Why do taken women still desire to hit the clubs?

[Woggle]

It's funny how there is a difference in this thread between those who have actually worked in night clubs and those who haven't. I tender bar for nearly three years and believe me when I say guys have good reasons to worry. Trust me on this one. I think some people here know it too but some hate men too much to realize that sometimes we have legitimate issues instead of just being misogynists who want to control women.

[Woggle]

A lot of men will do that,too. Should I swear off men? Why is a woman doing this assumed to be unhappy?

 

You would have good reason not to date men who frequent strip clubs.

[hotpotato]

While I dont care if a SO goes to a club without me, to use a strip club as an analogy is just stupid...

 

 

There are no women patrons there and no one is getting "picked up"...Most of the strippers are in relationships and many are lesbians, as well(oh, the horror:laugh:).

 

It is disrespectful for a guy in a serious relationship to patronize strip clubs. Some women dont care, but most are against it, so as to be considerate, its best to steer clear of those places..

 

And as someone who worked the door at clubs, Ive seen first hand more women get taken out to cars for quick sex. They may have all been single for all I know, but you can best be sure, no one was asking...

 

 

TFY

 

It's cool for a man to go there and he gets the benefit of a doubt. He is without a doubt going there to get some kind of sexual gratification. However, a woman goes to the club maybe to cheat or maybe not, and people assume the worst.

 

 

I agree that many of the workers are lesbians, but that doesn't stop them for having sex or performing favors for money. I had an ex who spent much time in these clubs, he'll be the first to tell you there's a lot more than looking going on.

 

It might be disrespectful for paired men to go to these clubs, but they do.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's cool for a man to go there and he gets the benefit of a doubt. He is without a doubt going there to get some kind of sexual gratification. However, a woman goes to the club maybe to cheat or maybe not, and people assume the worst.

 

 

I agree that many of the workers are lesbians, but that doesn't stop them for having sex or performing favors for money. I had an ex who spent much time in these clubs, he'll be the first to tell you there's a lot more than looking going on.

 

It might be disrespectful for paired men to go to these clubs, but they do.

 

 

Dont be so naive....

 

There is no sexual gratification from a woman coming up to me and sticking her tits in my face so I can give her a few dollars...Frankly, its friggin embarrassing(mostly for them)..I feel sorry for them, really..

 

Ive never gotten anything out of it. Never....

 

Maybe in low rent skank outfits, pay for play, might happen... But any of the real strip clubs the women are so repulsed by the patrons that you'd have an harder time getting laid at one these than in a gay bar. It just doesnt happen. Plus, the owners are under constant scrutiny(at least around here, anyway)...I know more about this than just about anyone, but because of privacy concerns Ill say no more...

 

Its just NOT the way you portray it...No way..

 

TFY

[hotpotato]

I'm not sure where you're going out at night that has drinks that are less expensive than mixing your own at home.

 

And I'm not sure what you consider to be "live entertainment." My favorite live entertainment in the evening is having sex with my wife. That's what well-bonded couples spend as much of their time doing as possible--after all the responsibilities of life have been fulfilled of course.

 

I've been to enough bars and clubs and seen enough crappy garage bands not to really have the need to do that as some kind of foreplay before having sex with my wife. Evidently she likes me well enough that it's generally not necessary to do that either. However I'm quite sure she wouldn't want to do that without me. So the issue isn't going out really. It's this compulsion to go out without your partner that is the real issue.

 

If you were in a happy relationship, then no, you wouldn't have any particular desire to be clubbing with your girls. This is a truism. When women get into a happy relationship they tend to "vanish" from their social group because they prioritize spending as much time as possible with their man. The reverse is also true.

 

None of the women that you are regularly clubbing with are in happy relationships. None. They are either single, or looking, or in a dysfunctional relationship. I am not talking about the occasional married person who joins in the fun out of the novelty. But once the novelty wears off then what is the point of continuing? I mean how many times do you need to do the same thing to get bored of it?

 

The only enticement of it all is the fantasy, or sometimes reality, of strange dick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I agree that guys who spend lots of their evenings "out with the boys" probably also have an unhappy home life. The difference is a woman has a lot easier time randomly cheating than a typical unhappy married guy does.

 

All YOU have to do to get laid is wiggle your finger at some guy and spread your legs. For most guys its a lot harder than that.

