KungFuJoe Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Man from the way people talk on LS you'd think that people only went to clubs to worship Satan or something. Not saying some unsavory **** doesn't happen in clubs, but dude...if your woman is going to cheat on you, she doesn't need to go to a club to do it. 4
fanine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 The whole women in clubs thing is so over-exaggerated it's funny. It must be different in US. There is a level of truth to the idea, but generally most of the girls I knew that had BFs used to dance with the other girls, drink, and still went home to f*ck their BFs. Granted, I've also seen the opposite on occasion, but some of the things I'm reading in here, you'd think that going to clubs was an act of deceit in itself . A lot of women who frequent clubs while single, will usually do it while taken - the ones who were never that much bothered will get tired of it whether they are taken or not. Those women generally are energized by being around people, and enjoy company - so just dancing around in their houses drunk with a couple friends will lose it's appeal. It is about meeting new people to an extent. If you have trouble with girls who like that, then it's obviously not for you as you will always have that level of mistrust even if there's no other reason to be suspicious of her frequenting clubs. If you have bad experiences with women, you'll probably be mistrustful anyway. If it is problematic, just date girls who don't club often. (Another day, another one of these kind of threads on here ) Maybe that is true, maybe it is different in the US, hence some of the confusion. Certainly the clubs I go to and used to visit where I am in London are not really pick up joints....
almond Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 (edited) Tthey go to clubs for casual sex and attention whoring (which CAN turn into casual sex). I'm not sure who "they" are, but I agree - plenty of people do this. Plenty of others however (such as myself) go simply to dance, socialise and have fun with their friends (I'm sure this point has been made many times throughout this thread, and with good reason). If you trust your partner, then this shouldn't bother you. If you don't trust your partner, then you have a lot more to worry about than her going clubbing. Amongst my group of friends, girls nights out clubbing are common and normal - I had no idea so many felt so strongly about it. I find this paranoia and objection towards it really odd, and to be honest, I can't really help but feel that it is borne purely out of insecurity. Edited September 1, 2013 by almond 3
almond Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 ^ Thank you There was another recent thread about this, and some of the responses were literally laughable: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/417298-girlfriend-going-clubbing so.strange. Is this what happens when people are betrayed? Is it perhaps that people are not processing and letting go of previous damaging relationships? I just can't accept that not allowing a partner to go out clubbing with friends (if they wish to) is a normal part of a healthy relationship.
Eve Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I'd say the women who are going out on their own now and then without their partner are in the healthiest kind of relationship. It's the co-dependent freaks who can't go out without being attached at the hip that have the real problem... I would agree. H wouldn't get insecure by my going out say with my now single sister and a few friends. He would prefer a reliable male to be around in his absence just in case of unsavoury characters but he wouldn't question me about cheating or looking fabulous without him being present. He knows I would only go to reputable places and be firmly rooted on the 80's floor, lol. If the location is unfamiliar he would worry about my safety more than anything else and I would be inclined not to want him to worry about me. Hence he would come a couple off times to make sure for himself. Being approached by men has not stopped since my being married and I just take it as one off those things. It can be flattering but really it is not a big deal. I have what I want at home and wouldn't play with that. I think only those who have to worry need worry. Take care, Eve x
almond Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 (edited) I mean, if you don't trust your partner to spend a night out dancing with their friends in case they are cheating or "attention whoring," is simply banning them from clubbing resolving the issue? I don't think so. A lot of work would need to be done on the relationship. If a partner advised me that he is not comfortable with me going clubbing, I'd take it personally - implying that I am not trustworthy, respectful and loyal enough to behave appropriately would bother me significantly. Edited September 1, 2013 by almond
Woggle Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 It depends on the club and the kind of environment. People who believe that things don't happen in certain places are very naive. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 And people can't exercise good judgement and integrity in an environment that might not have much of it? True....If they want to wrong you, they dont need to go to a club. They can just as easily screw their boss or a co worker ro your buddy... Ive made my stance before. I personally couldn't care less. Its just that the whole "Yay!! Girls night out at the club!!...Girls just want to have fun!!", attitude you hear some talk about is pretty adolescent. Might have been cute when you're an 18 year old co-ed, but as a married 40 year old??..Just sayin' TFY
Author irc333 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 I'd say the women who are going out on their own now and then without their partner are in the healthiest kind of relationship. It's the co-dependent freaks who can't go out without being attached at the hip that have the real problem... Actually, I know a woman that won't go anywhere without her live-in boyfriend going with her...she's a traditional Russian woman, so maybe that has something to do with it. But yeah, she will only attend events with her sig. other. I know a lot of couples that won't do anything that involves meeting other people without them going together. ESP night clubs. 1
xxoo Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Actually, I know a woman that won't go anywhere without her live-in boyfriend going with her...she's a traditional Russian woman, so maybe that has something to do with it. But yeah, she will only attend events with her sig. other. I know a lot of couples that won't do anything that involves meeting other people without them going together. ESP night clubs. I'm still wondering if the women you met the other night did anything inappropriate at the club? Anything at all?
