drink at home. With your relationship partner.

 

If you're looking for that kind of "excitement" on a regular basis then no, you're not a reliable relationship partner.

 

Ha you guys are hilarious. Yes I am in a serious relationship. Sometimes I go out with my girlfriends and no I don't go to clubs as too old for that. But some nights I see my friends, the same nights my partner sees his guy friends. Other nights we go out together, other nights we stay in together just ourselves and have a nice meal and a drink. It is called socialising. I certainly don't go out for male attention. That's what everyone I know in London does. Doesn't mean we are all on the look out to cheat! Jesus I am glad I don't live where you do if that is how it is there. I am a hard working professional female, not all my interests either are the same as my partner. I go to a swim club and gosh there are men there. My partner doesn't mind. He hates swimming. I could just as easily cheat there. I work in a very male dominated industry. I am not looking for male attention there. I go on work trips abroad. As does he.

We both work shifts, so it can be I am at work all weekend. I do not expect him to sit at home doing nothing if I am not around. And vice versa.

The basic point is I trust my partner if he is not with me, wherever he is. And he trusts me. We have a healthy relationship with mutual respect. We are two intelligent professional adults with a wonderful lifestyle. Above all we make time for each other, we travel, we go to the theatre, the opera, we stay at home sometimes and cook or just hang out, we talk about everything. Politics, music, tv programmes, art. We are both very happy with each other as the most important things in our world are each other.

[Eve]

I suppose all that matters in real life terms is that the person who is supposed to know you doesn't make derogatory comments about whoredom and what have you within the personal sphere of a wife going out with friends.

 

All in all I put it down to maybe men simply not tending to go out with other men for moral support to meet ups nor do they seem to tag along as closely as women do with each other in clubs. The tagging along thing we do is the going out bit for most women.

 

There is always a shifty side to every situation but I would say there would be a greater chance at infidelity between work colleagues and smaller special interest groups, far higher than within a club scenario.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[hotpotato]

I suppose all that matters in real life terms is that the person who is supposed to know you doesn't make derogatory comments about whoredom and what have you within the personal sphere of a wife going out with friends.

 

All in all I put it down to maybe men simply not tending to go out with other men for moral support to meet ups nor do they seem to tag along as closely as women do with each other in clubs. The tagging along thing we do is the going out bit for most women.

 

There is always a shifty side to every situation but I would say there would be a greater chance at infidelity between work colleagues and smaller special interest groups, far higher than within a club scenario.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

That's true, Eve. People are more likely to cheat with a work colleague. One moment it's an innocent friendship, next minute its inappropriate.

[hotpotato]

True. The general consensus is, how DARE taken people go out to nightclubs?! The audacity!!

 

Yep. How dare taken women go to clubs and sexually entice men?

 

Some are being honest about it to. Taken women shouldn't go to clubs because men are horny. Read between the lines, and that's what they are saying. If you do go you are a whore/slut/bar skank who is leading men on and/or probably cheating.

[xxoo]

Yep. How dare taken women go to clubs and sexually entice men?

 

Some are being honest about it to. Taken women shouldn't go to clubs because men are horny. Read between the lines, and that's what they are saying. If you do go you are a whore/slut/bar skank who is leading men on and/or probably cheating.

 

Don't even have to read between the lines, really.

 

Message to women: if you are not sexually available to men, stay home.

 

If you go out, we will assume you are looking for male attention.

[hotpotato]

Don't even have to read between the lines, really.

 

Message to women: if you are not sexually available to men, stay home.

 

If you go out, we will assume you are looking for male attention.

 

I dont even think some posters realize how bad they have made men look...

[thefooloftheyear]

This is the funniest part....

 

My office manager is absolutely STUNNING...She looks like Courtney Cox on her best day with a better rack..

 

Just about EVERY woman I know that has seen her has said to me if thats not your wife or girlfriend, then NO WAY would she be working for me..They would DEMAND that I fire her on the spot if I was their SO...

Yep, women have NO insecurities,,

 

Pot, have you met the kettle.???:laugh:

 

TFY

[Red Wolverine]

Bars and clubs have never been my thing. On the rare occasions I went, I went in a group with my xH.

 

I learned early on that telling men in a club you were married, uninterested, or just having a girls' night made no difference. Most of the men in clubs are on the hunt. Married or not, I'm not interested in players with tight jeans or metrosexuals, therefore I stopped going.