 

It's called LADIES NIGHT where women can get free or reduced drinks. I dont go to clubs as of now, but hear their ads on the radio. You get free stuff for being a woman, of course, women want to go!

 

live entertainment=live band. If you dont like live bands, dont go. Maybe some people like them???

 

A lot of people go out and do things without their partner...Clubbing. boys/girls night out, sports, etc. If a couple is trying to spend as much time together as possible, they are going to run into problems...

 

 

The difference is a woman has a lot easier time randomly cheating than a typical unhappy married guy does.

 

All YOU have to do to get laid is wiggle your finger at some guy and spread your legs. For most guys its a lot harder than that.

 

Are you implying that many married men are only faithful because they can't find a woman to cheat with? Nice! The difference is a woman has a lot easier time randomly cheating than a typical unhappy married guy does.

 

All YOU have to do to get laid is wiggle your finger at some guy and spread your legs. For most guys its a lot harder than that. That's not difficult either...

[Woggle]

It's easy as hell for both genders to cheat. I have seen guys wear fake wedding rings in order to get laid.

 

I am just saying that is somebody is frequently going out dressing sexy and insists their spouse stay home that is reason for suspicion. I am not born yesterday and I know what the signs of cheating are.

[hotpotato]

 

Dont be so naive....

 

There is no sexual gratification from a woman coming up to me and sticking her tits in my face so I can give her a few dollars...Frankly, its friggin embarrassing(mostly for them)..I feel sorry for them, really..

 

Ive never gotten anything out of it. Never....

 

Maybe in low rent skank outfits, pay for play, might happen... But any of the real strip clubs the women are so repulsed by the patrons that you'd have an harder time getting laid at one these than in a gay bar. It just doesnt happen. Plus, the owners are under constant scrutiny(at least around here, anyway)...I know more about this than just about anyone, but because of privacy concerns Ill say no more...

 

Its just NOT the way you portray it...No way..

 

TFY

 

If there's not gratification in it, why are strip clubs in business? Why do they even exist? Maybe you dont, but other people do like it evidently...

 

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I've dated guys who were frequent strip club patrons, and they say otherwise.

[Woggle]

Seriously guys we are not making ourselves look good by defending strip clubs. I know the responses on here would completely different if the genders were reversed but let's not be hypocrites ourselves. Strip clubs are not the place where married men should be.

[hotpotato]

You would have good reason not to date men who frequent strip clubs.

 

That wasn't the question in that instance. In that instance it was a comment about women who give up sex freely. Most men will give up sex freely, should i swear off men?

[Keenly]

If there's not gratification in it, why are strip clubs in business? Why do they even exist? Maybe you dont, but other people do like it evidently...

 

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I've dated guys who were frequent strip club patrons, and they say otherwise.

 

For the purpose of playing devils advocate, why do you think ladies night exists? It's certainly not just so girls can have a good time. It was created to draw more women patrons, because the man woman ratio was way off.

[Woggle]

That wasn't the question in that instance. In that instance it was a comment about women who give up sex freely. Most men will give up sex freely, should i swear off men?

 

If you want to rule out players who have sex with lot's of women I would support. The difference is is that in many cases women find men who sleep around attractive while men view such women as not being relationship material. This is not men's fault. If more women rejected men who sleep around they probably would improve their dating lives.

[hotpotato]

well, start naming those secret places where high quality people hide, please.

 

Plenty of fish!

[hotpotato]

If you want to rule out players who have sex with lot's of women I would support. The difference is is that in many cases women find men who sleep around attractive while men view such women as not being relationship material. This is not men's fault. If more women rejected men who sleep around they probably would improve their dating lives.

 

But most guys are 'unselective' and will take what is thrown at them...Graned some guys find it easier to pay, but the're still unselective.

[Woggle]

But most guys are 'unselective' and will take what is thrown at them...Graned some guys find it easier to pay, but the're still unselective.

 

Men might mess around with women like that but most men with something going for them who do have options will not pick highly promiscuous women for relationships. It is not an attractive quality to most men.

[xxoo]

The problem is that you don't even notice the partnered women who go out and just have fun with the girls, because they aren't doing anything overly attention seeking. Confirmation bias is in effect: notice the attention whores, and conclude all women go to clubs for attention.

 

Still wondering if the women the OP met did anything inappropriate at all, other than being there and not being single.