fanine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I just made it to page 4. This is EXACTLY like every other clubing thread. A few defenders defending the undefensable and all of the sheep cowering. One last question to the clubing defenders, however: Why will you not admit, NONE OF YOU, that after all you see going on at clubs, if a man comes on here asking about his woman suddenly getting dressed up and going out with her girlfriend to meat markets, it could VERY WELL mean she is looking to hook up. I have NEVER had a SINGLE clubbing defender admit to that. NEVER. You are ostensibly here to help others, not defend YOUR lifestyle. Just out of curiosity, why are they called "meat markets"? Not called meat markets here. I think my idea of what a club generally is and the ones you know are very different. Maybe it is different in the US...hence I have a different viewpoint. Sure there are a small number of clubs like that here, which are very tacky and bad taste. Most of them aren't here though, from my experience. 1
fanine Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Yes, they are there. They just go by a different name. I'm not talking about the tacky places in the basement with a sticky floor. I'm talking anythig from the $30 (or 30 pounds, or euro's or dinars or drachma's or...) cover charge, $ million sound system, $20 cocktails and bouncer at the velvet rope down to the local dance floor at the Holiday Inn bar.. Just because we give it a sexual nickname, doesn't mean it is any different from your local hook-up joint. Wherever you live. Have you been to clubs in London? There is a whole variety of them here. Many are simply not pick up joints. I think I should know having lived here all of my life...I don't particularly go clubbing much anymore, I'm in my 40s now. But I sure know my city and the places here.
hotpotato Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Because they have booze and give discounted booze to women on certain nights. Mmmm booze
hotpotato Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I'm not saying they are the same. The assumption was that there are issues if a woman isn't happy at home with her husband on a Sat night. Are there issues if a man does anything other than stay home with his husband on a Sat night? Weelll...if a woman wants to spend time with her man and have ladies night out, something is wrong. When guys have their nights out even if it's a sexually charged strip club, that is ok. He still loves her he just wants some excitement. We are supposed to give him the benefit of a doubt that he's happy at home. Where else are women supposed to hang out for hours, drink, and maybe listen to live music?
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 well people, some of us would have to agree to disagree here, because there is no right or wrong, here. The most important thing is to have compatible views on this matter with your partner, may it be staying out of clubs or hitting the club scene - for both partners, I mean.
hotpotato Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 At home, obviously. Look--the issue isn't going out with the girlfriends once in a blue moon or to catch up. It is with these bar whores who go out on a regular basis because something is missing with their significant other. So no it wouldn't be OK if the man goes to a strip club on a weekly basis either. You get live entertainment at home on a weekly basis? And free drinks? Must be nice. The issue I see here is double standard. A lot of guys do think its ok to have their nights out. Badgering him about it would be insecure and controlling...
KathyM Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I used to go out to a club with the girls I worked with sometimes after work if there was something to celebrate (a birthday, a going away party, etc.) just to be social. Normally, if there was no special event to celebrate, I'd turn them down because I was married and not inclined to go club hopping without my husband, but for special events where someone planned the venue to celebrate, I would go out of respect for the guest of honor. I wasn't about to snub them on their special day and think I can no longer be seen in public without my husband. But I would not flirt with any guy, and if a guy approached me while with the group, I would turn him down, or if he persisted, I would explain that I was married. No harm done. Same thing with other venues, be it the grocery store or whatever. If someone flirted, I would state that I was married and not lead them on. Unfortunately, some would still persist and not be deterred by my disclosed relationship status. But the point is, people in relationships sometimes go out to celebrate something with friends. No harm done. And people in relationships sometimes go to Meetup events because they like the activity, not because they are trying to date someone from there. Unless it's specifically designated as a singles event, they are entitled to be there.