 

Somehow I've led a fulfilling life despite it.

[Woggle]

Nobody here is saying that people should never go out with friends or even go to a club sometimes but if somebody is constantly going to a known meat market all the time dressed all sexy yeah that is cause for concern. It might be a red flag that something is up.

 

As somebody who once spent five days a week in places like this stone cold sober because I was on the clock so I remember it very well don't you think I know a thing or two about this environment?

[Eve]

Well this thread could be a good business opportunity for someone here - to create clubbing environments that women can go to without being called a whore. They do exist in other parts off the world and are quite enjoyable and very successful.

 

Attach something like a comedy club, that works well here.

 

I will put the fear expressed down to cultural differences I know little about and not take anything said personally. I am sure the males here mean well in their own way and could be expressing hurts I don't know about.

 

Curiously, it would be interesting to know how many affairs detailed on the cheating based forums began from a meet up or club encounter? I don't read the OM/OW and infidelity sections because it disgusts me and I have no valid advice to give you see. I would put good money that there are few instances off married women getting into an affair scenario at a club on LS or in real life.

 

Hence logically I would not necessarily claim the men here are cavemen as such, (as that is a bit rude) but I would say that it is likely that the views expressed are a form of self abasement; the men are expressing views held from personal experience/s they no longer can or are able to engage in and are projecting this onto women. Younger people may engage in random sex but I doubt many women would do such things once married. If they do, chances are they will do it anywhere else anyway and waiting for them to go to a club to prove their whoredom may be a silly idea in the long run.

 

Still, thanks for the viewpoints.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[hotpotato]

I would prefer my wife not voluntarily put herself into a scenario where there is alcohol and horny men who expect to get laid and expect that women are there to get laid as well. In a place that WOULD NOT EXIST if there was not the expectation of MOST OF THE PATRONS that they will meet someone for casual sex.

 

Go ahead and call me a caveman. I have my boundaries, you have yours. I'm not here to win an argument, I'm here to save my marriage.

 

Married women shouldn't go to clubs because men are horny. At least you are honest!

 

Women, if you are taken, stay home and lock yourself in a cage.

[thefooloftheyear]

Well this thread could be a good business opportunity for someone here - to create clubbing environments that women can go to without being called a whore. They do exist in other parts off the world and are quite enjoyable and very successful.

 

Attach something like a comedy club, that works well here.

 

I will put the fear expressed down to cultural differences I know little about and not take anything said personally. I am sure the males here mean well in their own way and could be expressing hurts I don't know about.

 

Curiously, it would be interesting to know how many affairs detailed on the cheating based forums began from a meet up or club encounter? I don't read the OM/OW and infidelity sections because it disgusts me and I have no valid advice to give you see. I would put good money that there are few instances off married women getting into an affair scenario at a club on LS or in real life.

 

Hence logically I would not necessarily claim the men here are cavemen as such, (as that is a bit rude) but I would say that it is likely that the views expressed are a form of self abasement; the men are expressing views held from personal experience/s they no longer can or are able to engage in and are projecting this onto women. Younger people may engage in random sex but I doubt many women would do such things once married. If they do, chances are they will do it anywhere else anyway and waiting for them to go to a club to prove their whoredom may be a silly idea in the long run.

 

Still, thanks for the viewpoints.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Too late....They already exist...They are called dyke bars...

 

TFY

[kaylan]

Dunno why this thread is still going.

 

Just date like-minded people. If Im with a woman, and she starts clubbing or hitting the bars without me all of a sudden, Im gone. She will know me well enough to know my boundaries. She will know I dont mind hanging out with the gals once in a while in those environments, but that she better respect me enough to definitely make it apparent that she wont be getting drunk or behaving in any way that disrespects our relationship.

 

And Id do the same. Sure I may hit the bar or club every now and then with the boys....but more often than not, if I wanna dance and drink, Ill do it with my woman with me. If either of us tried to make it a habit of being in a singles atmosphere alone, then we each have a right to bail.

 

I have low tolerance for any drama. And I expect a woman to be the same way.

Have you been to clubs in London? There is a whole variety of them here. Many are simply not pick up joints. I think I should know having lived here all of my life...I don't particularly go clubbing much anymore, I'm in my 40s now. But I sure know my city and the places here.

Ive had European friends. Ive been told people go there to dance and hook up mostly, just like in the states. That may not always be the reason for going, but its usually a primary reason.

Edited September 2, 2013 by kaylan