 

Personally, if I wanted attention, I'd dress classy-hot and hit the sports bars. At least I wouldn't have to compete with all those attention whores

[Woggle]

The problem is that you don't even notice the partnered women who go out and just have fun with the girls, because they aren't doing anything overly attention seeking. Confirmation bias is in effect: notice the attention whores, and conclude all women go to clubs for attention.

 

Still wondering if the women the OP met did anything inappropriate at all, other than being there and not being single.

 

Personally, if I wanted attention, I'd dress classy-hot and hit the sports bars. At least I wouldn't have to compete with all those attention whores

 

But most women don't want those guys. They want the suave player in the trendy club.

[Babolat]

From my other post about male friends buying all the time for their female friends..I was going to create a new post but decided to piggy back off of this one.

 

Is it OK for these married, engaged, in a relationship woman out clubbing, having fun with their gfs, to accept drinks from other men? Even if they tell them they are "not available"?

[KungFuJoe]

From my other post about male friends buying all the time for their female friends..I was going to create a new post but decided to piggy back off of this one.

 

Is it OK for these married, engaged, in a relationship woman out clubbing, having fun with their gfs, to accept drinks from other men? Even if they tell them they are "not available"?

 

Hey, if some guy wants to buy my wife a drink even after she tells him she's not available...LET HIM.

[hotpotato]

Well look at all the angry defensive posts from gals who are defending GNOs. Those aren't happy people.

 

Happy women like to spend as much time as possible with their man. They don't look for excuses to get away from their man. Check out your own social circle. The happiest women that you know aren't out clubbing with you. They are at home with their men and kids if they have kids because that's what makes them happy.

 

Still didn't answer me. Why not swear off all men if they are unselective? Why are you fine with men being unselective?

 

Maybe people are annoyed, but not for the reason you think!

[Babolat]

Hey, if some guy wants to buy my wife a drink even after she tells him she's not available...LET HIM.

 

Really? How many drinks, how much conversation, where is the boundary?

[thefooloftheyear]

I need to go clubbing...Just have to figure out where the baby seals hang out....

 

TFY

[KungFuJoe]

Really? How many drinks, how much conversation, where is the boundary?

 

Boundaries? I don't really have any set boundaries. It's really just what you are comfortable with. I trust my wife completely and she is very devoted to me. The first words out of her mouth are usually "I'm married...with kids."

 

But she knows how to handle herself as well...she's no stranger to the club scene nor getting hit on so it doesn't even phase her.

 

Also, she's a total extrovert who makes friends with everyone...so I know when she's talking to someone, it's because she genuinely likes to socialize and not because she's fishing for compliments or looking for attention.

[hotpotato]

Another defender of clubs, who claims not to go to clubs herself. So stop defending that activity if you don't even do it yourself. No one gave you a banner and proclaimed you defender of bar skanks, so why are you invested in doing so?

 

By the way on the issue of free stuff for women--you know that's how they attract the men who have to pay, right? Pussy drinks free, the guys know that, so the guys come to pay. So that there just eliminates the lies that this isn't about attracting male attention.

 

 

 

 

I thought it was to dress up in a party dress and go dancing?

Now it's to listen to live bands. O.K.

 

 

 

Not if they're in solid relationships. That's the point you bar ladies or defenders of bar ladies want to ignore.

 

 

 

 

Sorry but men and women in happy relationships don't need to spend all kinds of time away from their partner. Guaranteed you're not in a functional relationship right now if you think spending a lot of time with your partner will cause problems.

 

 

 

 

I agree with this.

 

 

 

 

I stated a fact you can make of it what you will. It's much much easier for a woman to cheat on a random night out and you know it.

 

 

 

 

I agree with this too.

 

Maybe people would be less peeved at you if you stopped using terms like 'skanks.' I dont do the club thing, but I'll defend a woman who wants to go to one. The closest thing I go to is the Hard Rock casino. Not to gamble or pick up guys, but because drinks are FREE on the the casino floor. Maybe women just like free drinks, and aren't looking for guys???

 

I thought it was to dress up in a party dress and go dancing?

Yes, women like doing those things,too.

Liking live bands, doesn't mean you dont like to dress and dance. Maybe you can dress up and dance to a live band. Doing all three at once...Woow who'd a thunk it?

 

 

Not if they're in solid relationships. That's the point you bar ladies or defenders of bar ladies want to ignore.

Plenty of people certainly do! Most people do something on their own...And btw i'm fine with a boyfriend going to the pub even for a few times a week.