hotpotato Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Well that's a noble thought. Hey, I just thought of something. For those guys who go to strip clubs, does the same rule apply? Should they only go if they bring their girlfriends/wives along with them? Because otherwise, it might be perceived that the guy is out to get himself a cheap thrill on the side by watching women jiggle in front of him or having strippers thrust their nether-regions in his face as she Hoovers dollar bills out of his hand. Hey, I'm just following the same line of logic being presented in this thread - that no women should go to a dance club alone, therefore, no men should go to a strip club alone. ....right? No no no how many times do I have to tell you? :mad: (jk!) Men should always be trusted no matter what even if hes got some boobs and crotch gyrating in his face! Ive seen the shows, I promise many of those guys are doing much more than looking. But thats ok. Even if he goes all the way thats fine b3cause he loves her. Women just need to be more secure and less controlling. After all, he will come home to her-isnt that what matters? Im not making it up either, ive had guys really tell me that.
GravityMan Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Perhaps they like to have a drink and a dance with their friends? Should've been the first reply. OP's question is silly and naive. In fact, your response is probably the #1 reason women go to clubs (and bars). Whether they're married, in a committed relationship, or single. This might be a shocker to the OP, but many people like to go out at night and have fun with friends, their SO, and others...their relationship status doesn't change that.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 No no no how many times do I have to tell you? :mad: (jk!) Men should always be trusted no matter what even if hes got some boobs and crotch gyrating in his face! Ive seen the shows, I promise many of those guys are doing much more than looking. But thats ok. Even if he goes all the way thats fine b3cause he loves her. Women just need to be more secure and less controlling. After all, he will come home to her-isnt that what matters? Im not making it up either, ive had guys really tell me that. While I dont care if a SO goes to a club without me, to use a strip club as an analogy is just stupid... There are no women patrons there and no one is getting "picked up"...Most of the strippers are in relationships and many are lesbians, as well(oh, the horror:laugh:). It is disrespectful for a guy in a serious relationship to patronize strip clubs. Some women dont care, but most are against it, so as to be considerate, its best to steer clear of those places.. And as someone who worked the door at clubs, Ive seen first hand more women get taken out to cars for quick sex. They may have all been single for all I know, but you can best be sure, no one was asking... TFY
Keenly Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Well I certainly wouldn't date a girl who went out clubbing without at least inviting me. Experience has shown me what these places are for. 1
candie13 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 well, start naming those secret places where high quality people hide, please. 1
Keenly Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Sure you could date such a woman, have sex with her, but don't ever get serious with such a woman. These are all unhappy women who think the path to salvation lies in getting attention for what they bring to the table from between their legs. These women are totally unselective in their men which is why they are unhappy in the first place. They go out to the clubs and bars which is exactly the worst place to find a high quality man for a long term solid relationship. Then they wonder why they are unhappy. Well, no , I couldn't, because that's not my motus operandi. And no, not all of these women are like this. Some of them just like to party. That's fine. Just not for me. Doesn't make them all bad.
Woggle Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Well that's a noble thought. Hey, I just thought of something. For those guys who go to strip clubs, does the same rule apply? Should they only go if they bring their girlfriends/wives along with them? Because otherwise, it might be perceived that the guy is out to get himself a cheap thrill on the side by watching women jiggle in front of him or having strippers thrust their nether-regions in his face as she Hoovers dollar bills out of his hand. Hey, I'm just following the same line of logic being presented in this thread - that no women should go to a dance club alone, therefore, no men should go to a strip club alone. ....right? I have said before I don't think that married men should be going to strip clubs. No double standards here. In fact the double standards in this thread tend to be the other way around.
hotpotato Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Sure you could date such a woman, have sex with her, but don't ever get serious with such a woman. These are all unhappy women who think the path to salvation lies in getting attention for what they bring to the table from between their legs. These women are totally unselective in their men which is why they are unhappy in the first place. They go out to the clubs and bars which is exactly the worst place to find a high quality man for a long term solid relationship. Then they wonder why they are unhappy. A lot of men will do that,too. Should I swear off men? Why is a woman doing this assumed to be unhappy?
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