 

If a man wants to cheat, all he has to do is go to the local strip club or go to the track. That's easy,too! Once again I hear, men are only faithful because they dont get sex as easily. Not really make men look good...

 

Sorry but men and women in happy relationships don't need to spend all kinds of time away from their partner. Guaranteed you're not in a functional relationship right now if you think spending a lot of time with your partner will cause problems.

 

 

Some people just aren't that clingy... Maybe I should make that a poll...

So now we've gone from cant go to the club to cant have hobbies!

 

The difference is a woman has a lot easier time randomly cheating than a typical unhappy married guy does.

I agree with this.

yes, because you probably said that, not me.

 

All YOU have to do to get laid is wiggle your finger at some guy and spread your legs. For most guys its a lot harder than that. That's not difficult either...

I agree with this too.

Yes, Im sure you do, because you said that. That's like liking your own fb post...

 

It's much much easier for a woman to cheat on a random night out and you know it.

All a man has to do is go around to the track and spend a few bucks. That is random and it's very easy. It's not womens fault that men are not picky and are 'unselective' about sex.

Edited September 1, 2013 by hotpotato

[Babolat]

Boundaries? I don't really have any set boundaries. It's really just what you are comfortable with. I trust my wife completely and she is very devoted to me. The first words out of her mouth are usually "I'm married...with kids."

 

But she knows how to handle herself as well...she's no stranger to the club scene nor getting hit on so it doesn't even phase her.

 

Also, she's a total extrovert who makes friends with everyone...so I know when she's talking to someone, it's because she genuinely likes to socialize and not because she's fishing for compliments or looking for attention.

 

I don't know what my issue with this is...hearing you say your wife says "married with kids" for some reason feels better to me than "I am in a relationship" or whatever my ex may say.

 

It's the sexually charged environment comments here that get to me. She goes to bars, where men are there to hook up, they buy her drinks, she accepts, she talks, like your wife she is very social, who knows what message they heard about us, me. She drinks, gets drunk, more sexual energy...remember this is a woman who told me stories of sex parties in her past, drinking, parties, heavy drug use, partying with rock bands (her gfs having sex backstage and/or in the hotel rooms) all in her past. Though she never participated in the sex parties, the band sex, she was just there. She never saw anything she says. That IS hard to accept.

 

Last Thursday when she came over to my house around 12:30AM after drinking all day and then hitting a bar, she jumped into my bed, she was all over me, major sexually energy. She even finally said "If you want it you better come get it".

 

Part of me is like "she came home to me". The other part is thinking "men are buying her drinks thinking they are going to get her".

[KungFuJoe]

I don't know what my issue with this is...hearing you say your wife says "married with kids" for some reason feels better to me than "I am in a relationship" or whatever my ex may say.

 

It's the sexually charged environment comments here that get to me. She goes to bars, where men are there to hook up, they buy her drinks, she accepts, she talks, like your wife she is very social, who knows what message they heard about us, me. She drinks, gets drunk, more sexual energy...remember this is a woman who told me stories of sex parties in her past, drinking, parties, heavy drug use, partying with rock bands (her gfs having sex backstage and/or in the hotel rooms) all in her past. Though she never participated in the sex parties, the band sex, she was just there. She never saw anything she says. That IS hard to accept.

 

Last Thursday when she came over to my house around 12:30AM after drinking all day and then hitting a bar, she jumped into my bed, she was all over me, major sexually energy. She even finally said "If you want it you better come get it".

 

Part of me is like "she came home to me". The other part is thinking "men are buying her drinks thinking they are going to get her".

 

I totally get where you're coming from. Like I mentioned before, there are a LOT of similarities in your ex and my wife. Both very social, very attractive girls who are no strangers to clubs and parties and guys just hitting up on them left and right. And we are similar in that we're not as extroverted as they are. Not to say that we aren't social...we are...but compared to them, it's like "wow...how do they do that?", and how do I keep up?..right?

 

You just can't worry about stuff like that. I don't know how else to say it...but you just have to learn to trust your gut...and if you trust her....TRUST her completely. She goes out and has fun...get's drunk...and comes home to you. Horny to boot? Reap the benefits! My wife, on the rare occasion that she would go out drinking without me, would always come home horny as well. And I would always be ready and waiting. Vice versa as well if I went out without her.

 

I think it boils down to two things:

 

Your own self confidence (are you MAN enough for her?)

And how much you trust her.